Girls Like Me

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Girls Like Me Page 7

by Lola StVil


  How not to make your kid feel like #%#$

  Second period:

  Gay sons and daughters

  Third period:

  Stepmom and why your kid will never like her

  Sweetie, You Have to Tell Him

  Boots and I find honeyed words to coat the cold reality pill

  Dash has to swallow

  Dash Speaks Softly

  Years guessing

  How to win his love

  Finally

  I found a way

  All I have to do is

  Be someone else

  Dash Insists

  Maybe I’m not even gay

  Could have been a phase

  A moment in time

  And time

  Passes . . .

  Boots Cries Out

  We rush over.

  Her breath

  Labored. Slow. Shallow.

  We start to call for help

  She won’t let us

  Puts on brave face so often

  We hardly remember what she really looks like

  We Take Her

  Home

  Where she makes us swear not to tell her

  Mom

  Chocolate Would Rescue Me

  From feeling so defeated

  But I’m hoping Godot gets there first

  notall2gether: G, you still mad at me?

  Godotwait4me: I’m not mad. I just don’t get it

  notall2gether: We are having such a good time here, why go out there?

  Godotwait4me: So I can touch you and know that my girl is real. Not some letters on a screen

  notall2gether: I am real

  Godotwait4me: How would I know that?

  notall2gether: I just need some time

  Godotwait4me: Is there another guy?

  notall2gether: No

  Godotwait4me: A girl?

  notall2gether: No

  Godotwait4me: You old?

  notall2gether: No. please stop

  Godotwait4me: Then tell me why you don’t want to see me?

  notall2gether: I do.

  Godotwait4me: So . . .

  notall2gether: So I have had a #%$^#$ day. Dash is lying to his dad and he’s gonna get hurt in the end.

  notall2gether: Boots isn’t doing well and she won’t admit it

  Godotwait4me: I’m sorry about your friend. What can I do?

  notall2gether: idk

  Godotwait4me: If Dash is gay, he has to get to a point where he can tell his dad on his own.

  Godotwait4me: You can’t push him. And Boots

  Godotwait4me: is the same thing. She has to face that she’s not well

  notall2gether: I just want them to be okay. They are all I have

  Godotwait4me: That’s not true. You have me

  notall2gether: Thx. It means a lot

  Godotwait4me: I wish I could hold you. Make it better

  notall2gether: I wish that too

  Godotwait4me: This is crazy! Why wish? Let’s just meet up.

  notall2gether: Let’s talk about something else

  Godotwait4me: See that’s the thing. There is nothing else. You are all

  Godotwait4me: I think about. Getting a text from you makes everything ok

  notall2gether: It does the same for me

  Godotwait4me: But how many times can we act like it’s enough?

  notall2gether: Why isn’t it enough?

  Godotwait4me: Bc it isn’t

  notall2gether: Let’s not do this. Talk about something else, please

  Godotwait4me: Why do you have to control everything?

  notall2gether: I don’t

  Godotwait4me: It’s like you are too scared

  Godotwait4me: to let go

  notall2gether: What if we meet and you hate me?

  Godotwait4me: Why would I do that?

  notall2gether: I don’t look like . . .

  Godotwait4me: You don’t look like what?

  notall2gether: Never mind.

  Godotwait4me: Help me Rain, please help me understand

  notall2gether: This thing . . . you and me . . . it’s so good. I don’t want to mess it up

  Godotwait4me: Meeting can only make it better. Please do this for me

  notall2gether: I want to but . . .

  Godotwait4me: But you don’t want it enough. K. No prob

  notall2gether: Godot? . . . Hello?

  [Godotwait4me has logged off]

  One Day I Saw

  A clown on a bus

  A nun on a bike

  A stripper at the Laundromat

  I don’t know what forces allowed

  All these people to be there at the same time

  But there they were

  That day was very much like today

  Where Do I Start?

  Kara signed me up for yoga!

  How much would it cost to hire an assassin?

  Seriously. I have two hundred dollars saved up.

  Where does one go to buy one?

  Is there a union?

  A payment plan?

  Can I get a school discount?

  Does it cost extra if they make it messy and painful?

  Is there a website?

  A blog?

  Dash Is Taking Golf Lessons!

  And missing like THREE Project Runway episodes

  BACK TO BACK!

  Oh, how dark the days!

  And Boots

  Well, she is almost nowhere to be found

  Too busy trying to dodge us

  She is so crafty

  She hides behind basketball team members

  Navigates through crowds like DiCaprio

  Catch Me If You Can

  And Then There’s Godot

  We haven’t traveled in my head in days

  I don’t mean to upset him

  I’m just trying to hold on to the best thing

  That’s happened to me

  How Much

  Can I fight this?

  He’s like sand through my fingers

  It’s only for the moment . . .

  When I Get Home

  Kara informs me

  She was well-meaning

  In the yoga thing

  I inform her

  I have long since

  Tuned her out

  I Try to Stay Away

  Give Godot some space

  But I miss him more than I thought I could

  Texts should come with warnings:

  CAUTION: You may get addicted to the guy you chat with and then have to give it all up cold turkey

  Keeping Busy

  Is my rehab

  Clean room. Empty trash. Do homework.

  Don’t look at screen

  He’s not there

  Do homework. Have dinner. Read book.

  Don’t wait for text

  It’s not coming

  Do crossword. Text friends. Surf web.

  Don’t email

  There’ll be no reply

  Screw It!

  My will has failed me

  notall2gether: Godot, you there?

  Godotwait4me: Yes

  notall2gether: So . . . how are you?

  Godotwait4me: Fine

  notall2gether: Me too

  Godotwait4me: K

  notall2gether: How’s things at home?

  Godotwait4me: It’s whatever

  notall2gether: Yeah, I know what you mean. I heard Rod Stewart today.

  notall2gether: Some lady was blasting it in her car and singing along like crazy

  Godotwait4me: K

  notall2gether: Godot

  Godotwait4me: Yes

  notall2gether: Let’s dance

  Godotwait4me: Can’t. Homework

  notall2gether: Maybe later?

  Godotwait4me: Gotta go

  notall2gether: Wait!

&nb
sp; Godotwait4me: Yeah?

  notall2gether: Good night . . .

  Godotwait4me: K

  I Walk Around the House

  Like the world has ended

  Because it has

  If Dad Were Here

  He’d tell me I was overreacting

  I’d argue

  Tell him Godot means the world to me

  He’d smile and say

  Give it a week

  So I Do

  I leave my room

  And join the world

  And All the World

  Is getting ready for the dance

  Girls fill the shops

  Guys huddle in corners to review

  Who has dates with whom

  And Blake Harrison

  Sits alone in the stairwell

  What do you do when you catch Zeus alone?

  Just a god and his thoughts

  His Eyes

  Sparks of green and gold

  His hair dark like the ocean at night

  Gracefully cascading down his face

  Radiance of his smile

  Lethal, impossible to escape

  I should say hello

  Mention that before Godot

  I loved him

  Planned two-kids-and-dog scenario

  But I don’t

  In case Zeus scares easily

  I Guess This Is Progress

  Thinking of a different guy

  There’s no chance with Zeus

  Still

  Better to gaze at gods

  Than blank screens

  Godotwait4me: Rain, I wrote you a poem. I’m not good at that kind of stuff

  Godotwait4me: But I thought you would like it or hate it. Idk

  notall2gether: Wow, yeah, I’d love to read it

  Godotwait4me: K, here goes. Don’t laugh

  notall2gether: Promise

  [You have (1) unread message]

  The moment

  When he sees her

  Pieces assemble

  That he didn’t know were missing

  He fears living in a world

  she’s not in

  He seeks to reassure

  Her

  She is queen of all

  in his world

  and if

  this world

  casts her out

  she would

  still

  have

  his

  world

  to call

  home

  When he sees her

  Pieces assemble

  That he didn’t know were missing

  Godotwait4me: It sucks right?

  notall2gether: No, G. It’s . . . thank you

  Godotwait4me: You really like it?

  notall2gether: So much . . .

  Godotwait4me: I just wanted you to know that it’s cool if you’re . . . different or whatever.

  notall2gether: Me too. All I want is to be with you

  notall2gether: So . . . how about we talk on the phone?

  Godotwait4me: It’s already hard not to think about you. Hearing your voice would just make it

  Godotwait4me: worse if you don’t plan on seeing me. So, yeah we can talk on the phone

  Godotwait4me: but only if you promise we will meet up sometime after

  notall2gether: I can’t promise that. I’m sorry

  Godotwait4me: No, you’re not. You don’t care what this is doing to me

  notall2gether: I do. I care about you so much

  Godotwait4me: Yeah, whatever ttyl

  Dash’s Love Life

  Isn’t going much better

  The dance is only a few weeks away

  The only thing he’s worked on is his swing, his excuses,

  And his straight-guy walk

  Reason #314:

  I can’t ask Sam to the dance because my ancestors are from

  That town in the movie Footloose where dance is forbidden

  I have to honor their memory

  The Word Pig

  Is spray-painted on my locker

  I didn’t see her do it but I’m sure it was

  Kelly Canyon

  I’m not upset; I’m rather impressed

  Didn’t think she could spell

  Yay public education!

  Dash and Boots Offer to Retaliate

  Mastermind

  Intricate plot involving

  Ecstasy. Whip cream. Mexican police.

  There Is No Need for Revenge

  I have plans to jump inside a

  Triple-thick chocolate-

  Chocolate-

  Chip milkshake

  My Brain Freezes Over

  Due to the speed I’m inhaling

  The chocolate-chip winter

  Okay, I Will Agree to Meet Him

  For once I will leap!

  Leap!

  Into the dream that good things happen

  Even to girls like

  Me

  I Hear Pigs

  Coming out of my backpack

  Take a look

  My cell makes pig sounds

  Kelly Canyon laughs

  She got hold of my cell

  Changed: my ringtone

  I change: my mind

  No one is meeting anyone

  Godotwait4me: Rain, I smoked for the first time last night

  notall2gether: What?

  Godotwait4me: Friends got some weed. Went to park near my house

  notall2gether: How was it?

  Godotwait4me: Tastes like burnt wood

  notall2gether: Feels like?

  Godotwait4me: Nothing mattered

  notall2gether: Is that good?

  Godotwait4me: Kind of

  notall2gether: So, you gonna do it again?

  Godotwait4me: Maybe

  notall2gether: Are you planning on becoming a weed head?

  Godotwait4me: I’m gonna pee first then become a weed head

  notall2gether: Seriously. I think one time is enough

  Godotwait4me: Why, Mom?

  notall2gether: It’s stupid

  Godotwait4me: I’m stupid?

  notall2gether: No but smoking is . . . lame

  Godotwait4me: You never tried it and you are knocking it. No fair

  notall2gether: I don’t have to try drinking bleach to know I won’t like it

  notall2gether: It felt good?

  Godotwait4me: Not at first. I coughed and stuff but after a few puffs, I was like floating

  notall2gether: So you gonna get high all the time now?

  Godotwait4me: Not if you are here to stop me. So . . . come over

  notall2gether: The only way you will behave is if you get to see me?

  Godotwait4me: Yes

  notall2gether: Why

  Godotwait4me: Bc I freaking like you. Why is that so hard for you to understand? I like you. Deal

  notall2gether: Why are you so weird today. You high now?

  Godotwait4me: Yeah, so what?

  notall2gether: Text me when you are back to normal

  Godotwait4me: You ok waiting 10 or 20 years

  notall2gether: Godot . . .

  Godotwait4me: That’s not my damn name. Why don’t you ask me my real name?

  notall2gether: I like just the people we are online. It’s fun

  Godotwait4me: It’s pathetic. We can’t live here forever.

  notall2gether: You want to stop talking?

  Godotwait4me: I want to see you

  notall2gether: No

  Godotwait4me: Screw you then

  notall2gether: What?

  Godotwait4me: S-C-R-E-W you

  notall2gether: What’s wrong with you?

  Godotwait4me: You girls are full of *%&$#. Just like my mom. She told Dad she was gonna be faithful then

  Godotwait4me: he finds her at a skanky motel with another guy.
All of you suck

  notall2gether: Bye Godot

  Godotwait4me: THAT IS NOT MY NAME!!!!

  notall2gether: Whatever

  Godotwait4me: You are a lying tease

  notall2gether: Did u just call me that? Really?

  Godotwait4me: Yeah, really

  I Am

  Weaker

  Than I’d like

  Softer

  Than I let on

  Smaller

  Than I’ll admit

  But I will

  NOT

  Be disrespected

  I’m Not Agonizing

  Over him

  No really

  I am pissed off and don’t care

  If he never texts again

  Sometimes

  You can’t cry anymore

  Ache anymore

  Try anymore

  Shay Summers

  Shut down for the day

  Godotwait4me: Thought I would say hi . . . Rain? . . . Rain?

  Godotwait4me: Say something . . . K . . . good night . . .

  Godotwait4me: Hello again . . . Look I know you’re mad at me.

  Godotwait4me: You can yell at me and curse me out but

  Godotwait4me: First you have to text me back . . . . Hello? . . . Rain? . . .

  Godotwait4me: I know you are not talking to me. I just wanted to say

  Godotwait4me: I’m sorry . . . I miss you

  notall2gether: G, stop texting. I’m no longer talking to you.

  Godotwait4me: What can I do to make it up to you?

  notall2gether: Nothing

  Days Go By

  The blacks and grays of his absence

  Make it hard to be happy

  I Miss Him

  notall2gether: Hey, Smokey . . .

  Godotwait4me: Rain?

  notall2gether: Yeah

  Godotwait4me: Hi :)

  notall2gether: Hello

  Godotwait4me: Didn’t think I would hear from you again

  notall2gether: You were such a jerk to me. And for no reason

  Godotwait4me: I had just seen my mom and she told us about the actual day Dad caught her and I freaked.

  Godotwait4me: Sorry

  notall2gether: You were also high

  Godotwait4me: Yeah

  notall2gether: Is that an everyday thing now?

  Godotwait4me: No, it was something I needed to try

  notall2gether: You called me a lying tease and I didn’t do anything to you.

  Godotwait4me: I’m sorry

  notall2gether: You think every girl is like your mom?

  Godotwait4me: No, not every girl . . .

  notall2gether: Next time you call me that, I’m gone. Got it?

  Godotwait4me: Yeah

  notall2gether: How’s your dad?

  Godotwait4me: He cries a lot

  notall2gether: I didn’t think guys do that

  Godotwait4me: Same here. How’s Step Satan?

  notall2gether: She made me see a therapist

  Godotwait4me: Wow, sucks

  notall2gether: Her name is Dr. Dementia.

  Godotwait4me: Seriously?

  notall2gether: Yeah, it’s pronounced differently but still . . .

 

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