The Bond That Built Us

by KK Bauer

  “No way, man. I recruited her, she’s mine.” The way his eyes narrows when he says ‘mine’ definitely makes his double meaning unmistakable.

  “Come on, it’s clearly one sided. I have a guy who has a beat up hand, and she makes Charlie Sheen look like a saint,” I say, pointing to Rachelle. She belches and smiles then takes a bow but stumbles and falls to her knees. I give James a ‘there you go’ gesture but he seems unaffected. “You made her that drunk, you take her. Give me my girl back,” I exclaim, giving obvious emphasis to ‘my girl.’

  Aubrey’s eyes widen slightly and she looks nervously between the two of us. I know she is hoping there isn’t another fight, with this one potentially being the third one in less than twenty four hours.

  “Kellan-“ She warns, and bites her bottom lip anxiously. Dirty things surge into my brain when I see her nibble on her lip and my rage is forgotten until I glance over at James and see him giving her the same look.

  “Aubrey, baby, let’s go back to our spot.” I’m tired of arguing, and I know calling her an endearment is a low blow, but I’m desperate. “We need to get back, babe.” I throw another one in there for good measure.

  She scowls at me, but turns to James and says goodbye and walks to me. He looks a little stunned and it takes everything I have not to stick my tongue out at him like a ten year old and give him a smug smile. I hold my hand out for her as she comes to me but she brushes right past me, knocking her shoulder into my arm.

  Josh and I follow her closely. Her hands are fisted at her sides and she is stomping through the sand so hard she leaves craters in the sand. When we reach our spot she snatches up her dress and shoves it on, then sits down on her towel and crosses her arms. Fine, if she wants to pout she can pout all fucking day as long as James isn’t groping her.

  The next few hours are spent in and out of the water, and our cooler of beer dwindles. We mingle with other groups but thankfully James and his posse stay away. I meet Marissa at around my fourth beer and by the eighth, she is sitting on my lap. She is pretty, with dark brown hair and naturally tan skin. Her brown eyes look at me seductively, but for some reason I keep looking over at the dark blue ones that make me feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach.

  The next time I look over at Aubrey, she is gone. I search frantically for her, and when I spot Josh I mouth, “Where is AJ?” and he points to the large hut at the top of the hill where food is served. I continue my somewhat dull conversation with Marissa but am constantly worrying about Aubrey. She went by herself, again. I guess I wasn’t really available for her to go with, but I know if she had asked I would have thrown Marissa on her ass and left with her.

  We all eventually migrate up there to the hut and get dinner. Aubrey is sitting with James and another guy, but they are on opposite sides of a table. Another girl sits down next to her and they begin talking. I keep an eye on her the whole time while Marissa runs her hands all over my body.

  We run out of beer at about seven o’clock and a few of us run to get more. Now that all the coolers are replenished, the party starts once again. Quite a few of us are burnt, while others are hitting the end of the party. A couple people are slumped over the tables at the hut and others are passed out completely on beach towels.

  I lose count of how many beers I have before nine. Marissa leaves with a couple of her girlfriends for a while, promising to come back. When she is gone, I see Aubrey sitting with the random girl, James is gone. I drudge over to her and plop down to the left of her on the bench.

  “Hey,” I say, smiling.

  “Hi, Kellan.” She sounds a little pissed off at me still, but I know how to turn that around.

  “I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look in your bikini.”

  A flush creeps on her face and she says, “Thanks,” quickly.

  “You’re welcome.” Liquid courage, and lack of common sense apparently, propels my hand forward and I run it down her thigh to her knee and hold it there. I begin making little circles on her knee with my fingers, causing a chill to tear through her body. She clears her throat and says something to the girl, then pivots her upper body to me. She rests her right elbow on the table and cups the right side of her face with her hand, effectively blocking the girl next to her out.

  “What are you doing?” She whispers.

  I shrug. “Do you want me to stop?”

  She looks down at my hand then back up to my eyes, which are probably a little droopy, like hers. When she doesn’t say anything, I take it as a ‘no’ and continue doing it. Her eyes close and she sighs. Then her attention turns and she is talking to the girl beside her again. I see three beer cans in front of her, and I remember her having a few more on the beach so she must be pretty drunk.

  I lean in closer to her and press my lips to her bare shoulder, breathing in the smell of her sunscreen and what little I can smell of her shampoo. Her left hand travels from her lap down to my hand, and I twist mine until our fingers are laced together.

  I hold her hand for a few minutes, and we don’t speak to each other. She continues her conversation with the girl and I just sit there and listen, completely content. After a while I have to take a piss so I squeeze her hand and excuse myself from the table, breaking the connection to her. When I come out of the bathroom, I see Marissa and her friends come up to the hut. She is suddenly latched onto me and I can’t break free. But that is okay because she is pretty hot.

  A whole day of drinking can’t be good for my rationale because for some reason I am convincing Josh to let me take Marissa back to the villa. For the last hour she has been on my lap, moving her hips in little circles, effectively arousing me. When she leans in and starts licking and nibbling on my ear is when I charge over to Josh and plead my case. It’s all a little fuzzy. My vision is so blurry I haven’t been able to pick Aubrey out of the crowd since Marissa came back.

  “Why can’t you just do her here?” Josh asks, defeated.

  “No condom,” I say blatantly.

  Josh hesitates for a while longer then finally gives in. I rush over to Marissa and grab her hand then drag her to our villa. All I really remember after that is her being a screamer. She is so loud that I have to clamp my hand over her mouth and tell her to shut up. But for some reason that turns her on more and she moans louder. Afterward I tell her to leave and she slips on her dress and walks across the hall to the bathroom, but I pass out before I hear her walk down the stairs.

  The next morning, or afternoon, I open my eyes and immediately shut them. The light is so bright my head feels like it is going to explode. Normally hangovers only affect my head. I never throw up, I never feel sick. But when I think back at what happened the night before, I want to hurl. And it has nothing to do about the alcohol, but the beautiful girl that probably slept on the couch.

  I had sex with a random girl, right here in this bed, with Aubrey down the stairs. The girl was loud, probably on purpose. I told Aubrey she could stay with me, but I brought another girl back. Shit.

  Technically I shouldn’t care because of my rule but for some messed up reason, I feel guilty. I groan out my frustrations and pound the bed with my fists.

  “Ugh, will you not do that?” a voice says beside me. A girl’s voice. I crane my neck and see the girl from last night. Maria? Missy? Shit I don’t remember it. And she is naked next to me. I move away from her, closer to the wall, and I can feel sand in the sheets.

  She sits up and purrs… fucking purrs. Like I’m attracted to cats or something. “Hey, what’s for breakfast?”

  “Um, whatever you have back at your place. I told you to leave last night.” I normally don’t act like a total dick to the girls I hook up with but maybe if she leaves pissed off it will help my cause, whatever that is. Plus I’m in a foreign country and never plan on seeing this chick again, so who cares how I treat her now? I was so wasted last night I could have screwed a burrito and wouldn’t have known the difference.

  She only laughs and gets off the bed to put o
n her dress. “Fine. I see. So, what’s my name?”

  “Oh, my God, I don’t have time to play this shit with you. I don’t remember your name, I don’t want your number, I’ll pay your cab if you want, I don’t care. Just… go.” I am exasperated; I have been with girls like this before. The ones that know everything and laugh and make a game of it when you don’t. They don’t even care that they are used for sex.

  “Okay, okay. I get it,” she says and winks. “I’ll see myself out, I guess.”

  After she disappears down the hall, I freak out, afraid everyone is downstairs in the living room. I bolt out of bed, and sputter to a stop at the top of the stairs. Boxers, I need boxers. I have them half on by the time I’m at the landing, just as I see her turn at the bottom step. Her mouth is in a sneer, ready to speak.

  “He’s all yours ladies. Sorry for the audio last night. When my buttons get pushed there’s no stopping it,” she smirks at the three girls in the living room and vanishes from my sight.

  I don’t want to go down there now, I’m too embarrassed. Maybe I can sneak back up the stairs and climb out the window and hop on a flight out of here and move out of the apartment and transfer schools before they even realize I’m gone.

  “Kel, get your skanky ass down here and stop hiding,” Cara yells at me from the couch. I take a step at a time, the feel of the carpet scratching against the bottom of my feet. “Do you want to explain yourself? Is there some double standard here in this villa? I do recall myself having someone over not too long ago, and him getting the shit kicked out of him because of it. So believe my utter confusion when I find out that a random girl is here when there were strict rules forbidding such a thing?”

  I open my mouth to reply, but MJ cuts me off. “And when we got back here last night, the door was unlocked, her nasty K-mart sandals were kicked in the entryway, and we got to hear her lovely voice screaming your name. Poor AJ was in tears.”

  My gaze, for the first time since I came down the stairs, shoots to her, hoping she isn’t crying now. She isn’t, but the glower on her face isn’t much better. She looks at me like she hates me. I try to tell myself I didn’t do anything wrong, but I know it is just a technicality. And my tiny, pathetic, and useless brain decides to torture me and pull up a memory from last night with me and Aubrey at the table. She let me touch her and we held hands. And I was supposed to sleep with her.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, but it comes out in barely a whisper, my voice still groggy from last night’s activities.

  “Who are you apologizing to, exactly? I would think we deserve a little more than a choked out response,” MJ spits.

  “Can I talk to you, in private, Aubrey?” She stares at me and doesn’t move initially. She is sitting at the end of the couch with her legs tucked up and arms wrapped around them and her chin on her knees. Finally she untangles herself and walks out the back door to the deck.

  When I step out, she is sitting in the same position before, but on the outdoor wicker furniture. I sit beside her and stare at my hands in my lap.

  “I’m really sorry. I was really drunk and you had me so worked up all day being in your bikini that I just… I don’t know.” I pause but she doesn’t respond. “I know I told you that you could stay in my bed with me and when I woke up this morning that was the first thing that I thought of, how much of a jerk I was to you.” She still sits in silence. She is staring out into the little yard. “Say something, please.”

  When she finally does speak, her voice is raspy. “What I don’t understand, Kellan, is if it was me you were thinking about all day and me you supposedly wanted, then why did you even take her here? Knowing full well that I was going to be with you?” She is deadly calm, it is a little freaky.

  I shake my head because I don’t have an answer.

  “And I had to lay there on that horrible couch and listen to her squeal and yell and shit for a good hour, when all I wanted to do was go up there and take her by the throat and kick her out on her naked ass.” She should have. I totally would have let her. “I am so used to being numb and dead inside so my feelings don’t come up, but the second I saw you it all started coming back. I got my attitude and my energy back.

  “So when I felt betrayed by you last night, I almost broke down. I know we aren’t together or anything, but I really trusted you. I haven’t let anyone in for a long time and look what good it did me.” She shakes her head, clearly disgusted with herself. It should be me she’s disgusted with.

  “You can still trust me, Aubrey. I just fucked up. It was one time- that was it.”

  “God, and Cara and MJ saw right through me!” Her voice rises, the anger in her voice seeping through. “They saw how much it affected me and now they won’t ever let it go. When my ex cheated on me they made fun of me for a year! They just finally got over that, and now this.”

  “Aubrey, please calm down. They won’t say anything; I’ll make sure of it.” I reach for her but she flinches and cowers away from my hand.

  “You won’t be in my life after this week, Kellan. And you don’t know the kind of shit they do to tear me down. You won’t be there when they finally break me. Fuck you!” She storms back in the house, slamming the door so hard the window panels quiver in her wake.

  I am frozen. I hurt her. I know she isn’t like the other girls I know, the ones that use sex as what it is, just sex. Aubrey is different. I don’t know when I got wrapped around her finger, but it fucking sucks. I never had actual feelings for a girl like this and I hate it. I hate it.

  7

  Aubrey

  I pass everyone in the living room, avoid their stares and intruding questions and run up the stairs into the bathroom. There is a small window overlooking the backyard of the villa and I can see pieces of the ocean between the other villas and houses.

  I wish it could wash away feelings like it did shells, swirling its power around it and dragging it in its under-toe to the depths of the sea to never see daylight again. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I wish I was still the same zombie as before. Maybe then I won’t have that pinching in my heart or the butterflies in my stomach. I stand there in the bathroom looking out the window for about a half hour, not moving.

  I’ve known Kellan for, what, three days? And somehow he has gotten under my skin. Nobody has done that in four years, so what makes him so fucking special? I don’t have time to think about it as a knock at the door interrupts me.

  “What?” I snap, assuming it is Cara or MJ to prod and gain intel for their persecution later.

  Kellan steps through the door and shuts it behind him. His back is pressed against the door and it causes his white t-shirt to bunch up around his stomach, showing the definition there. “Hey.” His voice is so sad.

  I gulp and contemplate answering but I’ve calmed down quite a bit so I say, “Hey,” back.

  “I know I already said this, but I really am sorry. I keep getting involved with your relationship with MJ and I don’t know why. I’ll stop. I feel like all we’ve done since we got here was fight.”

  “I hate fighting with you,” I say honestly.

  “Me, too. I promise to stop getting involved and making you mad.”

  “And I promise to stop getting defensive. I know you’re doing it because you’re concerned. Thank you for that.”

  A small smile tugs on one side of his mouth. “Any time. So are we good?”

  “Yeah, we’re good.” He smiles fully and closes the remaining distance between us and hugs me tight before I can refute. It feels nice being in his arms, and I brush my cheek against his chest and breathe in his shirt. It smells like his cologne and for a swift moment I forget, or don’t care, about the other girl.

  “Seriously, AJ, if you want to be with him you need to look the part,” MJ says through the rack of clothes. We are at a local mall, searching through the trendy outfits for something to wear tonight, New Year’s Eve. The Mexican labels are really scandalous, so naturally MJ and Cara gravitate towards them.


  For some reason they want to help me. I never actually said I wanted Kellan but they see right through me. I still don’t know if I should do anything about it but if they want to dress me up like a Barbie doll then at least I won’t look like the freak they say I am.

  Cara has about eight different outfits in her hands and counting. “Here,” she says and drops them in my arms. “Go start trying these on. Hopefully they fit you. If you aren’t a medium or small then you should give up now.” She digs into another rack and ignores me as I try and veto these atrocities.

  “Just go, freak, or be prepared to be a single loser for the rest of your life.”

  I snap the curtain shut and stare at the small room overflowing with bright clothes. One by one, I try on the outfits and some of them I immediately shed from my skin. A few I like and peek out into the hall where MJ and Cara are yapping about tonight. Of the four I show them, they like one.

  “That one is better than the others. It actually makes you look normal,” MJ says, surprised. I look down at myself and into the mirror. The purple thin material hugs my curves and the sweetheart neckline dips down so a bra is out of the question. There is a thin strap across my back to keep the dress up, but the rest of the back is exposed in a large cut-out. The skirt of the dress is short, too short for my liking. I feel like a prostitute.

  It is one of the most risqué outfits of what they grabbed me. I want to argue with them and opt for something that covers a little more skin, but I know they are right. If I want people to notice me, I need to dress for it. I’m still not sure if it is Kellan I want to notice me, but after tonight if he doesn’t then there is no point in trying. This dress screams ‘easy access, do me now.’

  I chew on my lip as I hand the cashier my credit card. She eyes me suspiciously as she folds the dress up and shoves it into a bag. It’s like she knows I’m a total fake and will look absolutely ridiculous wearing anything of the sort. I know, bitch, I will make a total ass of myself tonight. I wonder if she knows how ungraceful I will end up being in this thing. If I go the whole night without tripping and exposing my hoo-hah to every patron in the bar, I will be extremely surprised.