by C. A. Saari
“Well, Ave Maria isn’t exactly a song clamored for at Webber Wolves functions.” I shot wryly back. “I save it for tryouts. It’s kinda my secret weapon.”
“My girl can sing.” He said, still in a state of awe. My neck nearly snapped when I looked up at him. His girl? What did that mean? He didn’t seem to notice his slipup, so I decided not to correct him. He put his hand to the small of my back as we rounded his truck and it gave me the warm and fuzzies everywhere. I smiled when he opened the passenger door for me and turned to thank him. The woods caught my attention. It was only six thirty, but with the season getting later, the sun was setting sooner. Plus the cloud cover today had been pretty thick. It was darker than it should be…which is why I was probably able to see the glowing red dots from this distance.
I froze where I stood.
“What?” Jake asked, noticing we’d come to a standstill. He followed my gaze and I felt him tense as well. It caught my attention and I looked up at him, but his eyes were back on mine before I could figure out if he had seen them as well. “You okay?” He asked me. Obviously he hadn’t seen anything, so either I hadn’t really seen them, or they had disappeared before he could.
“Yeah. Fine.” I forced a smile and crawled into the passenger seat. I watched Jake through the mirror on the door. He paused at the back and stared out at the woods for a few moments before finally rounding the truck and hopping into the driver’s seat. The ride was going to be entirely too short for my liking, but there was hardly anything I could do about that. And Jake seemed distracted. He pulled into my “community” –okay, I couldn’t even think that with a straight face- and I suddenly realized I didn’t want him to take me to my door.
“You can just drop me here.” I said quickly. Now I had his attention.
“No. I’ll take you to your door.” He insisted.
How was he going to do that without my instructions?
How did he do that without my instructions?
“How do you know where I live?” I asked looking out at my trailer that we were now parked in front of. He smiled over at me.
“Lucky guess?” He offered.
“Yeah right. Have you been stalking me?” I only half joked.
“Not like you think. I’ll walk you to your door.”
“No!” he looked surprised at the panic in my voice and I calmed myself. “Uh, no. Thank you though. I don’t want to make too much noise in case my dad is sleeping. He, uh, he…” my voice trailed off, I couldn’t even come up with a suitable lie.
“Okay.” Jake said, letting me off the hook. I nearly sighed with relief, but my pulse hitched again when he reached out and touched my cheek. “Will you call me if you need anything?”
“What could I possibly need now that I’m home?” I asked casually, though my voice was slightly too breathless. Very unconvincing.
“Anything.” He answered. “Even if you have a bad dream, you can text me.”
Bad dream? Wow, he had no idea what a coincidence that particular statement was.
“Okay.” I half expected him to kiss me but then had to remind myself that we were just friends. Although, do friends stare at each other this long when they say goodbye? I had to pull myself together. Kendra had stuffed my old clothes in my backpack and I needed to get to the woods (please, please, please before it got too dark) and change before Bob saw me.
“I have to go.” I whispered. Jake nodded and let his hand fall from my face. I slipped from the truck and made sure to close the door gently. I watched him drive off before turning to race around the side of the house.
But I was too late.
The front door swung open.
“Who the hell was that?” Bob asked. “Get your butt in here.”
I swallowed against the fear in my throat and went quickly to the house and through the door. Bob slammed it behind me as I retreated down the hall.
“Get back here.” Bob demanded. I turned and went back down the hall. This was not going to end well. I looked at the floor in front of me as Bob tried to stare me down. Hard to stare down someone who wasn’t looking at you, but Bob managed to do it anyway.
“I asked who the hell that was.” He finally said.
“A friend from school, just giving me a ride home after practice.”
“Practice? What practice?”
“Choir.” Keep answers short and sweet.
“Choir? What the hell is that? You can’t play a real sport? Is the clown that dropped you off in choir too?”
“No.”
“What was he doing hanging around school then? Is he your boyfriend? Must be a real loser to want to date you.”
“He’s just a friend. He plays football.”
There was a moment of silence. I was hoping that piece of information had intrigued him. Bob liked football.
“What are you wearing?”
Oh hell. I had really hoped he just plain wouldn’t notice, we were on such a good roll.
“Um, my friend Kendra borrowed me an outfit.”
“Bullshit. Where the hell are all these friends coming from suddenly? You’ve never had friends. What are you up to? Where’d you really get those clothes? They look expensive.”
“I just borrowed them, I swear.”
“Where you getting your money?”
Crap. Anything I said now would just be a lie to him. Whether it was or not. He was on a money roll now and wouldn’t be satisfied till I handed some over to him. The problem was, I had none to hand over at the moment, and that was not going to bode well for me. So I said nothing. There was nothing I could say.
“Give it to me.” Bob said.
I shook my head.
“I don’t have any.”
“Don’t lie to me you stupid girl, I see those clothes with my own eyes. I know you have some. Hand it over.”
Tears were stinging my eyes.
“I really don’t have any.” I couldn’t give him what I didn’t have.
“Spent it all on those clothes didn’t you?”
“No, I borrowed them.”
“Like the loser that you are. You have to borrow clothes. Do you think I’m an idiot? I said give me the money.”
I said nothing, just braced myself for what to come. His fist landed in my ribs, I doubled over as the breath whooshed out of me. But what he did next, was something he’d never done before. As I was bent over he brought his knee up to my face; I don’t know what angel was looking over me at that moment, but he missed my nose and landed his knee shot over the left side of my chin and jaw, I tasted blood when my lip split and I could have sworn I heard something crack. I saw stars as I flew backwards and landed on the hall floor on my back. Bob then grabbed my ankle and pulled me to the kitchen. He used his momentum to swing my leg around so that I slid across the floor, slamming my back into the cabinets. The impact rattled my bones and knocked the wind out of me. I definitely heard something crack this time, but thankfully it was the cabinets, and not me. I gasped for breath. Bob came over and hauled me up by my hair.
“Get dinner made.” He ordered and he gave me a ruthless kidney punch, right over the spot that had made contact with the cabinets. It brought tears to my eyes. He stomped from the room.
I clutched at the edge of kitchen sink and wheezed until my breath came back. Then I washed my face and set about to make Bob his tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Not forgetting the pickle -that would earn me a slap. I popped the cap off a fresh beer and handed his tray to him over the couch. Then retreated to my room.
I didn’t even change from my clothes, I crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around myself and silently cried myself to sleep.
I showered fast the next morning and left through the front door a lot quicker than I had yesterday. I hobbled down the several park blocks to where Kendra waited for me. My strength drained. I didn’t have much to begin with and I couldn’t seem to get control over the shakes that were nearly wracking my entire body. Kendra greeted me with a wave that soon
turned to concern when she saw that I had my slouch back. A bruise had covered my ribs and wrapped around and covered nearly the entire left side of my back where I had slammed into the cabinets. It hurt to breathe in. My chin had bruised as well, it was an ugly mix of purple and blue spreading to an unhealthy green to yellow around the edges. I had picked the scab off my bottom lip while in the shower. But I knew it would only scab over again.
“Oh my God!” Kendra cried and ran around the car when she saw the condition of my face.
“No!” I held my shaky hands out to stop her from bundling me into a hug that would no doubt cause more pain that comfort. “Don’t touch me.” I whispered.
“I’m not going to hurt you Remi.” She was offended.
“I know. It’s not that.”
Her eyes dropped to my torso. Then she looked back up to me, a knowing look in those pretty green gems. Hate filled them to the brim.
“Remi, this has to stop. We have to tell someone.”
“No, please Kendra. Six more months, and I’m outta here.” I begged.
“Can you survive six more months? Look at your face! I can’t even hug you. What if he hurts you beyond repair next time?”
“He won’t do that.” I was not about to tell her that I was now worried about the same thing. He was violent, but I’d never worried in the past that it might go too far. He wouldn’t do that because he knew it meant possible cops; but then he’d never kneed me in the face either. Now I wasn’t so sure what he was capable of. “Please. Can we just get ready for school?”
“I’m not okay with this. This is not right, I can’t sit by and do nothing knowing what he does to you.”
“You will for me. Six more months Kendra. Please. Don’t tell anyone.”
“I’m reaching the end of this Rem. If I see new bruises on you tomorrow, you won’t be able to stop me.”
I wouldn’t agree to that, but it was pointless to argue with her at the moment.
“Can we get ready for school, please?”
Her shoulders sagged. She looked helpless, but she nodded. I winced as I bundled myself into her back seat. My phone chirped at me before I had even begun to change and I pulled it out of the side pocket of my backpack.
Jake.
Can I pick u up 4 school 2day?
It almost made me smile.
Kendra is already on her way. I answered.
Next time then. C u soon.
I put my phone back in my backpack and pulled out a pair of soft black leggings from Kendra’s bag. I could have cried with joy. The waist band of jeans would have been agony all day. I slid them on and realized they were Capri leggings and they went all the way to my calves.
“Kendra?” I called in a shaky voice that I couldn’t get control over either.
“Yes?”
“These aren’t your pants.” I said.
“No, they’re yours.” She answered. I smiled to myself –yes, Kendra could still make me smile- she bought me pants.
Next I pulled a three quarter sleeve –bless her yet again- cream colored sweater from the bag. It was long and flowy; though I discarded the belt that came with it, no way I was wrapping that around my middle. The shoes were flats again, but plain instead of sparkly with a simple string bow over the toe. I crawled to the front seat and used a shaky hand to push my damp hair away from my face.
“Can you do something about this?” I asked. She looked at me with sad eyes.
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” She asked, and despite the humorless tone of her voice, I smiled again.
Kendra worked for another ten minutes to cover the bruise as best she could. Eventually she had to cover my entire face with the makeup just to blend it all. Then she handed me a tube of lipstick.
“I know I told you to never cover up that natural beauty, but I guess there is an exception to every rule, isn’t there?” She was so upset right now.
“Please don’t be mad at me.” I said accepting the lipstick.
“I’m not mad at you Rem. Please don’t ever think I’d be mad at you for what that piece of garbage does to you. My heart is just breaking right now, so, put the lipstick on, or we’re going to be late.”
But it became evident that with my shakes I would only produce a mess, so in the end, she had to do that for me as well. I looked in the mirror and barely recognized myself. I looked like me…only maybe a clubbing me. There was no pulling my hair back today, I needed all the protection I could get. Even the hair curtain. Kendra drove us to school in silence. Once there, it took everything I had to pull myself from the car and pretend that everything was fine.
“Remi, please.” Kendra begged quietly as she watched me put my game face on. “We don’t have to do this today, you can be sick. Go stay at my house.”
“Who are we going to get to pretend to be my dad?” She frowned at me. Hooky was out of the question. If school called my house there’d only be more hell to pay later, besides that, how would we explain to her mother why I was at her house instead of at school? “I’ll be fine Kendra. Just…be my shield today okay. Don’t let anyone touch me.” It should be an easy job, no one ever touched me. She didn’t like it, but Kendra agreed. I inwardly winced with every step I took. My body protested, it did not need rigid right now, it needed rest. But I pushed myself, made myself act normal.
This was going to be a difficult day.
Jake spotted me when we turned down our hall and made a bee line straight for me. Kendra grabbed him in an overly friendly hello before he could make it to me, giving me time to position myself to his left, so he couldn’t completely see the left side of my face. The makeup hid the bruise well enough for people not to notice if they didn’t look too closely. But it was still a black bruise under peachy makeup; hiding it entirely was impossible. And even though the lipstick did a better job of hiding the cut on my lip, it couldn’t hide it entirely either.
“I have to get to class. You good?” She asked me. I nodded.
Jake looked down at me and smiled, I caught it at a sidelong glance and smiled back. We walked down the hall together. I held my breath as we passed a group of guys playing paper football, and was nearly exhaling when one of them crashed into me. I cried out and pushed into Jake’s side. His arm came around me and I had to swallow another cry.
“Hey!” He said to the guy that was still too close to me. “Back up off her.”
The guy called a happy apology and jogged off to his friends who were moving down the hall. Jake gave me a squeeze and I made the mistake of biting my lip to suppress a whimper. It brought tears to my eyes and I prayed that I hadn’t broken the cut open again. “You okay?”
“Fine.” I said on a breath. I knew he was probably frowning but I couldn’t look at him yet, not with the tears swimming so dangerously close to my lids. I caused myself further agony by wiggling out of his grip but if he hugged me again, I would scream.
“Remi-”
“Let’s get to class, we’re going to be late.” I hurried ahead of him and he quickened his steps to catch up. I got to the class before Jake could speak again, but stopped in my tracks just inside the door, he had to grab the doorjamb to keep from running into me from behind. I looked at my seat in the corner. The one time in my life it was going to work against me. Jake would be sitting on the wrong side of me.
“Hey-” Jake started, but again I cut him off by moving quickly into the room. My body ached for me to rest it. I slid carefully into my seat and pushed my hair forward. Good ole hair curtain. “Remi?” Jake said softly, settling in the seat next to me.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, not looking at him. “I’m really tired today. Do you mind if I just sit here and kind of zone out for, like, forty-five minutes or so?”
“Of course. Are you feeling okay?”
I just shook my head and let my eyes close for a minute.
Big mistake.
With my eyes closed I didn’t see his hand coming to tuck my hair behind my ear. My eyes flew open at his touc
h and I looked at him with what I was fairly certain was pure panic. He shot out of his seat.
“Jesus Remi!” He didn’t bother to keep his voice low. “Who did this to you?”
“Shhh!” I said desperately, but everyone was already looking. “Please, Jake. Sit down.” I reached out and took his hand, tugged him gently down. He sat, but was no less tense.
“Who did it Remi?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now Jake.” I begged at a whisper.
“Like hell. I’m not just going to sit here silently and look at your bruised face for the next hour. Who did it?”
“Jake-”
He closed his hand around mine and pulled me from my seat. I winced. He pulled me from the room, entirely ignoring the instructor’s protests. He led me outside and to his truck and opened the passenger door for me.
“Get in.” He ordered softly. Watched with growing fury as I had to gently lift myself in like a hundred year old lady. “Remi.” He whispered. I’m pretty sure he figured out that it wasn’t only my face that was bruised. He closed my door and hurried around to the driver’s seat, then turned to face me and ever so gently took my face in his hands and turned it so he could better see the damage. I let him. What else was I supposed to do?
“Your arm yesterday…” His voice was soft, but very strained. “Can I?” He reached for my sleeve. I kept my eyes on his face while he pushed the sleeve up enough to see the finger marks. I watched his jaw twitch and work under the skin as he gently pulled and replaced the soft fabric over my arm. It was several moments before he spoke again. “Who did this to you?” It was several more moments of silence before he’d meet my eyes. I was still looking at him. I could see how so many emotions were warring inside him right now, right through his eyes. “Please Remi, you have to tell me. I can’t see this…can’t sit here and just ignore it. I won’t. I’ll find out another way. But I’d really, really, love for you to trust me, right now, and tell me yourself.”
“My-” my voice came out as a croak, I cleared my throat as a tear finally rolled down my cheek. “Damn it.” I swiped at it with the back of a shaky hand. He waited me out. I was tempted to just let him find out another way, but I was pretty certain that that would ruin our relationship. And right now, that was the scariest thing I could think of. I wanted him so much more than I wanted a nice quiet exit from that monster’s house. “My dad.” I finally whispered out loud. Once it was out there I couldn’t take it back. And strangely, I found I didn’t want to. I was actually kind of relieved that someone else knew about it. As if handing the knowledge off made it a little less painful. I finally looked back at him. He was staring out the windshield, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. “Jake?” My voice was suddenly as shaky as my body was.