The Candy Bar Complete - 4 book box set: Candy Bar Series

by Patrice Wilton

  “Are you all right? Of course, you’re not. Dumb question.” She handed me a paper cup of cool water. She cleared her throat, and I vaguely wondered if the hairball had been transferable. “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t give you better news.”

  “Yes. Me too.” I felt tears sting the back of my eyes.

  “Give it a few more weeks. Maybe we’ll find out something more positive by then, and if not…”

  “You think I should…” I choked on the word, “abort?”

  “It depends on so many unknown factors.”

  She touched my hand. “Go home. Pray. We’ll take one step at a time.”

  I felt light-headed, as though I might faint. It was probably the baby squeezing the oxygen out of my lungs or something. I’d read about it later, but now I had to get out of that claustrophobic room before I lost it entirely.

  I stood up, shook her hand, and even mumbled some kind of thanks.

  Somehow I made it to the sidewalk. I felt as if I was in a compacter, my insides being crushed. I sat down on a nearby bench and hunched over, holding my stomach, I tried to take deep, calming breaths. Nothing helped. Nothing would take the pain away. I had to get home. I needed to be home.

  I wanted Jed.

  It was his baby too. And he had a right to know. Jed would help me make this difficult decision. We could talk it out together and figure out what we wanted to do. I couldn’t make this life and death decision on my own.

  I rose from the bench and took a few steps. It was imperative that I speak to Jed. I had to call him. Maybe he could meet me here and together we could discuss our options with Doctor Shelby. I whipped the phone out of my bag and pressed speed-dial, thankful that I had programmed his number in.

  I was not far from my car, it was parked on the side of the road, and I just had to walk to it, get in, and wait for him to arrive. He’d know what to do. I had to trust him because I couldn’t think straight.

  Come on—come on! Answer your phone.

  I felt somebody swish past me, nearly knocking me off my feet. My hand-bag, which had been over my shoulder, was suddenly gone. A roller-blader had swept it off and kept on trucking.

  I shouted, “Stop. Thief.” and took off after him.

  I made it about twenty feet. A yappy dog on a leash got in front of me and I stumbled. Protecting my stomach with my hands, I hit the sidewalk with my face.

  And blacked out.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  I woke up in an ambulance.

  The siren was going and I was strapped into a gurney, and I wanted to yell at them to stop and let me out, but I didn’t feel so good. My jaw hurt big time.

  I tried to touch my tummy but my hands were mummified inside the blanket. Tears crept out of my eyes. I was frightened. Falling on your face is never a good idea, especially when you’re pregnant. How are you holding up, little one? We’ll get you looked at in a minute, I promise.

  I thought about the meeting with Doctor Shelby, about the problems that might arise with the birth of this baby, and knew I would rather meet the challenges head on then not have this child. We’ll get through this together, just hang on, okay?

  When we got to the hospital the medics lifted me out and rushed me through the emergency ward. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out, and I tasted my own blood. “I’m pregnant,” I whispered to anyone who cared.

  “We’ll take care of you, don’t worry, Miss.” Soothing hands patted me on the shoulder. “The doctor will be with you in a minute.”

  “My baby…?”

  “The doctor will see you soon,” she firmly repeated.

  “Thank you. Please tell him to hurry.”

  “Of course you’re worried about your baby,” she said in a calming voice. “And you’ll be looked at soon. But while we’re waiting for the doctor I need to ask you a few questions.” Her eyes looked warm as brownies in her dark skin. “Do you have any identification on you? I’ll need your personal information and health insurance.”

  I shook my head. “Purse was stolen,” I mumbled.

  “Is there anyone we can call? A relative, a friend?”

  “Yes.” I gave her Jed’s number.

  “Good. I’ll get to it.” She left, and I was wheeled into another room. The doctor was waiting.

  * * *

  After the doctor had seen me and I’d been checked out from head to toe, I lay there and waited for Jed. Hours seemed to pass and I wondered what was taking him so long. My dread grew with every minute. He was going to be livid and I couldn’t blame him. So many times I had wanted to tell him everything, and hadn’t. My excuses seemed pathetic now. Tears filled my eyes and rolled down the back of my throat, until I choked and nearly drowned from them.

  The baby had better be a fighter and not give up on me, because somewhere between the gurney and the sonogram my mind had cleared. I was keeping this baby, God willing, no matter what. And Jed could choose for himself whether he wanted an active role in the baby’s life, or not. Once I told him I hoped he would accept my decision, and then go.

  Or not go.

  While thinking of Jed and how to tell him, I came to another startling realization. I cared. I truly cared, maybe even loved this man. I wanted him to stay and fold me in his arms, and tell me that he wanted this baby. And that he wanted me too. Was I asking the impossible? Was I asking too much? Could somebody love me and never leave me? Stephen had left. Kevin had left. Okay, granted, it was not by his own choosing, but still, I’d been left all alone. Fact was, I couldn’t sustain a relationship.

  But oh, how I wanted things to be different just this once. Just once.

  The door flew open, and Jed rushed in carrying an enormous bouquet of flowers.

  “Lydia. I’m so glad you had the nurse call me.” He dropped the flowers on the end of the bed. “I’m sorry it took so long, but I came as soon as I could.” He took my hand and kissed my brow. “You okay, hon?”

  I nodded, so choked up to see him I was unable to speak.

  “You’re going to be fine. The nurse said you have only a broken nose and some bruising but she assured me that you’re going to be fine.”

  “Yes, but Jed, there’s something else.” I swallowed hard. “I need to tell you…”

  “Tell me what?” His eyes were full of kindness and warmth as they rested on my face. “You don’t have to say anything right now. Just rest and I’ll sit with you for awhile.”

  A tear slipped out of my eye. “I do… I should have…told you…”

  A doctor popped his head in. “Oh, your husband is here. Good. I can put both your minds to rest.”

  Oh, no! Oh, no! My eyelids blinked frantically, as I mentally willed him to stop. Not another word. Please, not one damn word. He could destroy everything. My hopes, my dreams, our future happiness…if he doesn’t shut up. And go away. Now.

  “Doctor, could you please come back later? We need to be alone.”

  “Don’t worry.” He beamed. “The baby is fine. The trauma is over and the heartbeat is steady.” The doctor put his hand on Jed’s shoulder. “Both mother and baby are doing well.”

  Jed straightened up, shaking off the hand. “What baby?”

  The doctor looked at me and then at Jed. “She didn’t tell you?” He frowned. “Are you the father?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and whispered, “Yes”.

  “She’s three months pregnant.” The doctor’s voice was no longer friendly. I detected a stern note of disapproval.

  He walked out, leaving the room in chilly silence. I kept my eyes closed so I wouldn’t have to look at Jed. I could hear the beep, beep, beep of a near-by monitor. I could hear the air conditioning unit, and nurses padding up and down the corridor and I waited to hear a pin drop. But all I could hear was Jed’s labored breathing.

  “We are having a baby?” he finally hissed.

  “Yes, I was trying to tell you.” I bit my lip to stop its trembling.

  My eyes flew open and darted to his. “It’s not l
ike you think. I tried to call you. I was going to tell you everything, and then a dog got in my way and I tripped.”

  His eyes were so cold, I kept talking—fast. “That’s how I ended up here. I tripped over a dog, chasing a guy who stole my purse. I had the cell phone in my hand. I called you but you didn’t pick up.”

  “You were going to tell me now? After you’ve known for months and kept it a secret all this time? Why don’t I believe you?” He stood up and walked toward the window.

  I closed my eyes, thinking frantically. If only I had told him the other day, like I’d intended to. I had every intention of telling him then. But he wouldn’t believe that now. Why would he?

  “Jed.” My eyes sought his, pleading for his understanding. “I tried several times to let you know.”

  “You tried?” His voice curdled. “You…fucking…tried?”

  I nodded, rapidly blinking back tears.

  “Okay, I’m listening. Explain it to me, will you? Maybe the hard hat I wear has made me a little thick in the head and I’m missing something.”

  His voice was so harsh, I couldn’t stand it.

  “Jed. Stop.” I dug my fingers into the palms of my hands. I couldn’t meet his eyes. I didn’t want to see the pain I’d put there. “I was going to tell you on Friday. I was.”

  “When? Before we were in the sack, or after?”

  I didn’t say a word. Whatever he said to me, I deserved, and worse. I felt a tear slip out of my eye and roll toward the pillow.

  “Jesus, Lydia. Why would you keep that from me?”

  He turned toward the window, and I was glad because then I wouldn’t have to see his face. I didn’t blame him for hating me; I would have hated me too if I’d been in his place.

  Another tear hit the pillow and I swiped at my eye. No way was I going to cry.

  I just felt so bad that he had to learn this way. It was so wrong. I had picked up the phone a dozen times to tell him but always chickened out. First it was because he’d made his feelings clear on the subject and been so relieved to think there was no baby. Then after my own brother and sister-in-law had tried to take the baby from me, I became very possessive. I decided right then that I was not willing to share this baby with anyone. And finally, the baby was at risk.

  My excuses seemed weak, even to me. I had been selfish, stupid, cowardly, and totally wrong to keep him in the dark.

  I wanted him to forgive me even if I couldn’t forgive myself. I lifted a hand in his direction but at the tilt of his head and the rigidness in his shoulders, I let it fall. I couldn’t expect him to think kindly of me. Not now. I was the exact kind of woman that he didn’t want in his life. Another woman he couldn’t trust.

  He turned to face me. “You had so many opportunities, didn’t you, Babe.”

  The “babe” was said so nastily that my stomach churned. I felt like I might throw up.

  “I’m sorry, Jed, but I’m not up to this right now. I owe you a talk. Could we do this tomorrow?”

  “No. We can’t. You are not putting this off any longer. I don’t give a damn how bad you feel. We are discussing this now. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

  I turned my head away so he couldn’t see I was fighting tears. “I wanted to, but the timing was never right.”

  “The timing?” His voice had an edge to it that sliced right through me. “Bull shit. You kept this from me for months. When would you have informed me, or were you going to?”

  I didn’t say anything. He went on attack. “You weren’t planning on it, were you? You would have let me move out without knowing, and when you couldn’t hide it anymore you’d have stopped seeing me. Right?”

  “I tried to bring it up.” I squeezed my eyes shut.

  Oh, where was a nurse when you needed one? Wasn’t it time to take my blood pressure or something? “Friday night, in bed. But we were both a little preoccupied.”

  I could hear he was breathing deeply, trying to control his temper. “A little late, Lydia. You should have told me the minute you knew so we could figure this out together. It wasn’t just your decision, it was mine too.”

  “No, the baby was for me. I didn’t want you to get involved. I still don’t.” I spoke with my usual defiance, and placed my hands over my tummy.

  “The baby is ours.” He looked like he wanted to throttle me, but maybe the fact that I was lying in a hospital bed, defenseless, held him back. He lowered his voice. “The other night? I don’t understand how you could have made love to me and not told me then. How could you be so…heartless…so…fucking cold?”

  “I started, and then…you know? I forgot.”

  “You forgot? Come on.” He sneered. “You can do better than that.”

  “I decided to wait until morning. Okay?”

  “Yeah. Right. So what’s the excuse this time?”

  “I was going to make you eggs and tell you over breakfast, but you had a meeting, remember? I had it all planned what I’d say.”

  His eyes narrowed into slits. “The meeting could have waited a minute or two. I think I would have stayed to hear this.”

  I swallowed hard. “Yes, well, there is also another issue. I had some testing done…and there’s a possible problem with the baby. I didn’t want to tell you until I knew if the baby was going to make it.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  I refused to look at him. “If something were to be wrong with the baby, I would be the one taking care of him, or her. Not you. So, I didn’t want to trouble you with any of this.”

  He looked ready to punch a hole in a wall. “What kind of problem are we talking about?”

  “Something to do with the chromosomes. But they don’t know which one, or what that will mean for the baby.”

  “I see.” He was silent for a moment, digesting all of it. “So you decided to keep all this to yourself. The baby, the fact that the baby may have developmental problems?” He spat out, “Is this the reason you avoided me and wouldn’t answer my calls?”

  “Partly. But I had other reasons. Let’s face it. We were a one night stand. Okay, maybe two nights. The whole thing was a mistake. I had no business getting involved with you. It was better not to become friends.”

  “We already were.” He gave me a strange look and stepped back. “I thought we were possibly more than that.”

  “No, Jed.” I spoke through enormous pain. “We were a mistake, this whole thing was a big mistake. And now we have to hope and pray that the baby will be okay.”

  “Damn it, Lydia…”

  “It’s my fault. You see, I didn’t want this baby at first, and maybe that’s why this happened.” Sniffling, I whispered, “I lost another baby too. A long time ago, and that was my fault too.”

  “What other baby? What are you talking about?”

  I rambled on, “Baby died. Nobody knows…I do, though. It was the Milk of Magnesia I took.” A wet, sloppy tear rolled down my bandaged face. “I didn’t want that baby either. But this one was different. Once I got used to the idea, I was okay. I was better than okay. I liked the idea that I had a little life growing inside me.” I took a painful breath. “I picture his little face, the tiny eyes, nose, the little ears, and eyelids, and fingers.” I bit back a sob. “I want to keep this baby no matter what. I love our baby.”

  “That’s the first time you said “our.” He took a step in my direction but stopped short of me. “Lydia, think positive. Our baby will be born healthy.”

  “How do you know? Nobody knows. Everybody keeps saying stupid meaningless platitudes, but they don’t mean crap. Perhaps I’m being punished…”

  Jed scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous. I think it’s the pain medication talking. You’ll be all right in the morning and have a much brighter outlook on everything. I’m sure both you and the baby will be fine.”

  “Thanks, Doctor Jed. Where did you get your license to practice medicine? From a construction site?”

  “Why do you say that? Why do you always
have to act like such a hard-ass?”

  “Because I am. Remember? I’m the one who profits from other people’s misery. I don’t believe in love, in marriage, in commitment. I’m a realist.”

  “If that’s how you truly feel, you’re not a realist. You’re pathetic.”

  That hurt. Mostly because he was right. Once a self-centered bitch, always one, I guess. “Get out.”

  “Why? Because you don’t want to hear the truth?”

  “Your truth?” I asked scornfully.

  “Let’s talk about your life for a second. What’s so damn wonderful about coming home to an empty apartment every night? Don’t you ever get lonely?”

  I closed my eyes to try to hold back the pain, but his words opened a floodgate inside of me, releasing emotions that I never knew, or pretended not to know, that I had. Yes, I did want that special someone, and yes, I did get lonely, and maybe that was one of the reasons I wanted this baby. Very much.

  But I was hurting enough, why did he have to punish me more?

  I fought hard to stop my voice from quivering and to look him in the eye. “Jed, I have always liked my life. I know you don’t get it and you have no respect for what I do, but that is your problem, not mine.”

  He stepped away from me. “You’re right. It’s your life and you can live it any way you choose.” He sighed heavily. “It makes me sad, though. You won’t let anyone get close.”

  “That’s not true…”

  He raised his hand to stop my words. “Look, I’m sorry you’re in here. I’m sorry about the accident, but I’m not sorry about the baby.”

  I started to interrupt, but he said, “I’m not through. I want to say that I’m mostly sorry about all the possibilities that you and I might have had, and sorrier still that you’re afraid to connect with people, afraid to open up and take a few chances.”

  His words battered me. I felt drained and hollow, both in body and spirit. He was probably right, but it was kind of like kicking someone when they’re down. No matter how righteous you are, you shouldn’t do it. Let them heal a bit before you gut them through and through.