“You don’t look like a thief.”
“I was quite a good one, actually. It started when I was a child: Being a thief was how I could fit in a world that laughed at me because of the poverty. I stole to have what I needed to fit in, but after a while I did it because I could.
“Amy said I stole her heart, and it was quite apropos. She stole mine. It came down to a choice—between that passage in 1 Corinthians that says no thief will enter heaven or the thief on the cross next to Jesus who repented. Amy asked me which kind of thief I was going to be. It cut. And I changed. I became her reformed thief.
“I bought the painting by the way. I tracked down the original owners and said it had come into my possession. I offered to give it back or buy it. Amy considered that painting my reminder of how far God could bring someone. It’s the only thing I’ve ever stolen that I’ve kept.”
Kelly found he was right; the information changed everything she assumed about him. “How did you ever get to be working with security matters with that in your background?”
“Actually, it turned out to be quite useful. I could sneak around the less savory side of Hong Kong gathering information, and when anyone got suspicious and checked me out, they found out I was a thief because I really was. Amy’s father pulled the initial strings to get me clearance, and after I had a track record, it evolved from there.”
“Your candor about this is surprising.”
“Then let me grant you another surprise. I was sad to hear that you and Joe parted ways. It’s obvious you two are close.”
Kelly relaxed at those words. “Who told you?”
“Someone who noticed Joe was growling. If you ever find yourself at a loose end while you’re waiting for him to get his head on straight, call me. I can at least make sure he has something to be jealous about.”
His offer was unexpected. Charles was having a good time with the situation, even if he was taking care to let her know he understood where she was at. “We’ve just hit a bump in the road. But thanks for the offer. I may take you up on it someday.”
“Do. I want you happy, Kelly. And I enjoy your company.”
When he took her home at the end of the evening and walked her to her door, she was surprised at how much she didn’t want to say good night. “Thank you, Charles. I had a wonderful evening.”
“So did I.” He didn’t try to make it anything more than a smile when he said good night.
Kelly closed the door after him, deep in thought. Charles was a very charming man, and his patience coupled with that were a potent combination. A thief. She smiled at the realization that he could be so honest about his own secrets. She really had to find a friend to introduce him to. She liked him too much not to have him with someone who would appreciate how special he was.
Kelly carefully hung up the dress.
When she slipped into bed that night, she looked at the phone. As lovely as the evening had been, Charles and the fun she had slid easily aside while Joe was an ache inside that didn’t fade.
She missed Joe.
She really missed Joe.
She reached over, picked up the phone, and dialed familiar numbers. Joe’s phone rang until the answering machine picked up.
Joe, I’m ready to talk and you aren’t there. Where are you?
Kelly bit her lip and set down the phone without leaving a message.
* * *
He had to tell Kelly about how Nick died.
The stars were shining overhead late Friday night. Joe had done as the wilderness campers did, left to take twenty-four hours alone in the wilderness with God. He was bringing his relationship with Kelly to the One who could help him figure out what to do.
The grief will hit her hard, Lord, and I’m dreading the change that will be in her eyes when she looks at me. Nick died because I got hurt. It’s time Kelly knows the truth, but it is going to be so hard to tell her.
Did he want to lose her? That was what he was risking. Charles was waiting in the wings, ready and willing to step forward and offer Kelly not only a future but also a ready-made family. Joe couldn’t blame her for liking Charles and Ryan.
What do I do?
The only way to square things with Kelly was to tell her all of it. She needed to know. Nick had died saving his life. Even if that meant he risked her thinking his interest now and over the years had been from survivor’s guilt. He owed her the truth.
And he needed to repay that debt—to one day get Raider and bring him to justice. Leaving the SEALs wasn’t an option for him. And Kelly deserved a husband and a family. She shouldn’t be alone. Either he stepped forward and made that final commitment or he let her go.
He didn’t want to lose her.
There was no way out of this conflict. He would be asking her to delay children, asking her to live with the risk of him possibly not coming home from a mission. He loved her. It was time to tell her that and let her make the decision.
Thirty
* * *
The church was packed, and most men and a few of the women were in uniform, prepared for the Memorial Day weekend Sunday service. Joe walked quietly among friends, touching base, checking in with his men, many who called this church their home, to see how they were coping after a few days off.
He had returned from the wilderness trip with a resolve deep inside to deal with the situation as he found it. What he wanted and what might now be possible were different things. He had yet to find Kelly although he knew she was here somewhere. Joe made his way through the commons area looking for her in the crowd.
“Joe, could I talk to you for a minute?” Ryan asked. The teen looked unusually serious for someone who a few minutes ago had been talking with Lynnette and the others from the wilderness camp.
“Of course.”
“Maybe outside?”
Joe raised an eyebrow but nodded his head toward the side door. What was going on? He followed the boy outside. The parking lot was full. On Kelly’s behalf, he was grateful for that show of support. “What’s up, Ry?”
The teen pulled a folded cloth from his jacket pocket. “Would you give this back to Kelly?”
Joe was stunned when Ryan unwrapped a cloth and handed him Nick’s eagle. “Ryan—”
“Please. Don’t tell Dad.”
Joe suddenly had to face the fact the teen he thought he knew he didn’t know at all. His anger flared because of what Ryan had done to Kelly, at all the time that had been spent searching to find that medallion, at all the pain Kelly had felt knowing it was lost. “You need to give this to her yourself.”
“I can’t.”
“Look at me.” Joe waited until the boy raised his head. “You took it; you have to give it back.”
Ryan dropped his eyes, but not before Joe saw the tears. “I can’t. I’m sorry I let you down,” he whispered.
Joe needed the kid to grow up and face what he had done, yet at the same time he knew the contrition was real. “Why did you take it?”
The boy straightened his back and took a deep breath. “It was there.”
It had the ring of truth.
“I’ll give it back to her,” Joe finally replied. “If you tell your father.”
Ryan slowly nodded. “Okay.” The boy turned back toward the church.
“Ryan.”
The boy turned.
“A SEAL doesn’t steal,” Joe said quietly.
The rebuke hit the boy hard. “Yes, sir. I know.”
* * *
The memorial service had already begun, and Joe saw Kelly sitting with Liz near the front of the sanctuary. He had hoped to be beside her, but she had not saved a place for him as usual. That hurt. Didn’t she want him to come? Had he messed up things between them that badly?
He felt the medallion in his pocket. It was going to be a tough day for her, in more ways than she realized. He found a place in the back.
It was a service that focused on the call of duty, of the call God placed on Christians to follow Him no matter what the cost. His fr
iend in the pulpit delivering the message could have no idea how close that message came to his reality. Joe couldn’t see Kelly from where he sat and he really wished he could. Was his first duty to his country or to his friend? There were times the truth was not all that clear. Saying I’m sorry wasn’t sufficient to convey what he felt.
He moved toward Kelly at the end of the service as she stood surrounded by friends.
“Joe.” She turned toward him, her smile somewhat sad, and reached for a hug. This was a day of memories like no other.
“Hi, friend,” he whispered. “I’ve missed you.” He was incredibly relieved at the hug she offered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know.” She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Friends?”
In one quiet word, she set aside days of hurt and uncertainty. It felt so good to have her hand once again in his. “Always.”
Joe took a chance and interlaced their fingers rather than release her hand. He didn’t want their relationship to revert all the way back to just friends, but at the moment he was relieved she was offering at least that. He had missed her. And the thought of how much he had lost settled on him like a heavy weight. There wasn’t a relaxed openness anymore; her face was strained and tired. He wished he could wipe that away.
“Walk with me down to the graveside service?”
Joe nodded. The cemetery was covered with small flags honoring the fallen heroes, placed there by servicemen that morning. She carried another one for Nick’s grave.
It was a short, simple service, given greater impact by the fact they had to walk past almost a hundred SEALs in full dress uniform assembling to pay their respects.
When it concluded, Kelly placed her flag. She stood for a moment before the simple white headstone. His own memories made tears burn behind his eyes.
She stepped back from the grave and her shoulders squared. When she joined him, her eyes were bright and clear. “Let’s go.”
Only after she had passed by did the men begin to disperse.
“Come back to my place, Kelly. We need to talk.”
She looked at him and he was afraid for one moment that she would refuse, and he couldn’t blame her if she did. He was relieved when she nodded and didn’t ask him what it was about.
She was quiet on the drive to his home, and he looked over at her several times. The sadness was there, and the quiet resolve to get through the day.
When she was seated in the living room, he took a seat beside her and slipped his hand in his pocket. “I was asked to return something to you.” He handed her Nick’s eagle.
She looked stunned. “I thought it was gone for good.” She looked over at him, obviously struggling to understand.
“Someone asked me to return it, Kelly. That’s all I can tell you.”
Her hand closed around it. Her eyes closed, she swallowed hard and looked incredibly troubled. “Charles?”
Joe was startled by the name, at why she would even think it. He shook his head before he realized it was better if he didn’t answer any questions. “No. But I’m not going to play names.”
She looked sick. “Ryan.”
Joe closed his hand around her fist. “I’m not going to say.”
“I won’t ask,” she agreed softly but already seemed to have curled in on herself, wounded.
“I’m sorry.”
She tried to smile. “It’s okay. You said we needed to talk. Was it this?”
Joe shook his head. “I need to tell you something that’s been tearing my heart out. Something that SEAL security has kept me from telling you . . . but it’s too important for us. I’ve got to tell you. It’s about Nick, how he died.”
She looked over at him, stunned.
He hesitated, uncertain where to begin. “We were on a mission to retrieve something that was being smuggled. It was a success, but as we were leaving I was shot in the shoulder. Nick came back for me, got me into the water, and as we were swimming out to be picked up—” Joe found it difficult to put into words—“Nick was also shot. Once, in the chest. We tried so hard to keep him alive, and he fought so hard. He died, Kelly, despite everything the doctors could do. He died because he came back to save my life.”
What greater love does a man have than he lay down his life for his friend? He had repeated that honor silently to Nick as he stood at the graveside and knew there was much he would do to make himself worthy of that sacrifice. He watched Kelly, afraid of how she would react.
“You were his best friend, Joe,” she finally whispered. “Did you expect him to do something else?”
“No. But I feel guilty about it every day—that God let me live and not him. Nick had you, talked about having children. Nick died and it nearly destroyed you.”
“I’m glad God sent you home. Had the situation been reversed and Nick came home hurt and you died, he would never have been the same. The grief he felt over losing you would have robbed me of the husband I knew.” She looked over at him and there was pain in her eyes. “You wanted to go out with me to replace what you felt I had been robbed of—a husband, children.”
That she would react this way was his worst fear. “No, Kelly. I admit I was afraid that would be your reaction, so I hesitated to tell you. But, please, believe me when I say that has no bearing on my asking you to date.” He got up to pace the room and shoved his hands into his pockets. “The man who arranged that shipment we were after had arranged several others before then. He was never captured; he disappeared after Nick died. Until last week. He reappeared. We should have caught him last weekend.”
She looked shocked. “You went after the man who killed Nick?”
“And another smuggled shipment.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I need you to understand why I won’t leave the SEALs like Boomer did. I owe Nick.”
“I would never want you to leave the SEALs. It’s who you are.”
“I can’t ask you to risk losing someone else.” He sighed. “I don’t even know what I am asking of you. I was going to see if you would give me another chance, if you would accept the risk I represent, be willing to delay children. But now—I’m not even sure I dare.”
“Joe, I love you.”
He looked over at her, saw the pain and the hope in her eyes. He crossed the room and sat down beside her. “Give me time, Kelly. I really do want a future with you.” He wrapped her in his arms and felt relief when she slid her arms around his waist. “I love you,” he whispered. “I don’t want to break your heart, and I’ve come miserably close to it once. I won’t do that to you again.”
Her hand slipped around his neck and tugged his head down. Joe lingered close even after the kiss ended, resting his forehead against hers. He wanted this, needed this.
“So what do we do now?”
His smile was rueful. Her hands were coiled in his shirt and he didn’t want to talk. Talking only got him into trouble. “We take this slow.” He rubbed the backs of her hands, enjoying the softness, until she sighed and opened them. He caught them in his.
“We can work out the problems,” she reassured him.
He wished he could give her all her dreams now rather than ask her to accept uncertainty. “I’m not sure what the best answers are.”
“Then we’ll find them together with God’s help.” She leaned her head back to look at him. “Did you really mean it when you said you loved me?”
He slowly smiled. “Yes.”
“Say it again.”
“With pleasure.” His kiss left them both breathless. “Shall I say it again?”
She giggled. “Please.”
* * *
Memorial Day on Monday dawned bright and clear.
Kelly opened the glass-encased cabinet and took out the flag that had once draped Nick’s casket. It was still folded tight, no red showing. The grief this year for a fallen hero was different. She knew he had given his life to save Joe’s. She was proud of her husband in more ways t
han she could put into words.
You saved his life once, Nick. I’m going to save it again. She loved Joe. The man had carried his burden long enough. She wanted to be his wife, give them a life together. She wanted it, and in the same way “I’m going to marry Nick” had once resonated within her, she made the same decision about Joe.
Children. She had heard Joe’s reservations, felt for him. He didn’t want to be an absentee father, to miss large stretches of his children’s lives while on deployment. It was hard for her to accept waiting years, knowing her age, but she really did understand his position.
She could wait. Joe clearly needed that time, and she would give it. She wouldn’t mind a few years focused just on him. The man deserved that. They would have a family when he was ready. Even if that meant they had to adopt someday in the future. She chose Joe. She loved him.
Her hand closed around Nick’s eagle.
She slipped it off. Nick, I’m not saying good-bye, but it is time to let go. She set the medallion on the flag and returned them to the cabinet. Joe would understand the significance. Kelly turned her wedding ring, considered it, and then slowly slipped it off as well. Her hand felt bare. She slipped the ring back on.
With a sigh she pulled the ring off again and reached inside the cabinet and put her wedding ring with the flag and the medallion. Her life with Nick in three emblems—their marriage, his career, and his death. It was time to leave it behind.
Lord, it’s been a three-year journey to this point. Joe and I need to find a footing for the future that is stable and comfortable for both of us. Nick and I had a wonderful life. Let me bring the best of what I learned forward and leave the rest behind.
The man Joe had gone to try and capture—she had always assumed the person responsible for Nick’s “training accident” was dead. Now she knew there was someone still at large, not yet brought to justice. The entire sense of closure she had was ripped away.
Don’t I deserve to have the man responsible for Nick’s death brought to justice? Please, Lord, honor what Nick did with his life. Find this man. Bring him to justice.
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