Flaws and All

by Shana Burton

  For someone who usually had all the answers, Angel didn’t have a clue about what to say.

  Chapter 45

  “You started taking me for granted the minute we got married.”

  —Sullivan Webb

  “Hello, Charles,” whispered Sullivan when she found him in the study, staring at the computer, after he summoned her home with a terse, “Come home. I need to talk to you,” before hanging up the phone. There was no point in telling him that it wasn’t what it looked like, so Sullivan did the only thing more selfish than cheating on him: she shifted the blame to him.

  She put down her purse. “In all fairness, you were the one who set all of this in motion. If you had taken my car to the mechanic like I’d asked you to, I never would’ve met him and this never would’ve happened.”

  Charles stared at Sullivan in anger and disbelief. “You know, I bet that honestly makes sense in your warped, twisted mind. I had actually convinced myself that you would come home and tell me that it was all lies and that the pictures had been doctored somehow.” He laughed bitterly to himself. “The joke’s on me, right?” Charles smashed one of their framed wedding pictures against the wall.

  Sullivan shrieked. “Charles, let me explain . . .”

  “How could you, Sullivan? You’re my wife, for God’s sake!”

  “I never wanted to hurt you. Please tell me you believe that,” she whimpered. “Please say you forgive me.”

  “I trusted you. I gave you my heart and all I had in me to give. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for you.” He put his hand over his heart. “You know, I knew that perhaps you didn’t love me as much as I loved you, and I accepted that. But for you to turn around and do this . . .” He pushed over the desk, sending the computer monitor and keyboard crashing to the floor. “My God, Sullivan, do you have no conscience? Does Christ live anywhere in you?” No longer able to stand the sight of her, Charles headed upstairs to their bedroom.

  Sullivan followed him up the steps. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” she sobbed.

  “You never meant for what to happen, Sully? When you laid down and took off your clothes for this man, you never meant to sleep with him—is that what you’re saying?” All she could do was shake her head. “No, you meant for that part to happen, right? And don’t give me this crap about not meaning to hurt me because you knew that sleeping with another man would devastate me. The only thing you didn’t mean to happen was me finding out.” He tore open the closet door and grabbed a duffel bag.

  “Nobody was supposed to get hurt, especially not you,” she cried. “It was just a fling, it was nothing, Charles.”

  “You had an affair. You slept with another man. How could you disrespect our vows like that? We went before God,” he continued, stuffing clothes into the bag. “We promised to be faithful and honest with each other no matter what.”

  Sullivan tried to grab him, but Charles pulled away from her. “We have to talk about this, baby. Let’s just pray, or yell at each other, or make love, or anything other than you looking at me with such contempt in your eyes.”

  “I can’t look at you any other way right now.” He moved about the room, tossing in items.

  “Moving out won’t solve anything. I still love you, and I know that you still love me. You know it too. Don’t you even want to hear what I have to say?”

  “Not really.” Charles stopped packing momentarily, granting Sullivan a smidgen of hope. “I do love you, Sullivan, and believe it or not, I forgive you, because not only are you my wife, but you’re also my sister in Christ. But forgiving you doesn’t mean I have to hang around while you make an even bigger fool out of me.”

  Sullivan took a deep breath. “I made a horrible, selfish mistake, I admit that, but you’ve made mistakes too.”

  Charles zipped his bag and tossed it over his shoulder. “The only mistake I made was trusting you.” He walked past her.

  “Go on, leave,” Sullivan called after him. “That’s the one thing you’ve been good at lately.” He stopped in the doorway. “You’ve been so wrapped up with this campaign until it’s like I’m not even here. You’ve been too busy to notice what was going on under your own roof. When was the last time you even asked me how my day went or took an interest in what I wanted?”

  “You know how important this race is to me. You said that you understood.”

  “I do understand, but I’m human. I get lonely, and I need more than these stupid campaign posters and speeches to make me feel wanted.”

  Charles faced her. “And you don’t think I’ve been lonely? This race has been my whole life, and most days, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing I’m going to come home to you. I thought that you had my back, my helpmeet. I thought you’d be there when no one else but God would.”

  “I’ve been here with you and for you through the ups and downs, disappointments and bad days, but you started taking me for granted the minute we got married. You’re just as much to blame for this as I am.”

  “You know what? I accept that, Sully. I know that there are thousands of things I’ve done wrong, but I never cheated on you. I never even thought about it.”

  “Just stay, Charles,” pleaded Sullivan. “We need to talk until we work this out.”

  Charles nodded. “We can do that . . . if it only happened once.”

  Sullivan blinked. “What?”

  “I can forgive you, Sullivan, and we can work on putting this behind us if it was a one-time moment of weakness that you gave in to.”

  She swallowed hard. “Charles, I—”

  He reached for her hand. “Just look me in the eyes and tell me that it was just this once, that you haven’t been making a fool out of me time and time again.”

  “I can tell you that it’ll never happen again,” vowed Sullivan.

  “But you can’t tell me that it hasn’t happened before, can you?” She shook her head, her eyes burning with tears. Charles dropped her hand. “I’ll be back to get the rest of my things in the morning. It’ll be better for both of us if you weren’t here.”

  Sullivan blew into a tissue. “You’re not wasting any time, are you?”

  “I’ve done enough of that already.” They were silent for a moment. “Look, I haven’t made any announcements to the press or anything about us breaking up. I’m trying to hold it off as long as I can because I think that it’ll just draw unnecessary attention to my personal life instead of the issues. I’m hoping that you and your boyfriend will respect that and use some discretion, at least for now.”

  “Vaughn is not my boyfriend. He isn’t anything to me. It’s over now.”

  “It’s funny,” said Charles. “Before today, the rest of the world thought that we were the perfect couple, but I think we both know that hasn’t been true for a long time. I didn’t want to see it, but you and your lover have made it very clear. Obviously, he knew that things weren’t right long before I did.”

  “Charles, don’t talk about Vaughn like he was the great love of my life. He’s barely out of high school. He’s just a kid.”

  “But it’s true, right? All of those nights that you were lying there in that bedroom with me, you were secretly pining away for him.”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “I still can’t get the image of the two of you together out of my head. There you were, on the computer screen, kissing and touching him, when I have to beg for the least bit of affection from you.”

  “It’s different with you. We have a relationship based on respect and partnership. Despite what you saw on that Web site, I love you, Charles. I always will.”

  “What, like a brother? Does he love you, Sully? I did. I wanted a future with you. I had already picked out the names for our kids, and I stood up in front of everyone in the church and professed my everlasting love for you. I saw myself sitting on the porch in a rocking chair next to you, watching our grandkids run around the yard. Just last week, I was joking with some of the deacons about havi
ng to trade in your BMW for minivans and getting a dog and taking trips.”

  “We can still have all of that,” she assured him.

  “I wanted it with you.” He dropped his head. “But you want it with him, don’t you? Didn’t you know how much I loved you? I would have given you everything. You could have just told me that you didn’t love me anymore. You didn’t have to jump in bed with another man.”

  “I wanted to tell you about him; I just couldn’t.”

  “You couldn’t tell me, but had no problem sleeping with him behind my back.”

  “Charles, please tell me what I can do to fix this. If you want me to make a statement to the press, I will. If you want me to go before the church and apologize, I’ll do that, too. Just tell me what to do.”

  “All I know to tell you to do is ask the Lord for His forgiveness.”

  “What about us? You said I have your forgiveness, so I don’t see why we can’t work this out. A lot of couples have to face infidelity. We’ve had several in the church who have dealt with it, but emerged stronger in their marriage and their walk with God. Think of what it would do for the congregation if we could show them that couples can survive a hit like this and still stay together. What could be a more powerful testimony?”

  “All that sounds real good, Sullivan, but this ain’t about my campaign or putting on a show for the church. I don’t care about those things right now. It’s about us, and me opening my eyes to the kind of woman I married.”

  Sullivan fumed. “Newsflash, Charles: your wife ain’t perfect,” she said sarcastically. “She’s not the innocent little First Lady who sits on the front pew with her white gloves and hat. She’s a woman who’s passionate and sexual and creative.”

  “Don’t you think I know that, Sullivan? And I knew that with our age difference could come some complications. I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t prepared for was a wife who could lie to my face and run around with another man behind my back and have the whole world witness my humiliation. Now I have everything I need,” he said as he picked up his suitcase, “and thanks to you, a few things I didn’t.”

  Chapter 46

  “I made myself believe that I deserved it.”

  —Kina Battle

  Kina knocked on the door of her former English teacher’s classroom. Everything looked almost as it did the last time she was there. “Mrs. Evans, you got a minute?”

  “Hey, Kina Anne, come on in.” Mrs. Evans walked over to the door and gave Kina a hug. “I was shocked when the office buzzed down here and said you were looking for me. You just missed E’Bell. He was headed toward the gym.”

  “Actually, I was kind of hoping that the two of us could talk alone.”

  “Sure. Have a seat. Your old desk is still right there in the front.”

  Kina squeezed into the desk. “I don’t remember it being this hard to get into when I was seventeen.”

  “I could get into my desk a lot easier then too,” quipped Mrs. Evans. “So, what can I do for you?”

  Kina folded her hands together. “Well, I wanted to talk you about E’Bell.”

  Mrs. Evans sat down. “I have to confess, Kina, I don’t really say too much to him these days, pretty much just hello and good-bye. From what I can see, he seems like a pretty good worker, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

  “No, not quite. I want to know about when he was a student in your class. I know it’s been a while, but anything you can remember would be a big help.”

  “Okay, exactly what do you want to know?”

  “What kind of student was he?”

  Mrs. Evans thought back. “E’Bell was an okay student, I guess. He was never disrespectful or anything, probably because he spent most days asleep in my class. I don’t think he worked as hard as he could, but in those days, things were different. There wasn’t all the accountability that students and teachers have placed on them now. E’Bell was the star football player, one of the best in the state. It was sort of understood that you didn’t fail our best athletes.”

  “Did he seem to struggle at all with the assignments?”

  “He didn’t put forth enough effort to struggle. He would do enough to get by, or rather, get his girlfriend to do it for him.”

  Kina smiled bashfully. “Guilty as charged. What about when he did work on his own?”

  Mrs. Evans nodded slowly as she remembered. “He got frustrated a lot, but rather than try, he’d just give up and put his head down. I remember him never wanting to read aloud in class, afraid that the students would laugh at him, I suppose. He just . . . I don’t know, didn’t really like being in school. To tell you the truth, I think he would’ve dropped out if it weren’t for football.”

  “Did you ever hear him read?” asked Kina.

  “No. It often concerned me that I never saw E’Bell read anything. Even the kids who didn’t like to read the books I assigned to them would still read their little romance novels or sports magazines. That wasn’t the case with E’Bell.”

  “Why did it bother you so much?”

  “I was afraid that he might be illiterate. I tried to have him tested, but his mother and his coaches fought me on it and won.”

  Kina looked at her with skepticism. “Can a person really go to school for that long and not know how to read?”

  “It’s easier than you think. Kids fall through the cracks all the time, I’m sad to say. Now we have all of these state-mandated tests that the students have to take, so it’s harder for kids to make it all the way to graduation without being able to read. In most cases, though, those are the kids that end up dropping out.”

  “They would still have to read at some point, right?”

  “People can be functionally literate. A person might read well enough to fill out a job application or something like that, but if you’re an adult reading at a third or fourth grade level, you’re still considered to be illiterate.”

  Kina closed her eyes and murmured, “So, Lawson was right about him.”

  “Kina, are you worried that E’Bell can’t read?”

  Kina nodded her head. “It’s crazy, huh?”

  “Not at all. It would actually make a lot of sense.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because of his test scores.”

  “What about them?”

  Mrs. Evans filed away some papers. “Well, you already know the story with Duke and USC and those other colleges that were looking at him.”

  “I thought those schools accepted him.”

  “They did, pending his test scores. Once the scores came back, they all rescinded their offers.” She noticed the pained expression on Kina’s face. “Didn’t you know about that?”

  Kina shook her head. “All I knew is that he was offered scholarships, but he changed his mind about going when I told him I was pregnant with Kenny.”

  Mrs. Evans turned away, mortified.

  “What else is going on here?”

  “Kina, it’s really not my place to get into it. I honestly thought you knew.”

  “Knew what?”

  Mrs. Evans held up her hand. “You need to talk to E’Bell. I’ve said too much as it is.”

  “Mrs. Evans, please. You don’t understand. For the past eleven years, I’ve blamed myself for E’Bell not going on to college like he wanted to. I’ve always felt like if he didn’t sacrifice everything for me and the baby, he wouldn’t be in the situation he’s in now. I need to know the truth.”

  “I understand all that, but it’s E’Bell’s business. I don’t want to get involved.”

  “Mrs. Evans . . . he hits me,” admitted Kina aloud for the first time. “He beats me and he blames me for him not being able to go to college. I’ve stayed with him and taken his abuse all this time because I believed him. If there is some other reason that E’Bell didn’t go to school, I need to know that.”

  “Oh, Kina, you poor child.” She pulled Kina into her arms and held her. “We have to get you some help. We’ve got
to involve the police. E’Bell can’t get away with this, and you can’t risk your life staying married to a man who abuses you.”

  She pulled away from her former teacher. “I don’t want to call the police right now. I just need to know the truth.”

  “He’s not supposed to be hitting you for any reason. No one deserves to be treated that way.”

  “I know, but I felt so guilty that I made myself believe that I deserved it.”

  Mrs. Evans took a deep breath. “Kina, it wasn’t your fault that E’Bell didn’t get into college. His test scores kept him out, not you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “E’Bell never really finished high school. He doesn’t have a diploma.”

  “Yes, he does,” argued Kina. “I was there. I saw him graduate.”

  Mrs. Evans shook her head. “I’m not supposed to be telling you this, but he never passed his graduation tests.”

  “What?”

  “His scores were extremely low, like in the third percentile for the high school exit exam. They were just as low on the college admissions tests. With scores like that and no diploma, no school would even look at him, not even some of the local colleges. It had nothing to do with you being pregnant.”

  “That can’t be right,” said Kina, confused. “I saw him graduate. I saw him walk across that stage and get a diploma. I saw all the letters from the colleges and the scholarships they wanted to give him. This doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Yes, he walked across the stage the same as you did, but what he got was a certificate of attendance, not a diploma. He received a paper that said that he’d been to school for twelve years, that’s it.”

  “But he said it was because of me,” wailed Kina, trying to piece it all together. “He said that he was trying to do the right thing by marrying me and raising our baby together. He told me that he had sacrificed his whole future for Kenny and me.”

  “That may be what he told you, probably was what he told himself, too, but E’Bell’s football career was over long before you had that baby. Marrying you just gave him an excuse for not going off to school, his way of saving face.”