by Ron Foster
Zack looked at both of them for a minute mockingly frowning before smiling and saying he could always write another chapter and that they should all have one more drink together out of their stash of liquor before moving them and some of their supplies to the other side of the river.
9
Free Wheeling And Dealing
Bobby had given Ezra the use of a couple long semi-trailer tarps and he had organized everyone into setting up two bivouac shelters facing each other about 20 yards apart in a reasonably clear area. People dumped what little gear they had under them as they attempted to get organized and fearfully looked at the tree line when contemplating spots to put up their tents. So far only a few older or weakened trees had come down from all the occasional shaking but the idea of having to sleep even thirty foot or so from one gave great pause.
There were just not that many places safely away from possible falling hazards for so many people and Bobby ended up with tents pitched in his front and backyard as people spread out their sleeping arrangements best, they could.
Rest room facilities were another major issue and the barns bathroom and one in an old relic of a building that surprisingly hadn’t fallen down yet that had stood empty on the property for years was the designated latrines. River water could be used to flush them if the municipal water shut off but so far, they still had service for some reason.
“Other facilities could be made later if needed and they were thankful Bobby’s backhoe could make short work of that drudgery of digging slit trenches.
“Better be on the lookout for some lime for the latrines if anybody goes out foraging.” Ann said to Mack’s wife Sarah who was taking notes.
“Speaking of foraging look whose back!” Ann said as Jose’s truck came in camp followed by three golf carts with Dee. Donna and Rachel driving them.
“Damn! When you go out looting you do it big time!” Sarah said with a sharp whistle at the stylish new rides they were on.
“We didn’t steal them we traded!” donna said indignantly
“Damn what did you trade? Fort Knox? ‘Ann said.
“Well no, but they were plenty costly! However, I think we made a good trade. Check out mine” Rachel replied gushing about an electric hunting buggy looking thing”.
“Now that’s cool as hell but I like that shuttle bus one better! When do I get a ride on one?” Ezra said walking up to the group.
“Any time you want!” Donna said sitting behind the wheel of the six-seater like she was moving tourists around a Cozumel beach resort or something and grinning widely out from under the brim of her straw sun hat.
“Now if you want a ride you need a limo for making that trade possible! I bet you much rather get escorted by a professional chauffer than ride on one of those things!” Dee said faking disdain and putting her nose up in the air at the other two unworthy vehicles.
“Holy Shit Dee! A Cadillac limo golf cart! Really? I am scared to ask; we didn’t end up with any change or goods at all left, did we?” Ezra said regarding Dee quizzically.
“You should have been able to answer that question for yourself. Look at this gear! However, the good news is we got a $500 credit towards two plain jane golf carts if we can come up with eleven hundred bucks.” Dee said excitedly.
“What did you give her to trade? The Hope diamond or something?” Ann said astonished at seeing three high dollar golf carts let alone Ezra having anything in his possessions worth that kind of money.
“Well I uh. Hell, Ann I was going to get around to telling this to you but they got back here quicker than I thought. I traded the fresh meat Zack and I talked that grocery store manager out of. The girls come to me and asked me if they could trade some of that food for some electric transportation and after giving it some thought I said yes. I know all that food wasn’t mine just for helping him get it but for redistribution rights I say half of it was mine.” Ezra said.
“Oh no it wasn’t, we had community collection money in their that got spent so that makes it community property even if you two were considering taking robbers shares off the top! “Ann said hotly that he shouldn’t of gave permission like that without consulting her or Zack.
“There wasn’t time to consult with nobody and a decision had to be made. I made it and I stand by it as to what I think Zack would have done in the same position. Matter of fact I said to myself? Ezra, what would Zack advise in this instance and I followed my intuition.” Ezra said defensively.
“I am sorry Ann; we didn’t even think to come to you to ask about the trade. We were all excited and it really does make sense if you got a minute to listen to me.” Donna said apologetically.
“I am listening but I am not seeing the wisdom in having to give away extra badly needed food to upgrade to a limo over a generalized electric golf cart and my unsolicited feelings are kind of hurt. Zack is probably going to have the ass about that trade and was expecting steak for dinner tonight at what he is calling the first apocalypse thanksgiving supper or some other kind of crazy shit” Ann said while eying the ostentatious but cool as hell ride Dee had ended up with.
“Hang on, let me tell you the whole story how we ended up with these things before you go judging us too harshly. We are lucky as hell to even have them no matter what they cost us you will see in a minute.” Dee said waiting on an animated Ann to quit looking so scornful.
“Well we went from here and got Ezra’s truck off the supermarket parking lot about the time you all were getting ready to evacuate the island and, on the way, back with stopped off at that battery store I mentioned that had all those golf carts in that chain link fence enclosure. We got out to have a look around and as we were checking the place out drat our timing! The owner shows up and tells us the place is closed and what do we want.” Dee said before Donna interjected.
“I told him that we wanted to see about renting or buying some of those golf carts of his for an emergency need and would he be willing to help us.” Donna said.
“I don’t know if he was a knowledgeable prepper or not, he sorts of had this country boy gray man thing going on.” Rachel said regarding the man’s drab clothes and evident pistol in his waist band his long-tailed shirt couldn’t quite hide. “Rachel Said
“ Well I sort of messed up in a way and was telling him that there was flooding on Spectre island and started laying it on thick that we had a senior citizens convention going on over there that needed evacuating with their care givers but were short on transportation seeing that the causeway was under water and one thing lead to the next. “Donna said.
“The guy that runs that place is a nice fellow by the way! He offered first to get some of the townsfolk just to come down there to get them with cars but he listened to me close when I told him to think about where would he take them? Now give the guy credit the first words out of his mouth was “My Church” to take them to and we had to do a lot of talking to get him to thinking they were better off there waiting on Bobby to get them off using his political pull with the National Guard.” Dee advised having already been clued in on Zack and Bobby’s tense conversation on that subject.
“ To make a long story short I told him I was a caterer for the event and had these boxes of steak and chicken I was willing to trade for the use of or for some of these vehicles because at the moment they needed to be able t be moved about more than they needed to be fed. Now that got his interest!” Rachel said and related how the guy was freaked out about getting groceries and whether or not his store would be looted or not was the reason he had come over here not willing to get in the long food lines the National Guard was policing to let them get in the store at a $100 a buggy per family of three limit.
“That was when it got downright fun and interesting. I started arguing with Rachel that wasn’t her food because we bought it for our event and Rachel was telling him she hadn’t got payed for it or delivered it yet so it was hers to do with as she liked. Then Dee started up about that expensive ass car of hers over there and the c
lients not having paid her yet that she was supposed to give a ride home to and we drove that poor man insane with our bickering and he hollered uncle to make a deal with all of us. “Donna said smugly.
“Now I didn’t want to do it but I had to ask what those Cadillac looking golf carts went for and he told me the price I knew another strategy was in store for me to get one!” Dee said confidently.
“Oh, you got to hear this part! It is pretty good I must say!” Rachel confided with a smile.
“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit!” Donna said quoting and held up one finger on the score top let Dee explain how that car got all the sudden cheaper.
“Damn as pretty as that golf cart is, I bet it will be really hard to sell these days and I doubt you will ever get a new customer for it! Dee said dismissably as she oohed and awed over the deer hunting chariot Rachel was checking out.
“Do they know what’s going on yet? I can’t get shit for reception on my radio.” The owner of the battery store and golf cart repair and fix it shop[RF1] named Steve Turnipseed said.
“You haven’t heard? That Nuclear Fukuhara plant in Japan melted down to the center of the earth and they talking about it going to pop out in China or something.” Rachel said adlibbing some nonsense as Dee and Donna looked at her askance.
“It is hard to tell what people are saying when you can hear anything other than static on the radio at all, they say whatever happened in japan is sending the world topsy turvy over here and causing bad earthquakes around Tennessee and California. I can’t figure out what they are saying is it the east coast or west coast or what. Which side is Japan on if they say we going to get waves from it in the Atlantic? The warning said east and west coast advisories of storm surge but how can that be if its earthquake generated tsunami over hurricane force winds?” Donna said restarting the thousand and one climaxed ritual of what might be causing the problems they were having the battery store owner needed to fix.
“OK. Hey I think I got it now ladies, listen at me for a minute please. Some way the three of you are involved in some kind of senior event and care keeper day down there on Jackson lake and your wanting to do some business on what? Using my golf carts for Patient haulers? I thought one of you said you were camping over there? Anyway, let’s get back to how we plan to pay for stuff. Who is responsible for payment anyway?” Steve said looking around.
“Well I have already paid for that meat she is offering you!” Donna said folding her arms and looking stern.
“My company sold it to you on a bill to be paid later and it don’t start until you sign my tally sheet!” Rachel objected.
“Well either way it ain’t yours and I got more right to it than you do!” Donna said fiercely.
“Hey you said if I helped you, I got a percentage of the business receipts I could claim. Hey, I got a limo parked over there remember!” Dee reminded them gruffly.
“Hey I tell you what, how much cash and how much food you offering? I willing to cut you a great deal. I will give you top dollar in trade for some of those steaks you said you had. Rachel you seem like a reasonable woman. I will give you $20 a steak in trade for anything I got on the lot. How’s that for a deal? I will even sell you at bottom dollar wholesale price because of times being what they are and I want to help out them old people out.” Steve said reverting from his Sunday teachings and going full blown shady car dealer mentality of also known as stereotypical plaid suited used car dealer.
“That Escalade looking thing get you targeted for having money if your seen riding around on it when nobody can find gas. I would be doing you a favor to take it off your hands. The only reason I might consider wanting it is that my clientele is used to luxury but that grandma mobile she has her eye on would serve just as good and maybe better under some circumstances so what do you think a fair price is? I will give you a case of primo ribeye steaks for the use of it and I will be needing some extra batteries and a way to charge them. Shit works out I might even share tips with you.” Dee said now all smiles and trying to cajole the confused man with business and feminine wile resourcefulness.
“How much you going to charge folks to ride on that thing? Wait a minute ain’t no banks going to be open...? “Steve said considering the havoc the three women were doing to his senses and the synapses in his brain.
“Take the steak buddy!” Rachel said.
“Help out old folks.” Donna said.
“Share that bullet attracting tip sharing shiny dispenser of a limo with me!” Dee reminded him before Jose made his presence known.
“Steve? You owner of this business, right? You never have waited on me before but your employees have and if you look in that little tin box next to cash register there is card says that I can sign for my boss man.” Jose said taking off his hat and looking at the man proper that his patron or just old Alabama big land holder buddy with some money did business old style and the name carried some weight.
“I never shook hands with you before but I know your famous politician boss. Are you saying you are willing to sign they need to return my golf carts if we can cut a deal?” Steve asked.
“I don’t know about that amigo; I know we have $15,000 line of credit here I ca sign for. I will sign and you will charge boss for rental of your beautiful nice golf carts so old people don’t have to walk so much if they don’t want too. Otherwise my friend I would consider how much money you might make and the joy you will have being able to provide your friends and family a beautiful steak. Don’t forget now you can sell any extra meat you get off this trade Rachel proposes to your neighbors and I happen to know Winn Dixie is out of ribeye’s cause I helped them pic up their order.” Jose said very diplomatically.
Steve looked at them dumfounded, bamboozled, beyond the second mindset of an all-night drinking party. The old sign as you go was officially out except for a few individuals of value and worthy old southern families to honor in regards to his net worth on earth. It was take the tasty meat he couldn’t get elsewhere or cow tow to the hired helps admonishments.
“How long you reckon you will be needing those vehicles to get your people squared away?” Steve asked.
“Momento’ take a minute and think senor! I apologize if I don’t explain so well but my boss says to you make Jose’ job easy. Let him come here and get whatever he wants to and I pay for it, just make him sign. He is a busy man and depends on me so this arrangement is right, today you have three nice ladies offer you cash money and good meat I want to eat to make deal with you but only offering high rates on what you don’t want to sell. I remember my grandfather tell me one time about man wanting to rent a donkey but didn’t want to sell donkey and had no money to feed it so it was starving to death. The way my grand Pa told it the man was so selfish in the use of his donkey he said he would rather eat it than rent it too cheaply. That person was not a smart man, and neither will you be of a deal today. You can’t eat golf carts! Rachel offers food so you get value received. There is not much to discuss on price because s you say, no banking is available. Now, I learned one thing in America or Mexico, and that means we need a copy of a title and a receipt. I doubt that you can make a rental agreement on computer with no power so just give her titles to the vehicles for now and we will sort it out when the power man turns the electricity back on and the old people are off the island.” Jose said as the man tried to wrap his mind around the concept.
“How about this? Do you have insurance? Tell you what, if you do, just write temporary on those titles and if the grid gets up any time soon and you don’t get your vehicles back, you can claim looters stole them and collect!” Dee said as if the actual values being traded were more relevant to the here and now and that’s all that was related or considered regarding pricing and returns.
“Now I think that might be something I could agree to! So basically, you want me to sell you these three golf carts in exchange for those cases of meat you re offering and we are trading even for the titles
unless I can’t get them back someday or make an insurance claim, huh? I think I can work with that.” Steve said regarding the otherwise profitless golf carts.
“Way I see it; you are profiting more than us with all that fine food! I was kind of hoping to have a full happy tummy this evening. I think that we shouldn’t be trading all of what we offered for three vehicles. You might be taking advantage of us!” Donna said.