Grimm's Reapers: Volume 1-4

by Jack Crosby

  We’d turned the area into a race track of sorts, going in large circles with Roxanne and Jacar in the middle. This was on purpose, as it gave me a point of view from everywhere as to their location. Baal seemed very interested in me and hadn’t peeled off to attack them. I guess I really pissed him off.

  A black flash came from behind us. The Arch-Demon summoned his fire and launched two volleys at us. Khloros navigated the flames perfectly, but it did slow us up a bit. Three more flame launched attacks headed in our direction and this time I was determined to outrun them. I pushed the grey horse as hard as I thought I could into a sprint and the gambit paid off. All three landed in our dust, but I knew that was probably a one-time occurrence. The next time, I wouldn’t be able to ask him to do that.

  If he wanted to play with fire though, I had a few tricks up my sleeve. My chains appeared wrapped around my arms. Taking one hand off the reigns, I began to spin it off to the side. I let more and more slack go, widening the circle they spun in. At just the right moment, I guided the celestial metal towards Baal and it caught him in the arm. I yanked hard and the flame he was getting ready to flow was sent into empty space.

  The chain was still tight around him and a tug of war began between the two of us. With a mighty pull, I was unseated from the saddle and fell to the ground. Baal did his best to land on me, but I was able to slip between his two feet.

  Immediately I released my celestial fire to break the bond between us. Khloros was coming around to pick me up, but some black Hellfire interrupted that plan. The big grey stallion changed course and disappeared from view for the time being. This guy was really getting under my skin. “How in the world did you let Beelzebub’s spawn enslave you?”

  He lifted himself back into the air. “I could ask you the same question.”

  Ughhh, why did these idiots have to be logical? “Hey, you survive Tartarus and get ambushed on the way out. I’d like to see how well you’d fair asshole.”

  “I defended my realm for ages against her incessant attacks, turning them back one after another. The endless onslaught took its toll and I fell. I awoke in her castle and using powers that I cannot describe, she turned me into her tool.”

  Chalk this up to a minor miracle; the two of us were having a reasonable conversation. “You have to fight it man, don’t be her stooge. What’s more important, getting your kingdom back or killing me?”

  The ground rumbled as the big demon landed. “I no longer can save my kingdom; she siphoned so much of my strength. All that drives me is ending those I deem unworthy.” Fire formed around his hands. It appeared Baal made his decision.

  I prepared my scythe and moved when the attacks came. Jeez, if this wasn’t full strength, I wonder if Belial was right about Beelzebub being the strongest Arch-Demon. He launched his attacks at me while I was left wondering where on the Almighty’s Green Earth Khloros was. Damnit, I really could’ve used his speed. Instead, I did my best to avoid the fire attacks.

  Of course they were just a distraction and the middle linebacker known as Baal tackled me. As I lay there sprawled out, he ripped up chunks of frozen soil and smashed them into my body. That was going to leave a mark. I summoned my chains again and with quite a bit of effort, tied them around his wrists. I yanked his hands off to the side, saving me from another tundra sandwich.

  “You aren’t the warrior that I am Horsemen. Every day in Hell is a struggle to remain supreme.” Baal was probably right. “Powerful yes, but your abilities will only go so far.” He ripped his hands free from my chains, but in doing so gave me the leverage to slip out.

  Getting back to my feet quickly, “Never underestimate me. My scythe, insight, and chains aren’t my greatest strength.” From behind us Khloros was running towards Baal at full speed. That idiot Jacar was riding him with the Grasscutter ready to strike. “I’d say it’s my ability to connect to people. I’m a people-person damnit!”

  Jacar leapt from Khloros’s back and took a great big swing with the Grasscutter. The blade sliced through one of Baal’s wings and the black leathery appendage fell to the ground. Jacar landed beside him, ready to continue the attack.

  Baal didn’t even flinch as he lost a wing. Instead he smacked Jacar with the back of his hand, sending the Pride demon back to where he came from. But the loss of his wing hadn’t gone unnoticed. “You impudent, insufferable…”

  He stopped talking and I knew why. A very powerful energy had entered the field of play. Something as old as I was and ten times as strong. Flames erupted where there had only been icy dirt. Lucifer, ruler of the Downstairs, was here. “Baal, why are you in Siberia?”

  He quickly dropped to one knee. “My Prince, I apologize for the loss of my kingdom.”

  “It matters not. The others are gathering in Pandemonium, ready to strike back at the Hell witch.” His attention turned to me. “The same Hell witch you promised to kill if I lent you the Morningstar blade all those years ago.”

  I tossed my hands up in the air. “Hey, not from a lack of trying there big guy.”

  He shook his head and returned to Baal. “Where have you been? I hadn’t been able to locate you since the end of the battle.”

  “She kept me locked up in a cage. Her castle has a protective barrier around it that hides it from view.”

  He seemed to understand this problem. “It appears she takes more after Beelzebub than the Lust demon tending to Jacar.”

  He’d never seen her put the moves on apparently. But that was neither here nor there. “How did you teleport here? This plane is supposed to be closed off to your realm.”

  “Times are indeed dire. I was granted a pass of sorts to fetch Baal.” I wonder who granted that. “The spell that has been holding you to Sabrina’s will has also been removed.”

  “Thank you my Prince.”

  “Don’t thank me yet, we’ve got quite the mess to clean up.” He snapped his fingers and Baal disappeared. “Death, I see you’re in play again. Don’t let me down this time.”

  I wasn’t in the market to take orders from this guy, but he worried me. “One way or another, this’ll end. After the Gulag falls, I’ll find her castle.”

  “Good, good.” He formed flames around himself. “Before I go, one more thing. Baal will be forced to participate under the Treaty we signed. However, it only covers the hostilities towards you. Your friends and family will be on their own, just for future reference.” He disappeared into the flames and they extinguished with a loud pop.

  Chapter 13 – Cannon Fodder

  I didn’t like Lucifer’s last warning to me one bit. I couldn’t tell if he was taunting me or if he was trying to give me some advice. Either way, my first thought went to Oz. Hopefully Raphael was teaching him some good old fashioned ass kicking because he might need it.

  Roxanne was still patching up the Pride demon when I got to them. Her temper was out in full force. “You insufferable idiot, you’re going to get yourself fucking killed.”

  For once I was glad someone else was getting it. Normally I was the insufferable idiot. Jacar didn’t seem to even care though. “I was so close to fulfilling my destiny and taking Baal’s life.”

  “He was also pretty damn close to taking yours. I’m pretty sure if the big guy from Downstairs didn’t show up, we’d be fucked.”

  Roxanne agreed with my sentiments while putting the last touches on Jacar’s newest wounds. “Don’t do anything stupid for a little bit. Let those cuts and breaks feel.”

  He got up, which sounded like an old man getting out of bed. His knees and shoulders both cracked as he pushed himself to a standing position. “I will be fine within the hour. A perk of being a demon, you know?”

  Not one for wanting to stick around any longer, “C’mon. There might be a chance someone heard our fight and I don’t want to be around if humans stumble upon this.”

  The bloody remains of the Order of Ruin were already attracting scavenger birds. Getting Jacar up on to Khloros, we rode off towards the west. The Gulag
was out there somewhere.

  “How are we going to find this prison Conquest is being held at?”

  I’d never actually been there (which is a good thing, only the nastiest beings in the universe get sent to a place like that), but legends like that always leave tracks. “Best guess, it’s probably a few hundred miles north from here and it’s going to be well inside the Arctic Circle.”

  That news went over swimmingly. “So it’s going to get colder? Wonder-fucking-ful.”

  That’s my girl, always the optimist. Anyway, there was little time to complain as we had time to catch up on. Khloros, the poor guy, was working overtime this mission. Maybe after we saved the world for the nine hundredth and eighty-first time, I’d give him the vacation he’d always been dreaming of. Huh, come to think of it, I wonder what he’d like to do.

  I was deep in thought and missed the first weird yard gnome looking thing we passed. And the second. And the third. By the fourth one, someone had elbowed me in the ribs. “Derrick,” of course it was Roxanne, how foolish of me? “What in blazes are yard gnomes doing in Siberia?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Look, over there.” I followed her finger and sur enough was a little guy holding a bucket. It looked like he was pouring water on the vegetation, but due to a healthy layer of permafrost, that made no sense.

  I brought Khloros to a stop. “Hey buddy, take me over to that thing.”

  “Heavens no, they give me the creeps.”

  Stop it. This warhorse was afraid of gnomes? “You got to be kidding me. We’ve seen all sorts of shit and you’re calling it a day with a garden gnome?”

  “You know as well as I do that’s no garden gnome.”

  He was right. The creature mimicking the hideous yard ornament was as real as they come. “Dude, their just gnomes.”

  “Gnomes steal, they pull on hair, and most of all they smell horrible. Do they not have the courtesy of taking bathes?”

  Again everything that came out of his mouth was spot on. A real live gnome was annoying, irritating, and downright unpleasant due to pungent body odor. However, they were resourceful, clever, and total gossips. If a clan of gnomes made Siberia their home, they’d know exactly where the Gulag was.

  Jumping down, “Fine, you stay here. Roxanne, you’re with me.”

  Even as she jumped down to join me, “Why do I have to go with you to meet the stinky gnomes? Can’t Jacar suck it up and go?”

  He played up his injury like he’d lost a limb or something. “As much as I’d like to, I think I need to rest here with Khloros. That last fight took a lot more out of me than I realized.”

  Unbelievable. These were some of the most powerful demons on the Earth and they were being such pansies. “It’s a fucking gnome!” I used my deep voice to mock all of them. “Hey look, there’s Baal, let’s all go fight him!” Then I changed it up to my wimpy voice. “But oh no, it’s a gnome, let me hide and send someone else.”

  And even with my taunts the three of them just looked at me. I grabbed Roxanne by the wrist and the two of us were off to meet the gnome. I was irritated and by the time we got over to him, the rotten smell of centuries old funk didn’t help matters. He knew we were there, but he didn’t bother shifting back to normal.

  I tapped his nose with my foot. “I know you can see me. I also know that you know I know you’re not fake.” Phew, that was a mouthful. “Give it up and come out.”

  The porcelain shell broke and the mirage of the garden gnome was replaced by his ugly true self. The crazy humans who invented the silly garden decoration got it half right. They are short and tend to smile a lot, but they’re so ugly. Bumps and boils covered most of their skin. Snot was usually running down their noses. It was like the world’s ugliest baby with a foul mouth.

  He looked up at me, all the while digging a booger out of his nose. “Yer Death I see.” He had a ridiculous Cockney accent. “Yer whore be needin’ a good fuckin’ no?”

  Damnit. Why do people always have to address Roxanne as whore? All it did was piss her off and make things ten times harder. “Listen here you fucking smelly, disgusting, foul asshole! If you don’t shut your mouth, my fist will be fucking your head!”

  “She’d be a right cracker she’d be.” Not even phased by her rant. “If she’d bent over and yer horse gave me a boost, I’d fuck her straight, I would.”

  Her fist flew through the air like a guided missile. It connected with his head and knocked a few teeth out. The gnome dropped like a French prizefighter, laughing all the way to the ground. “She hits like me ex-wife does!”

  “Would the two of you knock it off?” Roxanne was ready to keep the assault coming. “Gnome man, just shut up and listen to me for two seconds, please?”

  “Aye, whadda ya want?”

  With his attention off my girl and to me, “We’re trying to get to the Gulag. Any information you could give us would be great.”

  “Why would ya want ta go ta that miserable place?”

  I could either lie or tell the truth. “My brother Conquest is being held hostage there.” I opted for the truth. “We’re trying to bust him out.”

  Gnomes liked mischief and this one got all excited. “A jail break eh? That sounds like just the kinda fun me and me brothers be after.”

  “Oh no, we’re not letting gnomes tag along with us.”

  “Quiet girl and get yer tits out while the men talk.” Almighty, this one was going to get himself killed before I could even barter with him. “I haven’t seen a proper nipple in ages.”

  Trying to keep the conversation moving in a nonlethal direction, “She makes a good point. Why would we want to bring gnomes on a job like this?”

  He fumbled into his bag and pulled out what looked like a set of lock picks. “Clan Normish be excellent thieves. We can crack a mean safe, pick any lock, and disable any measure of security.”

  His words intrigued me. “How are you in a fight?”

  “Fair ta partly cloudy dependin’ on the day.” He gave a good chuckle at his own joke. “We like to brawl and we’d be pretty hard to bust up.” Then he dropped to his knees. “It’s been so long since we’ve had a bit of fun. Bein’ stuck in the God awful place doesn’t do a gnome a lick of good.”

  This wasn’t a decision I was going to make on my own. “Let me talk this over with my team and we’ll let you know in a minute or two.”

  “Be quick lad. An offer I’d be givin’ ya doesn’t last long.”

  Roxanne and I walked back to Jacar and Khloros. “So the gnome wants to come with us.”

  “What?!” Khloros wasn’t being subtle. “Did you tell him to go get eaten be a bear?”

  “No, your rider is actually thinking about it.”

  Jacar shook his head when Roxanne let the cat out of the bag so quickly. He didn’t add anything, so I began to plead my case. “They know the land and can help us in terms of breaking in. We’d be foolish to not take him up on his offer.”

  “Grimm, he’s a gnome.” Khloros really needed to get over his prejudice. “He’s going to tell you what you want to hear.”

  This could be, but, “Haven’t you guys ever heard of cannon fodder? If the four of us go into one of the worst places imaginable with no one else, it won’t be good. If we take some gnomes with us…”

  Finally the light bulbs went off. “They can be distractions and help alleviate the fight.”

  “See, I knew you weren’t a general in Baal’s army just because you’re handsome Jacar.” I gave them the old trademark Death smile. “So we accept their help and we get the hell out of here ASAP. Any objections?”

  “I have plenty of objections, but in the millennia we’ve been together, you’ve never listened once.”

  “Oh buddy, and how many times have I been wrong?”

  “I’ve lost count.”

  With that boost of confidence from my oldest and best friend, I went back over to the weird little gnome. “Well my team agrees, we’ll take your help.” />
  He reached out with his sticky, gross hand. “Let’s shake on it Horsemen!” Reluctantly I did. I immediately wanted to cut my hand off. “Follow me back to me clan’s stronghold. There will supply up, draw up a plan, and give that whore a righteous old fuckin’!”

  Chapter 14 – A Parade of Weirdos

  The Clan Normish stronghold was an underground bunker. Booze littered the walls, everything from beers to questionable liquids in mason jars. I was really tempted to ask about one that had a bomb drawn on the label, but I was worried they’d make me drink it.

  Besides the crazy amounts of liquor, let’s talk about the insane number of gnomes living down here. Best guess, I’d say there were at least one hundred and fifty of the stinky critters running around. The weird part was there were no women, just men.

  The bunker was more reminiscent of an ant colony, with the gnomes scurrying around talking gibberish (not gobbledygook, the language of goblins). A few times we had to press ourselves up against the wall to avoid being trampled. Khloros was the lucky one, getting to stay outside while we ventured down.

  The gnome we were following (he still hadn’t given us his name, but I came to think of him as Fuckhead – due to every five minutes he talked about giving Roxanne a jolly good rogering) seemed to be taking us on the grand tour. “What yer passin’ now be the armory. We got all sorts of pointy object for killin’ in there.” As we passed another ‘room,’ “And this be the pantry. There’d be enough food in there to last lifetimes.”

  I took his word at face value. Gnomes tended to be a bit boisterous and boastful, always trying to make themselves out to be more than what they were. “This is all fine and well, but why are we down here again?”

  “Ya need ta meet me brothers comin’ on this adventure. All hundred and fifty-two of ‘em!”

  I heard the audible sound of a point heel stomping on the ground. “I am not meeting one hundred and fifty two gnomes! This is fucking ridiculous!”