She says looking at me in Ghost’s arms. “Tell her everything, I'll kick ya ass if you don’t,” she says walking up to us Ghost as he lets me slip out of his grip leaning in and laying a soft kiss on Blue’s cheek.
“Ever the bully Baby Blue,” he says to his friend; their friendship runs deep you can see it just by the way they look at each other.
“And anyway, my very own devil in a man's clothing, I only really told her just how much of a dick you are, she kinda has a good grip on what’s up anyway and later we will talk about what she told me of Hotel Horror.” Blue says to Ghost sticking her tongue out at him as she steps into me and pulls me into a hug whispering into my ear.
“Talk to him, ask the questions, demand the answers, be you and don’t hide he needs it just as much as you do and always push him for more but show him that no matter what you’re not going to leave, that is this hard man’s biggest fear abandonment and it will build a good base for your relationship you both will be better off for it,” squeezing her tight.
“Oh, I plan to, thank you Blue,” kissing her cheek a complete spare of the moment thing for me Timberly to do, maybe this place is going to be great for me.
“Later Tim,” she says as Knox picks her up throwing her over his shoulder. “Ghost,” she yells out he looks from me to her and she rips him the bird. “Later dick,” she calls out over laughter Knox slaps her ass and I can’t help but laugh at her, Ghost just shakes his head.
His hand finds mine and he pulls me away from the fire pit to a walk way that is lit up with miniature lightbulbs on strings lacing between the trees and little posts with sticks with arrows pointing all different directions it reminds me of my favorite story Alice and Wonderland the blubs are swaying in the braze sending little dancing lights out over the river that runs along the side of this massive property.
“We can walk back to mine, well our place along here.” His voice fills the quite between us.
“They look like fire fly’s dancing in the wind I say to him, his arm snaking around me pulling me in close to him kissing the side of my head. “Please don’t leave me,” his voice breaks I stop walking.
“What,” shock lacing my voice leave him. “I’m not a good man Poppet,” his voice is low and his eyes hooded glassed over with the drug he loves the taste of.
“So, I have been told, but to me you are my savior,” I say cupping his face in my hand dragging his eyes to meet mine he needs to see that I'm being open and honest, and I need to see her swimming in his irises.
“Just tell me you won’t let go, no matter how rough it gets, just don’t let go. I’ve never let anyone in ever, Poppet, can you promise that you’ll stay?”
Wrapping my hands around his neck I pull his forehead down to meet mine, my heart is racing beyond fast my body starts to quiver under the weight of his words and the fire is his gaze the drug he craves can I be strong enough to rip out her taste that he seeks in the dark.
The spots forming behind my eyes dancing out over my irises seeing Ghost's broken expression mixed with the little black spots blinking trying to blink them away.
I will not let panic and anxiety rule I will not let it win he needs me and I need him.
I just have to be strong, be bigger than this. Knowing what I need to do I lean up on my tippy toes my lips touching his coaxing his to open sliding my tongue into his warm mouth our tongues meet and dance together like they have been doing this for a million or more years.
Pulling back slightly as the butterflies and fireworks explode around me sending the most erratic feeling of power and sensual need between us both.
Running my tongue over his bottom lip catching on that sexy as sin lip ring. I pull my eyes back to look into his.
“I can taste her on your lips.” pulling his arms from around me into my own hands I roll up the sleeve of his hoodie that sits under his cut exposing his arms to the nights air the moon shining down on us and the wind stilling the lights stop dancing on the water his sharp intake of breath lets me know he feels it, ashamed and broken.
“I can see her mark on your skin, let me be the drug you need. More than the one that fills your veins and dances in your eyes.”
His eyes fill with shock as a tear escapes his sea green irises my heart breaks for him, but this needs to be done.
Running my fingertips over his bare skin over the track marks and blown out veins goosebumps forming a trial from where my fingers have been bringing his arms to my lips I kiss so lightly over each dirty track mark and scar. Breathing out over his clammy skin.
“No, I just need you,” his voice a whisper. “I panicked when Blue took you and I thought if you leave me it will be a fuck load easier to take high than sober.”
My eyes watching his lips tremble over his words. “Well you don’t know me,” I say pulling him into me meshing my body into his connecting us together with the beats of our jagged and broken hearts that are starting to mend with dirty band aids.
“Let me heal you.” He whispers into my hair “Only if you let me break you free from the monster inside your head.”
I say into his chest closing my eyes and sending a silent wish out into the inky black of this night where I gave my soul to a demon as dark as mine that I am strong enough that this new Timberly Roe can conquer the evil for him to be free.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ghost
Watching Blue lead my lady away, old demons rose clawed and scraped their way out bubbling up to the surface shirking out taunting whispers inside my head.
I know Blue and I know her, well! Her intentions will be good, but she knows how easy it is for me to lose control.
She is the only one here who sees me and sees me for monster I am. Lilly sees what I allow and even that is some fucked up shit, Lilly is my angel my baby sister who is just well Lilly, and Blue well Blue is my dark angel, my fighter she is the sister you take to a pub fight and brake bones with.
My heart’s still beating fast from where Timberly touched me last and my mind quells at the thought of her hearing who I am and leaving me is too much my weak fucked up body can’t take it.
I’ve taped myself together with shitty scotch tape and drugs the kiss of a needle and the love of a fake. I’ve been hiding and wishing that I could love her without letting her see the me that sits just lightly under the surface of this fake mask I wear as Ghost the VP to the Reapers.
I use them as a crutch hide behind the name but deep down I'm a lost boy who needs oxygen and love.
Fuck it I really need the love of a women.
I fucken think I can have it with Timberly and now I feel like it’s all slipping from me like I'm losing grip as I let lady love pull me down to where she needs me high on her with my dick sunk deep in Jenna’s wet pussy.
That’s always been the way me, Jenna and the kiss of a needle. I’ve lost it the battle, the desire for a euphoric escape is to strong.
Timberly consumes all the air inside my lungs and if she leaves me because she can't handle this club, this life, the Ghost I am, Jenna and her shit, lady love and her hold then I shall need to have the taste of heroine dancing in my veins taking me on her drug induced roller coaster because Jagger won't cut it tonight I will not beg and I will not let her see how deep it cuts.
I knew all along I couldn’t have a soul like Timberly love a monster like me. I always say how I don’t need anyone but fuck I need her fuck did I tell her today just how beautiful she is, just how much I want her, how much already that she means to me.
Nope you pussy you didn’t....
“Oi son,” Cage’s voice breaks through the trance I'm in snapping my eyes to his.
“Bro, you good?”
“Me?” looking around running my hands over my face. “Shit son never fucking better.” I say picking up my glass of Jager downing it in one gulp the ice falling into my mouth.
Biting down on the cubes relishing in the crunch and cold shards that break through my mouth and slide down my throat.
Eyes on Jenna watching her as she swings here drug induced slender frame around the stripper pole that on the stage siting below the DJ booth.
Her eyes set on mine as I lean back into my seat taking a smoke from the packet licking my lips before I place it between them flicking my Zippo and sucking in deep, a long drag and the sick smoke dances down deep into my lungs.
Blowing out I see her mouth to me over the beat of Rihanna’s Jump. “You know you want me, need me.”
Fuck me running my hands through my hair I listen to the words of the song knowing just why she chose this one she can handle the sick sex I need, the drug I love, she can inject her into my veins and not bat an eye lid.
“If you want it, let's do it riding my pony, my saddle is waiting come jump on it.” She sings out to me. I open my eyes regretting it instantly. My hands find my arms scratching at the itch.
The god awful come down is always the worst.
She’s calling me, lady love...
The drug calling me down into her world were light meets dark...
She loves me the real me Ghost the VP...
The fucking Devil in executioners clothing...
I'm the holy fucking grail of insane nightmares...
I'm the monster under the bed who whispers stories of the boogey man into your dreams at night...
Closing my eyes again I skink back into myself bringing the smoke up to my lips I go about sucking the nicotine into my lungs as my scatter thoughts run wild and the dread of her leaving takes over I can't do this shit anymore be the Ghost they all need the killer, the devil, torment and capture, hunt and destroy.
I just can’t.
I’m fucking broken.
Tired.
Fractured pieces floating around with unhealthy thoughts.
I want to feel.
Not hurt.
Breathe.
Not suffocate.
Live.
Not exist.
She well she gave me a small look at what living would be like with her glass blue eyes to light the way...
Now though she will leave a life like this.
My life.
My fucked-up lie.
The sins.
The Dark.
The Death.
The red crimson streaks of an unholy blood.
Ashes of a drug that swims deep.
She can’t breathe in that, I can’t expect her to want to stay and make house with me when I can’t even swim in the pit of deceit that I have created.
Fuck it my minds made up, she’s going to leave me, and I need to be high as a mother fucking kite to even deal.
Snapping my eyes open I stub out my smoke as I look up Cage’s eyes are staring into mine blinking away the lust for lady loves escape her taste licking my lips.
“What,” I snap at him, not in the fucking mood or state of mind for a fucking grilling and his eyes they say it all the disappointment and the despair that they can’t save me. They don’t hold the power to pull me from her grasp.
The love for Cocaine and euphoric kiss of her lips is imbedded so deep and the prick of the needle is the only thing that quells the deep dark voices of the dark she knows it and I feel it.
I love it.
Need it.
Want it.
Desire it.
I have a hunger for it.
Licking the taste that always sits just there on my lips teasing me to come deeper.
“Bro don’t.”
“Don’t what, brother?” I say as I lean into him, picking up my baseball cap and smokes.
“Don’t do it, Ghost,” his voice pleading phatic really.
“Brother, I don’t know what ya on about,” standing up I flick my hair back and slide my baseball cap on backwards.
I'm over the opinion of this punk and just how close to home he’s hitting and the fact that I'm not hiding my unhealthy addition to the needle as well as I thought I was. Cage’s hand grabs out latching around my wrist. “I know she taunts you and your VP to the club that I love but most of all Ghost, you are my brother don’t let her in don’t fuck up, Bray will fucking lose his shit don’t do it to him not now.”
His face etched with pain and I place the most somber fake look over mine.
I feel the vein ticking in my neck and anger spiking up my spine. “My sins are mine alone brother, I’ll worship the shrine of whatever I please and this is what pleases me, keeps the ghosts at bay and the screams quite.”
I keep my voice low full of warning not to push me any further than he has my eyes lock onto his.
“I hope it’s worth it. I hope the taste for lady love is worth it, Ghost, because I bet that little lady out there won't get it.” The sound of his voice saying little lady like he fucking knows her. Fucking punk listen to him.
“Well brother she’s faithful, she won't leave, coz she knows the real me, where that little lady as you call her will run the minute my mask falls.” I say unlatching his hand from my wrist pushing it back towards his body with force laced in a warning that he's gone too far.
Stepping out around my brother I head for my room that is on the top floor of the club looking out over all the people here partying drinking and enjoying life as a Reaper the name alone holds a weight that makes you feel heavy inside. We are royalty in this world.
Right, well time to feel human again. Time to escape.
Placing my hand on the cool metal knob of the door glancing back down to the people below I see her watching me miss Jenna and as my eyes look up over her ass grinding the pole teasing me and my demon. I see Cage shaking his head.
Fuck him and his judgment I'm his VP, best he remembers that and shit at the moment I'm more than just the VP while Bray is caught up in the whole mess that is Raven I'm the only one who’s head is fully here and to do the job as well as life I need to be high.
Turning the knob, I walk inside my room the members’ quarters where we are to stay when we are on lock down or we have club business that requires us to be present and on call 247.
We all have homes on the property so it's not like we are far unless it all gets too much, and I go to my home in town or the room above the tattoo shop. Escape and peace sometimes is the best thing someone like me ends.
Stepping into the room I kick the door shut behind me with the back of my heel and walk through the dark room to the window.
It’s open and the cool night’s breeze billows in and blows the net curtain in and around the small space the moon sends sliver shards of light over the small space that houses a bed and table set of draws and two bedside tables with little black lamps.
No need to switch them on I know what I need, and I know just where it is and I don’t need any light to do it the moon and feeling is more than enough.
Standing there as the cool air licks at my clammy skin hungry for the drug my veins seek I watch my Poppet, my sweet Timberly deep in conversation with Blue I watch her as she lifts a bottle of beer to her lips.
The way the moonlight kisses her skin and the way she swallows the beer I can see the way her throat moves as it slides down the bitter taste unusual for her, her face says it all she’s not a fan.
My mind can’t help but travel to the thought of what my cock would look like in her mouth and the way my cum would look sliding down her throat her skin so delicate so pure.
Would she like that taste?
Would she take her fill of it?
Would it please her to taste me?
A low groan leaves my body as I watch her put her finger under Blue’s chin lifting her now gaping mouth shock washes all over the Celtic Goddess Timberly pushing Blue’s lips together never leaving her stride and just carries on with the conversation like not happened at all.
Fuck me, she really is something else, that’s for sure, and the feeling of need and longing hits me.
I’ve longed for someone like her all my l
ife. I’ve been lonely with the need for a woman with her presence but look at me now succumbing to old habits when reality gets too much.
Sliding down the wall my eyes looking away from her my hand finds the book inside the bedside table I open it and inside the cut-out hollow is my gear sitting inside the small black pouch my mouth waters as I go about the ritual that gets me so fucking hard.
Picking up the small plastic bag I squeeze my fingers along the zip lock and rubbing it open.
Tapping out the powder into the spoon in my other hand placing the empty bag back inside the book I tipped just over Two hundred dollars’ worth of pure uncut heroin into the spoon.
My brain and my body roped into the addiction of setting up I can taste it already sitting on the tip of my tongue.
My hands shaking as sweat begins to bead on my forehead and I feel it roll down my spine shaking the blur from my eyes.
I can feel the dope sickness from going six hours without a hit creeping up inside my body the bones begin to ache and the clammy sweat forming.
Picking up the needle and sucking up some water that I had tipped into the lid of the bottle.
I squirt some into the powder on the spoon turning the needle upside down I use the plunger to mix the water into the white powder licking my lips as the anticipation sets in and my hands begin to shake.
I know this like the back of my hand the feelings and the taste, the way I have to roll through the waves as I set up.
Picking up the lighter I burn the bottom of the spoon and set about cooking the heroin off turning it to a sweet liquid once done I place the small cotton ball into the spoon and stab the tip of the needle into the ball sucking the liquid up through the cotton straining the liquid.
Just before I can tie the rubber band tubbing around my upper arm I see the small shards of light coming from the door opening slightly and then clicking shut as darkness bar the moonlight is all that is left in the room no need to look up I know who it is and slide my head back against the wall closing my eyes.
I take in a few deep breathes. Her perfume engulfs me turning my skin cold as it’s not the smell my body craves she’s not Timberly and she never will be she’s not what I need so why, why does she have to do this torment me.
Heal Me (Reapers Reign, #3) Page 26