Placing my glass down on the table looking back up to where Jenna is my eyes meet Blue's a smile graces her lips shit her features are stunning she is gorgeous moss green eyes that have like flecks of black in them kind but scary.
Shit I love the way this drink heightens everything and makes me see things a whole new way.
I smile back at her “Hey Timberly, them there,” her fingers point over in the direction of the bitch club.
“Are nothing, they are solely here to keep the club boy's dicks wet they are club whore and they will never be old ladies like us it’s what they want but never will have that there alone fuels them to be cunts.” My mouth must have fallen open slightly or a lot as her fingers come up and push my chin up shutting my mouth.
“This is a different world Timberly than you’ve known babes.” Looking back into her eyes. This I know but shit I’ve seen some bat shit crazy stuff and had some awful things happen to me.
“That it is Blue, but that thing there.” Pointing towards Jenna “I won't let her fuck with me, Ghost saved me, saved me from my lonely shy timid self and a mother who hated me with a passion that would rival her love for the junk. So, you see Jenna is a drop in the ocean of shit I’ve been through.”
My tone to my ears is laced with confidence and it feels good.
“I’m not about to let her fuck with whatever this is I have with Ghost, it’s something I know that I want, and she won't touch it or me. I have bowed down for far too long now I'm standing up and saying fuck you to anyone that wants to challenge me.”
Squaring my shoulders, I pour myself another drink straight up on ice fuck the red bull they put in it.
I need this buzz and strength the drink gives me to stay over confident and this new fucking Timberly.
“That’s what I want to hear,” Blue says to me as her hand finds mine. “Ease up though aye,” her tone laced with concern for me and it feels good that I have people that actually give a fuck.
Family is what they are all about and it feels great to be here and a part of it. Nodding at her as I take a sip from the glass phew blowing out the fiery air shit that’s insanely strong straight. The over bearing taste of aniseed really kicks ya in ya ass. Licking my lips, I fucking love it.
Blue’s giggle floats over me mixing with the slightly numb euphoric feeling that is dancing in my body.
“Timberly lets go for a walk hey and get some air,” she says pulling me up. Ghost’s hand fly’s out grabbing my waist snaking around me and pulling me back towards him setting my slightly drunk body to wobble a little.
Blue goes to reach out and steady me.
Ghost’s other hand snaps out and locks onto her wrist.
“What ya doing Poppet?” his voice low and his eyes not meeting mine but zoned on Blue’s.
I lean down slightly placing my fingers under his chin and turning his head to meet my eyes.
“Going for a walk to get some air, are you ok?” I ask him his body rigid and his stare full of fire mixed with panic.
Just then I see it his eyes haze over with a look I know, a need for something that I know I can’t give him. The last fix of coke dancing in his irises, that makes me sad I wonder when his last hit was? Has he been high with me the high time?
“It’s ok, I’m ok I won’t be long.” I say to him my voice shaky he winks at me, the cheeky smile I love curving at the corner of his sexy and super kissable lips I can’t be mad he’s a big boy and I’ve just rock up and set his world on fire, but I will tell him that I don’t like it.
“Be careful baby Blue, she's made of glass and some secrets are best kept secret.” His voice is heavy with warning my hand squeeze’s his.
Leaning down my forehead touching his. My other hand on his shoulder kissing his lips lightly “I don’t scare easy.” I say to him laughing as I stand back up.
“Sure, you don’t Poppet we all know that’s a lie.” His tone still worried but laced with a little humor.
I turn to walk away stopping just at the edge of the step it’s my turn to wink at him, he laughs as does the boys my winking game is so not strong it's more of a gammy twitch.
“Poppet you’re fucking cute,” he says to me picking up his glass. “Babe I got her,” Blue says leaning down and kissing Knox, and winking at Ghost her winking game is strong right plan get Blue to teach me how to have a strong winking game.
Her hand finds mine and she pulls me down the steps into the crowd of people so many people and they all are super close in my space I feel the tell-tale prick of panic and black spots wanting to erupt behind my eyes, but I will them to stay hidden I need to be stronger than my panic attacks but shit the heat of their bodies laced with the aroma of their sweat and breath is so overbearing.
Shaking it from my head I focus on the beat of the music that is pumping out over us from the sound station that sits high above with a guy who wears his hoodie pulled up over his face and has ear phones over his head he looks up in that moment and winks at me before going about pushing things on the laptop and the beat changes and this man's voice washes over me.
We make our way to the bar I hear pain in his voice mixed with a feeling of loss I like it his voice meshes with something inside me. “Hey,” I call to Blue pulling her towards me “What’s this music?” I ask her, her lips curl up “Ohhh this bad boy is no other than Yellawolf this song is called Best friend and he sings it with the one and only rap god known as Slim Shady.”
Ok mental note, find out more and listen to this. “Slim Shady?” I ask her “Eminem is his name babes, goes by that and Slim Shady real name Marshall Mathers.”
Oooo I think “Right, ok thanks.” She laughs “You’re so wired Tim, but totally wicked at the same time,” reaching into her pocket of her super tight black jeans that have rips in the knees super sexy. She pulls out a white thing with ear buds connected to it.
“Here take this Tim, It’s an iPod and it’s full of music.” Placing it in my hand I search her eyes so much kindness. “You sure Blue.” I ask nodding at me as she holds up two fingers and then two more “Yep defiantly babe we all need music to help us escape from this world.” Winking at me as I place the iPod into my pocket touching her arm “Hey thanks aye.” I say as the old lady with kind eyes who seems to command this place fill of scary loud shit she is so warm and smiles at me as hands Blue two bottles of water and two of beer smiling up at her as we turn to leave.
Blue takes out the back door behind the bar having to walk past Jenna and her hyenas her hand snaps out grabbing my arm her fingers griping my skin like a vice biting into my flesh.
“Don’t ever underestimate me doll face.” She bites out, her face mere inches from mine.
I can feel her breath that smells like beer. Blue comes in her hand on Jenna’s chest ready to push her back.
“Blue,” my voice low and laced with an edge. “I got this,” my hand reaches out between us as I curl my fingers around her neck pushing her back slightly, so she can see the fire in my eyes before I pull her back in close my fingers digging deeper restricting the air from her windpipe in my dreams I have done this over and over but to my evil mother and it feels just as good now.
Anger washing over me pain and suppressed feelings all come bubbling up to the surface Jenna faces flicks from her own to my mother's both bullies it’s like a glitch that just flicks in and out over the two who have pushed me too far.
“Underestimate a club whore,” I laugh at her. “You sweetheart better not underestimate me, I’m from the meadows baby and bitch I'll fuck you up quicker than you suck dick.”
Her eyes bulge as the color bleeds from her face the gasps and sounds of shock ring out from the hyenas next to her Blue’s head lolls back as a laugh erupts from her hands slapping down on her thighs all eyes are on me “Timberly,” I hear Ghost grit out my name. “Yep,” I yell back behind me my eyes never leaving Jenna’s as I squeeze her throat harder the pop of her windpipe feels so satisfactory under my grip. “She’s not worth it.” he say
s as the whole club hushes and all eyes are on us and the music is all I can hear slowly dying down the words I’M a mother fucking wolf coming from who was it Yelawolfs mouth dead right babes I think as I pull her back in closer laying a sweet kiss to her lips she bucks under my grip.
“So Bitch, what’s it going to be fight or fly coz bitch I’m Hella humble and I won’t take much more.”
My tone laced with a fierceness that shocks my ears releasing the grip I push her back into her posse all shocked her hands fly up around her neck rubbing at the nice deep red turning purple finger prints of my fingers.
Her eyes watering and shock embedded on her face as her friend reaches out and wraps her arm around her shoulders Jenna shakes her off standing up straighter.
“Oh, and you bitches better watch the fuck out, push me and see the dark I process because I’m sure you all won’t be ready for it.”
Venom and a new-found courage snapping from my voice box I grab Blue’s hand shook and amusement washing over her face pulling her and myself out into the inky nights sky sucking in the chilly air deep down into my lungs stars forming behind my eyes.
“Shit Timberly, you ok girl? That shit right there was epic, who would have thought the shy girl that hides behind her hair playing with rosary beads had that in her.”
Blue says to me as I lean over my hands on my knees trying so hard to not past out.
“That’s me, I’m done with being that quiet and shy.” I say to her my eyes meeting hers and I see the flash of understanding in them.
Standing back up I reach for the water in Blue’s hand taking a long pull on it the cool water tickling down my throat leaving a crisp chilling trail down all the way to the pit of my stomach that is still doing flips from what I just did.
“Blue,” my eyes meet hers in the dark with nothing but the stars and fairy lights that are wrapped around the trees lining the outside area and lighting up the inky blackness.
“Can you and Lilly make me into more than the scared girl who hides?” I breath out a mere whisper catching on the wind a wish to be stronger a need to change and become the me I was born to be.
“HA,” I hear Blue crack out into the quite night. “Lill, good luck with our MC Princess,” she says laughing wrapping her arm around my shoulder pulling me into her as we walk towards the fire pit that has wooden stumps dotted around it for seats.
“But me doll face I sure as shit can but first let’s see how strong you are when I tell you about our in-house tormenter.”
My heart stops as she pulls me down to sit next to her the fire dancing out over her features sending a warmth through the air licking my cool skin. Time to listen to the story of my troubled man and really see if what I think he’s addicted to is more than just my imagination.
“I’m not going to sugar coat shit doll, I think you’re the one for Ghost, so I need you to know that Ghost is not a normal man, Timberly I have known him for years, he’s dark, he’s twisted, and he does some fucked up shit for the club and for his own personal quest and taste.”
She stops to take a rather un-lady like sip of her beer more like a man-sized skull.
I crack the cap on my own don’t think water can quite this convo.
“He also has an unhealthy taste for coke and a dangerous relationship with the needle,” her mouth falls open I laugh leaning over towards her I push up her chin with my finger.
“I see it in his eyes,” I say to her to answer your silent question. Sitting back up I take a mouthful of the bitter beer I much prefer the sweet taste of Jägermeister.
Leaning back on the stump the dark cool night washes over me as I tilt my head up towards the moon and its sweet sliver grey light falling down and kissing my skin, closing my eyes I breathe in deep and let it out slowly.
“Blue I know more than you think, I watch people, I read them all I know you have just come out of something that was fill on and scary I see the death and drugs still swimming in your eyes and I was there at the hotel of horror Viper saved me from rape and drugs and what he did to you was fucking disgusting, horrific and dark but fuck me Blue he did love you I seen it in his eyes and the way he would smile when your name left his lips, he was no saint, a monster yes but a man in love with the sick delusion of what that should look like and he never came back he said he was going to take you and leave for Ireland but yet you’re here..” my voice trails off as I see pain laced with a love that is bitter sweet and needs to be forgotten.. “Yeah I know coz I killed him....” the sliver streaks from tears she needs to let fall this is a pain that is silent and a healing that she can only do alone, quietly in the dark so I carry on I’m stronger around her knowing that we both did see and experience the best parts of a man the world turned into a monster.
“With Ghost I’ve been around this drug filled mess my whole life Blue his eyes tell it all, his skin, the way he itches, the way he fidgets in bed I see it, I see him needing it and I’ll do all I can to quell it.”
I have just lent down and placed the horrible bottle of beer down and she’s there in front of me picking me up and wrapping her arms around me eloping me in a massive hug.
“We have all tried, and we have all failed. “She breathes into my hair not letting me go.
“I’ve just come down from the world's worst drug induced nightmare Tim and I'm not strong enough to fight his demons, but you know just how bad that was, fuck if I knew you were in there Tim fuck believe me I would have saved you babe like really fought so a pure soul like yours didn’t have to be put through that shit.”
She says her eyes hooded in the memory as it assaults her mind picking up her hands I run my fingers over the small red angry marks that sit warped around her wrist like an angry permeant reminder of her past.
“These will fade,” see I say pulling the sleeve of my jacket back to bear the scars from being bound by rope and chains. Her eyes well as a tear drops.
“I will feed the demon with my own and Ghost will be better for it, I'll give him what he needs really needs and that’s love and understanding, I’ll take on the nightmares because the monster that lives inside his is no match for the one that lives under my bed.”
She steps back from me shock lacing her beautiful features her moss green eyes shining with the moisture from the tears.
“You’re so much more than the shy girl Timberly and I think that our in-house executioner has just meet the fire his dead dark soul needs to survive.”
I let her words wash over me as we sit down picking back up the bottle of beer I down it in one long pull tears stinging my eyes as the bitter tang assaults my throat and settling in my stomach heavy and gassy, “Yuck,” I spit out rolling the bottle around in my hand. “This really isn’t nice stuff.” I say to Blue who laughs at me. “You prefer Jager Tim, Ghost’s drink he'll be proud.” She says to me.
“Being with him I have done so many firsts Blue, drinking, kissing, holding hands I’ve done none of this let alone been somewhere like here fill of people.”
My voice trails off as I watch the stars dance in the sky “You're going to be a fucking mint fit Tim.” She says to me.
“You know Ghost does some fucked up shit Tim, like he's a monster of a man, our monster and well we love him a lot, the shit he’s seen, done, and gone through even scares me at times, can you just promise not to run and if you feel you need to come to me.” her voice cracks I see the worry in her eyes and her bottom lip trembles scooting my butt over to the stump closers to her I cup her cool cheeks in my hands this is really a lot for me all the talking, touching, personal space being invaded and I'm fucking proud of myself. Sending a small thank you up to the heavens for Viper because he defiantly gave me the push to be this woman with the invisible safety net he had place around me. My heart hurts a little that he’s gone, and that Blue killed him that would have been so hard for her so much I don’t know and so much hurt that would cause you to do something as drastic as killing someone. Looking back into her eyes that are trying hard to read
mine.
“Well baby cakes, my demons and his well they can be mates.” Looking right into her very own troubled soul.
“I’m no fool Blue, I will build myself up to belong here and prove I deserve this and his love. Believe me the dark I process is a ruthless killer and now that it’s had a taste of this life and just what we are capable of I'm afraid that bitch will break my armor and I'll snap, but I won't fucken fall.”
Strong arms wrap around me as lips nuzzle into the skin on my neck a feeling of sensual need washes over me as a low groan ripples up my body. I know these arms and I feel the beat of the heart; it’s jagged just like mine.
His arms lock around me and he picks me up a soft yelp of excitement mixed with nervousness dancing inside my body, wrapping my legs around him locking my glass blue eyes with his sea green ones that are peppered with flecks of blue just lush his eyes are stunning.
“Home time Poppet, That’s enough chit chat and past nightmares for one night.” My damaged man's voice breaks on the last word vibrating through me as shivers erupt down my spine hitting my core and pooling between my thighs.
“mmmm sounds good,” I murmur out over him as Knox wraps Blue in his arms.
“You were nice right?” he asks her raising his eye brow, as Ghost sucks in a deep breath, I feel a clammy yucky sweat on his skin as my hands find the soft flesh behind his neck letting my hands slip down under the top of his shirt a feeling I know too well pulling my hands free and placing them on his shoulders. Knox winks at me.
"See Tim winky game strong,” he says over a laugh and I smile liking the cheeky banter Blue slaps the side of his head. “Yes fool, and don’t mock my mate this chick is bad ass.”
Heal Me (Reapers Reign, #3) Page 25