by Penny Jordan
Reminding herself of how dangerous it was to let her mind wander when she was driving, she banished the childhood memory. The sunshine had filled the roads with drivers, and she was glad when she was finally able to turn off into the road that led to her friend’s home.
The first thing she saw as she turned into the drive was a silver-grey BMW, and her heart leapt frantically in a complex mixture of pleasure and fear, until she realised that the one Dominic had been driving had been a different colour, and that this one must belong to the Bensons.
She was familiar enough with her friend’s home not to need to ring the bell, but to make her way round the side of the house to the large patio at the back, where, as she had expected, she found her host and hostess.
John was bending over a portable barbecue fiddling with something while Sue stood to one side.
The children saw Kate first, abandoning their game to rush over to her, hugging her legs enthusiastically.
The commotion made Sue look up and grin in welcome.
‘We’re just having our usual battle with the barbecue,’ she announced cheerfully. ‘John swears that I deliberately put a hex on it. It will never burn properly if you put so much charcoal on it,’ she protested, turning back to her husband, adding to Kate, ‘Honestly, men! If John left it to me to light… Why on earth does anything to do with making things burn fascinate men so much?’
Her last question was directed at Kate, but it was John who answered it, having successfully ignited the charcoal, his hazel eyes gleaming with amusement as he hugged her briefly and said, ‘It’s part of man’s age-old instinct to protect and succour his womenfolk…keeping the home fires burning…all that sort of thing.’
‘It was women who kept the home fires burning,’ Sue retorted, reaching up to wipe a smut of charcoal dust from his cheek.
Watching them, Kate was filled with a raw, aching pain caused by the knowledge that she would never know that closeness, that sense of togetherness and sharing that existed between Sue and John.
Before their marriage, Sue had trained as a nurse, and had gone on to qualify as a midwife before having her children, and Kate knew that John respected her in a professional capacity in addition to loving her as a woman.
Kate did not make the mistake of viewing her friends’ marriage through a rose-coloured veil. It was not idyllic, Sue often complained that there were times when she felt frustrated and angry that her skills were not being put to use, but on the other hand, she felt that while they were young the children needed her, and also as a local G.P., John needed her to be at home to take his calls, and generally act as an unpaid assistant. Sue had confided to Kate in the early days after she had had the children that she felt there was something essentially diminishing about being reliant on someone else financially having earned her own living, even though John was a generous and thoughtful husband, but on balance, their relationship worked in a way that any relationship between herself and Dominic never could.
For a start he didn’t have an ounce of respect for her as a person. He wanted her only as a physical entity without knowing or wanting to know the woman she actually was. While she…
She was drawn to him in a way that she knew was dangerous. Where she should have felt anger and resentment, she felt compassion and sorrow. It hurt her that he should so desperately have hurt himself, and all so needlessly. She could understand how a father could influence and poison a child’s mind against the female sex, but surely, as an adult, Dominic must have come to the realisation that his father’s views were very one-sided?
‘Ian and Vera are looking at the garden,’ Sue announced, breaking into her thoughts. ‘They’re a very pleasant couple, don’t you think?’ She made a small moue. ‘I was a bit anti at first; incomers and all that… but the more I see of them the more I like them. Did you know that Ian’s business is merging with Dominic’s?’
‘Yes. Vera told me.’
Sue made another face. ‘Now there’s someone I can’t take to, not after the way he insulted you.’
‘Stop bristling,’ teased John, catching the tail of what she was saying, adding to Kate with a wry grin, ‘To look at her you’d never think she was such a fierce little thing, would you?’ He tugged Sue’s fair hair, looking at her with affection. ‘When she was on the wards, senior consultants used to tremble with fear!’
‘Oh, you…’ Sue gave her husband a little push. ‘I think the barbecue’s ready for the steaks. Could you give me a hand bringing out the salad?’ she asked Kate.
They were in the kitchen before Sue resumed the conversation John had interrupted, beginning, ‘As I was just saying, I’m getting very fond of the Bensons, Vera in particular, which makes it all the more…’ She broke off, as she looked through the kitchen window. ‘They’re coming back now. Kate, believe me this wasn’t my idea, but when they arrived Dominic was with them.’
Kate was glad that she had her back to her friend. Her whole system seemed to have gone into civil war. After that first thrill of seeing what she had thought was Dominic’s car in the drive she had been relieved by the knowledge that it wasn’t, and yet here was Sue telling her that he was here after all.
‘Don’t worry about it.’ She marvelled at how calm her voice sounded. ‘I’ll take these out, shall I?’ She picked up two large bowls of salad, avoiding her friend’s eyes, determined not to betray anything of what she felt inside.
Vera and Ian both greeted her warmly, Dominic either strategically or accidentally was busily involved with the children, and by the time Ian had finished quizzing her about the expense of the stained glass Vera had commissioned, her tension was beginning to ease slightly.
Even so it was impossible for her to eat much, and when she sat down she made sure it was as far away from Dominic as possible. If she hadn’t been so tense and on edge, she might almost have been amused at Sue’s role reversal. Where in the past her friend had always been eager to bring her to the attention of any unattached males she invited round, today she was behaving like the very strictest kind of duenna, protectively making sure that Dominic was never allowed to come so much as within speaking distance of her.
He seemed to have lost weight, and despite his tan, he did not look well. Her heart ached for him and yet at the same time she was conscious of a terrible feeling of hopelessness.
What should have been a pleasantly relaxed lunch was a nightmare of strain and anguish. As soon as she safely could she stood up and pinned a bright smile to her lips.
Anticipating her, Sue frowned and exclaimed, ‘You’re not going so soon, are you?’ The glare she directed towards Dominic’s stiff back made it plain that she knew where the blame for this lay, and unwillingly Kate looked at him too.
Dressed in jeans and a thin short-sleeved cotton shirt, he looked more human… more vulnerable than when she had seen him before. The jeans hugged his legs and thighs, but were slightly loose on the waist, the shirt taut over the defensively hunched contours of his back. She wanted to go up to him and wrap her arms protectively around him, to ease away his pain, but how could she when she herself was the cause of it?
He turned round, unexpectedly catching her looking at him, and his eyes darkened, making desire tremble to life inside her. If only she could just give in to that aching, melting flare of need, but at twenty-seven one could not blot out the realities of life so easily.
‘Oh, Kate, must you really leave?’ Vera asked regretfully.
Out of the corner of her eye Kate saw Dominic’s mouth twist, his voice so harsh that it shivered painfully through her too vulnerable skin as he interrupted curtly, ‘No doubt she has a date with her estate agent friend…’
‘A date?’ Sue ignored Dominic to turn a pleased face towards her friend. ‘Kate, and you never said! Where’s he taking you?’
Not knowing what on earth she could say without telling a lie, Kate hesitated, and then into the silence as devastatingly shocking to the senses as hearing an unexpected gun go off she heard Dominic sa
ying sotto voce, ‘About as far as the nearest bed, I should imagine.’
Kate knew that the taunt was meant only for her, but Sue was standing so close to her, she heard it too, and temper ignited in her eyes as she looked from Kate’s white face to Dominic’s implacable one.
Sensing an imminent explosion, Kate took hold of her arm, squeezing it warningly as she said, ‘Come with me to the car.’
She could sense that Sue was torn, but John, Vera and Ian were all engrossed in conversation and unwillingly Sue allowed herself to be drawn away, giving vent to her feelings only once they were safely out of earshot of the others.
‘That man really is the end!’ she exploded angrily. ‘Honestly, Kate…’
‘Forget it.’ Kate managed to smile, ‘I don’t even have a date with Martin Allwood.’
‘Martin Allwood?’ asked Sue, diverted. ‘I know him. Very up-and-coming, isn’t he, and very attractive? How did you get to meet him?’
‘He came to assess the house. You know I’m putting it up for sale. Dominic brought my car back and saw us both at an upstairs window.’ Kate pulled a wry face. ‘And of course he immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion.’
‘Mmm… it seems to me that that gentleman has a history of jumping to wrong conclusions, especially where you’re concerned.’
Sue stood in the drive until Kate’s car had disappeared, and then made her way back to her remaining guests.
‘Kate got off safely, did she?’ her husband asked, sliding a fond arm round her waist. ‘That old banger of hers isn’t very reliable…’
‘I know, she’s planning to replace it just as soon as the house is sold.’
He saw that his wife’s eyes were not on him, but on the back of the man walking down their garden.
‘Forget it, love,’ he advised softly, following her thoughts.
‘But, John, he was so nasty to her… Kate’s had enough to endure. It makes my blood boil to hear him sniping at her like that!’
‘Yes, I know, but there’s nothing we can do about it, love.’
John might think that, but she certainly didn’t, Sue thought, watching Dominic disappearing through the arch in the rose hedge which led to the old-fashioned orchard.
Slipping away from her husband, and using Vera and Ian to decoy him with their plans for The Grange, she followed Dominic down to the orchard.
He was leaning against the trunk of a plum tree, hands in the pockets of his jeans as he stared at the ground. His smile for her was polite, but wary. He was an exceedingly attractive man, Sue thought dispassionately, but she preferred her John every day of the week.
A very fierce loyalty to her family and friends was one of the cornerstones of Sue’s personality, coupled with a deep-rooted sense of fair play which in her youth had led her into more than one turbulent situation. She could never bear to see anyone being done down unfairly, and least of all her dearest friend. When she thought of the life Kate had endured with Ricky! The light of battle glittered in her eyes as she took a step towards her victim.
Without preamble she said firmly, ‘I’d like to have a word with you.’
At another time she might have been flattered by the amused and warm smile that curved his mouth, instantly transforming him, but on this occasion she had other things on her mind.
‘I don’t know why you seem to have set yourself up as the judge of Kate’s morality, but…’
He cut her off immediately, almost brutally, the smile dying to be placed by a wall of cold disdain as he interrupted,
‘I understand that Kate is your friend, but you must realise that Ricky was mine.’
Sue didn’t let him get any further, her temper overwhelming caution as she exclaimed heatedly,
‘Oh, was he? Was he really? Well, do you know what your friend did to Kate? Do you? Did you know that he married her knowing that he didn’t love her, and with no intention of even trying to love her? Did you know that he deliberately encouraged her to think he was in love with her? He was twenty-seven years old then, she was an immature seventeen-year-old who’d just lost her father and been told by her mother that there was no home for her with her in America. Kate thought Ricky loved her when he married her, but she soon discovered otherwise—and believe me, never once during the farce that her marriage was did she ever so much as say one word against him. It was only when she finally broke down when he was killed—killed while with another woman, I might add—that she finally admitted to me just what her marriage had been.
‘Systematically and vindictively Ricky tried to destroy her as a woman. After the first few weeks of their marriage he never once made love to her… he told her that he had no desire for her, that she was incapable of arousing desire in any man.’ Sue broke off for a moment, seeing the way Dominic’s face paled, but any pity she might have felt was swamped by her burning need to vindicate her friend.
‘And of course Kate believed him, because after all, didn’t she have ample proof that Ricky could be aroused—by almost every other female he saw? He was consistently unfaithful to Kate right from the start of their marriage, sometimes staying away for days at a time. He married her because he wanted the land her father had left her, and because her mother promised him an allowance for as long as the marriage lasted.
‘Kate told me that once she knew the truth, she asked him for a divorce, but he refused to give her one.’ Sue saw Dominic’s mouth open and rushed on hotly, ‘And you needn’t think that by telling me about that weekend when Kate tried to seduce you, you’re going to shock me. I know all about it—Kate told me the other day.’ Her mouth curled, her eyes condemning.
‘Dear God, what kind of man are you that you couldn’t see the truth for yourself? Instead of giving her the comfort and reassurance she so badly needed, you only reinforced all the doubts she had about herself. You made her hate herself, did you know that? She’s lived like a hermit since Ricky died. And don’t start thinking that I’m making any of this up. Ask anyone in the village, they all know what Ricky was like.’
The force of her emotions made tears burn in her eyes, her voice shaking as she flung at him, ‘No doubt you’re very proud of the high moral stand you’ve taken… of the constant taunts you fling at Kate, but I think of you as criminally foolish—and arrogant. Blind as well, for not being able to see the obvious!’
Suddenly and inexplicably she had run out of steam, and even more extraordinarily when she looked into his face and saw the expression there, the anger that had fired her was gone. She started to move away and Dominic reached out to stop her.
‘Please… please tell me all this again. Slowly this time, from the beginning.’
Perhaps he wasn’t quite the villain she had imagined after all, Sue thought, noting the expression in his eyes. After all, what could not be excused as the reaction of an indifferent observer could be viewed in a completely different light as the behaviour of a would-be lover.
She sat down on the grass and patted a spot beside her. Dominic sat down beside her, and starting right from the beginning she told him the history of Kate’s marriage.
* * *
After leaving Sue’s, Kate drove straight home, but once there she could not settle. A restless, yearning energy seemed to possess her, her thoughts constantly circling around Dominic. At last, knowing that only strenuous physical activity could dissipate her tension, she collected some cleaning articles and her keys and drove down to the cottage.
Her first task was to open all the windows and get rid of the stale, cloying atmosphere inside.
Although described as a cottage, in reality it was a small house. Downstairs there was a pleasant sitting-room with windows overlooking both front and back; a hall; a dining-room which her father had used as a study, and a large sunny kitchen.
Upstairs there were three good sized bedrooms, one with its own shower, and a separate bathroom.
The gardens were of a more manageable size than those attached to the house, mostly laid down to lawns attractively
broken up by borders bursting with cottage garden plants, and the odd rockery islands smothered in creeping plants.
While she waited for the immersion to heat enough water for her to start cleaning, Kate went over the house. It was strange how those things which had once been so familiar to her now seemed slightly alien. This had been her home for almost eighteen years; the shabby furniture that she had grown up with. All the rooms needed redecorating, she noticed. If she could spare the time between commissions, she might do it herself. She had helped Sue to do the children’s room the previous winter and had thoroughly enjoyed it. It struck her as she went back to the kitchen that at twenty-seven she had never really had a home of her own. This cottage had belonged to her father; the house she now lived in had been Ricky’s and before him his grandfather’s, and even though she loved it she had never felt moved to stamp her own personality on it.
By the time she had scrubbed the kitchen from top to bottom, she felt tired enough to call it a day.
Outside dusk was starting to fall, making her realise that she had been at the cottage far longer than she had anticipated. Stretching her aching back, she packed away her cleaning things, noting ruefully how wet her jeans had become. They clung clammily to her legs, uncomfortably so, as she drove home.
As she walked up to the door the darkness and silence that greeted her suddenly made her feel terribly alone. A dull melancholy feeling, in tune with the growing dusk, enveloped her as she contrasted her lifestyle with Sue’s. She had promised herself long ago that she would never allow herself to be envious of women who had what she did not, but tonight the emptiness of the house depressed her, bringing back bitter-sharp memories of how she had felt on first coming to this house as a bride, and how she had felt such a little time afterwards knowing that her marriage was nothing but an empty mockery.
It was foolish to ask herself what had brought this mood on; she knew only too well. If it was possible to love a man who was virtually a stranger, and in addition to that was also the complete antithesis of all that one had ever wanted in a man, then that was exactly what she had done where Dominic was concerned.