by Lucy Knott
‘Stop looking down,’ I hear Hayley shout, from the left of me.
‘Keep your head up and only look forward,’ Bella says, from my right. I wonder for a moment if she’s giving me life advice or snowboarding advice. Right now, I feel they are one and the same.
With some trepidation, I still my wandering head. When I look up and only forward the wobbling ceases. I focus on where I’m going, and the board miraculously follows my line of vision. I reach the bottom where the girls are hollering and cheering and realize I have succeeded in getting all the way down the mountain without causing further harm to my backside.
It has only taken a million and one attempts, but I’m taking it as a win.
*
There is more laughter and lots of chatter inside the café. It’s like no café Madi and I have ever been to in London before. Each booth has its own fire pit in the centre with tea lights adorning the window ledges. The low, light wooden beams are decorated with the most magnificent holly garlands and mistletoe, but you can still see each grain of wood and tree carving in their design. We have all offloaded our equipment and stripped off our heavy snowsuits and are crowded into a booth by the kitchen. As Hayley works here, she takes the lead in ordering what she feels we need after an afternoon on the slopes.
When a tray of crackers, chocolate, marshmallows and mulled wine is brought to our table, I think I’m officially in love with Hayley. I take a sip of the cinnamon, nutmeg and citrusy mulled wine and it instantly warms my bones.
I smile dreamily and thank her for a wonderful afternoon.
‘This tastes incredible,’ Madi gushes from opposite me in the booth. Em is sitting next to her toasting a marshmallow, which causes a sugary sweet aroma to hit the air. I didn’t think I could stomach more organic or processed sugar today after this morning’s cookie exhibition, but as the aroma wafts my way my stomach growls with want.
‘Jake adds a splash of whiskey to his mulled wine for extra punch and flavour. You’ll get to know Jake – he’s a complete goofball, but one hell of a chef. He runs this place, so you’ll want to be in his good books,’ Em reports with a wink. So that explains how it’s going down so smoothly, I think to myself feeling the colour rise in my cheeks.
‘So, how long are you girls here for?’ Bella asks, while layering a piece of chocolate onto a cracker.
My hands are wrapped around my mug and I’m savouring the delicious drink before tucking into a marshmallow. They look out-of-this-world scrumptious.
‘Until just after the New Year,’ I answer merrily, the whiskey hitting the spot.
‘We’re visiting Harper’s parents for the holidays. We’ve never been for Christmas before, but this place is fabulous,’ Madi coos as she pops a crispy-looking toasty marshmallow into her mouth. I watch her as she closes her eyes in ecstasy and licks her lips. ‘Oh my God, what is that? I’ve never tasted a marshmallow like that before.’
The girls all laugh, and Ariana wiggles her eyebrows. ‘Jake knows what he’s doing in the kitchen.’
‘And out of it, if the smug look on your face is anything to go by,’ Em says, her tone teasing as she looks at Ariana and winks. Ariana blushes, but shrugs confidently leaning back into the booth. ‘I take it he’s as good between the sheets as he is between the pots and pans?’ Em adds after a pause, ensuring more laughter.
Ariana doesn’t answer; instead she takes a bite out of a fluffy pink and white marbled marshmallow and smirks coyly, like the cat who got the cream.
‘I’m liking the sound of this Jake,’ Madi says, reaching out and offering a high five to Ariana, who happily slaps Madi’s hand.
‘Your parents are really cool,’ Hayley says kindly, changing the subject. She’s nursing her own mulled wine, taking tentative sips, which I think is probably a good idea. I take note, as the whiskey and wine have already given me a light buzz and I hold off on the last few sips. With Madi and I not drinking often, it doesn’t take much.
‘Thanks,’ I reply, caving in to what I believe to be s’mores. I pick up a cracker and copy Bella, placing a piece of chocolate on to it. Then I attach a marshmallow to the stick I have been given and hover it over the flames, twirling it between my fingers and watching as the flames make the pink mallow bubble and burn and turn golden.
‘Is it just the two of you or do you have partners here with you?’ Bella asks. Her mulled wine is gone, I notice. The question catches me off guard and my marshmallow promptly falls off my stick with the nervous jerk of my hand. I can feel Madi’s eyes on me. Only now does it occur to me that I haven’t thought about Scott for hours.
My focus on the slopes, the tingling bruises on my bum, the adrenaline in my veins and the banter and laughter with the girls have all completely distracted me from dwelling on things. I’ve felt more alive and joyful this afternoon than I have done this entire year, but the weight of Bella’s question casts a shadow over that joy, momentarily threatening to take it away.
Fortunately for me, the other shadow that hasn’t left my side since Scott did steps in to save me from mumbling through an answer and having to ruin this amazing day.
‘It’s just the two of us. We haven’t had a girls’ trip in forever and thought it was about time we treated ourselves to one. Plus, like you said Hayley, Harper’s parents are the coolest. They practically raised me, and we were due a visit!’ Madi sings chirpily as she sandwiches a golden marshmallow between two crackers and a piece of chocolate and hands it to me with an ‘I’ve got you, keep your head up’ smile.
I receive it gratefully, aware that Hayley is watching me. I simply smile at her too and take a huge bite of the s’more. The marshmallow melts on my tongue in a silky explosion of texture and flavour. It’s incredible. The chocolate is happiness on my lips and I nearly groan with pleasure.
‘Jake has a lot to answer for,’ Em notes. OK, so maybe I did actually groan out loud. We all erupt with laughter once more. My whole body feels light and loose and it’s a welcome break from the tension that has been gripping my muscles for the past few weeks.
‘How are things going with you and Jake?’ Bella asks Ariana with a slight slur of her words. Who topped up our mulled wine? My glass is now brimming, and I hadn’t even noticed. How strong is this wine and how much whiskey did this Jake person add to this thing?
‘It will sound corny, so don’t laugh, but everything about him is delicious,’ Ariana says, breaking her own plea as she giggles into her mulled wine. Em and Hayley snort. Madi whistles and Bella claps her hands excitedly while I raise my glass.
‘Cheers to those who are getting some,’ Madi toasts, causing a few heads to turn in our direction. I’m partly conscious that the occupants of our table are growing sufficiently tipsy. The other part of me hasn’t felt this giddy in a long time so I’m more than happy to celebrate with our new friends and I clink mugs with Madi.
‘Speaking of getting some, have you said yes to Colt taking you out yet?’ Em asks, turning her attention to Bella. Bella flushes purple. Her pupils grow wide in the light of the fire.
‘Colt who works at the market?’ Madi and I ask in unison. Bella smiles with a faraway look in her eye.
‘Yes, that’s him,’ she says with a hiccup.
‘He seems really sweet,’ I say, trying my hand at toasting another marshmallow.
‘Yes, he was lovely when we met him the other day at the market, and he makes the most amazing waffles,’ Madi says, adding her two cents.
‘He is lovely.’ Ariana sighs. ‘He’s one of the finest bachelors left in Breckenridge and he’s been trying to win this one over for months, but she won’t let herself be wined and dined,’ she adds, tilting her head in Bella’s direction.
‘He may be nice, but Bella can date in her own time. She doesn’t need a man to be wined and dined,’ Hayley pipes up. Her tone is light, a small smile on her face, but when I catch her eye, I sense that there is hurt behind their ocean-like blue.
‘I couldn’t agree more,’ Em says brushing her knu
ckles against Madi’s as they touch their glasses in another cheers.
‘I appreciate everyone’s sentiments and I do like him, I just want to take my time, that’s all,’ Bella informs the group, her voice coming out sweet and a little shy suddenly when it comes to talking about her own love life. I get the feeling Bella is the youngest in the group.
Hayley puts her hand on Bella’s. Her brows are furrowed with concern. ‘There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Ignore this lot – there’s no reason to rush anything,’ she says.
Bella looks up, the cheeky glint in her eyes back from before, when we were discussing Ariana’s love life, is back. ‘Besides the fact that he is ridiculously hot and every time I see him, I want to kiss him.’
Hayley playfully shoves Bella’s hand away and rolls her eyes. I nearly choke on my marshmallow and the other girls all make a variation of wolf whistle and whooping sounds. I can barely keep up with the dips and dives of this conversation but it’s certainly keeping me entertained.
I’m nearing the end of my second mug of mulled wine and the boozy marshmallows have given me a warm happy glow when Bella decides to take the attention off her and generously pass it over to me once more.
‘Has anyone got you feeling lustful under the mistletoe this Christmas?’ Bella asks innocently, picking at a cracker and nibbling its edges.
I look over at Madi but find her and Em deep in hushed conversation and her eyes are blurry from one too many mugs of whiskey-infused mulled wine. I’m on my own with this one. I drain the last dregs of wine and strangely enough feel my back straighten up and a weight being lifted from my shoulders. The idea of sharing my story with these girls doesn’t seem so daunting. ‘I split with my husband a year ago and am taking some time to focus on myself,’ I say and then exhale a deep breath. Surprisingly, I don’t feel scared by my admission, I feel liberated as I say the words out loud. It beats putting on a brave face and keeping a secret. I don’t like secrets. Secrets meant that people got hurt. I gulp as I think of my white lie to Madi over finishing my script, but I still have time. If I can sneak off tonight and get it done, it will be a lie no longer and there will be no need to upset Madi.
Em pulls her attention away from Madi to me and the other girls are staring at me, eyes wide. Hayley I’m sure has tears in hers. But I don’t want her to feel sad for me or for them to pity me. I don’t want to feel pathetic and helpless anymore. If I’m pathetic and helpless who would want me? Nobody would want me, and Scott would be right to run away from someone so weak and fragile. I want to be like Hayley. I want to be confident and fierce. I want to be able to snowboard and look like Wonder Woman while doing it, not Bambi on ice. I’m done with feeling sorry for myself.
‘I found my boyfriend of three years in bed with one of his clients seven months ago. They’d been seeing each other for weeks,’ Hayley says, then downs her mug of mulled wine. When she looks up and her eyes meet mine, we both burst out laughing. Be it the mulled wine, the fact that my brain has exhausted thinking about Scott or the fact that I want to scream out to Hayley that it’s her idiot boyfriend’s loss and that she’s better off without him, I don’t feel so terrified in admitting my failure. In fact, by the laughter barrelling out of me, it’s safe to say I needed this release.
‘Here’s to the dicks; may we spot them, keep away from them and be rid of them fast,’ Em choruses. I’m too far gone in a state of marshmallow-infused bliss to pay attention to the disapproving stares that our table is getting, though I am relieved that there are no kids around this evening.
Chapter 9
Madi is still snoozing when I wake up. She fell asleep in my room last night after we got back late from our evening of mulled wine and marshmallows. I feel my stomach twist anxiously as I realize I missed out on another day of editing and my deadline is now tomorrow. I groan, roll over and fight the cold as I peel off the duvet. It must be early as the fire in the living room usually sends heat through the entire house when Mum and Dad get it going in the morning. I quickly pull my dressing gown on and slip my feet into my slippers. I head in search of coffee, or maybe I’ll have tea this morning. Like my dad I was a tea drinker until late nights finishing scripts meant that coffee had become a habit; a necessity to get me through my day. This morning I fancy a non-caffeinated tea.
My parents aren’t up yet, which explains the lack of the fire. When I enter the kitchen, my eyes scan the room and stop on the vintage-record-style clock resting against the mantel. It lets me know that it’s four-thirty in the morning, a little earlier than my normal wake-up call. However, today I have energy in my veins that is eager to be put to use. I’m not in the mood to stay indoors. I think I’m becoming addicted to fresh air in my lungs and need my fix.
Through the giant windows I can see that last night’s blizzard left a heap of fresh snow and that snowflakes are still coming down. I get a tingle of excitement in my stomach. The sky is deep blue, but there is a dusty orange sneaking in on the horizon. I set about boiling the kettle and carefully selecting my tea for the day. I choose a ginger tea for its energy and focus and when the smell rises in the air I smile. I take my mug and tray over the fireplace and begin loading the grate with logs. I light the kindling and let it work its magic.
Then I sit back and watch the baby flames grow as I sip my tea. The flavours excite my taste buds in the same way the snow gives my stomach butterflies. A rush of joy floods through me as I daydream over the last few days in Colorado. Suddenly, just what I need today pops into my head. Maybe if I get this out of my system I can come back later with a clearer head, readier to tackle my script.
I jump up and carry the tray back to the kitchen before returning to my room. Madi is snoring; jet lag and whiskey most likely screwing with her body clock. I throw on my winter thermals, wash my face, brush my teeth and shove my relatively neat hair under a woolly hat. I then trudge back through the house, pausing to write a note to let everyone know where I will be and inviting them to join me later should they wish.
*
It’s only when I’m nearing the top of the mountain and the ski lodge is in view that I even consider it being closed at this early hour. The slopes do seem awfully quiet.
But I persist anyway, thinking the walk will do me some good, then breathe a sigh of relief when I get closer and see the lights on in the reception. My stomach bubbles with a mixture of excitement and nerves as it suddenly dawns on me; ‘what the hell am I doing here?’ I’m not exactly a natural on a snowboard and my bottom is still very much recovering from the many bruises I accumulated yesterday, so why did I think this was a smart idea?
I walk into reception and it’s clear why the slopes are quiet; everyone is crammed in here. I instantly start to sweat under my many layers as I try and navigate myself through the flocks of people, all of whom I notice are wearing numbered bibs. The Brit in me is apparent as I use the words ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me’ constantly as I squeeze past people, some twice the size of me. When I reach the desk, beads of sweat are trickling down my forehead unattractively, I fear, when the guy who greeted Madi and I yesterday in a friendly manner, greets me today with a quizzical and awkward look.
‘Sorry, the slope is closed for tournament practice this morning. It will reopen to the public this afternoon,’ he says before getting pulled to the far end of the desk to hand over more bibs to yet more people.
I turn to face the crowd and look to the entrance of the café, feeling deflated at my failed attempt at pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I should be grateful that the tournament saved me from my own stupidity at coming up here alone and possibly getting hurt doing something that could be dangerous when a person doesn’t know what they are doing. Maybe it was the universe telling me to go and grab a hot chocolate, pull out my notebook and pen and actually get some work done. That is probably a better idea.
‘Not so fast, you’re with me.’ My eardrums prick up at the familiar voice. I look around and see Hayley waving at me from over by the
Christmas tree a few people in front of me. She’s standing with a group of people all wearing vests that match hers. She is wearing a number, so I can only assume she is entering the tournament and that this is her team. I make my way over to her, all my bravery from before evaporating, my notebook tickling my chest reminding me that it is there and ready to come out.
But I have no time to think about that now. Hayley pulls me in for a hug and introduces me to everyone.
‘Hi, nice to meet you all,’ I say slightly overwhelmed by all the professionals I am sandwiched up against.
‘This is my coach, and these are my teammates. They’re in the competition too,’ Hayley informs me in a chirpy tone. My face must be a picture of confusion as Hayley explains, ‘Sorry, today’s the start of the Dew Ski Tournament. One of the biggest ski tournaments in the world. We get to practise this morning and then the competition will start Boxing Day, to you Brits. It gives outsiders a fair chance to get used to this mountain range. I take it you didn’t know?’ Hayley asks, raising her eyebrows and chuckling at my bewildered expression.
‘Wow,’ I say. ‘That’s really cool. I best get out of your way then and leave you all to practise. Good luck,’ I mumble as I nod in everyone’s general vicinity and start backing up. ‘Good luck. I’ll come back Boxing Day to cheer you on.’ I smile at Hayley and do a weird bow.
‘Hold on a minute,’ Hayley says. ‘Did you come up here on your own free will?’ She looks around, which I take to be her wondering where Madi is. ‘To snowboard? By yourself?’
I can already tell what Hayley is plotting and what I had originally thought to be a bold and marvellous idea on my part, one that I had been ready to give myself a gold star for, now seems like a terrible plan. Unfortunately, Hayley doesn’t seem to agree. She has a distinct sparkle in her blue eyes. Yes, Hayley is right. I had intended to come here and snowboard by myself, but the universe had other plans for me when it created this tournament, therefore it is leading me away from any broken bones. But I don’t need to tell Hayley any of that.