Now her concerns seemed trivial. That with Reg it would be easy to pretend there was something between them. And that with Shane, even though there was nothing, it felt like something. Because when she was with him, there was definitely not nothing.
She’d confessed the same thing to Shane earlier. Not the real Shane, of course, with whom she’d had an electrifying evening with at the club. No, it had been daybreak this morning in her bungalow over a cup of herbal tea when she was having that conversation with cardboard Shane. Who was so easy to talk to.
After that, she was disgusted with herself for having yet another tête-à-tête with a photograph, and actually got out of bed and turned the display around so that she didn’t have to see his expressive eyes or look at the powerful hands that had traveled down her back when they were dancing last night. Or notice those solid thighs that she had boogied around and between as the dancing got more and more wild. With the photo turned around, all she had to see was a white cardboard outline of the enthralling man she couldn’t stop thinking about.
Then the weirdest thing happened. When she woke up after conking out for a few hours’ sleep, the cutout had turned around. She opened her eyes to Shane’s welcoming face wishing her a good morning. Either she’d been sleepwalking and turned the photo around during the night, or the display was possessed with demonic abilities.
In any case, with this bad news about the construction delays, Audrey couldn’t back down. She’d have to go through with the plans. She could handle it. Absolutely. As long as she didn’t let it occur to her that she might want to spend every moment of the rest of her life with Shane Murphy.
Making a quick mental list, firstly she’d definitely need to keep her recollections away from yesterday afternoon at Feed U. How when she witnessed the smiles he brought to the faces of the kids, she thought sincerely for the very first time about what the joys of having a child might be. His praise for them made her ponder what it would be like to encourage someone, and to find pleasure in their achievement.
Second, it would not be her problem to figure out how to yank Shane out from the shadow he’d been under since his wife’s death. Hitting a nightclub and playing around with the kids was fine, but most of his time seemed to be spent in his own personal prison. He needed to live fully again, to unlock the inventiveness and skill he’d bound in chains. But that was another task that would categorically not be on her to-do list.
Third, to make this work, she most certainly wouldn’t be participating in evenings like last night again. Like when he ever-so-slowly slid his enormous hands down the bare spine her halter dress revealed, which was a sensation that would now rank in her personal hall of fame greatest moments of her life. Possibly even surpassing his slither against her in the sea ten years ago.
As long as there was none of any of that, she’d be fine.
* * *
Shane was already at the rooftop pool complex when Audrey and Daniel came up to meet him. This was where they’d tape one of the segments for Shane’s TV special and also where they’d hold the press brunch. The area was quite a contrast to the no-frills employee pool. Audrey loved the grandeur of what was dubbed Maurice’s Club, named after her grandfather who began the Girard hotel business.
This massive rooftop pool area was to be one of the highlights of Hotel Girard Las Vegas and she hoped it would be a big draw for guests. The day club pool scene in Vegas was a major part of the visit for the under thirty-five crowd. A day in the fresh air with cocktails, music and lots and lots of barely clad flesh brought people out in droves. And especially as a boutique hotel with no casino, many other events would take place at the pool, as well. She and her father had known that they would have to create a truly spectacular daytime venue to compete with what their giant neighbors had already established. And they had.
Audrey was thrilled to see the superb designs come to life. The area utilized a full L-shape of two sides of the roof of the square property. Glass guard rails enclosed the entire perimeter, which allowed a fun fifth-story view of Las Vegas Boulevard and the Strip.
The two swimming pools mirrored each other, both a sensuous pear shape. The narrower ends of the pools were linked together with a bridge. Guests would be able to walk over the bridge and interact with people in the water while swimmers could coast underneath to move from pool to pool. A crew was at work tiling both of the pools with turquoise glass mosaic.
As was the custom for pool clubs, a stage for well-known deejays and guest performers was under construction.
The landscapers had already planted rows of palm trees to define the club space. On the roof, round concrete platforms with two steps up to each level formed a staircase of patios where plush lounge chairs and small tables would be utilized by sun worshippers. Turquoise and fuchsia pink were the base colors for the pool decor. Coordinating umbrellas would provide shelter.
Six hot tubs were dotted across the roof. At the corner where the two sides of the roof met sat a section of pod-like structures, each of which had three walls and a canvas roof. These were the poolside cabanas for those seeking a luxury experience. With a curtain to draw for privacy, the interiors were to be equipped with a refrigerator to keep refreshments cold all day and wiring for electronics. Waitstaff would be shuttling in buckets of icy beers, tiered towers of seafood, silver trays of deserts. In essence, whatever the guest wanted, Hotel Girard would be able to provide. And charge for.
“Fabulous, sir.” Shane reached to shake Daniel’s hand after he had taken in the scope of this important hotel feature. “I walked through a couple of months ago, but now it’s really taken shape.”
“I’ve sent an eblast to our loyalty club members with an exclusive offer,” Audrey announced. “Two nights in a suite and two days of cabanas and cocktails at an attractive price.”
“Let’s hope we’ve got a winner here on all fronts,” Daniel said. “Audrey, fill us in on the press brunch.”
One of the events for the grand opening was to be a full press tour of the hotel followed by mini massages from the spa staff and concluding with a brunch.
“We’ll do the buffet here.” Audrey pointed to the outer corner of the L, “that way everyone gets a great view.”
“Good,” Daniel approved.
“Shane had some helpful recommendations that we do fruit kebobs and breakfast pastries so that guests can eat standing or sitting on loungers, rather than food that needs tables or a fork and knife.”
Shane lowered his aviator sunglasses and aimed his dark eyes at her, “I never said that.”
“Yeah, you did,” Audrey insisted. “When you also suggested we do a flavored-coffee bar and mini smoothies.”
“Those are good ideas. Not mine.”
Oops, Audrey winced. She hadn’t had that conversation with this Shane! That was from a late-night brainstorming session she’d had with clever cardboard Shane.
“Great, that’s what we’ll go with,” she quickly tried to cover. Shane wrinkled his eyebrows at her and then used one finger to secure his sunglasses back in place.
“What about the TV taping? You’re shooting part of it up here?” Daniel asked.
“Can I snap a few pictures of you on my phone just to think about placement?” Audrey asked Shane. Photo shoots and TV segments with Shane at different locations in the hotel would showcase the property and help promote his iconic image.
Right now in his aviators, chef’s coat and with those leather cords wrapped around his wrist, he had image to spare. He was so downright sexy she almost couldn’t believe what her eyes saw through the phone’s camera. Yes, photos of him would appeal to everyone on earth. Women would want to be with him and men would want to be him.
This was the man she had rubbed up against in the club last night. She couldn’t have had a premonition of what it would feel like to be out in public with him. She had no way of knowing that he’d swirl her int
o a vortex where the rest of the world disappeared.
But she was not about to let any true feelings for Shane find an opening in the barricade she had built. Feelings could only lead to pain. Feelings only got a person into trouble.
“Were you thinking of doing a segment from the stage?” Daniel pointed to the raised area still being constructed.
“I was.” Audrey snapped back to business. “But now I wonder if we shouldn’t do it on the bridge between the pools.”
“I’m not wearing a bathing suit.” Shane made a slicing motion with his hand to indicate his limits. Daniel and Audrey laughed.
“Although, come on, that would be funny if we had you rise up from the pool like a god of the sea,” Audrey bounced back. A sliver shot up her spine remembering that swish of wet Shane against wet Audrey in St. Thomas. “Seriously though, let’s do get you out of the chef’s coat for some of this. Maybe crisp white casual clothes. It will be perfect framing with you on the bridge, the pools gleaming, the Strip in the background.”
Daniel elbowed his daughter affectionately. “Nice.”
Shane nodded, too.
Audrey fixated on the bridge. On crossing a bridge. Passing from one reality in space and time. Into another.
* * *
“I had a nice time last night,” Shane’s voice called out to Audrey when she was on her third lap of the evening.
No! Not again! With twenty-four hours in a day, why were she and Shane in the employee pool at the exact same time again?
She asked the black sky for an answer but didn’t receive one.
Tonight, Audrey was so tired she didn’t even have the energy to run away from him. She just wanted to do her laps in peace, but he swam to meet her as she reached the edge of the pool.
“I had a really, really, really nice time last night at Big Top,” he repeated.
Audrey squeezed some water out of her hair. “I did, too.” Surely there was no harm in admitting that.
“I’ve been thinking all day about the imagination it took to conceive of that nightclub. While I’m beating my head against the wall in an empty kitchen, waiting for something to happen that just isn’t coming.”
“Would you be better off in the hustle and bustle of one of your restaurants?” she inquired with genuine concern. For people who didn’t know each other very well, she and Shane seemed to cut to the quick with some brutally honest conversations. Which filled her with a mix of terror and emancipation she didn’t know how to process. Her connection with him was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.
“I’m sure you’ve been in one of your hotel restaurants during the dinner service?”
Audrey nodded. It was like a hospital emergency room.
“Everything happens so fast,” he said, “you’re firing on all cylinders. Orders are being barked, dishes are being finished and sent out. Cooks and waiters are yelling. Dishes are clattering. It’s blistering hot and ear-splittingly loud. It can be the greatest rush in the world, but it can drain the life out of you.”
“It must be very hectic.”
“I used to thrive on it.”
He pushed off the side and swam a lap. Audrey followed. With him a foot taller than her, she finished well behind.
“I’ve fizzled out. Nothing sparks me up anymore.” They each held on to the edge of the pool.
He used two fingers on his free hand to move some strands of wet hair off her face. The tender touch across her forehead was in stark contrast to what he was saying to her.
She wasn’t sure if he was asking for advice. “The ecstasy is gone.” The pain in his eyes lasered toward her and struck at her heart. “I’m dead to it. I don’t know how to reclaim it.”
“But at Feed U, with the kids...”
“Oh, come on. Cutting up kooky-umbers for a bunch of cute munchkins who think I’m a rock star. How hard is that?”
It was impossible to reconcile the two Shanes. How could he deny the twinkle in his eye and the enthusiasm in his voice when he made salad with those kids and told them about the vitamins and minerals in leafy greens? That didn’t mesh with the imprisoned man who couldn’t break out of his own shackles.
“What would inspire you?” Audrey chastised herself for having thoughts on how to solve his problems. It wasn’t her job to get involved, although if he was going to finish the cookbook, he needed to confront what was holding him back. “You mentioned some old friends you know in Vegas that you haven’t been to see. Do you think that might help?”
“Maybe.” She could tell he wanted to tell her something else. He started to speak and then stopped himself. “There’s something I’ve only just figured out.”
“Do you want to tell me what it is?”
The pool water became still as they remained in place.
He stalled.
Exhaled.
Raked his hair.
Eyes darted out to the distance. Left to right as if he were defending his territory.
Then he looked to her.
But couldn’t bear it so he returned to surveying nothingness.
“I didn’t...”
Without finishing the thought, he took off for another lap across the pool. Audrey noticed the speed and ferocity with which he swam.
When he returned, his voice was tight and low.
“I didn’t love her.”
“Who?”
“My wife.” Shane shook his head back and forth as if he himself was in total disbelief. His words were like bullets. “I. Didn’t. Love. Her.”
Suffering poured out of his eyes as they met hers.
Audrey instantly wanted to reach out and hold him while he cried out all the agony he had inside. Which was strange because that wasn’t a gift anyone had ever extended to her. She’d always felt the need to hold herself together in front of other people. Any tears Audrey shed had been when she was alone. But she wanted to feel Shane’s teardrops on her skin.
At the moment, though, he looked untouchable so she didn’t dare move. Muscles spasmed in his arms and shoulders. Which convinced her that they weren’t having a conversation. She just happened to be in the pool while he was having an emotional breakthrough.
But she was here. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Silence.
He pushed off for another lap. She followed and met him at the other side. Squinting, he said, “We had gone to her mother’s cabin in upstate New York for a couple of days. To me, the trip was a sort of last ditch effort to make it better with her.”
“Did it help?”
“No.” He bristled as if arrows of memory were attacking him from every angle. “We were not a fit. We were just living out the whim we had acted on. It was growing more obvious with every day that we had nothing substantial between us.”
“And?” Audrey encouraged him to keep talking.
“A torrential storm blew through and we were snowed in,” he said as if he was seeing the blizzard right in front of him. “Instead of that being romantic and cozy, it only pointed out the chasm between us even more clearly. I really couldn’t take it anymore.”
He stopped abruptly, working something through in his own mind.
“What happened after that?”
His lower jaw jutted out as he continued processing his thoughts.
“I told her that as soon as the weather cleared and we could get back to the city I was going to move out of our apartment.” He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed back a breath. “I’m sure she wasn’t surprised. But she put on a jacket and went out the cabin’s door. I thought she was just going out to the porch for air until I heard the car engine.”
Audrey wrapped her hand around the leather cording that enveloped Shane’s wrist, unable to censor herself from wanting to offer some tangible support. He violently shook her hand off.
�
�Visibility was terrible,” he said as his head fell forward toward his chest. “I don’t know how she even pulled the car out of the driveway. Sheer will, I suppose. I sat staring into my cup of coffee, lost in thought. And sadness. I’d intended to make it work with her. I thought I had tried.”
“I’m so sorry,” Audrey muttered. She’d had no idea that Shane had been unhappy in his marriage. How many times had he told this story, and when he did, what got included and what got left out? What was he editing out now?
“By the time I comprehended what she was doing, I ran to the front door to stop her, but she was gone. I’d been so caught up in my own head, I’d let her go. Within a few miles of the cabin she crashed into a telephone pole.”
“You couldn’t have predicted what would happen,” Audrey interjected.
He leaned his elbows on the ledge of the pool and held his face in his hands. Sheer sorrow poured out of him. “The highway patrol had advised staying off the roads. I should have chased after her. I couldn’t protect her from the mistake of our marriage, but I should have shielded her from harm. I was her husband.”
“It doesn’t sound like she would have listened at that moment.”
“I was her husband. Who didn’t love her.” He gulped in some air. Jutted out his chin again and then retracted it. Anguish roiled through his voice. “I didn’t love her. I’ve never said that out loud.”
Drops of water trickled down from his hair onto his back. His voice rose. “I DIDN’T LOVE HER!”
CHAPTER SEVEN
“LET’S GO FOR a ride,” Shane said to Audrey when she arrived at the kitchen’s delivery dock. He’d texted her early this morning and asked her to meet him.
“Where are we going this time?”
“You want to take the bike?” he pointed to his nearby motorcycle.
“I most certainly do not want to take the bike,” she scrunched up her nose.
“I know, I know, you’re not dressed for it.” He repeated what she had said the last time when she wouldn’t put the helmet on. Indeed, in yet another prim business dress, today in navy, and her high heels, Audrey was not going to straddle his Yamaha. That was okay. He was only teasing her. With a wave, he opened the passenger door of the Jeep for her to get in.
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