“Full disclosure,” he says, “I thought I was meeting Will Roman and Ethan Waters for a drink at a sports bar, and they took me to a strip club. Please don’t be mad at me.”
I let out a sigh of relief into the phone. “I’m not, Dean. At least you told me instead of hiding it.”
“I miss you,” he says.
“I miss you, too. More than you know.”
“This is getting hard with us living in different cities and on different schedules.” He sounds somewhat deflated. “You would love my new condo. It has a view of the city and is close to all of the restaurants you like.”
“I can’t wait to see it.”
“I need to see you.” Dean sighs. “Just hearing your voice is making me hard. Fly out here for the weekend, or I can come to Chicago.”
“Were you joking about being hard?”
“No. I wish you were here to take care of me.”
“Are you still at the strip club?”
“In the parking lot.”
“Gross.” I chuckle. “Call me when you get home, and I’ll talk you through your problem.”
“Phone sex,” he beams, “now we’re talking, Kitten. You should FaceTime me so I can jerk off to your tits. I swear they’re getting bigger.”
Because I’m pregnant…
I laugh at his comment. “Hello, Dirty Dean.”
“What? I’m a man, and I love your tits. They’re fucking perfect. Like you.”
“In some strange way, this conversation is making me miss you even more.”
He breathes into the phone. “I miss us and the way things were when we were in college. Life was so much simpler back then.”
“Being an adult sucks ass.”
“Tell me about it. Try playing for a team that has a captain that hates your guts.”
“No one hates you. Stop being so dramatic.”
“I’m serious. It’s not like playing for the Senators.”
“Back then, you were a big fish in a little pond. Now, you’re a little fish in an ocean. You have to earn the respect of the older players. They won’t hand it to you. Give it time. Even Duke, if you can believe it, had issues with his teammates his rookie year. Hang in there and things will work out. Once they see how talented you are, they won’t hassle you as much.”
“Thanks, Kitten.” He pauses for a second. “Now, how about that phone sex?”
“Call me when you get home, and you can get me off, too.”
“Good thing I only live five minutes away from here.”
“Be careful, please. I know you were drinking. Drive safe.”
“Yes, Mom,” he deadpans.
I laugh at his stupidity. “Call me when you’re in bed and ready for me.”
“I will. Don’t fall asleep.”
“I promise.”
A few seconds later, we hang up. My heart races all over again. Tonight, we can be our old selves, but when I get the results from the doctor, everything will change.
Chapter Nineteen
Kat
With Silvia at my side, I walk down the long hallway toward the doctor’s office, sick to my stomach. Ever since I let the nurse draw my blood, I’ve been throwing up like I have a major illness. The home pregnancy tests are right. I know they are, even without the doctor confirming the results. But I have to know for sure.
The closer we get to the main entrance I can’t breathe. “What if it’s positive?” I say under my breath.
“Then, you have a lot of things to figure out,” Silvia says. “But at least you won’t be alone. I’ll be here for you every step of the way. So will your family and Dean.”
“Dean,” I whisper. “How am I going to tell him? This is going to ruin his life. I ruined his life!”
Silvia grabs my shoulder and moves me out of the way of the people behind us. “You didn’t ruin anything, babe.” She lowers her voice and continues, “This is not the end of the world. And must I remind you that Dean was there, too. If he was so worried about getting you pregnant, he would have pulled out.”
“I’m an idiot.” I shake my head, disappointed with myself. “I waited until I was twenty-two to have sex, and I get knocked up by the guy who takes my virginity. How dumb can I possibly be?”
“C’mon, babe, we’ve talked about this already. You’re not dumb just inexperienced. Dean should have known better. He does have experience.”
“He probably thought I was still on the pill to regulate my periods.”
She laughs. “You actually told him about your periods?”
“Yeah, I tell Dean everything. The pills were working great until I started getting migraines from them.”
“He knows you as well as I do,” Silvia points out. “Dean didn’t forget about the pills. He just didn’t care or think or whatever it is that happened that day. Either way, you need to get your shit together and stop blaming yourself. You didn’t make a baby alone, and you know Dean will be there to support you.”
“His captain keeps giving him shit. I know the older guys are trying to get in his head to see if he has what it takes to play with them, but I can’t help feeling like I messed everything up. He’s still adjusting to his new life. I don’t want to screw up his game because of this. Dean has to focus. He doesn’t need this distraction.”
“Kat, stop it. You’re not a distraction to him. Dean loves you. I’ve never seen a man more in love with a woman. He would do anything for you.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t want him to give up anything for me. I want him to have everything he dreamed of since he was a boy. He didn’t grow up like us. The NHL is the opportunity of a lifetime for him. I love him too much to allow him to throw it all away.”
“Why on earth would you think he would do that?”
I roll my shoulders. “I don’t know. I just do.”
She slides her arm across the back of my neck and hugs me. “You’re overreacting, babe. Stop talking like this. Everything will work out with you and Dean. He won’t ruin his career or his life. If anything, I think it will make his life better.”
“How? I have a job in Chicago, and Dean lives in Philly.”
“You hate your internship.”
“More than anything,” I admit.
“Then, I don’t see what’s stopping you from living with Dean.”
I sigh, unable to meet her gaze. “I don’t want to be like my mom.”
“Seriously, you have to chill out.” Silvia grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “You’re not your mom. You don’t have to give up anything, okay? Not unless you want to. If moving to Philly to be with Dean will make you happy, then march into the office tomorrow and quit.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is.”
Annoyed, I sigh. “You don’t understand.”
“Yes, I do,” she snaps. “My dad wasn’t around much when I was a kid either. You need to get over that. Dean will be there for you and the baby if you let him. So, let him be there.”
I nod at the open door at the end of the hall. “Can we just get this over with?”
She bobs her head.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I don’t feel like myself anymore. My hormones are all out of whack.”
“It’s okay.” She rubs my back. “You can do this, Kat.”
We stop in front of the counter and the secretary points at the sign-in sheet. She doesn’t even say hello as I scribble my name on the page. After years of coming to this office, you would think she would be a little nicer, especially today, of all days.
I sit next to Silvia in the waiting room. After a while, a nurse dressed in light blue scrubs opens the door across from us.
She peeks down at the chart in her hands and says, “Katherine Baldwin.”
“Wish me luck,” I say to Silvia as I get up from the chair.
She gives me a hopeful smile, and then I follow the nurse into the back of the office. After she weighs me and takes my vitals, she notates the information in my chart withou
t speaking a single word to me. Nervous energy rushes through my body, igniting a fire beneath my skin. I hate doctors. I grew up with them coming and going from my house. Maybe I should have asked Silvia to come back with me.
“Hello, Kat,” Dr. Grady says as he enters the room. “How are you feeling today?”
“Worse than a few days ago. My stomach is killing me. I feel like I have a constant fever. I know something is wrong with me. I can feel it.”
He closes the chart and sets it on the table next to me. “You’re pregnant, the test confirms it.”
My heart speeds up to an abnormal rate, the air draining from my lungs as I try to speak. “Are you sure?”
Dr. Grady nods. “We sampled your blood. It’s the most accurate test for pregnancy.”
“So, what am I supposed to do now? I don’t know anything about babies or raising one.”
“When was the last time you were sexually active?”
“Almost three months ago.”
“Then, you’re not too far along,” he says, ripping a piece of paper from the pad in his pocket. “Here’s a list of OBGYN’s in the area. The names I put a star next to offer a concierge service.”
My brothers and I were all delivered at home by a concierge doctor, but he retired a long time ago. Dr. Grady stands, and I struggle not to cry in front of him.
“Take care of yourself, Kat.”
“Can you please not tell my dad before I get the chance?”
“Of course not,” he says in a stern tone. “There’s a thing called doctor-patient confidentiality. I wouldn’t dream of breaking it, not even for Nick Baldwin. How is your dad, by the way?”
“Good. He still travels a lot.”
“How are your brothers? Are they still getting hurt all the time?”
I shrug. “You know my brothers. They like to get into fights and break things.”
He chuckles. “They sure do.”
I slide off the table and follow him out of the room. He congratulates me, which I’m not sure I want to hear yet, and then we part ways. My first thought is to call Dean. Whenever I have a problem, I run to him, except now he’s part of the problem.
Chapter Twenty
Dean
With minutes left on the game clock, we’re losing by one goal. My heart beats faster, adrenaline flooding through my veins as I skate down the ice. I don’t get as much playing time as the older guys on the team. But when we’re on the ice together, I’ve never felt more in the zone.
Excitement oozes from the fans cheering from the stands. Their confidence in us only makes me want to work harder and skate faster. Tyler Kane still crawls up my ass every chance he gets. I know he’s trying to toughen me up with his intimidation tactics. Still, it’s frustrating.
I look to my left and pass the puck to Ethan, who has more of a chance of scoring than I do. As three players crowd around us, attempting to strip the puck away, we have to work together as a unit. Like me, Will and Ethan seem to play better under pressure. They both thrive off it.
Ethan switches the puck to his left side to avoid his opponent’s stick. He takes the shot. The puck slides past the goaltender’s skate, the goal horn sounding as the puck crosses the line. The Wells Fargo Center goes wild, cheers echoing throughout the packed arena.
I skate back to the bench, sweat dripping down my forehead and into my eyes. When I strip off my helmet, I glance over at Mickey Donoghue, my new agent who’s watching from the front row. None of this feels real. I have an agent and play for the Flyers. A few months ago, I was a college hockey player with a dream. And I don’t just have an agent, I have the best in the business.
Mickey is sitting next to Alex Parker’s wife, Charlotte ‘Coach’ Coachman—now Parker. She’s made a name for herself in this city and the sports world. Most of the guys on the team are represented by either Coach or Mickey. When Nick Baldwin was in the NHL, Mickey represented him. Now, he controls the careers of her older brothers.
I still feel like I’ll wake up tomorrow and I will have imagined all of this. Because of this dream I chased so hard I have everything I’ve ever wanted. Except for Kat. She’s the missing piece in my life. But I’m working on that…
We win the game in overtime. After I get out of the shower, I fix a towel around my waist and grab my cell phone from my locker. I have several text messages and one missed call from Kat.
Congrats, Dean!
You were amazing!
I miss you.
Call me when you get this.
I miss her so damn much my chest aches as I read her messages.
“What are you smiling about?”
I cringe at the sound of Tyler Kane’s deep voice. After I shove my phone back into my locker, I turn around to face him. “Nothing.”
Kane slaps my back. “Keep playing like that, Crawford, and maybe we’ll get past the first round this year.”
I nod, surprised he’s complimenting me instead of being a dick. Will said I have to show Kane that I have what it takes to make it in the NHL. I suppose I’ve done that tonight.
After I get dressed, Ethan and Will appear at my side. I never see one without the other.
“We’re gonna stop by later,” Will says. “We have something to show you.”
My eyebrows rise in confusion. “Show me now.”
Will laughs and then points at me. “Would you look at him?” He at glances Ethan. “He’s all freaked out. Newbies, man. They scare so easily.”
Will confuses the hell out of me. I have no idea what to make of him. Ethan is quiet and keeps to himself most of the time, but Will is loud and obnoxious. Sometimes, I don’t know if he’s being serious about shit or wants to get a rise out of me.
“We’ll be over later,” Will says.
Before I can get in another word, they slip through the locker room. If it’s not a mind-fuck from Tyler Kane, I get it from Will. He’s weird-as-fuck, but at least he’s not an asshole. Just unusual.
An hour later, I’m back at my apartment that overlooks the Camden Waterfront. A handful of guys on my team live in the building and had insisted I buy an apartment because it has the best views in the city. I grew up with nothing, owning nothing. My mother, too. So, when I got this place for a steal, I couldn’t resist.
Alex Parker lives a few floors up from me with his wife and two sons. Ethan and Will share the apartment down the hall from mine, which is pretty awesome. The only downside is they show up whenever they please.
I sit on the couch with my phone in hand, about to call Kat back, when someone knocks on my door. Before I open it, I know who I’ll find on the other side. Ethan and Will are in the hallway, pushing their way into my apartment without asking if I want company. Will drops a pizza on the island in the kitchen. Ethan has a gaming system in his hands and a bunch of controllers.
“We’re playing The Fallen,” Will says. “And so are you. We need another player to round out our team.”
“What are you talking about?”
I move into the living room. They make themselves at home on my couches.
“It’s the game world Coach’s friend created,” Will says. “Don’t tell me you haven’t played The Fallen before.”
“No, I don’t play a lot of video games.”
My mom couldn’t afford to buy me an Xbox or PlayStation, so I did without it. Instead, I focused all of my time and attention on hockey. That worked out better than she had expected.
I sit on the leather couch next to Ethan. “Who’s Coach’s friend?”
“You know Jamie. He comes to some of our games with Alex’s wife.”
“Oh, that guy,” I say. “He doesn’t look like a gamer.”
Will chuckles. “No, he doesn’t. Jamie’s pretty cool for a programmer.”
“You in or what?” Ethan throws a controller at me.
I lift it and nod. “Sure, why not? But if we lose because of me, I don’t want to hear it.”
“You’ve never played a video game before?” Will cocks his
head at me. “I don’t buy that for one second.”
“I’ve played them at my friend’s houses, but I never owned one.”
Ethan and Will exchange a strange look as if they think I’m either a weirdo or lying. I can’t tell which.
After Will sets up the game, he plops down on the other side of Ethan, controller in hand. “You ready to kick some mage ass?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Huh?”
“Mages. That’s who we have to fight in the game. They’re magicians. I’ll explain as we go. Just don’t get us killed.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Great. No pressure or anything.”
Will chuckles.
Midway through the game, I turn the wrong way down a dark hallway in the castle and get my character killed.
“Dude,” Will groans. “What the fuck? You just fucked our team. We won’t get the points we need to advance.”
“I told you I don’t know how to play this shit,” I spit back.
“Get off his ass, Will.” Ethan clicks the buttons on the controller with his eyes fixed on the screen. “We can make it up to the Grand Mage’s spell room without him.”
Will sighs. “Yeah, but we would’ve gotten enough points to buy new gear.”
“It’s only a game,” I point out.
Will’s mouth opens wide, but he doesn’t respond. He’s too busy throwing magic at his opponents that are trying to block them from entering the stairwell. After they reach the top, they have to fight the Grand Mage, but they don’t advance to the next level. Both of their characters are killed with a blast of magic, forced to start the level over.
“Fuck.” Will throws the controller onto the carpet like a spoiled brat.
Ethan lets out an exaggerated sigh and then gets up from the couch. “We should go. I’m sure Dean wants us out of his apartment.”
Will glances over at me for confirmation.
“I have to call my girl. She lives in Chicago and has been waiting to hear from me all night.”
“Coach and Jamie are from Chicago,” Will says. “I wonder if they know each other.”
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