The visit with Kayla and the trip here with the kids this afternoon had been a diversion, too. And now here was Ellamae.
Lianne hadn’t seen her since the dinner at the Double S. She had gotten off easy that night, with Caleb’s family all around. She had managed to escape the inquisition at Kayla’s the morning after the party, too. When Ellamae had shown up with Nate, who’d immediately wanted to join Becky and P.J. for the overnight, Lianne had eagerly taken off with all three kids.
Another thing she couldn’t help but wish—that bringing the kids to the house for the sleepover had had a happier ending, too.
“Today was my treat to myself,” she said to Ellamae. “I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it than with the kids.”
Liar. She could think of another enjoyable way to spend the day. He just wasn’t an option for her.
Ellamae nodded as if she had read her thoughts. “Yeah. I’m taking a rare Saturday off, myself. But I wanted to let you know, I got the school on the agenda for the next meeting at Town Hall. A week from Monday.”
“That’s great. Your magic worked.”
“Always does.”
Lianne laughed. The town council meeting didn’t worry her. She already knew almost everyone in town. She would manage the presentation without a problem. And that night outside the Double S, she had made it clear to Ryan she would be the one to handle it.
Finished with their ice cream, Becky and P.J. wiped their hands and tossed the napkins in the trash. They ran to the swings on the other side of the playground.
“Those kids have a lot of energy, don’t they?” Ellamae said.
She nodded.
“Tess said she saw Kayla, and she’s having trouble reining in her energy, too.”
“But she knows what she has to do for the baby’s sake.”
“Of course.” Ellamae rested her crossed arms on the table. “With her expecting, I’d guess babies are on everyone’s mind.”
“Yes.”
“Have you thought about having kids of your own, Lianne? Someday, I mean. When you find the right guy, that is.”
Slim chance of that happening, either, considering her luck with both the man she had left behind in Chicago and the one she now lived with—temporarily. She felt herself flush. Ellamae’s narrowed eyes told her she had noticed it, too. She shrugged. “I’d like to have children. Someday. But it would definitely have to be the right guy.”
Chances were high her children would be deaf, too. Any man she married would have to be willing to accept the odds. Ryan…
Ryan. She held back a sigh.
What were the chances he would ever accept a deaf child of his own?
And why was she wasting time thinking about it? Thanks to his unwillingness to trust in her abilities, they would never have a future together.
“I imagine you’d want to think about having those babies soon,” Ellamae said. “Especially if you plan to catch up to Kayla. She’s already two ahead of you.”
She forced a laugh. “No contest. Kayla will always be ahead of me.”
“Well, I hope you find that guy and have that family soon. Kids bring a lot of joy into life.” Ellamae shook her head. “I can’t imagine ever losing a child, the way Ryan did.”
Her breath caught. “Ryan?”
How awful. She hadn’t known he’d been a father. Or that he’d ever been married.
“He hasn’t mentioned anything?” Ellamae asked, as if she had read her mind again. “I probably shouldn’t have slipped and told you.” She shook her head. “I really feel for that boy, with what he went through.”
No, he hadn’t mentioned anything. Not even the night they had almost made love. He wouldn’t have done that if he were still married. He wouldn’t have let her take him to her bedroom.
She didn’t want to sit on a playground bench and exchange gossip. But if she asked him about his child…if she asked about anything now…would he tell her? Again, what were the chances?
Everything seemed to come down to chance.
“What happened, Ellamae?”
“It was a car accident. His wife was driving. She had their boy with her. He was four then. Would’ve been five now. Just like P.J.”
Just like P.J. And Becky.
She looked across the playground and fought the urge to run over to give them a hug.
Ryan had talked to her about Becky only after she had confronted him. She could see how uncomfortable he’d felt at being around all of the kids. Now maybe she knew why. “How awful. His son. And his wife…?”
“Neither of them survived.” Ellamae shook her head. Despite the woman’s tendency to ask as many questions as P.J. did, Lianne knew those were genuine tears in her eyes. “Gotta have a lot of sympathy for a man in a situation like that.”
“Yes.”
They both sat looking at Becky and P.J.
Lianne blinked back tears, too. Why couldn’t she and Ryan be close enough now to talk about this?
Why couldn’t they have a future? She didn’t want to imagine one without him, but what chance did they have together? They couldn’t resolve their conflicts. She couldn’t work happily with anyone who micromanaged everything she did.
But none of that mattered when it came down to this. Losing a child had to be the most heart-wrenching grief a parent could suffer.
Yes, she had sympathy for Ryan. All the sympathy in the world. And chances were, she would probably never have the opportunity to tell him.
* * *
BETWEEN THE BRIGHT lights shining on a billboard highlighting the bar’s name and the neon lights in the window advertising different brews, Ryan could see his destination long before he arrived at it.
When Sam Robertson had called to tell him he was meeting up with another one of the local ranchers and invited him along, he’d taken him up on the idea. He’d enjoyed meeting folks at the community center, and it was about time he saw more of Flagman’s Folly. The night out couldn’t have come at a better time.
Tony and the rest of the boys had gone up to Santa Fe.
Lianne had taken off somewhere that afternoon, he had no idea of her plans for the evening and he wasn’t about to sit at home alone. He didn’t need to spend the night thinking about her, wondering what she was doing or worrying over who she was with—the way he’d done every time she’d gone out all dressed up.
The bar was out on a back highway. Probably a convenient place for folks to meet up, a thought confirmed by the crowded parking lot.
The building was rough-hewn on the outside and not much more spiffed up inside, with uneven planked flooring beneath his feet and a few low-hanging ceiling fans above stirring yeast-scented air. His kind of down-home place.
A long, well-used bar ran the length of one side of the room, a row of booths traveled down the other and a scattering of tables filled the middle, with barely a vacant seat in the house.
Sam had staked his claim on a far booth. Ryan made his way over there, dodging the lone waitress he could see working the floor. She carried a tray loaded with mugs and bottles.
“Hey.” He dropped his Stetson on the empty seat. “Think I’ll go pick up a brew before I sit.”
“Good idea. It’ll probably be a wait otherwise.”
At the bar, watching the waitress, he thought again of Lianne and the challenges she would have faced.
When he slid onto the wide leather bench across from Sam, he asked, “The place always this crowded?” He raised his voice over the conversations going on around them and a burst of laughter from the table for six near their booth. In the corner, a jukebox blasted a song into the room.
Lianne would enjoy the bass.
“They’re busy here Fridays and Saturdays, yeah,” Sam said. “The saloons are few and far between around Flagman’s Folly, so this place gets most of the trade.” He gestured with his mug. “How’re things going out at the ranch?”
“Good. Caleb’s back up in Montana, but we’re getting things pulled together. Eve
rything’s set for the group we’ve got coming in Monday.”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, Lianne mentioned the scouts when she was over at the house the other night.”
“She’s done a good job getting things together for them.” He had to give her that.
“She’s a phenomenal woman,” Sam said, shaking his head. “Kayla’s told me before how tough it is for someone profoundly deaf to do so well with lipreading. She’s a great role model for Becky. For anyone, when it comes down to it.”
“Yeah.” He focused on raising his full mug of beer without spilling it all over the table.
Sam looked past him and raised his hand in a greeting. “Here’s Ben.” He slid farther across his side of the booth to make room for the newcomer.
Once the man was seated, he reached across the table. “Ben Sawyer. Otherwise known as P.J.‘s dad. I gather you two have met. He’s talked up a storm about you.”
And about the little boy in heaven?
He gripped his mug.
Ben Sawyer seemed as talkative as his son. Fortunately, he moved the conversation along. “The kids are all over at Sam’s tonight. Which is probably why you’re here, isn’t it, Sam?”
The other man laughed. “I won’t deny it. Kayla’s climbing the walls, so my mom and Lianne thought having some friends over to visit would help distract her.”
So that’s where she is. He loosened his grip on the mug and leaned back against his seat. He refused to call it “sagging with relief.”
“Ben’s chairman of the town council,” Sam said.
“Yes,” Ben said, “and I’ll be seeing you at the next meeting, I assume. Ellamae’s sent out the agenda, and I noticed we’ll be viewing a presentation about the school.”
“You will,” Ryan confirmed. Lianne was making good progress on that, too.
As the talk moved on to local matters, he added to it from time to time. Mostly, he let the conversation flow over and around him.
The waitress stopped by every once in a while to replace their drinks. When it came to taking the food order, she had to bend down to hear over the surrounding noise.
Sam turned to Ryan. “Did Lianne tell you she used to wait tables in college?”
“Yeah, she mentioned it.” That first night she’d really talked to him. The night Caleb had made him her boss.
As he watched a few couples on the dance floor at the back of the room, he thought of the night at the community center, of dancing with Lianne in his arms. They hadn’t missed a beat.
It occurred to him he could have had her in his arms tonight, the way he had at that party.
And it occurred to him, as he drove home, his night out hadn’t done a thing to take his mind off her.
It wasn’t that late when he got to the ranch house, but her car already sat in the driveway. It stood to reason. The kids—except for Becky, of course—would’ve been carted home to their beds by now. The women probably would have called it an early night anyhow so Sam’s wife could get her rest.
It looked as though Lianne had turned in early, too.
The house was dark except for the lamp in the living room.
Upstairs, her door stood closed. A dim light showed beneath the door, too faint to be the overhead fixture or even the bedside lamp. Maybe the one on the dresser—that danged dresser that held that damned phone he’d allowed to destroy their one evening together.
He touched the door. Just a bare wood panel keeping him from joining her. From seeing her welcome him into her room again. But as with the phone vibrating on the dresser, she wouldn’t notice his knock at the door.
He thought of opening it anyway, envisioned her eyes lighting up when she saw him and her arm sweeping away the covers on his side of the bed.
His side of the bed.
A hot rush at the thought made his body hard. Cold reality propelled that body down the hall. The certainty he’d made the right decision had him sliding into his own bed feeling virtuous for more than one reason.
It didn’t have him feeling less alone.
The Louis L’Amour novel he’d carried from Montana sat on the nightstand beside him. In all these weeks, he hadn’t turned a page. But it was going to be a long night.
He opened the book to the place he had marked with a scrap of paper. No…not a scrap. A picture his son had drawn. With Jan’s help, and in the four-year-old’s print that earned him gold stars, he had carefully labeled the stick figures.
Mommy. Daddy. Billy. Tagalong. Ocean.
Ryan closed the book and set it back in place.
The night had just gotten even longer.
Chapter Fourteen
Outside the new corral fence, Lianne stood with one of the scoutmasters, watching the boys on horseback inside it.
To tell the truth, she mostly watched Ryan at work inside the corral.
Since the scouts had arrived and started their riding lessons, he’d loosened up a bit. Maybe since the boys were closer to Nate’s age than his son’s, it made a difference. Maybe if the younger kids hadn’t been around the other day, he would have been more relaxed with Nate, too. And maybe if he hadn’t lost his son, he would have been comfortable with Becky and P.J.
Still, with the scouts, he smiled more often and even laughed with them once in a while. It had been nice to see. She wished he’d do more of that with her.
On the other hand, at the moment, he was supervising the other cowboys while they gave the lessons, and she wished he would do a lot less of that with her.
Busy with the boys for the past couple of days, he had backed off…somewhat. And they’d both spent more time out on the premises, together, getting along. It was probably all show for the guests, but she had to admit it had been nice, too.
The guys seem to be having fun.
Lianne nodded and smiled at Phil, the scoutmaster, who had just signed to her.
They do, she agreed, signing back without speaking. There was no need to when they could understand each other without a problem. Too bad she and Ryan couldn’t do the same. She had seen Ryan watching them from time to time. It was too much to hope that overnight he had decided he wanted to learn sign language. But an interest was a start. Another step in the right direction.
Phil touched her shoulder. Do you ride?
She nodded.
Maybe you’ll go out riding with me one day?
Ryan headed their way. She took a deep breath and smoothed her hands down her jeans.
Beside her Phil rested his arm on the top rail. When Ryan approached, he said, “Have you got— Sorry, Lianne.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
He turned back to Ryan. “Lianne and I might want to go for a ride sometime this week.”
Ryan had worn a work shirt today that turned his hazel eyes blue. Now those eyes narrowed. “Thought you were here to watch over these boys.”
“I am. But we’ve got extra supervision on this trip so we can have some time off. I’ve never been to the Southwest. I’d like to do some sightseeing.” Phil smiled at her. “It’ll be nicer to do it with company along.”
The muscle in Ryan’s jaw ticked.
She had to bite her lip to hold back a smile.
Ryan tilted his head toward the barn. “Speak to Tony. He’ll get you fitted up. He’s a busy man, though. Better get to him while he’s around.”
“Right.” Phil nodded at her and then walked away.
She crossed her arms on the top rail and stared up at Ryan. “‘While he’s around’? Is Tony going somewhere?”
“You never know what folks will do.” He tilted his head toward the barn again. “I can see the guy knows sign language.”
“He took classes in high school.”
“Guess he doesn’t know how well you can read lips.”
“He wants the practice.” Now she let herself smile. “But did my eyes deceive me, Ryan? Or was that actually a compliment?”
“It’s not the first one I’ve given you.”
You’re beautiful.
She swallowed hard. He’d meant a compliment about her job—he had told her more than once that she had done nice work on some spreadsheet or other—but her memory had rushed to what he’d said the night they had been in her bedroom.
She looked down, not wanting him to read anything in her eyes. “Speaking of what folks will do, thanks for getting this done in time.” She touched the top rail.
He put his hand over hers. She hesitated, not looking up, wanting to stay there. For a moment. For a while. Forev—
For longer than she should. None of the scouts was near enough to see, and in any case, his body blocked their view. But she couldn’t stand there out in the open in the warm sunshine under a sky as blue as Ryan’s eyes…and hold hands with her boss.
* * *
FROM THE DOORWAY, Ryan surveyed the group of boys goofing off in the barn. After their first horseback ride since they’d started lessons, they needed a chance to unwind, but still…
“No slackers on this ranch,” he announced.
One of the boys closest to him, a redhead with more freckles than an Appaloosa had spots, rose from his stool and saluted. “Yes, sir.”
“At ease, cowboy. Take a load off.”
The kid grinned and sat again.
He hadn’t expected to get along with the boys as well as he did. They were older, though, and that made all the difference.
He and the cowhands had put in plenty of extra work to prepare for their guests. Caleb had brought in several more horses, and they’d readied the saddles, the tack and everything else the scouts would need for their rides. Lianne had appreciated that they’d finished the corral.
The extra work had kept him away from the main house—and Lianne—but the arrival of the scouts had unexpectedly changed things in that regard, too.
A shadow spilled across the barn floor beside him. The boys’ grins provided the first clue as to who’d come up to stand beside him. The faint scent of roses gave him the next.
Another benefit of having the scouts around. He got to see a lot more of Lianne.
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