Crushing On The Bully

by Sarah Adams

  “They’re probably used to it,” Skull said.

  “Just because the rest of the world is rude doesn’t mean I have to be as well,” Clarissa said and crossed her arms.

  “You know being nice defeats the purpose if it only makes you miserable,” Skull laughed.

  “So you’re saying I’m too nice?” she asked.

  “Yea,” Skull nodded.

  “That makes me feel so much better,” Clarissa said, “If I’m being too nice then it wouldn’t be wrong to tell you to go screw yourself! That I don’t want to see you again! You can’t just show up at my house in the middle of the night after getting into a fight. I don’t know what you’re into and I don’t want to. I’ve seen enough, Skull, and whenever I try to find out what the hell’s going on you won’t talk about it!”

  “Calm down, Bookworm,” Skull chuckled.

  “Don’t tell me to calm down, Skull! That’s another thing—I’m so tired of your silly little nickname! You know real adults don’t have them. They have jobs, careers, families and stuff like that! They don’t go around introducing themselves as Skull! It’s not even creative! It’s stupid and plain! If you were going to go and dub yourself something Goth or biker or what-the-hell-ever you should have put more thought into it,” Clarissa said and stomped her foot.

  “You’ve thought about that a little too much,” Skull laughed.

  “I have not!” Clarissa spat, “It’s just common sense.”

  She felt her cheeks go pink, because Skull was right. She had thought about him too much.

  “And as for real life, you don’t know anything of the world, Bookworm, you live in your little cushioned world and think that everyone outside of it is doing something illegal,” Skull laughed.

  “I do not,” Clarissa said, “I just happen to know you do illegal stuff. I saw you beat the holy crap out of that guy, Skull!”

  “And did you ever take just a freakin’ second to wonder why?” Skull said, his voice rising slightly and his eyes narrowing.

  Clarissa took a step back from him and held tightly to the shop key.

  “It doesn’t matter why, Skull! You still hurt someone!” she said, hot angry tears fell from her eyes even as she tried to blink them away.

  “And you think he hasn’t? You think...” Skull stopped short and paused for a second, “I’m not discussing this here and now.”

  “Then when?” Clarissa asked then said, “I don’t want to know. I just don’t want to, okay? I don’t want to know all about your illegal activities. I’m going home.”

  Clarissa turned on her heels and headed in the direction of South Avenue. She wasn’t going to get involved any more than she already had. Her feet stomped against the pavement with every quick stride she made.

  “Clarissa!” Skull called after her.

  She stopped in her tracks and took a deep breath. That was the first time he had actually used her name.

  “What?” she shouted back at him without turning to look.

  “Don’t do this,” he called.

  Clarissa could hear his footfalls against the sidewalk and she wasn’t sure what to do. She liked him, but was that going to be enough? She wanted to get to know him better. Hell, she wanted to help him if she could, but she had been told by her mother and other female relatives a woman should never date a man she thinks she can change. People don’t change for other people. They might lie so that you think they’ve changed, but they don’t really change. People only change for themselves and Skull didn’t seem like the sort of guy that wanted to change.

  “Don’t do what, Skull?” Clarissa asked, “Walk home?”

  “You know what I mean,” he sighed.

  “No, I don’t,” she said and crossed her arms.

  “Fine, I’ll tell you what I can,” he sighed and stepped in front of her, “but not here.”

  Now that they were standing under the streetlight Clarissa could see that his injuries looked much better than they had the night before.

  “Fine, whatever,” she said trying not to dissolve into tears again.

  “Do you want to come back to my place?” he asked.

  Clarissa shook her head.

  “Fine, we can talk at your place then,” Skull said and took both of her hands in his, entwining their fingers.

  “Fine,” Clarissa said and looked up into his deep brown eyes before rising to her tiptoes and brushing her lips against his. She wasn’t sure why she kissed him, but once their lips met her questions were answered.

  Skull’s tongue passed through her lips and danced into her mouth. Her tongue moved against his and her worries faded away. Skull offered a freedom she hadn’t even begun to ponder before meeting him. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and deepen the kiss, but at the same time she didn’t want to let go of his hands. There was something sweet and intimate about holding his hands while they kissed and Clarissa didn’t want to lose that.

  “Let’s get going,” Skull said when the kiss finally broke.

  “Okay,” Clarissa grinned at him and wiped her eyes to rid herself of the last tears that still clung to her long lashes.

  “Where’s your helmet?” he asked her.

  “At home,” Clarissa frowned.

  “At least it’s a short ride,” Skull said and helped her onto the bike.

  Clarissa held tight to Skull and listened to the roar of the engine beneath their bodies. The little voice in the back of her head told her to ‘stop this nonsense, right now!’, but her heart wasn’t in the mood to listen. Clarissa was so lost in the feeling of her body pressed against Skulls back that she didn’t realize they were at her apartment until Skull killed the engine. She opened her eyes and blinked up at the full moon. She grinned to herself, because the moon had been full on the day they met, too.

  Clarissa slid off the bike and watched as Skull pulled his helmet off and hung it on one of the handlebars. He turned to face her and Clarissa pressed her lips against his for a moment before leading him to the elevator. It was late at night and the elevator zoomed down to the ground floor almost immediately. Clarissa pulled Skull inside of the elevator and pressed the button that would take them to the fourth floor.

  She grinned at Skull and giggled. Clarissa didn’t know why she was laughing, but it felt good not to be able to stop smiling. Skull wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her again. Their tongues danced together as the elevator rose. The kiss ended suddenly when the high pitched ding of the doors opening startled them both. Laughing they left the elevator hand-in-hand.

  Clarissa slid the key into the lock and turned it, but the door didn’t open. She pulled the key out of the knob and looked at it before breaking into a fit of laughter.

  “Is it broke or something?” Skull asked.

  “No,” Clarissa shook her head, “This is the key to the coffee shop.”

  “Do you have your key?” Skull asked, arching a brow.

  “Yeah, just give me a minute,” she laughed, “here hold my purse open for me so I can look for it.”

  “You mean this key?” Skull asked lifting the red plastic key chain that hung from the side of her purse.

  “Yep,” Clarissa laughed.

  “Well, unlock the door then,” he grinned.

  “I’m trying to,” Clarissa giggled.

  Clarissa felt her face redden, but she wasn’t sure why. It was just as unexplainable as her fits of laughter.

  “Maybe because I’m standing on a big, ‘maybe’, which has a bunch of possibilities,” she thought to herself.

  “Shoes off,” she said, “I already have to steam clean the carpets.”

  “Okay,” Skull said and kicked off his boots.

  Clarissa locked the door behind them and grinned up at him. Skull pulled her back into his arms and kissed her again. Clarissa’s body felt raw to the touch and Skull’s hands lingering on the small of her back made her moan. Skull nibbled her lip and looked down into her eyes.

  The world seemed surreal as she wrappe
d her arms around his neck and lifted her hips, pressing them into his. She felt his manhood stir and her cheeks reddened. She could totally do this. She could just allow logic to fall aside and her body to fall into his. Clarissa rubbed her thighs together and deepened the kiss. Their attraction was mutual. So what was stopping them? Was there a reason not to?

  Skull pulled off his coat without breaking the kiss. Clarissa’s hands traveled down his shoulders and onto his arms. He winced and moved his left arm away when her fingers happened upon skin that felt warmer than the rest of him. Clarissa broke the kiss to look at his arm. An angry cry escaped her lips as she pushed him away. There surrounded by stinging red flesh was Skull’s new tattoo: A star with a bold X through it. She had seen the same tattoos on all the men at the AlleyCat Pub.

  “You didn’t?” she said and stepped back from him.

  “Didn’t what?” Skull asked, looking confused.

  “You joined their gang?” Clarissa said, but her voice was barely above a whisper.

  “It’s not what you think,” Skull said quickly.

  “Is that your answer to everything?” Clarissa shouted, suddenly finding her voice, “That’s what you’ve said about everything, Skull, and I’m sick and tired of hearing it! I know what it means for a whole group of people to have the same tattoo! I’m not as naive as you seem to believe I am!”

  “Clarissa, it’s not a gang!” Skull shouted back at her.

  “Then what the hell is it, Skull? Because I like you way too much and I refuse to get in any deeper if that’s the life you want! So if it is just get the hell out and don’t come back!” Clarissa yelled.

  “That’s the problem with all of you women!” Skull shouted, “You don’t listen! None of you! You only hear what you want to hear and then you go around interrupting and analyzing everything without ever knowing the damn truth!”

  “I wouldn’t have to try to interrupt anything if you would just tell me what the hell was going on, Skull!” Clarissa shouted and crossed her arms.

  “It’s... It’s complicated, okay?” he said, shaking his head.

  “Try me,” Clarissa said and narrowed her eyes.

  “I want to. I want to tell you, but I’ve worked too hard and I can’t screw this up! This is too important,” Skulls said.

  Clarissa’s mouth dropped open and her heart dropped into her stomach.

  “If your silly little bike gang is so freakin’ important, just get the hell out, Skull! I’ll be better off without you! Get out and leave me the hell alone! I mean it this time!” Clarissa shouted and pulled the door to open it, but despite her angry strength it didn’t budge.

  “Damn it,” she swore and unlocked it.

  “Clarissa, please calm down,” Skull said, “Please.”

  “Out!” Clarissa said tearing open the door. She stalked across the room and snatched his jacket up and threw it into the hallway before chucking his shoes out in the same unceremonious manner.

  “Clarissa!” Skull said.

  “Skull, get out!” she shrieked.

  Clarissa made herself watch Skull leave. She counted the steps that it took him to cross the threshold. Fourteen. Fourteen steps was all it took for him to be out of her life forever. Clarissa slammed the door and locked the deadbolt before falling to her knees.

  Her heart was still beating and her lungs were still drawing in air, but Clarissa wasn’t sure how, because she felt hollow inside. How could organs sustain her if they had vanished. She lay on the floor and press her cheek against the carpet. It felt soft against her skin as the first tear fell.

  “I’m only crying for the ‘what if’ that’s gone,” Clarissa told herself, “The lost possibilities.”

  She didn’t believe the words even as she sobbed them into the carpet. She had let herself fall hard for a guy that would never be hers. Clarissa didn’t want him to be hers, not if he was going to throw his life away. It was better this way. She wouldn’t survive watching him spiral into the depths of hell and throw everything away.

  Clarissa didn’t call Julie, though the thought did cross her mind. She didn’t think that her bestie would be capable of understanding what she was feeling tonight.

  Chapter Seven

  Skull grabbed his jacket and shoes and stormed down the steps without looking back. His breaths came out in short angry pants as he sprinted down to the ground floor. Why did he keep trying with that infuriating woman? Why did she insist on prying into the tiniest details of his life? Okay, so some of the things she asked about weren’t exactly tiny, but she needed to mind her own business. If she didn’t she could get hurt. If she knew too much, it could become dangerous for her. So why couldn’t she just trust him a little longer?

  He was close to achieving his goal. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. He just needed time, but no one wanted to give it to him. As the minutes and hours turned to days, weeks and eventually months and years everyone else had given up, but he hadn’t. He wanted answers and he’d have them.

  Once outside he stepped into his boots and laced them up, making a mental note to himself not to take his shoes off at her place again. Was he really planning on seeing Clarissa again? Yes, despite how crazy it seemed Skull did plan on doing just that. She was quirky and frustrating, but he couldn’t stay away.

  For the month that she avoided him he had driven by her place several times trying to get up the nerve to explain things to her. The guys of Starless had told him not to.

  “Gal’s better off in the dark for now,” Hugo had said.

  “Don’t get her wrapped up in this,” Lobster warned, “She’s a happy girl and you don’t want to fuck with that.”

  “Lotta help you bastards are,” he cursed as he slipped his helmet on, “Maybe I should have told her in the first place. She couldn’t be any more useless to the situation than you ass hats, could she?”

  Skull revved the engine and headed towards the pub. He knew he shouldn’t head there angry, but he couldn’t face his empty apartment yet. Not when less than five minutes ago he had been on the verge of confessing everything to Clarissa. How that quirky woman had won him over, he might never be sure.

  At times Skull thought it might be her vulnerability. Other times he thought it might be the ember of fire that burned within waiting to go off at him without warning. Clarissa was damn sexy when she was angry.

  Skull parked his bike in front of the pub and killed the engine. He tore the heavy helmet from his head and hung it on the handlebars. Before stepping away from his bike he took a few deep breaths. The Starless guys weren’t being unhelpful on purpose and he knew that. Hugo had threatened to quit helping him in his search if he lost his temper again.

  “I shouldn’t have come here,” he said as he walked inside.

  “Skull!” Lobster cried out cheerfully, “Didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”

  “Well, here I am,” Skull said, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing. He turned to the bar tender and ordered a soda. He was still a few months from being able to drink, but he didn’t think he wanted to even then. It would just dull his senses.

  “You just need to leave that girl alone,” Hugo chuckled, “You have more important things to worry about, Skull.

  “I don’t want to talk about her,” Skull said staring into his dark colored soda.

  “She break up with you again?” Lobster asked.

  “I said I don’t want to talk about it,” Skull said.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” Lobster chuckled.

  “Leave him be,” Hugo said.

  Skull sighed and guzzled down his soda before storming out. He couldn’t face his empty apartment, but he couldn’t stand another moment of being trapped in the pub with the Starless either. He put his helmet back on and headed towards the highway. He needed a long quiet ride to help him unwind.

  “That always does the trick,” he grinned to himself.

  Chapter Eight

  Avoiding Skull was more difficult than Clarissa had thought
it would be. Before meeting him by chance at the grocery store she hadn’t even know of his existence, but since the night she kicked him out of her apartment two months ago, he seemed to be everywhere she went. The weekend after their blow out she went shopping at the mall with Julie. Clarissa hadn’t bothered to tell Julie that she had seen him again or what had transpired between them. She just wanted to let the memories fade away and to be done with Skull, while she still could.

  “Look it’s that guy again,” Julie whispered in her ear as they walked towards the food court.

  “What?” Clarissa hissed, “Where?”

  She knew there was currently only one guy that would make Julie talk in low, hushed tones.

  “To the left at the leather store,” Julie said and Clarissa turned to look, but Julie stopped her, “No, don’t look. Let’s just hurry up.”

  “Clarissa!” Skull’s voiced reached her ears and her heart skipped a beat and she stopped in her tracks, paralyzed.

  “Just act like you didn’t hear him,” Julie urged, pulling on her arm.

  “Go ahead,” Clarissa sighed, “I’ll meet you at the food court.”

  “Are you sure?” Julie said her face scrunched up in what was supposed to be a sympathetic look.

  “Yeah,” Clarissa nodded, “Go ahead.”

  “Okay, good luck, Rissa” Julie said and walked away quickly, looking back over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

  “Hey,” Skull called out as he crossed the hall, making his way through the Saturday afternoon crowd. Clarissa thought about trying to disappear in the crowd, but she didn’t want to worry all afternoon that he was following her around or that they would cross paths again.

  “I told you I didn’t want to talk to you anymore,” Clarissa said looking down at her feet, because she didn’t trust herself not to forgive him if she looked at the broad grin that displayed his dimples so well that his voice told her he was flashing.

  “I know, but we need to talk,” Skull said reaching out to take her hand.

  “I don’t want to,” Clarissa said and pulled away, “I’ve heard all I need to hear.”