Outlaw's Kiss

by Cheryl Pierson

  “Talia…”

  The ragged rasp of her name on his lips kindled a full-blown raging flame of desire.

  Oh, dear Lord. She couldn’t let this happen. Not again.

  But his hands were gentle on her shoulders, and with the slightest urging, she turned and went into the strength of his arms, floured hands and all.

  Then, his mouth was on hers in a kiss that raged with all the want and need and desire for her that he’d carried with him forever—for the dream that could never be his. When he pulled away and looked down into her eyes, his gaze was so intense she felt her heart nearly stop.

  She put her white-dusted hand to his cheek and he smiled wistfully. “I wish things were different,” he said quietly. “I wish I had never sold my gun. I wish I’d never left you…I wish I’d never found you—”

  But Talia couldn’t bear it. She put her lips to his gently, as tears stung her eyes. “Don’t you say such a thing, Jacob Miles Morgan! I wish you’d never left, too! But I still remember the day I fell in love with you.”

  He gave her a long bold look. “Talia…you shouldn’t—don’t say things you can’t back up, sweet girl. And just how do you know my full name, anyway?”

  She ignored his attempt to sidetrack her. “You don’t believe me? Well, you’ll remember it. And if you say you don’t, you’re a liar. I brought an extra roll to school, and you ate it. I knew before when I offered you food from my lunch that you wouldn’t eat it because you were taking care of me. But when I brought extra, you took it.”

  “That roll was like nothing I’d ever tasted,” he said quietly. “Sweet, and fresh, and airy-light…filled with love.”

  “I made it myself, Jake. That’s why it was special—to me, anyhow. I asked—I asked if you liked it, remember?”

  He gave a short laugh. “Oh, yeah, I remember. And I said somethin’ stupid like, ‘It was okay.’”

  Talia smiled at the memory. “You had your pride.”

  “Yeah…I wish I’d told you at the time that was the best thing I’d ever eaten…and the only thing for the past two days before then.”

  Talia nodded wordlessly. “Please,” she said softly, “don’t say you wish you’d never met me.”

  “I don’t like looking at things through a window that I know I can never have, Talia.” He took a step back, glancing around her kitchen. “Look at this—you’ve got a home, here. You’ve got family, and friends. You belong.” He turned away from her, unsteadily. “I don’t,” he said. “I don’t belong anywhere, to anyone.”

  ****

  Jake’s words had found their way straight to her soul as nothing else could have. Talia went about the motions of cooking, but there was no joy in it for her. How could he be so blind? She’d thrown herself at him and he’d walked away. By trying to protect her, he was going to be the cause of unhappiness for both of them for a lifetime, it seemed.

  Somewhere in the back of her mind she heart Michael talking with Jake in the front room. Jake suggested checkers and Michael hurried to round up the checker board and playing pieces.

  She’d planned on a chicken dinner tomorrow for their Christmas feast, but somehow, it didn’t seem right to kill anything on Christmas Day.

  But that was the only meat available to them, and they were down to so few chickens, this would most likely be one of the last times they’d be able to have meat before spring, unless Michael shot a rabbit or squirrel—and that didn’t happen often.

  Just then, Michael came into the kitchen. “Talia I’m goin’ out to the barn to check on the animals and make sure their water ain’t froze.”

  “Isn’t. And—” A sudden thought entered her mind about what Jake had said about being followed, wanting her to lock everything up tight…What if there was someone out there? The man who’d shot Jake could have trailed him—though Talia had to admit it wasn’t likely. “I’ll come with you,” she said, wiping her hands clean.

  “I can check the stock,” he argued.

  “I know, but I’ve got everything in the oven and we’ll get through quicker if we both go.”

  “That guy ain’t in the barn, Talia. It’s a blizzard out there—”

  “Nevertheless, Michael, we’ll go together and make short work of it,” she answered brusquely, walking toward the front room where her heavy cloak hung on a peg.

  Jake stood near the front door, his coat buttoned up over his shirtless body. “Let’s go, kid,” he said, his smile eliciting a wide grin from Michael in return.

  “No—Jake—” Talia noticed the careless way he stood—near the wall, in case he found himself in need of support; the position he held himself in—ready for action with the revolver he wore in his gunbelt—yet, dreading it, if it were to come about. He could never be called weak, even when he lay unconscious on the blood-stained sheet covering the couch—but it was taking every ounce of his energy to stand in one place.

  “I can do this,” he murmured, his dark eyes boring into hers.

  She saw instantly there was no stopping him—that he would go through with this, whether it was to save face before Michael, who idolized him, or to put up a front for her, so as to appear as strong as ever.

  “Jake—” She broke off, watching the stubborn set of his jaw. The longer they stood arguing the more of his strength would slip away. “Be careful,” she finally said, as Michael opened the door.

  “I will.”

  Then, they disappeared into the snow, and Talia ran to the window to watch as they made their way through the world of white toward the barn in the distance.

  The shotgun had been replaced in the rack over the door, Talia saw. She went to it and took it down, breaking it open to be sure Michael had loaded it as she’d asked.

  Of course, he had. He was a good boy, trying to become a man.

  She put the gun back in place, her heart pounding as she waited, and the minutes ticked by.

  ****

  The door rattled, and Talia hurried to hold it open as Jake and Michael entered, along with a wintry blast of snow and icy wind.

  “See, I told you he wasn’t hiding in the barn, Talia!” Michael said with a cocky grin.

  Talia shut the door behind them quickly.

  “Ol’ Ray Leonard, he’ll have to answer to some fire an’ lead if he shows his face around here,” Michael blustered.

  Jake shot him a glance. “You gonna give it to him, youngblood?”

  Michael sobered quickly. “No—I just…I thought—”

  “Killin’ another man is somethin’ you can’t ever change, or take back. Let’s hope he doesn’t show up here, all right, Mike?”

  Jake shrugged out of his coat and pulled it off, then wearily trudged toward the sofa.

  Michael nodded, belatedly. “Uh, yeah.” He reached to adjust Jake’s coat on the wall peg from its precarious position.

  “I put some hot cocoa on,” Talia said. “Michael, come get warm by the fire, and I’ll bring it in.”

  As she left the room, she could hear Jake explaining something in a low tone to her brother. Probably chastising him for his gleeful remark earlier. She should have corrected him herself.

  She poured the hot cocoa and set the cups on a tray, then carried them to the front room. It was a mark of how little strength Jake had left, she thought, that he had stretched out on the sofa again.

  She carried the tray to Michael and he took one of the cups eagerly. Then, she set the tray on the hearth. She picked one of the remaining cups up and turned to Jake. “Here, this will make you feel better,” she said with a smile. “Hot cocoa is good for most anything.”

  He sat up slowly, grimacing at the pull of the healing wound. “Hot cocoa, huh?” He reached to take the cup from her. “Let’s see if I like it.”

  At first, she thought he was teasing. But when he tentatively took the first sip, Talia’s heart almost shattered. The look of wonderment and pure enjoyment that passed across his handsome features could only mean one thing; this was the first time he’d ever tas
ted it.

  “Talia...this is—” He looked up at her. “Uh—good. Really, really good.” He took another sip, and then another.

  Michael watched him curiously. “Haven’t you ever had hot cocoa before?” he asked.

  Jake shook his head. “My raisin’ wasn’t like yours, Mike.”

  “Your ma—maybe she didn’t know about hot chocolate,” Michael said, and Talia could see he thought he’d hurt Jake’s feelings somehow.

  “I didn’t have a ma for very long. She died when I was young.”

  “Mine did, too,” Michael said. “You know what it’s like, then.”

  “Did you see anything in the barn?” Talia asked, filling the awkward silence and changing the subject. She couldn’t let Michael start to feel an affinity with Jake. It would be hard enough for him when Jake left, now. “Any sign of anyone at all?”

  “No. Everything looked fine.” Jake took another swallow of the warm drink. “Animals are okay.”

  “The snow’s slowing down a little,” Michael said from where he sat on the floor. “Talia, your cocoa’s getting cold.”

  “Come sit down,” Jake said, moving over so she could join him.

  Talia took her cup from the tray and sat beside Jake, facing the fire. It was time to bring up a topic she hated to mention. “Michael, I’ve got a pot of potato soup on for supper tonight and we’ll have yeast rolls with it, but we’ll be—we’ll be having chicken tomorrow for our Christmas meal.”

  He looked up at her quickly. After a moment, he nodded. “I sure hate to—to kill anything on Christmas Day.”

  Her heart clenched at his echo of her earlier thoughts. “Yes, I know, but—”

  “We don’t have to have chicken,” Jake said. He finished the last of his cocoa, and turned to look at Talia. “Do we? You’ve been cookin’ all day in there—probably enough to feed an army.” He flashed her a quick smile. “We’ll have enough to eat.”

  “But there won’t be any meat.”

  Jake leaned back into the sofa. “Darlin’ I have eaten many a meal that didn’t include meat.” His dark gaze held hers. “Let’s don’t kill on Christmas Day. I want us to all enjoy our meal.”

  A lump formed in Talia’s throat. If she never received another gift, she would cherish this one. Jake was a rare man. To think of Michael’s unwillingness to kill, to protect his tender heart—Jake had to have understood in his soul what Michael felt. And, from his quick response to Michael’s unspoken plea, Talia knew Jake had found himself in a similar position as a young boy. Talia’s heart ached for him. Michael stood and picked up Jake’s empty cup along with his own and carried them to the kitchen.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, as Michael disappeared into the kitchen.

  “Killin’ chickens is a messy business for such a joyful day,” Jake replied, not looking at her. “Killin’ any living thing is hard. For anybody. Anytime. But especially on Christmas.”

  Silence engulfed them for a moment, then Jake said, “Mike’s a tender-hearted boy.” He pulled her close and laid his cheek against the top of her head.

  “Like you?”

  Jake smiled against her dark hair. “My secret’s out.”

  “I’ve known it for years.”

  “Mm-hm. You understood me. Guess that’s why I’m here now.”

  She nodded. “I—I suppose you’re hungry as a bear, what with all this talk of food and you not having eaten.”

  He smiled and lifted himself away from her, nodding at her forgotten cup. “That helped.”

  “Here,” she said, handing her cup to him. “Drink mine.”

  His brows came together. “Talia?”

  “I—I need to go back to the kitchen and see if the cake has cooled enough to put frosting on it.” She handed her cup to him.

  “Does this mean you have feelings for me, Ma’am?” he teased

  The blush rose warmly to her cheeks.

  “Givin’ up that cocoa must mean something’.” He lifted it to his lips, his eyes crinkling with laughter as he took a drink.

  He seemed to see right into her soul. Talia looked away from him and stood up.

  “Hey,” he said, suddenly serious again. “You know me, Talia. I’m just playin’. I know better.” He set the cup on the table.

  Slowly, she turned back to face him.

  His gaze held hers. “I know you’re a dream I can never have. You always have been. Only one time, I was able to have what I wanted. And I had to buy it with a donation to the school.”

  Talia stood quietly, mesmerized by his low voice—a confession she’d never expected to hear from him, this rough-and-tumble gunman.

  He looked around the room. “You have so much here, Talia. A home, family—” He nodded at Michael who was headed up the stairway. “Love. You have—”

  “Jake, you could—”

  He reached for her hand and pulled her back down to sit on the sofa. “No, now—just listen—” He put two fingers to her lips. “Listen. I know what you’re about to say, but it’s because you’re lonely. Because you want a man—”

  She started to protest, but he went on.

  “You’ll find the right one, Talia, but it’s not me. I don’t have anything to give you. Look at me! I’m shot. I maybe have someone followin’ me.” He shook his head. “I was wrong to come here. Bring this down on you.”

  “Where did you think you could go?” Her heart was in her eyes, but she was beyond veiling her emotions. Her voice was low, and filled with such caring he couldn’t miss it. “Where else but here? To me?”

  He smiled slowly, leaning his head back on the sofa, looking into the fire. “I couldn’t pass up a chance at heaven, could I?” He stared into the flames. “I knew what I’d find here. I pictured your home to look just like this. Warmth everywhere—not just from the fire. I gave in because I was hurt and—I needed you.” He nodded toward where Jingles lay by the fire. “You have him to blame, you know. He was bringing in the strays.”

  Talia reached to touch the dark hair at his temple. I needed you, he’d said. “You’re not a stray.” You belong here, with me.

  “I guess I don’t know any other way to be.” He sighed. “Talia, if you keep that up I’m gonna kiss you again.” His voice sounded rough.

  She leaned against him, carefully. He turned to look down into her upturned features.

  “I feel like that too, sometimes, Jake. Like a stray. Like I don’t belong. Like I’m just waiting for—for something, and I don’t know what it is.” She settled against his bare flesh, as if it were something she did every day. Slowly, he put his arm around her.

  The fire popped. The room was warm and cozy, as Jake had said—and not just because of the fire. Love was all around. In Jake’s gentle embrace; in the way he relaxed his guard, putting his roughened cheek against the silk of her hair; the possessive kiss he placed atop her head; and in the close wordless bond between them.

  Surely, he must feel it, too.

  “I know you must be wonderin’ what happened between me and Ray Leonard to make us take shots at each other. I’ve sold my gun, Talia, but not without cause.”

  “It doesn’t matter to me!” She looked up at him, knowing her heart was in her eyes, and she had no pride left where he was concerned.

  His dark gaze held hers with a mixture of wonderment and denial, and she understood he was thinking of his earlier words to her.

  “You’ll find the right one, Talia, but it’s not me.”

  Could she change his mind before he disappeared again?

  “It doesn’t matter,” she whispered.

  “It does to me,” he said, looking away. “I’d love nothing more than to stay here with you and Mike. Be part of a family. Be the man you’ve always seen in me. But it would ruin you for sure, Talia—and hurt Mike in the long run.”

  “He wanted to give you something for Christmas, you know,” Talia said numbly. “He thinks the world of you.”

  Jake’s lips curved faintly. “See? That’s what I’
m talkin’ about. I’m not the kind he should look up to.”

  “Yes, you are.” If she didn’t speak what was in her heart, he’d be riding away again. And now that he was here, she understood what she’d longed for during the past five months was not the respectability she’d lost, but the realization of the dream she’d held—a life with the man she’d been in love with since those early schooldays.

  Jake shook his head, but before he could speak, Talia said, “I love you Jake Morgan, and though you haven’t said it, you love me, too.”

  His eyes were hard when he turned to look at her, but she went on.

  “Why won’t you say it? Admit it? You and I both want the same thing in this life—each other. I’ve never had another man offer to pay one thousand dollars for a boxed dinner and a kiss!”

  “A kiss that ruined you, Talia—an outlaw’s kiss. I figured you wouldn’t do it for a penny less!”

  Tears welled in her eyes as she sat away from him. “You are a fool, Jake! I would have done it for free—as long as you made an honest woman of me. You riding away—”

  “I didn’t want to leave, dammit!” He stood up with a grimace and turned to face her. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want to marry you—who wouldn’t? I want to have a home for once, a family—finally. But I don’t—” He broke off, raking his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Talia, I’d sooner lay down my life than to hurt you—”

  The anguish in his eyes, the deep lines in his face, the tense set of his body was all more than she could bear. Hesitantly, she rose and took the two steps to come near him. “We can have that, Jake. The best Christmas present of all, for both of us. But it means putting those guns down and settling in to life here.”

  “God, Talia—don’t you think I’m past ready for that?” His voice was ragged and rough. The weariness of his existence as it had been all the years before showed in his features, and Talia wanted to pull him close.

  But she couldn’t. Not until this was settled between them.

  “If you’re ready…if it’s something you truly want—all you have to do is start right now. We’ve got so much, Jake. We’ve got the rest of our lives. We’ve got a roof over us, good food and warmth. And we’ve got—love. It’s more than most folks have, starting out. It’s up to you, now, to do what you will.”