Lost and Found

by B C Yancey

  Sawyer crossed the floor and hugged Charlie, "That's some of the best news I've heard all day! Congratulations!" He punched Freddie in the shoulder as he came to stand by Charlie. "Guess, now everyone knows what the two of you have been up to in that hotel..."

  Charlie gasped a laugh and punched Sawyer in the arm, "You dirty rotten! I can't believe you kiss your wife with that mouth."

  Sawyer waggled his brows and winked at Lillian, "You bet I do; you love me, don't you honey?"

  Lillian laughed and nodded, "Yes, I do."

  "Well, thank you, Sawyer," Freddie grinned while rubbing his shoulder, "I have to admit I was a little worried for you to find out; thought for sure I'd end up buried out back."

  Sawyer smirked and teased, "The idea did cross my mind, but you know how I hate shoveling."

  Freddie laughed loudly and nodded. "Yes, I do."

  While growing up, Sawyer's father had made him dig and then refill deep holes in the property as punishment for when the two boys got themselves into trouble—which seemed to happen daily whenever Freddie and Sawyer were together.

  "Mama!" Kitty yelled from outside, "Are you ever gonna come see me?"

  Chuckling, Sawyer wrapped an arm around Lillian's waist and directed her to the door, "We do need to be gettin' on home. The kids are waitin'."

  Charlie and Freddie nodded in understanding as they walked with them to the door.

  "I'll see you tomorrow won't I, Lily? I need some help pickin' out fabrics for the curtains in my kitchen, and I know you wanted to pick out some fabric for a new dress." Charlie hugged Lily again and waved to the children from the doorway.

  Lillian climbed up into the wagon, "Yes, I'll be over in the morning with the children." She waved goodbye as Sawyer climbed up beside her, took up the lines, and released the brake.

  Driving the wagon, he couldn't help but say a silent prayer of thanks. He was truly happy for Charlie and Freddie. He was. But, he was more than a little scared of receiving the same news from Lillian.

  That it hadn't come yet, made him grateful. After what had happened with Jane, he didn't know if he could go through the experience again without dying himself should something happen.

  The thought of losing Lillian to childbirth terrified him. It made his skin go clammy, and his stomach churn. Even if it meant Paul and Kitty were the only children they ever had, he would say a daily prayer of thanks as long as it meant he wouldn't lose Lillian in that way.

  Tucking her arm through his, Lillian said, "You're awful quiet." She studied him, "What're you thinking?"

  Exhaling, he glanced at her then back to the road, "Just about the good news."

  "What news?" Paul asked from the back.

  Lillian turned sideways and smiled at the two expectant faces, "Aunt Charlie is expecting a baby."

  She may as well have slapped Paul in the face, so greatly did her news upset and alarm him. He wanted to reach over and stop the words from pouring out of Lily's mouth; pretend she never said them. How much longer would it be until he heard her say she was going to have a baby? It could happen any day, couldn't it?

  He and Kitty had been so happy since becoming a part of their new family. He couldn't watch their new life get snatched away from them by some baby just because it would have a blood claim to Sawyer and Lily while he and Kitty would never be more than orphans.

  Paul had tried to believe his old Pa had only been telling lies to hurt them when he would say they were worthless accidents not meant to live through the winter.

  But, the truth was, they had never been wanted and never would be. They would always be outsiders looking in on what they could never have.

  "Ooh! I love babies,” Kitty squealed, "will it be able to stay at our home?" She clenched her hands together in excitement.

  Paul scowled and picked at the side of the wagon he leaned against, pulling at loose splinters of wood. "It'll stay with its Mama and Papa, Kitty. Babies always stay with their folks," he dug his thumbnail back and forth across the top of the side, "the only time they don't, is when their parents die and the babies get sent away."

  “NO, sir,” Kitty argued.

  “YES, SIR,” Paul fumed as tears blurred his vision.

  Sitting across from her brother with both hands on her hips, Kitty declared in outrage, "It could stay with us if Aunt Charlie said it could! Couldn't it, Mama?"

  "No, sir!" Paul growled stubbornly.

  Sawyer looked at Lillian then glanced back at Paul.

  Lillian turned and reached over the back of the bench and lifted Paul's face to look at her, "Paul, what's wrong?"

  Ripping his face out of Lillian's grasp, he snapped at Kitty, "The only reason we're even with Sawyer and Lily is because our real Ma and Pa died and no one else wanted us!" He folded his arms with a furious glare at his sister.

  Sawyer sat up straight as he slowed the team to a crawl and turned his head to make sure he'd be heard clearly, "Paul that was uncalled for. You apologize to your sister."

  Paul shook his head in rebellion and pursed his lips. Several short seconds passed before they heard him grumble under his breath, "No."

  Sawyer dragged back on the reins and brought the wagon to an abrupt halt, then set the brake as Paul continued to rant.

  "It's true, ain't it? As soon as you and Lily have a real baby, you'll send us away! When we get home, we might as well pack our thin-"

  Sawyer jumped down and reached into the wagon bed, interrupting Paul's little tirade. He picked him up, threw him over his shoulder like a sack of flour, and marched several feet away from the wagon through melting snow.

  "Is Papa gonna hurt Paulie, Mama?" Kitty whispered as she stood and hugged Lillian's neck while watching them walk away.

  "No sweetie, he just wants to talk to him." Lillian kissed her cheek and wrapped an arm around her.

  Sawyer set Paul down, then squatted and looked him in the eye, "You want to tell me what that was all about?"

  Paul stared down at the patches of snow and brown grass beneath his feet and shook his head, remaining silent.

  "Why did you say those things to your sister?" Sawyer prodded further.

  "Cause it's true," Paul snapped, brushing angrily at the tears that spilled down his cheeks. "You were only being kind to us, taking us in and saying we were gonna be a family when our Pa died. B'cause you like us. But, now that you and Lily are married you won't want us once you have a real baby."

  Sawyer stood with a heavy sigh, unbuttoning his coat and reaching inside to withdraw a thick envelope, "Want to see somethin?"

  Paul swallowed nervously. He'd expected to get a beating of some kind, that's what his old Pa would have done if he'd mouthed off to him. "What do you want me to look at?" he asked, keeping his head out of reach as he waited.

  Trying to remain calm, Sawyer warned, "You're gonna get a crick in yer neck if you try looking at what I'm gonna show you from over there."

  "I'm fine. Just show me already so we can go home," Paul grumbled.

  Sawyer scowled, but pulled the papers from the envelope and held them for Paul to see, "Can you read what this says here?"

  Looking up at Sawyer, Paul straightened. He resisted the urge to rub the sore muscles of his neck and leaned close to pretend to read the paper.

  "I picked this up this afternoon when we stopped in town before getting Lily. Know what those words mean?" Sawyer folded the papers and returned them to the envelope, then put it back inside his coat before buttoning back up. "Those papers are telling me a circuit judge is coming thru town by the end of the week to make my claim on you and your sister official." He lifted Paul's chin with a gentle hand and said, "This paper says I get to claim you as my son."

  "So?" Paul said, lifting his face out of Sawyer's hand, "We ain't blood. I won't ever be your son...not really."

  Sawyer took a knee and reached to his boot to withdraw his knife from the hidden sheath inside. Holding the blade in front of Paul, Sawyer held his gaze while he sliced his palm, then took Pau
l's hand into his firm grasp and did the same to him.

  Pressing their cut palms together, Sawyer gripped the boy's smaller hand and made sure the wounds touched, and the blood mingled together. "Now, no one can tell us we aren't related by blood," he said, his voice tight with restrained emotion, "You hear me?"

  Paul gazed into Sawyer's eyes, saw tears gathered there, and threw his arms around his neck, "I love you, Pa!"

  Sawyer hugged the boy tightly to his chest, "I love you too, son."

  "PAPA, I THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA STICK PAULIE!” Kitty shouted from the wagon. “Didn't I, Mama?"

  Paul laughed against Sawyer's neck and leaned back, wiping at the tears on his cheek with his wrist.

  Sawyer chuckled and stood, "Sounds like Kitty's pretty worried about you."

  Nodding, Paul smiled, "Yeah, she does that sometimes."

  "Come on, let's go home." Sawyer laid his hand on Paul's shoulder as they walked back to the wagon where Kitty was bouncing up and down.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lillian sorted through the bolts of fabric on the table, visions of the clothing she'd be making flitted through her mind until she decided on the red and violet calicoes.

  Picking them up, she turned to look for matching thread and saw a man pass outside the large storefront window. Thinking he seemed familiar, she walked to the door and looked for him as an icy cold dread prickled down her spine.

  "Mrs. Weston!" Mr. Williams called from behind his counter, "Would you like to purchase some of those calicoes?" he motioned to the bolts of material she still held in her arms.

  Glancing down she shook her head and approached the counter, "Goodness, I'm sorry Mr. Williams. I thought I recognized someone outside." She looked at the fabrics in confusion. With her mind completely scattered, she blurted out, "I'll take thirty yards of both."

  Moments later, Charlie brought her items up to the counter while Lillian searched for Paul and Kitty. She clutched the brown paper bundle of material tied with twine under her arm and walked to the furthest isle.

  "Paul, Kitty? We're almost ready to go," Lillian called, walking down each of the three aisles as she looked for them.

  Straightening a shelf with several pairs of shoes, Mrs. Williams stated, "I saw them sitting on the bench out front, Mrs. Weston."

  "Oh, thank you," Lillian smiled and went back to Charlie, where she was finishing up paying for her items, "Are you ready to go?"

  "Yes, I just want to look at this..." Charlie strode over to a chest of baby items, "How much for this, Mr. Williams?"

  Lillian ignored Charlie and walked outside to find Paul and Kitty. She turned to the bench but didn't see them waiting there. Forcing her worries away, she walked to the corner of the building and looked down the short alley, chewing her lip when she still didn't see them.

  “Paul, Kitty!" she called, trying to keep her voice steady. There's no need for alarm, she told herself. They probably just wandered down to look at the new litter of puppies Mrs. Richardson's dog had birthed several weeks ago. But, Lillian walked to Mrs. Richardson's small home a few buildings away and found no one there when she knocked.

  Lillian headed back to the store, her heart hammering in panic. She scanned the area around her as she rushed to find Charlie and stumbled into a foul-smelling man who stood directly in her path.

  "Afternoon, Miss Prissy, lose somethin?"

  Gasping in fright at hearing his voice, Lillian raised terrified eyes to the man in front of her and backed away.

  His hands grabbed her, hauling her close to his body.

  A scream rose in her throat as she struggled to be free of him. But he slammed her against the building, stunning her, and clapped a hand over her mouth. "Make a sound, and I'll hurt them kids of yers," he threatened.

  "You're dead...you're not real," she panted, fighting for air.

  "Not real?" Walker grabbed her by the neck and forced her cheek against the rough wood of the building, blocking her escape with his body, "I'm real all right." He pressed his filthy body to hers and ground his hips against her, "And there's the proof I'm alive." He trailed a dirty finger across the scar on her forehead, "Looks like you got yerself a new accessory since I last had ya."

  He pinched her cheeks as he grabbed her jaw in a painful grip, "Good thing I don't mind scars. I've got a mind to throw yer skirts up right here and have me another taste of you. But, I'm struggling with forgiving you. Remember how you left me, fightin' fer my life?" His face loomed before her, "you left me fer dead." His lip curled in a sneer of pleasure, "Yer gonna regret doin' that." He pressed his nose to her throat, breathing deeply, and groaned. "You sure smell good!"

  "Lily! Lily?" Charlie called, exiting the store several feet away.

  When footsteps echoed on the wooden boardwalk nearby, Walker stepped away and let Lillian out of his grasp. With one last glance at her, he chuckled before heading across the street and disappearing inside a wooden building.

  The footsteps grew louder until Charlie came into view at the corner of the building, "Lily, I found them! They were playing hide and seek and—why you're white as a sheet!" She clutched her packages and rushed to Lillian.

  Pushing away from the building with a shaky hand, Lillian tried to smile, to pretend everything was normal and her world had not just come crashing down around her. But, she knew her pathetic effort fell short when Charlie touched her forehead and gave her a worried frown, "Let's get you home. You don't look well."

  Sawyer stood in the doorway to their room and stared at his wife where she lay on her side facing away from him, in the same position she'd been in since returning from town several hours ago.

  Charlie had tried to assure him Lillian was simply overwrought after not being able to find Paul and Kitty who'd been playing a game of hide and seek and not to worry. However, his gut told him there was more to it than that.

  He tried talking to Lillian, but she'd blankly stared at him and lay down on their bed. He'd tried to assure both Paul and Kitty that she wasn't upset with them, but it hadn't helped. Kitty was in tears at the thought that their game had cost her Lillian's affection, and Paul hovered nearby until Sawyer finally sent them to bed.

  Sawyer walked over and knelt in front of her, hoping he'd get a response out of her. "Darlin," he murmured, "it's bedtime." He caressed the wisps of hair from off her cheeks. "Would you like some help undressin'?"

  Lillian stared straight ahead, her mind a chaotic whirl with the knowledge that Walker wasn't dead. He was alive and even more terrifying than she'd remembered him to be. Beth hadn't killed him after all.

  She'd seen Beth shoot him; saw him lying on the dirt road, bleeding - how had he managed to live? How had he even found her? What was he going to do? She knew his threat to be real. She'd seen him kill in cold blood, knew him to be more than willing to kill anyone who had dared to cross him, and she'd left him for dead.

  Why hadn't they made sure he truly was before running to find safety?

  Walker had been right; she did regret leaving him. If only she'd had the nerve to plunge his knife deep into his black heart when she'd had the chance.

  She wanted to run, to run as far away as she could, where he would never find her or hurt her again. What if he hurt the children or Sawyer? Her mind shrank from the thought. If he even came near them, she'd kill him.

  What was she going to do? If he'd found out where she lived, the people she loved would be killed or wounded, and she had no way to protect them. The closest thing she had for a weapon was her cast-iron skillet.

  At any moment he could come upon Sawyer and shoot him, or the children when she least expected it.

  Terror froze her mind as she struggled to find a way to save her family from the evil that threatened their lives and happiness. Sawyer would know what to do; he'd be a force to be reckoned with if he knew his family was endangered. He could be killed just as easily, and she couldn't bear the thought of him in danger.

  Gradually, Sawyers voice broke through the panic e
ngulfing her and pushed it away. He knelt in front of her, offering the solace she desperately needed. She wanted the beat of his heart against hers, and his strength to replace her trembling weakness.

  Blinking, Lillian focused on him. "Sawyer?" she croaked, pushing herself to sit on the edge of the bed before launching herself into his arms and clutching him tightly.

  He struggled for balance as she knocked him back. "What is it, darlin? What's the matter?" he breathed, "What's wrong?"

  She shook her head against his neck, clenching her eyes shut until the material of his shirt grew wet with her tears.

  "Alright," he whispered, kissing her head, "we don't have to talk if you don't want to just yet."

  With her unwilling to loosen her death grip around his neck, Sawyer stood with her in his arms. He made quick work of the buttons down the back of her dress, and when she stood in only her chemise, he kissed her forehead and helped her to bed.

  After extinguishing the lamp on the dresser, Sawyer removed his clothing and climbed into bed. He welcomed her into his arms, offering her the comfort she needed as he whispered words of love to her in the dark.

  After the noon meal the following day, Sawyer stood outside the barn conversing with Riley. "I need two to three more men hired on, Riley, by the end of this week if you can; and the outriders that signed on last month should be here within the next day or two. I don't want to wait much longer. The snow in the mountains is gonna be melting soon with this warmer weather we've been having, and I can't afford to lose more cattle if the rivers swell from the run-off. Also, make sure-," his thoughts deserted him as Lillian walked toward him. "You know what to do and what I expect. I trust you to get it handled and let me know of any problems before we leave next week." Sawyer patted Riley's shoulder and moved toward Lillian.

  "Yes, boss," Riley nodded, tipping his hat at Lillian before walking away.

  Sawyer smiled and took her into his arms, "Mornin, darlin," he kissed her forehead, "you're lookin' mighty pretty today."

  Lillian sighed in contentment and wrapped her arms around his waist as she leaned into him, "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"