One tear slid from her eye and her heart felt like someone, no, it felt like Luke was squeezing it in the palm of his hand, crushing it.
Emma got up, walked slowly to the studio, and got dressed. He stood waiting for her, car keys in hand, and front door open. She wasn’t going to fight him and she wasn’t going to argue or make a scene. Instead, numb and cold, she hugged her arms to herself and walked ahead of him into the elevator, then out to his car.
They drove in silence, neither looking at the other, until he pulled up in front of Nate’s house and she reached for the door handle. She paused and turned to him, opening her mouth to say something. But when she only met his profile, she closed it again and climbed slowly out of the car. He didn’t even wait for her to unlock the door and go inside before driving off. He apparently couldn’t get away from her fast enough.
Emma closed the door behind her. The light was on in the kitchen. She looked around at the strange scene. A pot of soup simmered on the stove, or at least the last of what was once soup did. She turned the gas off, but burned her hand when she tried to pick up the pot and put it in the sink.
“Nate?” she called out, taking note of the half-eaten plates of food on the table and the fork on the floor. “Celia?”
No answer. She went to the patio where the door still stood open, but no one was there. “Nate? Where are you? Celia?”
Her heart pounded. She took the stairs two at a time but knew they wouldn’t be there. Something was wrong and all Emma could think of was the baby. Something had happened.
“Celia!” she screamed, opening their bedroom door. Empty again.
Using the phone on the bedside table, she dialed Nate’s cell. He picked up but didn’t say anything.
“Nate, is that you? Are you there?”
She heard a choking sound. “Nate?” she asked, tears now gushing down her face. Her brother was crying on the other side of the phone. “Where are you? Where’s Celia? What’s happened?”
“The baby…” His sob made her cry out.
“What?” she screamed.
“It was too early…”
“Where are you?” She cut him off.
“Brandywine Hospital.”
“I’ll be right there.”
* * *
Luke’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel. He forced thoughts of Emma from his mind as he sped home. Evelyn’s call had caught him off guard. He shook his head at the complication his life had become. He thought he’d effectively cut off the first ten years of his life, but apparently the amputation hadn’t been thorough enough.
His biological father, David Lyons, hadn’t been abusive from the start. At least Luke didn’t remember violence until after he’d turned six. But maybe it had been going on all along and he was just too young to see it. He remembered feeling afraid of his father, but he attributed that to what he’d seen him do to his mother.
They lived just outside of London and his father was a well-respected, successful, powerful attorney. His mother was a beauty, a kept woman, and Luke completed their “perfect” family. To all outward appearances, they were just that—perfect. But behind closed doors, his father was a wife beater. Until he added child abuse to the list, that is.
Evelyn was his father’s sister and she and Luke’s mother, Wynona, were close in age and had become good friends. Evelyn had suspected that her brother might be violent behind closed doors, but hadn’t wanted to believe it. Wynona had hidden the evidence of her beatings well and was terrified of her husband. But when Evelyn had found her on the eve of Luke’s tenth birthday, beaten to the point she couldn’t use her right arm, she knew she had to do something.
But Wynona had resisted. Her own beginnings were vague, to say the least, and she had no money of her own. She depended on David for everything. She’d tolerated the beatings for a few more months, but when he’d beaten Luke that first time, both Wynona and Evelyn knew they had to get out fast before he did irreparable damage to Luke.
Evelyn had helped them run and had kept them hidden from Luke’s father. His father hadn’t even known the extent of her involvement in their disappearance. Before Luke turned eleven, he and his mother had new identities. She’d met Keenan Roark less than one year later. Keenan had lost his wife a few years prior and was raising Jake and Alec on his own. Keenan and Wynona were a natural fit for one another and although it had taken her some time, she’d confessed her story to him and he’d taken her in, even marrying her and adopting Luke as his own son. Luke took the Roark name and thought he’d locked the door on his past. But Evelyn’s call told him clearly that wasn’t the case.
He walked into his apartment and set his keys down. The smell of the ruined curry saturated his senses, reminding him once again of the disastrous turn of events. If only she hadn’t heard his conversation with Evelyn, he’d be making love to her now in his bed.
Stop it, he thought to himself. He was not going there.
Luke cleared the table and put everything into the dishwasher before retreating to his study. He couldn’t think about Emma now. His father was dying, that was what Evelyn had said. So why did he care? Hadn’t he always thought David Lyons could rot in hell? He’d never spoken about those years of his life, not with his new dad or with his brothers, although he suspected Keenan had shared some details with Jake and Alec.
He sat at his desk and switched on the lamp. From inside a desk drawer, he retrieved an old photograph he kept hidden there. It was one of him when he was just two. His mom smiled a huge smile into the camera while holding his hand and his dad had his hands on her shoulders. He was smiling too.
Luke shook his head and picked up the phone.
“Evelyn,” he said when she answered.
* * *
Emma drove Celia’s VW Bug to the hospital. Once there, she parked and went inside, heading for the elevators.
“I’m here, Nate, where are you?” she said into her cell phone.
“Maternity. I’ll meet you at the elevators.”
He sounded better, which gave her hope. “Anything new?” she dared to ask.
“No.”
The elevator doors opened. “I’ll see you in a minute. I’m just getting into the elevator.”
Nothing new was ok, right? Was better than things going the wrong way. She tapped her foot for the seconds-long ride up and when the doors opened, she ran straight into Nate.
“Hey,” he said, catching her by the shoulders.
“Hey.” She searched his face. When she’d spoken to him earlier, he’d explained how Celia had complained about cramps that afternoon. “How are Celia and the baby?”
“Celia’s ok, she’s recovering after the C-section. Nate Jr.…”
“Nate Jr.?” She smiled and cried at the same time.
Nate smiled but, although his eyes were red, didn’t cry. “He’s so small, Em.” Nate turned away. “Celia was complaining about feeling strange, but when I pushed, she said it wasn’t anything. We were about to have dinner.” Now the tears started. “I’d just put the plates out and when I heard her fork fall, I turned to find her white as a sheet, clutching her stomach. We got here as fast as we could.”
Emma put his hand in both of hers as they reached Celia’s door. Nate opened it and they stood for a moment watching her while she slept.
“Can I see the baby?”
Nate nodded and led her to the NICU. Her mouth opened at the sight of the tiny baby, skinny arms and legs, a diaper too big, with tubes attached in too many places. Nate Jr. lay still, sleeping. Thoughts of her own baby, now long gone, occupied her mind for a moment, but Nate needed her now. He and Celia both needed her.
“He’s strong, look at him. He’ll be ok, Nate. They deal with this stuff all the time here, it will be ok.”
Nate wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to him. “I’m scared, Em,” he said.
She held him tight while his body shuddered. “It’s ok. It’s ok.”
* * *
She spe
nt the next two days at the hospital, going home for changes of clothing for herself and Nate, but coming back as soon as possible. Celia was healing, but as strong as she tried to pretend she was, Emma could see the worry in her eyes. Watching the two of them together, her brother so tender as he held Celia or the two visited the baby, it was sad and beautiful all at the same time.
She couldn’t help thinking about Luke, about how things could have been with him, and for the first time in a long time, she didn’t push those painful thoughts away. Celia had been right when she’d said it was time to stop running. It was time for her to be here now. Be here for her family, be strong for them, but also be here for herself. Face her own pain and deal with the losses of the last few years. Luke was the tip of the iceberg and that hurt the worst now. She was in love with him; she knew it in her heart. Whether or not he felt the same, she wasn’t sure. He’d told her she was mistaken about them, that he’d made a mistake coming to get her. But she knew that was fear and for the first time in a long time, she could see she wasn’t the only one too afraid to face her past or her future.
But she also knew she couldn’t do a damn thing unless he wanted her help. And that part hurt. She realized as time passed it wasn’t that Luke didn’t trust her. He was afraid, just as she had been, of letting anyone see his not-so-pretty side. But it was like he’d told her himself, there’s nothing ugly in truth. There’s nothing dirty there. She knew she would accept him, whatever it was he thought was so awful. But he needed to figure that out for himself.
Chapter Eleven
For the next few weeks, Emma cooked and cleaned and took care of Celia. Nate went back to work a few days after Celia came home. Nate Jr. was doing well, growing and getting stronger. They visited the hospital daily, Emma driving Celia there and staying until Nate joined. She’d then go home. Those were the loneliest moments for her. When she left the hospital and drove home, the sadness would start to creep in, but when she walked into Nate and Celia’s big, empty house, it took all she had not to just go to her room, get into her bed, and hide from the world.
It was when she came home one of these nights that she saw his car. Her heart raced when she figured out it was Luke waiting outside of Nate’s house. Her hands closed tight around the steering wheel and she considered driving away, but hope wouldn’t let her. When the garage door went up, Luke got out of his car and stood watching while she turned onto the driveway and slid the car into the garage. Emma shut off the engine, took a deep breath, and stepped out to face him.
He walked tentatively toward her, his eyes on hers the entire time. They both stopped, leaving half a driveway between them.
“Emma,” he began. “I…I owe you an apology.”
Was that the only reason he’d come? To apologize? She blinked several times, forcing herself to take deep breaths. “No, you don’t, Luke,” she said after some time. “I assumed something that was never there; that’s not your fault.” She wasn’t angry with him, not really. Yes, he’d hurt her with his words, his actions, but she couldn’t blame him for that. He wasn’t ready to share himself with her and as much as he’d wanted and expected her to, even if she demanded that he do the same, she couldn’t force it.
She turned to go inside.
“I want to talk,” he said.
She stopped but didn’t turn.
“Why?”
“Because you deserve the truth. Because I owe it to you.”
She turned. “You don’t owe me anything.”
Luke stepped closer and she put her hand out to stop him.
“No, Luke. I mean what I’m saying; you don’t owe me an apology, a story, anything. But that doesn’t mean I will allow you to walk back into my life so you can clear your conscience. I…” love you, she wanted to scream, but instead, swallowed back tears. “I just want you to go. Leave me alone.”
“You don’t mean that,” he said.
The headlights of Nate’s car turned onto the street and Emma exhaled, relieved. They both watched Nate pull onto the driveway, his expression changing when he laid eyes on Luke. Nate and Celia stepped out of the car and Luke looked from Nate to Celia to her now-smaller belly. Emma watched him scan the back seat, studying his expression when he didn’t see what he expected to see.
“Luke,” Celia said, always polite, even as her voice betrayed her fatigue.
Nate wrapped his arm around her. “Let’s go inside, honey. You need to rest.”
“I think you should go, Luke,” Emma said. She took Celia’s hand and led her to the door.
“What happened? The baby?”
“He was born too early but he’ll be ok. We’ll be able to bring him home soon,” Nate said.
She turned to watch Luke’s expression as he relaxed.
“I’m glad,” he said. “I want to talk to Emma.”
“No,” Nate said.
Emma and Celia watched.
“These weeks have been hard and we’re all tired. Just leave her be, she doesn’t need any more heartbreak in her life,” Nate said. He too sounded tired.
“I…” Luke started, then turned to meet Emma’s eyes. “I don’t intend…”
“Go home,” Nate said and turned to follow Emma and Celia inside.
“Nate, you shouldn’t…” Celia began, but Nate pushed the button to lower the garage door.
“Celia, no,” he said, his tone telling everyone the discussion was over.
“You ok?” Celia asked Emma once they were inside.
Emma shook her head, her throat too tight to speak. She looked out the window to watch Luke while he stood for a few moments staring at the closed garage door. He looked lost, like a frightened child left alone in the dark. He shook his head, looking down and running a hand through his mussed hair before getting into his car and driving away from the house. It took all she had to turn away.
Hope was a silly thing. It could break your heart.
Chapter Twelve
Luke drove home unsure of everything. The sight of Celia without her big belly, the look on their faces. When he was very young, his mother had said something to him that had stuck and crept up throughout his years, the shadow of the words repeating far too often. “A broken heart belongs to this life,” she’d said. She’d been right.
His phone rang and he answered without checking the display. He needed the distraction.
“Hey, brother.” Jake’s slight drawl came over the speaker.
“Hey, Jake,” Luke said, smiling a little. Jake, who was younger than he by two years, could always make him laugh. Even just the sound of his voice did it. Luke could imagine him sitting behind his desk, drinking a whiskey, his cowboy boot clad feet up on the desk.
“Alec told me about your dad’s passing,” Jake said. “Just wanted to say if you need anything, I’m here.”
It took Luke a long time to answer. So long, that Jake had to ask if he was still there.
He was. But his brother’s non-judging kindness, on top of everything he’d been through ever since that night at the party, finally consumed him.
“Thank you,” Luke said. It was all he could manage. He wondered if his stepbrother heard his voice crack.
“Why don’t you call me when it’s a better time,” Jake said. “Or better yet, pay a visit one of these days.”
“I will, Jake.” Luke pulled into the parking lot of his building. “I appreciate you calling. Really, more than I can express with words.”
“It’s what family’s for, brother.”
Luke only stared straight ahead. “I have to go.”
“All right. Take care, Luke.”
Luke hung up and shut off the engine, but remained in his car in the dark lot. He covered his face with his hands and rubbed his forehead. He’d flown in from London earlier that day after having spent some time with his aunt and finally seeing his father after so many years. But in all the time he was there, he’d only been able to think about Emma. About how he’d hurt her and left her like he had when he’d been
the one to push her to trust him, to allow him to see her.
And now he was walking away, again.
He punched the steering wheel and muttered a curse before starting the engine. He was done walking away like a coward.
* * *
Emma was upstairs when she heard his voice.
“I’m sorry, Nate, but I’m not going anywhere until I talk to her,” Luke said.
“Is that Luke?” Celia asked when Emma walked out of the master bedroom and into the hallway.
“Luke, if she wants to talk to you, she’ll call…”
“Emma!” Luke called out.
Emma stood at the top of the stairs, her heart racing.
“God damn it!”
That was all she heard before the scuffle began and Emma flew down the stairs. “Stop it!”
They had each other by the collars of their shirts, arms tugging, ready to strike.
“Just stop!”
It was like they didn’t hear her. Before she knew it, they were on the ground, both of them talking but neither listening.
“Stop!” she called out again, this time grabbing hold of Luke’s arm. “Luke!” she screamed. He turned to her and in the moment of his distraction, Nate struck him, his fist catching Luke’s jaw.
“Oh my God! Nate!” Celia was down the stairs. “Nate, you…I can’t believe you’re fighting like this. Both of you! You should be ashamed of yourselves.”
The men looked at each other, both a little dazed. Nate reached a hand to Luke and Luke took it. They stood, Luke testing the spot Nate had hit.
“I’m sorry,” Nate said. “I didn’t mean to hit you.”
“You’re bleeding,” Emma said. She tried to go to the kitchen to get a towel, but Luke wouldn’t let go of her.
“It’s ok, it’s nothing,” Luke said, wiping the blood from his lip.
“Luke…” Nate began again.
“It’s ok, Nate. It’s nothing,” Luke said, his eyes on Emma the entire time.
Taming Emma Page 10