Kayla looked at the floor, her lower lip trembling. Part of Ethan was angry that his mom chose now to leave. Didn’t she see that her granddaughter needed all the support she could give her? He scooted back from the table and reached for Kayla, pulling her onto his lap. “We’ll see your grandmother a lot. Definitely for your birthday party. And don’t forget Uncle Matt and I are building a house out on the ranch. Your grandmother only lives a few minutes from there.”
Kayla let out a long, drawn-out breath. “You never work on the house, so we’ll never get moved out there.”
“Maybe we could speed it up. Hire some help.”
“Kayla, I promise you will see me a lot.” Dottie smiled at her granddaughter. “And I wouldn’t miss your birthday party for the world. I promise once I’m settled I will come get you for an overnighter. Just the two of us.”
“Okay,” Kayla responded with a small smile. “Can I bring Maggie?”
“Of course you can.” Kayla laid her head on her dad’s shoulder. “We still haven’t heard back from Mommy.”
Surprise, surprise, Ethan thought. Thank goodness he’d shot straight about that with Kayla. “I’m sorry, honey.” He glanced at Haley, who watched Kayla, a frown creasing her brow. “I bet Haley would drive you into Crystal Springs anytime you want to see your grandma.”
“I’ll be in school all day before long.” Kayla kicked the leg of the table with her toe. Ethan grabbed her foot and held it still.
Haley reached out and ran a hand down Kayla’s leg. “Ryan will miss you when you’re at school,” she said. “But I’ll make sure he understands that you are in school and will be back, just like your grandmother will be back to see you.” Kayla pulled her brows together, but remained quiet.
“I’ve been thinking about your birthday,” Haley said, standing and plopping Ryan in his high chair. “What do you think about having a carnival at the dude ranch? We could have pony rides and bob for apples and play all kinds of games.”
Kayla’s eyes widened. “Could we do a three-legged race? And can I bring Maggie?”
“Absolutely,” Haley and Ethan said at the same time.
“I’ll bake the cake,” Dottie volunteered. “I think a puppy cake would be fun. What do you think, Kayla?”
Kayla face brightened. “How many friends can I invite?”
Ethan smiled. Hell, as far as he was concerned, she could invite the whole town. He winked at Haley and she blushed. “How about ten?” he asked.
Kayla’s grin widened. “Yippee. Ryan can come too, but I don’t think he would be good at a three-legged race.”
“I think you’re right about that.” Haley poured some cheerios onto the tray of Ryan’s highchair. “You and I can plan it all out.”
Ethan wished he could grab Haley up and kiss her. He might just give her a bonus for saving the day. She deserved it. Of course, what he really wanted to do was lock her in his bedroom all night and make love to her until they were both exhausted. He sighed with frustration. It had been a long and frustrating week, and they had both been tense, even distant with one another. He didn’t like it one bit, and he needed to figure out how to get some private time with her.
“Daddy?”
Ethan blinked and came back to the present. “What honey?”
“Could everyone spend the night at the ranch?”
He automatically shook his head. “I don’t think there’s room. We’ve been pretty booked. But it’ll still be fun. Something tells me Haley knows how to plan a party for kids.”
Haley laughed. “I did teach first grade, but we only had classroom parties. I think I’ll need Kayla’s help planning her party.”
Dottie stood with her empty plate. “Something tells me your birthday bash will be a huge hit, Kayla. I think we should include the rest of the family. Everyone will want to be part of the celebration.”
Kayla clapped her hands. “I’ll get to see Aunt Francie’s and Uncle Matt’s baby. She’s sooooo cute!”
Ethan winked at Haley and she blushed again. He loved that about her. She was probably the only woman he’d ever known who blushed like an innocent virgin, but turned into a tigress in the bedroom. His groin tightened. He stood and began clearing his breakfast dishes. “I need to get to work.” He leaned down and kissed both Kayla and Ryan, then squeezed Haley’s shoulder before heading to the sink where his mom was already loading the dishwasher.
“I’ll get that, Mother.”
“I’m making myself useful, so you’ll be more inclined to invite me back.” She snatched his dirty plate.
“Why didn’t you think of that a long time ago?” he responded, giving his mom a quick kiss on the cheek and turning to go, all but knocking Haley down. “Whoa,” he said grabbing her shoulders. “Didn’t mean to stampede you.”
Their gazes locked, and heat encased him. He cleared his throat. “Thanks for the great party idea, Haley. You’re the best.” Grinning, he stepped around her, skimming his hand along her arm. He heard her quick intake of breath. Good. Glad to know he wasn’t the only one getting desperate.
He picked up Kayla. “Have fun planning your party. I’ll see you this evening.” Giving her a big bear hug, he set her down. She skipped out of the room and he smiled after her. “Looks like you saved the day, Haley.”
“I’m glad she liked my idea. It sounded fun to me, but I’m not an almost-six year old.”
Dottie walked past them. “I’m going to start packing. I grabbed some boxes from the garage earlier.”
“Don’t try and carry anything downstairs, Mom. I’ll get it later this evening. When are you planning on deserting us?”
She rolled her eyes. “In a couple of days. I’m eager to get home and see those other two granddaughters of mine.”
“And Amos?” Ethan couldn’t help but ask.
She gave him a ‘don’t mess with me’ look and marched out of the kitchen.
Grinning, Ethan turned to Haley, who had picked up Ryan. “She’s eager to see more than her other granddaughters.”
“You can’t blame her,” Haley said, smiling.
“I know I have no room to tease her, but I couldn’t resist,” Ethan said with a wicked grin.
Ryan leaned toward him and Ethan took the toddler, gave him a kiss and big hug, and then set him down. “You’d better go find Kayla and Maggie.” With a squeal, Ryan raced out of the kitchen calling for them. “Thank God my strategy worked.” Before Haley could protest, he leaned in and kissed her.
A few minutes later they came up for air. She stepped away, and he ran a finger down her cheek. “So much for a quick kiss.”
She smoothed her hair behind an ear with an unsteady hand. “Behave yourself before we get caught.”
“Sorry. I can’t think straight where you’re concerned. We need some alone time, Haley. Maybe after Mom’s gone, we can figure something out. I have a lock on my door, and we can bring the baby monitor into the room in case Ryan wakes up. Kayla sleeps through the night unless she’s sick.”
“The puppy doesn’t, and she sometimes wakes Kayla. You, on the other hand, sleep like the dead.”
Ethan winced. “So you’ve said. We’ll take Maggie out to do her business before we lock ourselves in my bedroom.”
Haley pulled her hair up and away from her neck and sighed. “You sure know how to make things difficult.”
“My plan is not difficult.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
He grinned. “If we were married, we’d still have to lock our door.”
She poked him in the chest with her forefinger. “But we’re not married, and we’re nowhere close to even talking about that, let alone doing it. Kayla needs stability right now.”
He grabbed her arm and pulled her against him. The woman drove him crazy with need and fried his brain. Not a good combination. “What better way to give both the kids stability than for us to get married?”
She frowned and stepped back. “It’s too soon. Way too soon.”
“Not for me it isn’t.” She looked ready to bolt, and he couldn’t blame her. He’d surprised even himself with that remark, but he knew what he wanted and he wanted Haley. Obviously she didn’t feel the same way.
“It’s not that I don’t care,” she said. “You know I do.”
“Yeah, I know,” he responded, hoping it was true. He picked up his brief case. “I should get to work. I have a meeting this morning, and I need to prepare for it.” He turned and headed for the back door, hoping she might stop him but she didn’t say a word. He stepped outside, feeling up in the air where Haley was concerned, and not liking it one bit.
****
Haley fought back frustration as the door shut behind Ethan. Married? Seriously? He’d sure shocked the hell out of her with that. True, they knew each other pretty well. After all, she lived with the man, but married? She sank onto a chair, rested an elbow on the kitchen table and her chin on her hand.
How in the world was she supposed to handle this? She had assumed they would continue to sneak in time for themselves and even go out on a date from time to time, take things slowly and see how they felt down the road. That’s certainly how she’d seen their new-found status playing out. She hadn’t looked far enough down the road to even contemplate marriage. Why would she? Their relationship was just getting off the ground.
She let out a huge sigh. God knows there was certainly attraction, big-time attraction. And she liked him. Really liked him. He was a great dad and he treated her son with kindness and affection. And the way he treated her made her yearn to call him up right now and tell him she was sorry for how she’d reacted. But she wouldn’t call him. Her reaction had been honest and she couldn’t shake it, so she wasn’t sure what she could say to Ethan to make things right again.
She thought back over her and Dale’s courtship. They had dated for two years before he’d popped the question. Their relationship had been as steady as a rock. Sure, there might not have been the fireworks that she and Ethan had, but she had never doubted that Dale loved her. Or would take care of her. Tears filled her eyes as she admitted to herself for the first time that he hadn’t taken care of her. He’d gone and gotten himself killed doing what he loved best, being a fighter pilot. His first love had always been flying planes. The realization that she had never been the top priority for Dale hit her hard.
He’d left for his third tour of duty knowing she was pregnant. How could he have done that? Tears filled her eyes and her stomach took a nose dive. She forced herself to quit thinking about what she couldn’t change, and instead focus on what she had some influence on—her tumultuous relationship with Ethan.
Their relationship was everything she used to dream about when she’d been young, but those day dreams had stopped when she’d met Dale. She’d thought he’d given her everything she needed. Now she had to admit that wasn’t true. Compared to what she felt for Ethan, Dale sometimes came up short, and admitting that had more pain slicing through her. Even though she and Dale had dated for two years and knew each other pretty well, she still hadn’t known him as well as she’d thought. She couldn’t believe it had taken her this long to realize that. She’d been naïve and desperate to get away from her parents, and Dale had felt safe and secure. She had loved him and he had loved her, but he hadn’t stepped up to the plate when she’d become pregnant. He’d left, like he always left.
She buried her face in her hands and cried, wishing she’d never figured this out and wondering if anyone ever knew someone else very well. Maybe there was always a part of yourself you held so close to your heart that people could never see the whole of who you were.
Ethan obviously did not see her needs very well, and she supposed she didn’t see his either, or at least had chosen to ignore them until now. She swallowed back tears because what she wanted more than anything was to know all of Ethan, understand his needs and wants. She also yearned for him to know all of her, and that was more than a little scary. She felt certain she’d hurt his feelings earlier, even though she hadn’t meant to. She owed him an explanation for her reaction.
She couldn’t say, “You scared the hell out of me,” but that’s how she felt. Being Kayla’s nanny and living with this family was one of the best things that had ever happened to her. She didn’t want to lose that. Nor did she want to lose what she and Ethan shared. Was it asking too much to want them to continue just the way they’d been, slow and easy? Okay, slow had gone out the window yesterday, and maybe it had never been all that easy, but they’d talked about this, discussed the potential for problems with Kayla, and both of them had agreed it was best to go slowly.
She let out a frustrated groan and rubbed her temples. Obviously that agreement bit the dust yesterday when they’d both gone off like a blow torch. It had been incredible. Totally and utterly fantastic.
And she wanted more. A lot more.
She scrubbed her face with her fingertips, thinking she must be delusional. Living with a man she wanted hot sex with, caring for his daughter who was extremely fragile right now, and hoping no one got hurt, especially the kids, was crazy. The chance of this working out for everyone was slim, to say the least. She’d only known about Dale’s death a couple of months and look at her—little miss hot and bothered by her boss.
She cringed, feeling almost cheap. Her tears came fast and furious, burning through her and squeezing her heart. How in the world could she handle this and not lose Ethan?
Or hurt either one of the children.
If this went sour, Haley couldn’t continue as Kayla’s nanny, see Ethan every day and yearn for his touch. Not to mention that Kayla needed her now more than ever. And Ryan was crazy about Ethan. Her son would be devastated if he was taken away from the only father-figure he’d ever known. She fought back another wave of tears.
She heard Ryan call her and stood abruptly, wiping the tears from her face with her apron. “I refuse to make this into a crisis,” she announced to the empty room. And she would not run away. She would talk with Ethan about this and clear the air. Only then would she feel better and have a clearer idea how to handle her feelings for the man who had shown her for the first time in her life what real passion felt like.
Blinking back more tears, she quickly rinsed her face in cold water, tried to shove her worry to the back of her mind, and headed out to see what Ryan needed.
****
Haley grinned at Kayla’s enthusiasm for her birthday party. The girl’s exuberance, had managed to pull Haley’s thoughts away from her own worries.
Haley heard Ethan’s car pull into the drive and stiffened, her nerves immediately starting to frazzle. The minute he stepped into the kitchen, Kayla jumped out of her chair and ran to greet him, practically dancing a jig. “Haley and I have my party all planned, and it’s going to be so much fun. I want to call Mommy tonight and tell her all about it.”
Haley’s own excitement for the party took a downward spiral. From what she knew about Ellie, she seriously doubted the woman would ever consider a child’s birthday party a fun time, and calling Ellie would only drag Kayla back into a funk.
“We can do that,” Ethan said, grabbing Kayla up for a big bear hug then giving her a kiss on her nose. “Sounds like you had a good day.”
He glanced at Haley. Their gazes locked, and she could tell his day had been as tense as hers. She smiled at him even though her insides were in knots. “Ryan is watching a movie so Kayla and I could plan her party. Your daughter has high expectations.”
Ethan set Kayla down and smiled, but it seemed forced. “I’m sure you won’t disappoint her.” He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer.
Haley stacked her notes for the party into a neat pile, wishing she could make her life as neat as that pile. “We got a lot done, that’s for sure. Why don’t you go join Ryan, Kayla, while I make us some dinner? I think we’ve done as much as we can today.”
“Okay.” Kayla gave her a huge hug and then skipped out of the kitchen.
Haley walked over to Ethan, even though he was giving off clear signals to stay away. She laid a hand on his forearm, felt his muscles tighten. “I owe you an explanation.”
“I’m fine,” he responded. “Where’s Mom?”
Feeling dismissed, Haley dropped her hand and stepped back. “Taking a nap. She said she wore herself out today.”
Ethan huffed out a breath. “At least I know she’s getting back to her old self.”
There was an awkward silence, and Haley gathered her courage. “I’m sorry, Ethan. I didn’t handle this morning very well.”
He looked at her long and hard. “You told me the truth,” he said with a shrug. “I can handle it.”
She shook her head, fear coursing through her. She’d thought he would listen to her, not clam up and brush off her attempt to make things right between them. It was a sharp reminder that they didn’t really know one another very well, and it stung. “It’s not that simple,” she said, her voice wobbling.
He arched his dark brows and leaned against the counter, took a long pull of his beer, then motioned with the bottle for her to continue.
Her thoughts spun into a tangled web and she fought the urge to turn tail and run. She frantically sought the right words that would make him listen, make him want to understand, but they eluded her. “I do care about you, Ethan. I care very deeply, and . . .” She cleared her throat and tried again. “And I don’t want to mess this up with you,” she finished quickly. “You’re very important to me, but I’m not ready to think about marriage.”
He stared at her, his dark eyes intense. She looked away. Sighing, he set his half-empty bottle of beer on the counter, hooked a thumb under her chin and turned her face back toward him. Emotion clouded his chocolate-colored eyes. “Fair enough. I’ve had almost two years to put Ellie behind me, so I get it that I’m probably in a different space than you.”
Haley ground her teeth, welcoming the anger that crowded out the fear. Surely Ethan didn’t equate divorce with the death of a spouse, but at least he was talking and, hopefully, listening. She chose her words carefully. “I don’t know how much time I need. My situation is different than yours,” she added, hoping he got her drift without her having to be blunt.
A Home for Haley Page 21