Ethan nodded and leaned down until their foreheads touched. “Very different. I didn’t mean to insinuate otherwise.”
Relief washed through her. She rested her hands on his forearms. “Thank you. It’s been a long, hard day for me. I want to make this right with you, but I need for you to see where I am coming from. I worried all day that I would only mess things up worse if I brought it up.”
“He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. His hard body and warmth coated her like a balm. “We’re not going to mess this up,” he murmured.
Haley’s world righted and she let out the breath she’d been holding.
“We’re not?”
He shook his head. “No. We’re going to work through this together. You’re too important to me. I don’t want to lose you.” He kissed the top of her head and leaned back. “But we won’t be able to really put it behind us until we kiss and make up.”
His lips quirked and she wanted to wrap herself around him and kiss him senseless. “Is that so?” she responded, her insides riding the currents of her emotion like a feather in the wind.
He nodded, the heat in his eyes making her crazy. Giving her a quick kiss, he stepped back. “Soon.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “Soon,” she repeated, as Kayla and Ryan raced into the kitchen.
“We’re hungry,” Kayla announced.
Ethan’s gaze never left Haley’s. “So are we.”
Haley forced herself to break eye contact while she still had a few brain cells working. With shaky hands but a much lighter heart, she gathered paper plates and napkins and set them on the table, then dialed the pizza parlor and ordered two big pizzas.
****
Ethan shut his mom’s car door. “Let me know when you get home safely.”
“It’s a thirty minute drive, son.”
“Right.” The last few days his mind had been working like some eighty-year old man, and he didn’t like it one bit. “Call if you need me.”
Dottie smiled and put her car in reverse. He watched her ease down the driveway and pull away before heading back inside. With Dottie gone, the dynamics in the house would be different—almost like a real family. Yet not. He’d tried his hardest to give Haley plenty of space these last few days, but it had been difficult. He wished he didn’t have to hide his real feelings from her, but if that’s what it took to make her feel comfortable then so be it.
As soon as he opened the kitchen door, he saw Haley comforting a crying Kayla. “You’ll see your grandmother in a couple of weeks. If you miss her too much, I’ll drive you into Crystal Springs to visit her before then.”
“Promise?” Kayla asked with a sniff.
Haley hugged her close. “Promise.”
Kayla wrapped her arms around Haley’s waist. “You’re the best, Haley.”
Emotion tightened Ethan’s throat as Haley held his daughter close, caressing her back and speaking softly to her. Kayla was devastated that her grandma had gone back home, and nothing he or Dottie had said to her had seemed to help. Now Kayla was snuggled in Haley’s arms, and Ethan had never been more glad to have Haley taking care of his daughter.
When Ellie had told Kayla the other night that she couldn’t come for the party but would mail her gift, Kayla had, of course, been heartbroken. And now her grandmother had gone. He was unbelievably touched to see Haley giving Kayla the motherly love she craved and needed, and even more pleased to see Kayla soaking it up.
He shut the kitchen door. “Grandma said to tell you she would call tomorrow, and maybe you could come visit next weekend and help her baby sit Elisa.”
Kayla raised her head and rubbed her eyes. “I love babies, especially Elisa.”
“I know you do, and you’re good with her.” Ethan knelt in front of Kayla and rested his hands on her shoulders. “That baby adores you, and your Aunt Francie loves for you to help with her.”
Kayla’s lower lip trembled. “Chloe gets to see her all the time. It isn’t fair.”
“That’s the way it goes when your dad is married to the baby’s mom,” he said patiently. “Besides, it makes your time with Elisa very special and important.”
Kayla pulled her eyebrows together. “If we lived in Crystal Springs it’d be better. Then we’d all be close.”
“True. I need to step up the work on our house out there, but even when it’s done we’ll still only be there part of the time.” She scrunched up her face and started to say something but he interrupted her. “I have business in Nashville. I need to be here some of the time.
“It’s not that far,” Kayla muttered, crossing her arms in front of her and shooting him a mutinous glare.
Indeed. He might have to reconsider, especially if it would make Kayla happier to be close to family. He wondered how Haley would feel about living in the country.
He reined in his thoughts. There he went again, getting ahead of himself. “Where’s Ryan?” he asked, glancing at Haley and realizing for the first time that she’d been crying. Standing, he cupped her cheek.
“He’s taking a nap,” she answered with a watery smile.
“How about we all go out for ice cream when he gets up,” he suggested, dropping his hand.
Kayla nodded enthusiastically. He arched his brows at Haley. Nodding her approval, she smiled and he smiled back at her. “Good. I think a nice…” He caught himself before saying ‘family.’ “. . . A nice, fun outing is in order.”
As if on cue, Ryan’s cries came over the baby monitor. Giving one last hug to Kayla, Haley headed out of the kitchen.
Ethan watched the gentle sway of her jean-clad hips until she turned and started up the stairs then forced his attention back to Kayla where it belonged, at least for the time being.
****
Haley rested her head on the back of the tub and pulled in a deep cleansing breath as she watched the candles on the tub’s ledge flicker. She needed this tonight. She’d been wound so tight today that every muscle in her shoulders and upper back ached.
She closed her eyes and allowed herself to remember every detail of her and Ethan’s lovemaking. She was about to burst with frustration at not being able to make love with him whenever she wanted, but that was her reality and she could handle it. She had to.
She sighed when the water began to cool. Pulling the plug, she got out of the tub, grabbed a towel and quickly dried herself, then slid a scooped neck, royal blue, silk nightgown with spaghetti straps over her head. After checking on Ryan, who was sound asleep, she headed for bed then stopped in her tracks and sucked in a quick breath at what lay on her pillow—one red rose and a note.
She picked up the rose, inhaled its sweet fragrance, then read the note. “I’ve got the baby monitor. Come join me. E.”
Her insides fluttered with anticipation. She shut down her mind, which was telling her this was not a smart idea, and allowed herself to feel the excitement surge through her. And the sexual desire—a desire so strong she could barely breathe, let alone think. Smiling, she opened her bedroom door and headed to the other end of the hall. Ethan’s door stood open. He lay on the bed, propped up by his pillows, the sheet pulled up to his waist.
She stepped inside, closed the door and locked it. Twirling the rose in front of her, she gave him her best come hither’ look.
His gaze coasted lazily over her. “Nice gown. Take if off.”
Desire swarmed through her as she slid the spaghetti straps off her shoulders, letting the gown flutter to her feet.
“The rose becomes you.” He crooked a finger at her and she glided across the room, stopped beside him and set the rose on the end table with a shaky hand. Excitement built as all her woman parts tightened with need.
He took her hand and pulled her on top of him. “God, I’m glad you came. I’m about to go mad with wanting you.”
She tugged the sheet back. “Oh my.” With a grin, she straddled him and kissed that sexy mouth of his with a hunger that soaked through every inch of her. After a few minutes, s
he pulled back and whispered, “I’m a sucker for roses.”
He flipped her onto her back. “And I’m a sucker for you.”
He parted her legs, ran a finger over her womanhood and she arched up, need consuming her. “Don’t make me wait, Ethan. I want you too much.”
He dipped a finger in her, arched his brows. “I guess you do.” He raised himself over her, stared into her eyes and drove into her, filling her completely. He pulled back and she whimpered. He drove in again.
“Don’t. Stop.”
He pulled almost out, thrust in again, and she thought she might explode with need. She squeezed his butt and strained against him.
“Slow down, darlin’, or I won’t last another second.”
“Fine with me,” she managed to say in between pants.
He pinned her arms over her head. “Not me. I want this to last. God knows when I’ll get you in here again.”
She squirmed beneath him and he groaned. “Now, Ethan.”
He covered her mouth with his, devoured her even as she strained against him. He fought like hell to keep control of himself. She nipped his lip and he rolled over, pulling her on top of him.
“You don’t play fair,” she said with a pout.
He chuckled and palmed her full breasts. “Let’s talk about who doesn’t play fair.”
Smiling, she raised her hips and took him in. “And you said you didn’t like to ride,” he teased as he grabbed her around her hips and quit fighting her. Within minutes she flew over the top with him right behind her.
When their breathing had slowed, Ethan started to ease her off him, but she sprawled onto his chest. “Not yet,” she said, snuggling in.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed her neck, tasted her salty sweetness. “Give me fifteen minutes and we’ll do this again, take it a tad slower.”
She ran a finger down the middle of his chest. “I liked it that way. I couldn’t have gone slow tonight.”
She raised her head and he smiled down at her. “Maybe we can break two records tonight. One for speed. One for slow,” he said as he rolled over, pinning her to the bed.
She stroked her palms down his back, her hands warm and tender. When she reached his butt and squeezed, Ethan groaned. “Fine. Maybe we’ll forgo the slow record tonight.”
Laughing, Haley pulled him down for a kiss that seared clear through him. When they came up for air, he rested his forehead on hers and tried to catch his breath.
Ryan’s cry came over the monitor and he groaned. Haley scrambled out from under him, hurried across the room and grabbed her gown from the floor, slipping it on over her head. Turning, she strode back to the bed and picked up her rose. “Can’t forget this,” she said in a sultry voice.
He grabbed her hand. “Marry me and I’ll get you roses every day.”
She stilled and her mood went somber.
Ethan could have kicked himself for the slip. “Come on, hon, I didn’t mean anything by it, but we’re so damn good together, it’s hard not to think about.”
She pulled her hand free. “Yes, we’re good. Amazingly good,” she added. “That doesn’t mean you have to bring up marriage. I told you I wasn’t ready for that.”
Her jaw tighten. “My feelings are strong for you, Haley. I’m sorry it slipped out. Don’t act like it was a proposal.”
She arched her brows. “I’m well aware of what it was. Subtle pressure. You know I’m not ready to talk about marriage, Ethan.”
Talk? He hadn’t brought up a damn discussion. Running both hands through his hair, he said, “Go take care of Ryan.”
She hurried out of the room without even a backward glance.
“Well that ended just swell,” he muttered as he sat up and leaned against the bed frame. “Guess the ‘M’ word is banned in this house.” Anger and frustration boiled through him like hot lava. He’d only been teasing her. She didn’t have to act like he’d broken some sacred law. Okay, if he were being totally honest he had only been partially teasing, but saying the M-word shouldn’t be a federal offense. He scooted back down on his bed.
Wrong thing to do. The scent of their love making wafted over him, engulfing him so quickly he couldn’t help but close his eyes and let the fresh memories steal through him.
Groaning, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out how to fix this, but all he could think about was how much he wanted Haley to be his wife. And how much she wanted everything to stay like it was. He got why she felt that way, but right now his feelings had taken a beating and he didn’t want to be rationale. He wanted to be married to the woman he loved. And he wanted her to want to be married to him.
And the biggest problem with all this was that he wasn’t sure if he could keep his deep feelings for Haley hidden much longer, especially when all it took to offend her was letting the word marriage slip out of his mouth.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
After getting Ryan back asleep, Haley filled a glass with water, put her rose in it and lay down on the bed, fighting tears. Before Ethan had mentioned marriage, their lovemaking tonight had been the most incredible experience she’d ever had. All her inhibitions had gone out the window, and she’d felt gloriously alive and even more gloriously wicked. What in the world had possessed him to bring up marriage? The pressure she’d felt when she’d heard that word come out of his mouth had been suffocating, and she’d been glad to have a reason to get away from him.
She tried to get her run-away feelings under control, but it was a losing battle. She and Ethan had talked about this only a few days ago and she’d thought he’d understood her feelings and reasons for not wanting to discuss marriage. Obviously she’d been wrong. Or maybe he thought he could slowly wear her down. But why would he do that and risk what they had, especially after assuring her that he understood. She’d believed him, but right now she didn’t know what to think. Maybe she was over-reacting. After all, this was a sensitive subject for her. Obviously Ethan hadn’t realized just how sensitive, even though she’d been pretty adamant about her stance.
She scooted out of bed and walked to the window, pulled the curtain back and stared at the night sky. Confusion pulled at her, making her insides clench and her head feel foggy. It’s not that she didn’t care for Ethan. In fact, she cared way more than she had any right to care. She’d buried her husband only months ago, and now she was having wild sex with Ethan. She should be ashamed, not turned on every time she thought about the man.
She let the curtain fall back across the window and squeezed her eyes shut. She was ashamed. Terribly ashamed. And yet she couldn’t stay away from the man. Seeing him day in and day out, watching how patient and loving he was with the kids, made her desire him with an intensity that almost scared her, and yet she still wanted—make that needed—to wait on marriage.
Maybe she’d look at apartments sometime soon. It’s not like she didn’t have the money to get her own place. She’d put the $100,000 check from the government in savings bonds for Ryan’s college, and she was drawing Dale’s pension.
Thank God she had enough money to take care of herself and her son, because if things didn’t work out with Ethan, she couldn’t live in his house. The thought of leaving made her insides tremble, but she needed to be practical. Marriage was simply not in the cards for her anytime in the near future, and she resented Ethan putting pressure on her, even if it had been kind of flirty.
She sank back onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her waist, rocking back and forth, not able to shake her disappointment that Ethan hadn’t respected her boundaries. Maybe she should check out apartments tomorrow. That way, if things got too tense here, she would have a head start finding her own place.
The more that she thought about that, the more she felt that finding her own apartment might be a good idea all the way around. She could still be Kayla’s nanny even if she had her own place. It would put a strain on her and Ethan’s relationship, but if it was meant to work out, then it would. Besides, K
ayla would be in school this fall, so there was really no reason for Ethan to have a live-in nanny at that point.
She wondered if he’d realized that.
Ethan could easily cut her hours down to part-time once Kayla started school. Anxiety snaked through her. She should definitely check out apartments. Nothing wrong with looking, and she would feel better once she knew what Nashville had to offer in the way of housing for a woman on a budget, because no way was she touching Dale’s death benefit money.
She scooted down on the bed and pulled the sheet over her. Tomorrow she would find out what apartments cost so she’d know specifics about her options.
****
Ethan took a deep breath and knocked on Haley’s bedroom door, hoping he didn’t wake Ryan. He wanted to clear the air between them before he saw her downstairs with the kids.
The door opened and she stood there, a cotton robe wrapped around her, a drawn and tired look on her face. Guilt and frustration punched him in the gut. “Can I come in?” he asked, hating that it was so tense between them that he felt the need to ask permission to come into her room.
She nodded and stepped back but didn’t say anything. She closed the door behind him. Ethan wanted to take her in his arms and make this all go away, but she was as stiff as a board, so he didn’t dare.
He ran a hand through his still-damp hair. “I was awake most of the night thinking about what I said, wondering how things went sour so fast.”
Her lips thinned. He reached for her but she side stepped him, went to the bed and eased herself down on it, her arms crossed over her waist. He squatted down in front of her and took her hands, which were ice cold, and rubbed them briskly. “I wasn’t intentionally putting pressure on you, but my feelings run deep and it slipped out because I really want us to be a family.” She started to interrupt him but he silenced her with a finger on her lips. “I know you don’t want to talk about marriage, but I’m not holding back on how I feel anymore. I love you, Haley. Can you at least accept that?”
A Home for Haley Page 22