Return to Howliday Inn

by James Howe

  Felony jumped off the lap of the blue-haired lady. “Goodbye, Boopsie,” the lady called out sadly.

  Another woman removed The Weasel from where she had him wrapped around her neck. “You brought back some happy memories,” she told him. “My husband gave me that coat the first year we were married. I wore it to the opera and to the theater. Oh, my, the places we went.” She stopped speaking and stroked The Weasel lovingly. And then she let him go.

  One by one, we made our way amid gentle touches and soft goodbyes to the door. Only Hamlet remained at his master’s side. Archie looked down at him.

  “Parting is such sweet sorrow,” he said.

  Hamlet moaned.

  “We’ve got to do something,” Chester whispered to me. “We can’t let Greenbriar take Hamlet. You know what it means.”

  “But what can we do?” I asked.

  Chester didn’t have an answer right away. And as I watched Hamlet walk slowly toward us and saw Dr. Greenbriar turn to open the door, I couldn’t help thinking it was too late.

  And then I saw Chester’s eyes light up and I heard him say, “How hard can it be to talk without moving your lips?”

  He rushed around whispering his plan in all our ears. And a moment later, just as we were about to leave the room for good, the residents of the Sunnydale Nursing Home had a paranormal experience.

  The air was suddenly filled with mewing and whimpering and barking. And it couldn’t have been us, because our mouths weren’t moving at all.

  The old people looked around the room, as if it were suddenly flooded with memories.

  “Boopsie?” the blue-haired lady said softly. “Is that you?”

  The man with the glasses and mustache looked around him. “Sparky? Are you there, boy?”

  “Dusty?”

  “Whitey?”

  “Is that you, Marco?”

  “Here, Duke.”

  “Come on, Lady.”

  And as the room filled with names, Dr. Greenbriar turned to Helen and George and said, “Rules were made to be broken. Don’t you think Sunnydale needs a pet?”

  Helen and George looked at each other, then at Archie, who was the only one not calling a name. He was looking into their eyes, asking without any words for Hamlet to be saved.

  And they said yes.

  Epilogue

  THE rest of our week at Chateau Bow-Wow was fairly uneventful. I say “fairly” because everything pales when compared to Rosebud and the emotional reunion of Hamlet and Archie.

  Felony and Miss Demeanor were caught trying to break into the food closet the very afternoon we returned from the Sunnydale Nursing Home. And again that evening. And the next morning. And the following afternoon. Where they failed as burglars, however, they did succeed in getting the message across to the management. Our food was finally changed for the better. No more gruel and unusual punishment.

  Bob and Linda heard at last from Tom and Tracy—a postcard with a view of a snow-covered mountain. “Dear Bob & Linda” it read, “Have been mountain climbing in quest of tranquillity and the meaning of life. Forgot to bring stamps. Love, T&T.” Bob and Linda celebrated by having a party. They served Nouvelle Lite Lo-Cholesterol Munchies for Your Pet. Chester said he was looking forward to getting home.

  The Weasel spent most of his time writing the platform for an animal rights organization he’s founding. He’s calling it Weasels Into a More Polite Society, or WIMPS for short. I suggested he work on the name.

  Georgette and I whiled away the hours playing Rip-the-Rag and reminiscing with Howie about the events leading up to his birth. At first he wanted to hear our stories over and over, but as the week went on he stopped asking for them. Daisy got in the habit of taking him for a walk every afternoon and he told me he enjoyed these strolls much more than the kind down memory lane.

  Dr. Greenbriar took the rest of the week off, agreeing with Jill that he’d been working much too hard and needed a vacation.

  As for Chester, well, Chester basked in the glory of being a true hero. He also decided he liked ventriloquism, so I had to put up with a lot of talking water dishes, rubber balls, and tree stumps. It wore a little thin after a while, but then Chester came up with a surprise for the Monroes and I have to admit it was worth it just to see the looks on their faces when they arrived to take us home.

  “Did you hear that?” Toby said, his mouth hanging open.

  “Do it again,” said Pete.

  Chester winked at me.

  “Meow,” I said.

  “Woof!” said Chester.

  The two brothers looked at each other. Mr. and Mrs. Monroe just scratched their heads.

  “Perhaps it’s something they ate,” said Mrs. Monroe. “We’ll have to talk to Dr. Greenbriar.”

  “It’s the effects of pollution,” said Toby. “Hey, they could be my next science project!”

  Pete shook his head. “I think their brains have been taken over by aliens.”

  Mr. Monroe kept scratching and didn’t say a word.

  We looked up at them innocently. Howie was laughing so hard he almost gave us away, but the Monroes just thought he was happy to see them.

  WE’RE back home now—and happy to be here. It seems we’re not the only ones who had an interesting time while the Monroes were away. Kyle’s parents reported some strange incidents involving vegetables during Bunnicula’s stay at their house. The Monroes apologized but couldn’t offer an explanation.

  Chester just shook his head. “When are those people going to realize their precious little bunny is a vampire?” he said to Howie and me.

  “A vampire?” Howie said. He lifted his chin and let out an ear-piercing howl. “Ah-oooooooooo!”

  Chester sighed. I smiled.

  A dachshund who howls like a werewolf.

  A vampire rabbit.

  A dog who meows and a cat who barks.

  Things were definitely back to paranormal.