The Standby

by K. A Knight

  Bastard.

  “Logan,” I finally snap.

  He winks at me, running his eyes down my body as his thumb covers my clit and presses down, keeping that pressure there as he fucks his fingers in and out of me. Gasping, I let my head drop back, my hips rising to fuck myself against him now, uncaring of who can see me.

  He lets me fuck myself on him, watching as I bring myself to an orgasm using his hand. I have to bite down on my arm to muffle the yell as my body jerks with the force of the orgasm, coming out of nowhere as my pussy clamps down on his fingers. Waves and waves of pleasure roll through me, and only when they are done do I slump back on the chair.

  He grins as he pulls his fingers free and as I watch, still panting, as he sucks them clean of my juices and hums. “Want to go get some breakfast?” he asks brightly.

  This man will be the death of me.

  When I can stand again, I quickly refresh myself and get dressed. We have breakfast in the hotel restaurant and it’s amazing. Afterwards, he kisses me goodbye with a sharp reminder to be ready at eight. Our hands linger together before he leaves, and I watch him go as sadness immediately surges inside me. Now that he isn’t with me, I realise...I want him. Not for a night or a day, but forever. I want him with me, I want to see the world with this man, watch him write and figure out his life. I want to be there for him like no one else ever has been and I want him in mine.

  In my house, meeting my dad and having a beer together as they discuss sports, not that Logan would be good at that, but he would try.

  It hits me like a shockwave, and I stand there, open-mouthed, in the glossy lobby, watching his retreating back...do I love him?

  My head tells me that I don’t know him well enough, that it’s only been a few days, but the pain in my heart from watching him go doesn’t care about that. All it cares about is him.

  The man who worries he isn’t good enough, who works hard to be nothing like his parents. Who hides behind the titles of his books and horror of the world because he doesn’t think he’s worth it, that he doesn’t deserve love. He might have money, riches, and is surrounded by fans, but he never lets anyone that close, but he let me.

  I see under it all to the beautiful, damaged man beneath, and I want him.

  Forever.

  I want to see if it will always be like this. I want to wake up with his hands on my body and lips on mine. I want to fall asleep wrapped around him, feeling safe. I want to laugh so hard I snort at his cheesy words. I want to watch every sunrise with him sipping from mugs, his hand in mine.

  I love Logan Hemsworth...the question is...does he love me too?

  It occupies my mind all day. I try to focus on the book I’m reading, but I can’t, instead replaying everything we have said to each other over the last few days like a reel of memories in my head. The sun is burning down on me, there is a cold drink next to me, and it’s a beautiful, perfect day, but I can’t concentrate on it.

  No, all I can concentrate on is the man in his apartment no doubt hunched over his laptop writing. It’s stupid and beyond crazy. I just had my heart broken, yet I’m willing to give it to someone again? Someone who made me no promises? But I can’t help it, I feel like I’ve been waiting for him my whole life, and every failed relationship was just a stone on my path to meeting him.

  Love can be blind, strange, and at times hit you in the face when you least expect it.

  Can I really love him?

  The answer is yes, and that terrifies me. I don’t want to be hurt again, I don’t want another man to turn away from me...but could I really go home knowing I never told him how I feel? What if he feels the same? What if we’re meant to be in that age-old true love crap?

  What if I wasn’t in the wrong place at the wrong time when we met? What if I was exactly where I was supposed to be...to meet him?

  Those questions circle my head on repeat until I have a headache and finally pack up and go back to my room, burying myself in my quilt to try and sleep it away, hoping it will be better when I open my eyes. But sleep eludes me with too many unanswered questions, so I go where any girl goes...to her mum.

  Getting up, I grab my phone and slump on the sofas in the room as I load up facetime and wait for her to answer. She does on the fifth ring, her smiling face making me almost burst into tears, and like any good mother, she knows something is wrong.

  “Sweetie, what’s happened? Are you okay? I thought you said you were having a good time?” she queries worriedly, the crow’s feet near her eyes crinkling. Her hair is lighter than mine and straight, my dad is the curly-haired one, but her eyes are the same deep brown as mine and we could be sisters.

  “I—” I suck in a breath. “I met someone.”

  Her face lights up. “Tell me everything! Is he handsome? What does he do?”

  “Mum, I love him, and it sounds crazy and I know it’s stupid, but we met at the airport and we’ve spent every day together, and I know you are going to say it’s too sudden and—”

  “Ryan, look at me, baby,” she demands in that stern voice she used to give me when I did something bad, so I do. “You are not impulsive.”

  “Wow, thanks, Mum,” I mutter, blinking away unshed tears.

  “What I mean, sweetie, is all your life you knew what you wanted. Even when you were young, you were always the smartest and bravest, so mature for your age, sure of what you wanted to be and do. You thought every little thing through a million times…” She grins then. “So, for you to meet someone so randomly and out of the blue, I bet it shook you up. You don’t fall in love easily, baby, you test them. Again and again, always expecting them to fail your perfect standards. So when you tell me you love him, I believe you, because no one knows you better than you do. I envy you that. Your mind is your own. I never knew what I wanted, I just passed through life. You aren’t like me, Ryan, so if you love this man, I believe you. So what if it’s sudden? Okay, that’s fine. But it’s not crazy, baby, life is what you make it and some of the best things are unexpected and fast, sort of like how we made you…”

  “Mum,” I interject with a groan, and she laughs.

  “Sorry, just don’t dismiss it, okay? I know you will be overthinking every little thing, but for once, just go with it. You need someone to shake up that perfect world, and excuse my language, but that Chester guy? Was a fucking asshole.”

  “Mother!” I gasp and then laugh. “He really was.”

  “See? That’s what overthinking gets you, now, just sit back and relax and don’t think. What does your heart say? Not your head.”

  “Th-That I love him,” I whisper, and she grins.

  “Then does anything else matter? Enjoy it, sweetie, and tell your mother everything.” She wiggles her eyebrows and I laugh again but dive in. She’s my best friend and my biggest supporter, always has been. A force to be reckoned with, so for her to tell me she wishes she was more like me? I feel like crying for a whole other reason.

  “Wow, he sounds like an amazing man.” She grins as I hear my dad come in.

  “Who does? Is that my girl?” he calls, and my mother rolls her eyes, and mouths at me, “Go, before he tells you about his new car. Love you, baby, and remember what I said.”

  “Bye,” I call as she hangs up.

  Dropping the phone to my chest, I digest her words. She’s right, I was overthinking it. So it’s sudden and a little crazy, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real. There’s no point in worrying or questioning it, just go with it…let’s hope he’s there to catch me, because I’ve already fallen hard.

  At eight o’clock, I’m ready. I took his advice and put on the jumpsuit I brought with me. It’s gold and sparkly and looks really good, it also has a V to show off my breasts, but it’s not too deep to be flashing anything. It has a matching belt to cinch my waist and then flares out in the legs, overall flattering my figure. I add some golden sandals and decide to run a straightener through my hair. I usually don’t do it because it takes so long, but I have a couple o
f hours to waste and it beats sitting around and overthinking.

  I add some makeup, and turning in front of the mirror, I can admit that I look good. It’s more than my looks, though, it’s the smile on my face. I appear happy, truly happy, something I haven’t seen from myself in a while.

  All because of him.

  You got this, Ryan, just go with it. Like a loser, I shoot myself a finger gun in the mirror and grab my bag and head out. I smile at the family leaving their room near mine and they smile back as I walk to the elevator and ride down to the lobby. The doors open, and there he is, waiting.

  He’s facing the other bank of elevators, his back covered in a short-sleeved, grey shirt which is stretching from his muscles. Wearing some black shorts and shoes, he looks smart and oh so hot. He turns as I step out, searching the crowd for me, his face lights up when he spots me. Those lips curving into a cheeky smile, those flecked eyes sparkling.

  He covers the distance in two strides and kisses me softly, twining my hand with his instantly. “You look amazing, baby. You excited?”

  “Yes, I wish I knew where we were going.” I huff, even as anticipation surges through me. I love that he cares so much to plan surprises for me, going out of his way to show me new things.

  “You’ll see, it’s not hard to miss,” he tells me mysteriously, as we head through the lobby and out the front doors. It’s dark now, the temperature dropping, but only slightly. A car is already waiting and Logan helps me in before shutting my door and rushing around the back to get in on the other side, clasping our hands again.

  “Ready, sir?” the driver asks from the front.

  “Yes, thank you,” Logan replies, still staring at me, his eyes running across my face until it heats under his intensity.

  “What?” I whisper, and he leans over and cups my cheek.

  “Nothing, sorry, you’re just...just so unexpected, Ryan Shaw. My whole life was planned, scheduled, and ready to release, and then you came in and I have no idea where I’m going, but I’m sure as hell enjoying the ride.”

  I grin, unable to help myself, because that’s exactly how I feel. There is hope after all that he feels the same. “I never expected you either. I’m learning sometimes the most unexpected things can be the best.”

  He leans closer and kisses me, a brush of his lips, telling me he feels the same. When he pulls back, I lean closer and rest my head against his shoulder as we both stare out of the windshield to see where we are going.

  He grips my hand, rubbing along my thumb like he can’t bear to let go.

  The trip only takes ten minutes, and Logan tips the driver as we get out. I look around in confusion. We’re in what looks like an empty plot of land right on the water. I mean, it’s a beautiful view, the sun has set and the buildings around us are lit up like they are trying to rival the stars. “Er, Logan?” I murmur, turning to him.

  He grins and points upwards. I follow his finger and my mouth drops open. There, in the sky, is a ring...but not just any ring—a black metal ring suspended by cranes and holding a dinner table and chairs. There are at least thirty chairs, so I look around for everyone else, but I don’t see anyone.

  “Wow, that’s amazing! Are we eating up there? Where is everyone else?” I blurt out, my gaze going back to the structure, imagining what the world will look like from up there.

  “It’s just us tonight, I booked it out. We’ll eat up there, and for an hour it can be just us together in the stars,” he whispers, and when I look down from the sky, I see my very own star with sky-filled eyes staring at me so lovingly that I almost break down.

  “I love it,” is all I murmur, when in fact I want to say ‘I love you.’

  “Come on, we need to get harnessed up while they bring it down.” He pulls me away and over to a small building. When we get inside, he greets the man who explains they will serve the meals before we get airborne, a server will be with us in case anything goes wrong, and we are harnessed into our seat so it’s impossible for us to fall.

  I nod, nerves filling me, but I can’t wait to be up there. How did he know I love heights? The man helps strap us in and I’m glad I wore a jumpsuit, not a dress tonight. He explains it all again and asks for questions, and when we are set, he leads us back outside.

  The ring is now on the ground and it’s even bigger up close with a huge, circular table and seats in front of each place setting. It looks like a chandelier and I can’t wait. I drag Logan over, and he laughs as I pick out two seats that should give us an amazing view. The man helps us into our chairs and locks us in place, completing a safety check and seeing how we are feeling. I’m almost bouncing in my seat and he laughs with Logan before moving back to a safe distance and speaking into a handheld microphone attached to his shirt.

  We jitter with movement and I let out a giggle, which Logan grins at as he grabs my hand while we start to rise steadily through the air. The soft breeze wafts around my kicking feet as we dangle in the air. Once we reach the top, they stop and we shift from side to side a bit until it gets steady. There is a man with a harness opposite us and he puts his thumb up to us in question, we repeat it back and he nods, speaking into his mic.

  I look around with greedy eyes. We can see for miles. The water stretches endlessly on one side with boats lit up, and those mushroom-looking circles as well as the giant wheel. On the other side is the city and all its beautiful skyscrapers and lights. It’s breathtaking and I just stare.

  “It’s stunning,” I whisper.

  “It sure is,” Logan replies, and I look at him to see him watching me. I almost laugh at the line, but I sober at the serious expression on his face. He views me with such deep, dark eyes that I have to swallow. “I’ve never seen anything like it, nothing else in the world compares to it.”

  Cupid, hurt me all you want, it’s worth it. He’s worth it.

  “Logan—” I go to tell him among the stars that I love him, but the words get trapped in my throat, fear stopping me from baring my heart. “You’re amazing,” I finish lamely, but he smiles at me.

  “Ready to eat?” he asks, and I nod, turning to face the table and taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly, trying to calm my racing heart.

  He lifts the lid on both of our plates to reveal a mixture of rice, vegetables, and chicken. It looks delicious, and there’s a salad to the left and what looks like chocolate cake for dessert.

  We dive right in. My eyes keep going back to the view as we eat and talk, but all the while in the back of my mind is the thought that I have to tell him how I feel before it eats me up. I don’t expect anything from it, but I need to get it out.

  I need him to know.

  I smile through dinner and enjoy myself, it really is breathtaking up here, and once we have finished eating, we just sit and drink and take in the view. He doesn’t notice anything amiss and regales me with tails of signings that have gone wrong until I’m laughing so hard I nearly fall from my seat.

  We are given a warning before being brought back down to earth, then we thank them for an amazing night and decide to walk down the front hand in hand as we watch everything and just talk the night away. It only cements how I feel. My heart takes flight with each smile he bestows on me, and my stomach clenches with each brush of his fingers against mine. Every time we share a private laugh or joke, I feel like we’re meant to be like this forever.

  We head back to his apartment, a fire burning between us. I don’t know if it’s my imagination or the fact that I’m due to leave in two days, but I’m suddenly desperate for him, to cling to him and spend every moment I can wrapped around him.

  When we get into the elevator, I know he feels the same, because he stabs his finger into the button four times before looking at me with hungry eyes, his hands clenching into fists to stop from reaching for me. I know because I’m doing this same.

  The door opens slowly and we both burst out, walking quickly to the apartment door where he swears as he tries to put in the code with shaking h
ands as I press against him. He finally gets it unlocked and wrenches it open, grabbing me and yanking me inside before slamming me against the wall next to the door as he kicks it shut, his lips searching out mine in the dark.

  Our breathing is loud in the large dark apartment as I grip his shoulders, hoist myself up, and wrap my legs around his waist. He groans as his lips finally connect with mine. His hands grab my hips and pull me closer, digging into my skin as I moan into his mouth.

  “Logan,” I gasp, pulling my lips away as I pant.

  I giggle as he groans and starts to walk with us. “Too far,” he mumbles, and changes direction from the bedroom to the living room. He lets me down and backs me into the sofa, the moon shining through the large windows to give us enough light to see each other by.

  I can’t bear to look at him, it’s too much and my confession will slip free and ruin the moment, so I spin and bend myself over the sofa as he steps behind me, tugging my head up with a hand in my hair as he kisses down my neck. “You want me?”

  “Always,” I reply huskily.

  “I-I need to be inside you, feel you around me, remind me we are alive,” he whispers, as he lays open-mouthed kisses along my neck. I tilt my head, giving him better access as he starts to nip and lick. That’s all he’s touching me with, his lips, but it’s so hot. I’m wet as hell, pushing back into him, begging for more as he devours my neck.

  “Logan, please,” I beg, arching back to rub myself against his hard cock.

  He runs his hands down my front, undoing my belt and throwing it away before pulling down the shoulder straps with his teeth and hands. The fabric gapes, falling to my waist, and he groans as he cups my breasts through my bra, rolling my nipples through the lace.

  Wiggling my hips, I slip the material down, and he lets me step out of it before undoing my bra and tossing it away. I grab my panties and fling them as well, bare before him now. I shiver in need as he traces his hands down my body, cupping my pussy before stroking along my thighs and then back up to squeeze my breasts.