Home Alone 3

by Todd Strasser

The police officer nodded pensively and left. Alex's mother closed the door.

  "I am very disappointed in you," Mrs. Pruitt said as she and Alex went back upstairs.

  "Excuse me, but I saw a person in Kerry Steffan's bedroom," Alex insisted. "He was a white male about Dad's age, but bigger. And he was wearing butt-inspection gloves."

  "I warned you about that telescope," his mother went on as if she hadn't heard him. "You look through it long enough and you're going to see things that aren't there."

  "I guess you have to be thirty-five before anyone listens to you around here," Alex groused as he got into bed.

  "Don't get smart with me, Alex," his mom said as she tucked him in. "Sick or not, I'm angry at you. You caused a lot of trouble and now we're going to have to replace the Steffans' kitchen door. Do you think we're happy about that?"

  But Alex just crossed his arms stubbornly. "I saw what I saw."

  14

  It had been a close call. Peter Beaupre had gotten out of the Steffan's house, crossed the yard, and jumped into the van in the alley just moments before the police arrived. Back at their ranch house headquarters, the gang tried to figute out what had gone wrong.

  "It had to be the burglar alarm," Alice Ribbons said.

  "No way," said Beaupre. "I had it bypassed."

  "Then someone must've called the cops," said Earl Unger.

  "You mean, someone was watching?" Burton Jernigan asked nervously.

  "It's possible," Alice said. "The problem is, we don't know who or where they are. They could be on Washington Street. Or someplace else."

  "We're gonna have to be more careful," said Earl Unger.

  "Either that or we're going to have to figure out who's watching us and stop them," Beaupre said ominously.

  "And we're gonna have to do something about these sleeping bags, too," complained Earl Unger. "I'm getting lower back pain from sleeping on the floor. And I'm allergic to the dust balls, too."

  15

  There was no more talk about the "false alarm" that night. The next morning Alex's father stayed home later than usual while he waited for the cab to take him to the airport. Alex joined his dad in the attic, where Mr. Pruitt was ironing the pants he was going to wear. Alex was looking through his telescope again.

  Down the street a cab turned the corner.

  "Cab's here, Dad," Alex said.

  Mr. Pruitt looked up from the ironing board. He was wearing a suit jacket, shirt and tie, boxer shorts, black socks and shoes.

  His pants were on the ironing board.

  "Shoot," Mr. Pruitt grumbled. "Your mom's not back yet. I don't want to leave you."

  Alex's mom had taken the opportunity to run some documents over to the bank.

  "I'll be okay," Alex said.

  "Well, Mom'll be home any minute," his father said. "Mrs. Hess is home. You'll be fine. Don't forget, if you need me, my beeper number's on autodial on the phone."

  "Right." Both his mom's and dad's beeper numbers were in the phone's memory.

  "I have to get a move on or I'll miss my plane," his dad said. "I'm traveling with my boss and he won't like that very much. Give me a kiss."

  Alex kissed his dad on the cheek, and Mr. Pruitt kissed his son on the forehead. Alex watched his father start down the stairs.

  "Dad?" he said.

  Mr. Pruitt stopped. "Yes?"

  "Are you going to bring something home with you?" Alex asked.

  "I always do," Mr. Pruitt said. He started down the stairs again.

  "Dad?" said Alex.

  Mr. Pruitt stopped. "Don't worry, Alex. This is a safe neighborhood. We have great police, as I'm sure you saw yesterday. Nothing bad is going to happen here."

  He started down the stairs again.

  "Dad?" Alex said.

  Mr. Pruitt stopped. "What is it, Alex?"

  "Got your plane tickets?" Alex asked. "Right here." Mr. Pruitt patted his pocket. "Got your wallet?" Alex asked.

  "Right here." Mr. Pruitt patted his pants pocket.

  Only he still wasn't wearing his pants.

  His face turned red and he started back up the stairs. "Thanks for reminding me." He took his pants off the ironing board and pulled them on.

  "Anytime, Dad," Alex said.

  Through the telescope, Alex watched his dad get into the cab. As the cab pulled out, a blue van pulled in. Alex watched it closely.

  Next he noticed an old man he'd never seen before walking slowly up the street with a cane.

  Next came a woman in a jogging suit, pushing a baby in one of those three-wheel jogging strollers.

  Things were happening quickly now. Alex rushed back and forth from one end of the attic to the other, looking out windows.

  Mrs. Hess was pulling her old gray car out of the driveway.

  The jogger lady was talking into her hand.

  The old man paused in front of Mrs. Hess's house.

  Alex trained the telescope on Mrs. Hess's living room. He saw someone inside. It was the same guy! The one with the white rubber butt-inspection gloves!

  Alex ran downstairs and called the police. This time they were going to nail those burglars for sure!

  16

  Several hours later, Chief Raymond Flanagan, the silver-haired chief of police, sat on the couch in Alex's living room. Alex sat at the other end of the couch. Mrs. Pruitt sat in a chair facing them. She looked very grim.

  Once again the police had come.

  Once again they'd kicked in some doors.

  Once again they said there'd been no burglars.

  And this time they'd kicked in two doors!

  Alex couldn't understand it.

  Chief Flanagan gave Alex a grave look. "This is the second time in two days that you've called the police. It's a very serious matter when a person calls the police."

  "I saw a burglar yesterday," Alex said. "And I saw a burglar today."

  "Alex, listen to Chief Flanagan," his mother said.

  "There was no one in that house," Flanagan said.

  "Yes, there was," Alex insisted.

  The chief of police frowned. His mom looked shocked. "Apologize to Chief Flanagan, and go to your room!"

  Alex angrily jumped to his feet. "Excuse me for being a good citizen." He stormed up the stairs.

  His dumb sister and brother were waiting in the hall upstairs to torment him. Stan had his dumb parrot.

  "Loser!" the dumb parrot squawked.

  "Shut up!" Alex snapped.

  "Now that you've pranked the cops twice, it goes on your permanent record," Stan taunted him.

  "For the rest of your life, if you call for he!p, it won't come," Molly added.

  "And now we have to fork over much needed family cash to pay for a bunch of broken doors," said Stan.

  "You've stained the family name, ape-face," Molly said.

  "The world laughs at you," Stan said with painful finality.

  Alex went into his room and slammed the door.

  He hated them all.

  17

  There was bad news and good news, Beaupre thought as he sat in the ranch house living room that night. The bad news was that someone had called the police on him again. And this time he'd just barely escaped.

  The good news was that they'd found the old lady who'd accidentally taken the bag with the toy car in it. She was a seventy-eight-year-old widow named Greta Hess and she lived alone. She'd recently flown to Chicago from San Francisco on the same day Beaupre and his gang were to have flown to Hong Kong.

  "There is no doubt in my mind that she has that car," Beaupre said.

  "You gonna wait until tomorrow and break into her house?" Jernigan asked.

  "There's no point in waiting until tomorrow," Beaupre said. "She lives alone and she doesn't work. That means she's there day and night."

  "Then what are you going to do?" Unger asked.

  "I'm going into that house tonight," Beaupre said.

  "But she'll be home," Jernigan said.

  "That's right,"
said Beaupre.

  18

  That night Alex saw the most unbelievable thing yet. He'd snuck up into the attic and was watching through the telescope when Peter Beaupre, the guy with the butt-inspection gloves snuck into Mrs. Hess's house again.

  Only this time the old lady was home!

  Alex could feel his own heart thumping as he watched Beaupre search silently through rooms, always careful to stay out of Mrs. Hess's sight. It was unbelievable! He was actually robbing the place while she was home!

  In one hand, Alex held the portable phone. But he wasn't going to call the cops. Not unless it looked like Mrs. Hess was going to get hurt.

  After a while, the blue van rolled quietly up the street. Beaupre quietly let himself out the front door of Mrs. Hess's house, went down the driveway and got into the van. It turned around and disappeared into the dark.

  Meanwhile, Mrs. Hess closed the curtains in her bedroom on the second floor. She'd never noticed a thing.

  Alex put down the phone and went downstairs to his bedroom. Something really weird was going on. That guy was going through houses, but not taking anything from them. He'd been in the Steffans' house and Mrs. Hess's house.

  What was he looking for?

  Which house would he break into next?

  Back in his room, Alex drew a map of the neighborhood, x-ing out the houses the burglar had already searched.

  It looked like he was going to hit the Alcotts' house next.

  That gave Alex an idea. Actually, it was a plan involving the following items:

  1. One television remote with one of Stan's rifle scopes attached.

  2. One remote control toy car with 8mm video camera attached with duct tape.

  3. One TV wired to pick up images from the video camera.

  4. One ingenious eight-year-old boy.

  19

  More bad news.

  Beaupre had searched the old lady's house and come up with nothing. He'd even found the bag that they'd accidentally switched at the San Francisco airport. It was empty.

  "She's an old lady," Alice Ribbons pointed out. "What use would she have for a remote control toy car?"

  "None," said Beaupre.

  "You think she threw it out?" Jernigan asked.

  Alice shook her head. "It was new. Still in the box."

  "Tons of kids live on the street," said Unger.

  "I'll bet you anything she gave it away," Alice said.

  Beaupre stared at the screen of his laptop computer. "There are twenty-six kids left in fourteen houses we haven't searched."

  "It stands to reason one of those kids has the car," Unger said.

  "Which house do we try next?" asked Jernigan.

  "The house with the most kids," suggested Alice.

  Beaupre pointed at the computer screen. "The Alcotts have five kids."

  "Bingo," said Earl Unger.

  20

  It took hours to set it up, but the next morning when the lady with the jogging suit appeared with the jogging stroller, and the old guy with the cane showed up, Alex knew it was going to be worth it.

  Up in the attic he watched through the telescope as a blue van pulled into Washington Street, then drove around to the alley and parked behind the Alcotts' house. Peter Beaupre got out.

  Just as Alex expected.

  He pushed the control on the toy car remote. Down on the street, the toy car with the video camera attached headed down the block. The video camera was loaded with a tape cassette. Alex was going to film the burglar in the act, then show the tape to the police.

  Then let them try to say he was imagining things.

  Alex looked over at the TV. On the screen, he could see what the video camera was seeing. In this case, the street.

  When the toy car reached the Alcotts' driveway, Alex made it turn. He steered it up to the Alcotts' back door. Getting the toy car through the doggy door was a little tricky, but Alex managed to do it.

  Now the toy car with the video camera was inside the house, along with Beaupre. But where was he?

  Watching the images on the TV, Alex steered the car around table and chair legs, and out of the kitchen. The car went down the hall and passed between a Barbie doll and a shoe. The car stopped at the entrance to the family room. Alex looked at the TV and smiled. On the screen was Beaupre. He was on his hands and knees, rummaging through some cabinets.

  What was he looking for?

  Beaupre must've heard something because he suddenly turned around. The next thing Alex knew, he was staring right at the car!

  "Yikes!" Alex screamed and jumped back with fright.

  21

  Peter Beaupre couldn't believe what he was looking at. On the floor behind him was the toy car. And taped on top of it was an 8mm video camera.

  With its red recording light on.

  He dipped his chin down and spoke into the lapel mike on his shirt collar. "I have it. It's videotaping me."

  His earphone crackled. "Come back on that last message," Alice said.

  But Peter Beaupre wasn't coming back with anything. He was on his hands and knees, crawling toward the toy car. He had to get it, not only because inside was a microchip worth ten million dollars, but because if that tape got into the hands of the police, it would put him in jail for life.

  The toy car started to reverse away from him, then turned and quickly shot out of the family room and toward the kitchen.

  Peter Beaupre jumped to his feet. Someone was controlling the car, watching everything through the video camera.

  He had to go a different way, so the camera wouldn't see him. He ran through the den and into the kitchen.

  Oooof! As he entered the kitchen, he stumbled over a basket of laundry, sending clothes all over the floor. But there on the kitchen floor was the toy car!

  "It's time for double-jeopardy!" The television suddenly blared on behind him.

  Peter Beaupre whipped out his gun and spun around.

  The kitchen TV was on.

  Peter Beaupre frowned. How was that possible? It hadn't been on when he'd broken into the house a few minutes before.

  Well, it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was getting that car.

  He turned around and stared at the kitchen floor.

  But the toy car was gone.

  22

  In his attic, Alex dropped the TV remote with the rifle scope. A moment earlier, he had aimed it at the Alcotts' living room, turned on the TV and cranked up the volume.

  In the Alcotts' house, Beaupre had jumped at the sudden sound.

  Alex had managed to hide the toy car under the laundry spilled on the kitchen floor. Now he had to hurry and keep Beaupre distracted. He grabbed the portable phone and dialed the Alcotts' phone number while running down the attic steps.

  The answering machine picked up: "Hello, you've reached the Alcotts'. Please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can."

  At the bottom of the attic stairs, Alex pushed through the door to the second floor and raced toward Stan's room. The parrot was asleep with its head tucked down under its wing.

  Alex opened the cage and put the phone in. Then he got nose-to-nose with the parrot.

  "Boo!" he yelled.

  "Awk!" the parrot woke with a start and started screaming, "Emergency! Calling all cops! Intruder! Intruder!"

  Alex left the phone and raced back up to the attic.

  On the TV in Alex's attic, Beaupre in the Alcott's kitchen was looking around for the source of all the yelling.

  Alex grabbed the toy car remote and jammed the control forward. The toy car sped out from under the spilled laundry and toward the doggy door.

  Sproing! The toy car sailed through the doggy door.

  Beaupre saw the car go through.

  Thwump! He threw his body against the door, but it wouldn't open.

  Through the telescope, Alex watched Beaupre in the Alcotts' kitchen, struggling to open the

  door, and barking orders into his lapel mike.

/>   He must have been alerting the rest of the gang.

  Alex knew he had to act fast and get the toy car and its tape home before the rest of the burglars showed up. He looked back at the TV.

  The picture was sideways.

  Oh, no! The toy car had tipped over!

  23

  In the Alcotts' kitchen, Peter Beaupre couldn't believe what was going on. First the TV had flashed on. Next, the toy car had gotten out through the doggy door. Now someone somewhere in the house was singing that old song, "Bad, Bad LeRoy Brown."

  And they were singing it horribly.

  Beaupre turned to his lapel mike. "The toy car's outside! I got a woman in the house! Get over here!"

  Crack! He broke through the kitchen door and got out. There was the toy car, on its side in the driveway. He picked it up and stared at the video camera taped onto it.

  Unbelievable! he thought.

  Now Unger, Jernigan, and Alice all arrived at the driveway from different directions. They all looked at the car and the camera.

  "Someone's onto us," Jernigan said.

  "What does it matter?" Unger asked. "We've got the chip. We can be at the airport in forty-five minutes."

  Beaupre handed the car to Alice. "You get the chip out of the car. There's a woman in the house. I'll go back in and deal with her."

  He left them in the driveway and went back into the kitchen, screwing a silencer onto his gun. He was going to silence that singer.

  He stopped in the kitchen. It was silent.

  "Ma'am?" Beaupre called. "May I have a word with you?"

  "I'm up here, you moron," came the reply.

  Beaupre grimaced. Moron? He squeezed the grip of the gun. Just wait, lady. We'll see who the real moron is. He climbed the stairs to the second floor of the Alcotts' house.

  "Don't come in," the voice called from behind a closed door. "I'm naked."