The next morning, I focused on getting the kids ready for school. Colt tried to be nice, but I ignored him as much as possible. I knew he was trying to do the right thing. I wasn’t mad at him for his decision. I was mad because he left me out of it.
When the kids were gone and Colt had gone off to work, I did what I did every time I needed someone to talk to.
I called the salon.
Scissor Sounds this is Amy.
It’s Van. I need to vent. Are you busy?
Miranda isn’t coming in today. She and Ty took the kids to the zoo. I don’t have a client for the next thirty minutes. What’s up? You okay?
How are you even working, being so pregnant?
I’m used to it. I sit whenever I don’t have a client, so it isn’t so bad.
Plus, you could always walk into the house and take a nap, I guess.
That’s right! So what’s up?
Well, you know Zeke came over to visit with Noah, right?
Yeah, what you didn’t tell me, Conner filled me in.
After it went so horribly, Zeke called his lawyer and had him threaten us with visitation rights.
What?
Yep. He knew we would be left with no other options.
You could have let it go to court and proved he wasn’t fit to have visitation.
Our lawyer told Colt that he could buy the win. Do you believe that? He said it would cost us too much and we may not win. Either way Noah would have to get to know Zeke.
So, what are you going to do?
Colt is going with him when he visits.
Are you for real?
Yeah. I don’t even know what to say to him right now. I feel like I have no say at all.
Van, I’m sorry you are going through this. I hate when things happen that we can’t control. I’m here if you need anything.
I know. I think I just needed someone to tell me that I wasn’t just being a selfish bitch.
You aren’t. You have raised that child as your own. You have every right to be concerned and feel what you feel.
Thanks, Amy. I better get off of here. I have a doctor’s appointment this morning.
Okay. I hope your day gets better. Love ya!
Love you, too.
It took me no time at all to get a shower and leave for my doctor’s appointment. I had avoided going and rescheduled my annual pap test for two months. Just the thought of those cold metal forceps spreading me open made me cringe. I think my mind made it much worse than it actually was. At any rate, I still hated getting it done.
The waiting room was filled with pregnant women. I thought about Amy being pregnant and even considered missing that feeling. Then I remembered child birth and even what Miranda had gone through. After having the twins, Miranda had her tubes tied. It was to prevent her having to go through a dangerous pregnancy. I don’t think she cared. They had three healthy children and the boys were a huge handful anyway. Ty never complained about not being able to have any more children. They were always on the same page in their marriage. Sometimes, I envied that so much, especially considering what I was going through at the moment.
When they called my name to come back, I felt that tense feeling in the pit of my stomach. The nurse showed me to my room and pointed to the sheet that I was supposed to strip down and put over my naked body. As she walked out, I turned and looked at the stirrups that my feet would soon be in.
I thought about the doctor and how many vaginas that he must look at in a single day. I didn’t know what kind of person would want that job. Sure, some women were probably attractive, but most were older and had given birth. I don’t know about them, but my vagina never looked how it did before I had kids. Colt never complained, but I was certain it had changed.
My doctor was in his forties. He was a nice man who always talked about family and hobbies while doing the exams. I appreciated that he talked about his wife and kids, but at the same time, he was still looking deep into my vagina.
Maybe I had so much on my mind that focusing on one thing was the way I was trying to cope. Either way, when he stepped into the room and stuck his cold hands under the sheet to feel my breasts, I immediately felt uncomfortable.
It didn’t help that I’d just read this erotic thriller about a doctor that seduced his patients. My mind was making me think crazy things and all I wanted to do was get dressed and get out of there.
At first, I thought it was my imagination that he was spending way too much time massaging my left breast. His eyes were focused on the wall and it didn’t seem to be turning him on at all. “Savanna, I’m going to send you to the diagnostic center to get a mammogram. I’m feeling something out of the ordinary and I just want to check it to be on the safe side.”
“I’m not even old enough. Is it really necessary?”
“I don’t think it’s anything you have to worry about, but let’s get a better look at it.”
“Should I be worried?” I didn’t want anything to be wrong.
“No. I don’t think it’s anything. I just want to be sure.”
After documenting his findings in his computer, he shut the laptop. “The front desk will give you the paperwork to have the test done. If you can, try and schedule it when you leave today. It usually takes a couple of weeks to get an appointment.”
I was so shaken up that I almost forgot to pick up the paperwork at the front desk. I knew my doctor said not to worry, but it was hard not to. I sat in the SUV and felt around for the whatever it was he felt. When I couldn’t feel anything out of the ordinary, it made me feel a little better. I was sure it was going to turn out to be nothing. My family had no history of breast lumps or cancer.
I decided not to tell Colt or my mother about the mammogram. They were both so worried about the Noah situation that I didn’t want to concern them. Colt wouldn’t notice that it was on my mind, since we were already dealing with other problems. Plus, I didn’t want to worry the family if it wasn’t necessary. They would all band together and make the situation ten times worse than it was. Ty and Conner may even ask to do their own examination, which in turn would cause Colt to have a heart attack. Joke or no joke, he hated their crude sense of humor.
I got home a little after one, since I had to go to the grocery store. Since I’d left Colt a note telling him where I was going to be, I didn’t seem surprised when he hadn’t called to check on me.
As I started carrying the heavy bags in the front door, I saw him sleeping on the couch, with ESPN blaring. The slam of the metal door caused him to sit up straight. He jumped up and grabbed the bags out of my hands. “Is there any more?”
“Yeah, it’s in the back.”
We walked into the kitchen, where Colt left me to go get the rest of the groceries. While starting to put them away, I looked down at our large kitchen table and thought about our beautiful family. As much as I didn’t want to, I started to cry. I felt like out of nowhere everything was crumbling around me. We’d been such a perfect family, never taking one another for granted. Noah had never given me lip or a hard time. My girls were the cutest little things. I suddenly became overwhelmed thinking about us being broken.
Colt’s strong arms wrapped around my waist as I turned to face him. He held me close, not saying anything at first. After he let me get it out, he kissed the top of my head. “You know I hate when you hurt, Savanna. I wish I could make things easier for you.”
“I know. I shouldn’t be so upset about it. I just feel like I’m losing him and I hate it. He just doesn’t understand how much he means to me. The thought of losing him is just killing me inside.” It wasn’t just Noah. It was everything.
Colt kept holding me and kissing me on the top of my head. I knew he was thinking of what to say, but the words just wouldn’t come to him. He couldn’t understand what I was going through, even the parts that he knew about. Noah was always going to be his flesh and blood. “I hate to say this, darlin’, but maybe you need to talk to Ty. If anyone knows what you’re feelin
’ it’s him.”
I was utterly shocked that he would suggest that. Colt and Ty were close, but when it came to me, Colt always kept his guard up. He wasn’t jealous of our friendship, it was more like he just was aware of our history. “He will just say I’m being a baby and to get over it. You know how he is.”
“Actually, when it comes to you, I’d think he’d be pretty nice about it. He cares about you and you obviously need someone you can talk to, especially if I have to leave town. It would put my mind at ease if I knew that you had someone that understood your side of it all.”
“I appreciate that, Colt. I know you don’t like admitting that.”
“It’s water under the bridge, Savanna. You’re my wife and he is our cousin. If you can’t turn to your family then something is wrong.” Colt grabbed the rest of the groceries and started loading them up in the pantry. For just a second, I forgot about everything I was feeling and thought about being caught with him that Thanksgiving a while back. It was those moments in my life that I cherished. I could have done without the getting caught part, but the moment was unforgettable.
“You do know that after all these years, you have nothing to worry about. My whole world revolves around you and our children. I’d never stray from that.”
He cocked an eyebrow and brushed the hair out of my face as he got close. “I never said you would.”
He leaned in and kissed me, almost making me weak in the knees. His lips were powerful persuasion for me to forget what was going on. Whenever my last breath on earth was going to be, I wanted it be in this man’s arms.
I pulled away slowly. “The kids are going to be home shortly.”
He leaned in and kissed me again. “Noah will hold their hands and start walkin’. I want you, Savanna.”
He lifted me up on the countertop and immediately started lifting my shirt over my head. Colt tugged on the cups of my bra, freeing my breasts for his lips to explore. I held my head back and let him work his magic. With each little kiss, my body went into little frenzies. I needed what was happening. My hands had reached down to unhook his belt buckle, even before my mind had told them to do it. Our lips met again, this time allowing our tongues to meet and mingle.
The room became hot as I tugged at the waist of his jeans, to loosen them enough to get his big boy out. It was already standing at attention, just ready for me to spread my legs. Colt pulled down my cotton yoga pants and underwear with one swift movement. He pulled my ass just far enough off of the counter and moved his hard erection right between my legs to my sweet spot. The more it pressed against my eager sex, the more I burned with desire for it to be inside of me.
By making a few thrusts myself, I was able to get him positioned perfectly without even touching it.
It wasn’t like I didn’t want to touch it. I wanted to guide it in and feel it as it went in and out of me. I was dripping with anticipation of what was about to happen. When he entered me, I gasped, feeling his length overwhelming me.
His kisses became manic and I matched his movements, as even our teeth began brushing together. His hands gripped my ass cheeks and he kept them there to help better guide himself. His thrust were vigorous and his breath was weakened when his movements increased even more.
I grabbed his hair and ran my tongue along his Adams apple. I could taste the sweat on his skin and the salty taste made me want to lick him again. My legs wrapped around his ass as I leaned back and grabbed one of my breasts, sliding my fingertips across my nipples. At first they were still soft, but by the time I squeezed them they were rock hard and in need of his attention. He licked his own lips before letting them coat the tip of my nipple with his saliva.
My head fell back, even as I tried to concentrate and enjoy his simple touch. He had me so turned on that I couldn’t hold back the urge to let the tension of everything go. I could feel the warmth growing between my legs. The tickles became more apparent and my legs began to lock up.
Colt steadied his pace, making sure to hold out until my body stopped jerking.
I could feel him losing control. Little sounds were escaping his mouth. Finally he collapsed his head into my chest.
We both just stayed locked together trying to catch our breath. Our moment may have been over and some stress had been relieved. As much as I would have liked for it to solve all of my problems, it only reminded me of how good things could be between me and Colt if I’d only let them.
Things were going to be okay. I couldn’t stand to live without this man or any of our children. It just wasn’t an option.
Chapter 10
Colt
Things between Noah and Savanna didn’t get much better as the week progressed. Even though they spoke to each other, anyone could sense the distance between them. I hated to admit that it hurt me to see them acting that way toward each other.
By the time the weekend came, I think Savanna just needed a break. Since her parents lived here on the ranch, even visiting them wasn’t good enough. Since Noah and Christian both had things to do, Savanna took Addy and headed to North Carolina for a couple of days.
While she was gone, I was determined to smooth things out between her and Noah, even if I had to beat some sense into him. Regardless of their blood, the two of them were family and nothing was going to change that.
Christian had a birthday to attend on Saturday, while Noah had a lacrosse game. Once I had my daughter dropped off, we headed to the ball field. Noah was quiet at first, but he piped up when I started talking about his uncle. “I spoke to your uncle this week and he asked if you could come stay with him once his tour was over.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. This is how I see it though. Since you’ve been treatin’ your mom so terrible, I think it’s best that we wait a few more months. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be rewarded for the way you’ve been actin’.”
Right away, I could tell that I’d hit a nerve. “But, Dad! I really want to go.”
“Well, your mother really wanted her son to respect her. Do you think it’s right for me to reward you right now, Noah? Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt her?”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“Boy, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you best get back to the right way of actin’ before I take away more than a damn trip. Savanna is your mother and you know that. She’s loved you since the first moment you came into her life. Do you know how lucky you were to have her just accept you the way she did?”
“She wanted kids anyway. She told me that.”
“Son, she had just lost a baby. Did you know that? Before you came into our lives, we had just dealt with a serious situation. Your mother was kidnapped and held against her will by some very bad people. She tried to escape and ended up getting hurt. When she was found, she’d already lost the baby.” He hung on to my every word and I could already see the concern in his eyes as I told him about her horrific past.
“Was she sad?”
It made me sad to even talk about it. I pulled into the parking lot at the field and turned off the truck, but we just sat there. “We were both real sad. We’d been trying to have a baby for a while and nothin’ happened. Then when she finally got pregnant, tragedy hit. It ripped her heart apart. She couldn’t deal with it.”
“So how did she get better?”
“One day these people came to our door with a little boy. That little boy asked her if she was going to be his mother and from that moment she got better.”
“I don’t remember, but I know you’re talkin’ about me, dad.” He seemed sad.
I reached over and patted his shoulder. “Noah, you healed her. You healed her heart even when I couldn’t do it. She loves you unconditionally and she doesn’t deserve what you’re puttin’ her through right now. You need to figure out how to make things better.” This was his mess and if he thought he was old enough to say those kind of things, then he needed to step up and figure out how to eradicate his wrong doi
ngs.
“What do I do? Does she want me to apologize?”
“It would be a good start. She thinks you don’t love her anymore.” I knew he still did. The kid would be devastated if anything happened to her.
“It’s not that! I was just mad. I didn’t know I had an uncle and he seemed so cool. He’s all famous and stuff and mom kept saying how she didn’t like me around him. Then I heard you both sayin’ stuff about Krista and it made me mad.”
We could see his team already warming up. “Look, Noah, it’s important to make things right with your mother. I could never regret Krista havin’ you, but you need to know that we were never goin’ to stay together. We were too different. Savanna never took Krista’s place. I never even knew I had a son because she kept it from me. I get that this is hard for you and I know we need to go through this, but shutting out Savanna, who has been your only mother for the past ten plus years, just isn’t a way to solve things. She’s all you got kid.”
I heard him start to sniffle and looked over to see him crying. It took me back to a time when I said that I hated my father. I couldn’t remember why I’d said it, but I remember my mother telling me that I would never get another one.
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
“Tell it to your mother when you see her. Go on and get out there before you have to do extra laps.” I watched him hop out of the car and grab his gear, but I didn’t follow him. Savanna was out of town and all I could hope was that when she returned things were going to be resolved between her and Noah.
After the practice and the birthday party, we grabbed a pizza and went home. When Addy wasn’t around, Christian liked to act like she was one of us guys. The last time Savanna had left her with us, she’d tried to pee standing up and made a mess all over the bathroom. To make matters worse, I learned that Bella had done the same thing.
To imagine two little girls in our family wanting to be boys was just wrong in so many ways.
Even over the phone I could tell my wife thought it was funny. It was so good to hear her laugh. She was going through Hell and needed time to heal. Some people could let things go and move on. For Savanna, it took a while longer.
Blinding Trust Page 7