Since we had the whole day Sunday, I decided to put the kids to work. We started cleaning the house and ended up in the garage. I’d straightened it up before, but after years, I’d collected too much junk. Shelves full of old memories covered a whole wall. My goal was to get half of the stuff thrown away. I was tired of storing all of our Christmas decorations in the attic and shed because they wouldn’t fit in the garage. Savanna gave me a fit about it.
I started on the top shelf and handed each kid a box and then grabbed one for myself. We each sat down on the concrete floor and started looking through it. Noah had a box full of my trophies. He pulled each one out and read what sport it was for.
Christian had gotten a box that had some old toys from my mother. Honestly, I’d known that’s what it had in it. I just wanted her to feel like she was helping. In no time at all, she started playing with some old GI Joe figures.
My box was from my college years. It was full of pictures of me and my ex that we never mention. She’d cheated on me with my best friend and had a kid by him. She was my first love and my first heart break. It was devastating to me and for the longest time, I truly believed that I never wanted to feel that way again.
Krista had just become someone to fill the void of being lonely. I knew I didn’t love her and I think she knew it too. Still, we stayed together for a while anyway. Her and her brother needed someone to look after them, and at the time, it gave me something to do.
Krista only stuck around until she couldn’t deal with me anymore. I wasn’t forthcoming and I had no intentions of ever being serious with her. It’s a shame that I didn’t know she was pregnant. Even though I knew we weren’t going to work out, I would have taken care of her and little Noah.
She didn’t have a right to keep that from me. I don’t care what her reasons were.
I sat there looking through some old pictures, but my mind was on the day I arrived in North Carolina and got my first glimpse at a very grown up Savanna. I wanted to resent her, but from that very first day, I think I knew she was special.
“Daddy, do you have clothes for this doll?” Christian held up a naked GI Joe. Thank God Mattel or whoever made the damn things put plastic underwear on them.
“Sweetie, boys don’t change clothes on their dolls. Joe was a soldier. He protected us.”
“Why? What if he gets dirty?” She looked so confused.
Since he was the same size as her Barbie’s, I just decided to appease her. “I bet he can fit into Ken’s clothes. Why don’t you go in the playroom and see?”
She jumped up and ran toward the kitchen door. “Okay!”
Noah laughed and shook his head once she was gone. “Don’t laugh at your sister, or I will tell her how you used to love playing Barbie’s with Bella.”
“Did not!”
“Did too! Now, let’s put the box of trophies in the throw away pile.”
He picked up the box, but sat it back down again. “Can I have them?”
There was at least twenty trophies in total and probably another box somewhere else. “It’s too many, Noah. Your mother wants me to clean out the garage, not put everything somewhere else in the house.”
“Can I have a few to keep? How about just your favorite ones?”
I had to laugh at him for wanting my old junk. I got that he wanted to be like me, but it was just surreal to be someone’s idol. Still, in that very moment, I felt blessed to have him look up to me and not his rockstar uncle. It could all change after our visit, but for now, he was my little protégé.
I scooted over next to Noah and grabbed a couple trophies out of the plastic box. The first few were from college, but as I dug down, I got to the ones from when I played little league. My first championship trophy came when I was in first grade. I located the trophy with the big baseball at the top. “This was my first little league championship win. I pitched the last three innings, and it was a big deal back then because it was our first year out of coach pitch. I struck out six players that game. I remember my dad making it to the game. He was so darn proud of me that he took the whole team out for ice cream afterwards.”
Noah had a smile on his face that changed as quick as it came. “Do you miss your dad?”
“I miss him every day. I know he’s up in heaven lookin’ down at us. Sometimes, I think he keeps us safe.”
“Do you think Krista, my mom, is watchin’ over me?”
I rubbed his head. “Buddy, I know she is.”
“Do you think she’s mad at me, too?” He looked bent out of shape over it.
“I think that she wants you to be happy and loved, which you are.” Every once in a while Noah would have these type of conversations with me. The older he got, the less they happened, but I never turned away from his questions. I knew it was important for him to always be ‘in the know’ about his mother.
“Yeah. I wish I could remember her. I only know she was pretty because I have pictures.”
“Your mother was a looker. When guys walked by her their heads would turn. She had big dimples on both of her cheeks and even when she wasn’t smilin’ you could tell they were there. Her eyes were light and beautiful and her hair had never been colored. It was naturally blonde.”
“Was she prettier than Mom?”
It was a weird question and I felt uncomfortable answering for the first time. “They are very different, but both very beautiful.”
“What if you had to choose?”
“Noah, you know that this question has no right answer. If I say Savanna then you get your feelin’s hurt. If I say your mother, all Hell would break loose if she found out. Your mother and I were more friends than lovers. We lived together and got along just fine. I wasn’t her forever and she wasn’t mine. I know you don’t remember this, but your mother was getting married. Her new husband was trying to adopt you.”
“So I wouldn’t have been a Mitchell?”
“Well, he found out he couldn’t do it without my permission and that meant your mom had to tell me about you. I learned that she was planning on introducing us right before her accident.” I hoped he was old enough to understand the things I was telling him. If Savanna came home and things were worse with Noah, I wasn’t sure what could happen.
“Would you have said yes? Would you have let him adopt me?”
“Are you kiddin’ me? You’re my only son. I loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I’d never let anyone else be your father. I know you would have had a step-dad, but I wanted to be your father. I should have been there when you were born.”
He leaned over and hugged me. “I’m glad you’re my dad.”
It was a touching moment until Christian came walking out into the garage with GI Joe in a dress and my cell phone in her hand. “Okay, Mommy. Here’s Daddy.” She handed me the phone. “Mommy wants to talk to you.”
I covered the phone with my hand. “What happened to Joe?”
“He told me that he wanted to be a princess.” She was brushing the little hair he still had.
I shook my head, thinking about my daughter turning my beloved GI Joe gay. Poor Joe!
Hello.
Hey, babe. I just wanted you to know that I won’t be home until late. Ty’s making a big dinner for the family and they also wanted me stay.
How about you just stay another night and drive home in the mornin’ I don’t want you out on the roads so late.
Are you sure? I miss you and the kids.
Give Addy a kiss for me and I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, darlin’.
I love you too. Tell the kids I love them. See you in the morning sometime.
She sounded relaxed and I didn’t even care if I had to get the kids ready for school the next morning. Maybe her time away had helped.
Noah was looking at me when I hung up the phone. “Mom says she loves you and she’ll see us all tomorrow.”
Noah smiled and I saw love in his eyes again.
Chapter 11
Savanna
&nb
sp; I was reluctant, at first, about going to visit everyone in North Carolina. With all of the drama happening with Noah, I hated leaving. Still, I needed a break from it all. Colt, being Colt, offered to take Christian to her friend’s birthday party and Noah to his game. Addy was so excited about seeing her cousins that she totally forgot about her sister not being with us.
I think once I hit the North Carolina state line, I felt like I could breathe. When I pulled into the farm, I actually felt excited.
After sending a text to Colt, letting him know we had arrived safe, I could hardly keep Addy from busting out of her booster seat. “I want to see Cammie and Callie, Mommy. Hurry!”
“Just a second, honey. We aren’t at their house yet.”
She looked around and pointed. “There they are!”
Sure enough, the girls came running out of the barn toward my vehicle.
With Addy being drawn away from me, I headed toward the house to see my family. Loud music was coming from inside as I entered, I found out why.
Ty and Conner where standing in the living room. They had spiked their hair and put on black makeup all around their eyes. They both wore black ripped up outfits and in their hands were cardboard guitars. The music was something that I’d never heard, but I noticed the CD sitting on the table and saw that it was Zeke’s band. As the two of them continued to jam out and play the air guitar, I walked over and turned off the stereo.
Laughing filled the room. “Pretty rad, huh?” Ty stood there like he was famous.
Conner just kept smiling. I knew which one of them thought this little bit would be funny.
Ty came up and tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. “You are an ass!”
“Miranda gave me permission to sign your tit.” He pulled out a black sharpie from the front of his pants. I cringed as I watched him open the cap with his teeth. “Left or right?”
I backed away from him more. “Get your nasty ass pen away from me!”
“You really are against famous people. Some people would kill to have me sign their tits.”
“Where are the girls?” I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him.
Ty lifted up his shirt to display his abdomen. “You want me, don’t you?”
“Stop it!”
He cornered me in the room. “Conner is into pregnant chicks, but I have room for a groupie like you.”
I took my knee and brought it up between his legs. He did this thing where he laughed and moaned at the same time, as he hunched over and tried to catch his breath. “You can’t take a joke, Van! You suck!” Ty grabbed himself between the legs and held his hand there as he walked toward the kitchen.
The house filled with female voices as Miranda and Amy came walking in. Amy looked like she was about to burst at the seams. They each walked up and hugged me at the same time. “It’s good to see you.”
Miranda turned around and took a look at Ty and Conner. “I told you both not to do that!”
“We couldn’t help it, sis. It was a kickass idea!”
“You both are asshats!” Amy pointed at them and shook her head.
Miranda’s scorning did nothing to make Ty wash off the makeup and change his clothes. In fact, he and Conner walked around for the rest of the day like that.
I spent the night in the guest room at Ty and Miranda’s, while Addy chose to stay with her cousins. Even though the mattress wasn’t as soft as mine, it was a great night’s sleep.
I woke up to the smell of cooking bacon and a conversation between Miranda and Ty having to deal with nipple sizes.
“I’m telling you, baby, their like fingerprints. Each set is different,” Ty said as he flipped the bacon.
Miranda sat in a chair with her knees against her chest. She had a cup of coffee in her hand and was reading something on her tablet. “That’s ridiculous! How would you know anyway?”
“I am the master of tits, that’s how!”
They didn’t look at each other as they talked and they didn’t notice me standing there, holding my hand over my mouth.
“The master of tits?”
“Shit yeah! You put a picture of your tits in a line up with a hundred other sets and I guarantee I can pick yours out!” I couldn’t help but start to laugh. They both turned and looked at me.
“Van, can you please tell my husband that he’s full of crap?”
“Honestly, I think you should take him up on the challenge.”
“And let him look at ninety nine other sets of breasts? You’ve got to be jokin’. The last thing this man needs is permission to be a pervert.”
Ty held up his arms like he couldn’t help himself. “It was worth a try, right?”
“No!” Miranda and I said at the same time.
They retreated into the living room shortly after, while I made a cup of coffee and sat in silence. It was nice to have a little time to myself, but also made me think of the reason that I wanted to leave town in the first place.
I felt like my happy little bubble was being jeopardized and I didn’t know how to make things better. With my health being in question, no matter how much I was told not to worry, I still couldn’t see a way out. I think Ty being obsessed with breasts was making my morning worries heightened. As much as I tried to separate my problems from my visit, they were clearly one in the same.
In just a short time, Colt was going to take Noah for a weeks visit with Zeke. Maybe I would have felt better about it if I were included in the decision. To be honest, I felt like I didn’t belong. Maybe I was being selfish. I’d known all along that I wasn’t Noah’s birth mother. I shouldn’t have been surprised that this kind of conflict had come in to play.
Once the kids woke up, the house filled with chaos. I went outside to the barn, where I sat down on the couch and looked around, thinking of all the happy memories that we’d all shared in the place.
I don’t know how long I’d been out there, but a man clearing his voice caught my attention.
Ty came and sat down next to me. He put his arm around me and I nestled my head into his chest, like I did when we were teenagers. “You going to tell me why you’re here?”
I shrugged. “I just needed to clear my head.”
“Van, I know you. This can’t just be about Noah. You know you can talk to me. I’m not always a complete dick.”
I couldn’t believe that he could tell something else was wrong. “I’m fine, really. I think I am just being selfish. I mean, Noah has a right to know his uncle, doesn’t he?”
Ty looked straight out at the wall, never really paying attention to me being so close to him. I appreciated that we could be like this and it didn’t harbor any feelings between us. He really was a good friend to me.
He cleared his throat again. “Don’t get me wrong, Van. I think it’s cool and all that Noah has a famous uncle, but from what I’ve seen, he’s not really kid friendly. What made him come around again?”
“He was in town and said that he’s trying to turn his life around. I get that. I can’t imagine what it’s like to not have family. I just wish he didn’t want to be a part of mine. I sound like a selfish bitch don’t I?”
“No! You sound like you don’t want to share your son with someone you don’t trust. I know exactly how you’re feeling.”
I smiled and looked up at him. “Colt said you would.”
“That’s surprising, considering that when you last visited he practically ripped my head off for teasing you.”
“He knew about Zeke and hadn’t told me. I guess he had a lot on his mind and you were an easy target.” I almost felt bad for Ty, except he was forever tormenting poor Colt.
“He’s doing that shit again, where he shuts you out. You’d think he’d learn.” Ty shook his head and patted me on the leg. “Maybe if you performed annilingus once in a while, he’d be more open.”
“Anni what?”
“You know, where you lick each other’s assholes.”
I slapped him in the arm. “You are so sick!”
>
“Come on, Van. Don’t even tell me you never did it before.”
Whether I had or hadn’t, it was none of his business. Besides, Ty knowing my sexual secrets was not a good way to keep Colt happy.
“No comment!”
“It’s all good.” He stood up and put his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know if Miranda told you, but today is the church picnic. I think Amy and Conner already told Addy she could go with them. I know the pastor would love to see you.”
I shrugged and stood up with him. “That sounds like fun. I mean, what else am I going to do if you’re all there?”
I hadn’t been back for the church picnic since before my parents had moved to Kentucky. One thing was for certain. The people would still be the same ones that attended when I was a little girl.
After calling Amy, and finding out that they were already getting ready to head there, I agreed to catch a ride with Ty and Miranda and meet them. I guess they knew all along that I would want to go, or maybe they weren’t really going to give me the option to decline.
When we first got there, I was surrounded by a bunch of elderly people that remembered me, but I had no clue who they were. All of the children congregated on the big playground, while the adults mingled around evenly lined up picnic tables on the grass.
It was a perfect day for a picnic. The sun was shining and there were just enough clouds to give us random breaks from the hot rays. I got myself comfortable at a table with my family. Watching them all interact with their children was still a hoot, considering that Ty and Conner were never the type of guys that anyone could see being in devoted relationships and raising families.
I happened to look over at Ty, just as he spotted someone that he obviously didn’t care too much about. “Look what the damn cat drug in. Miranda is going to flip her lid.”
I followed his eyes across the lawn to a blonde looking down and talking to a boy that was about the age of Addy. It wasn’t until the woman looked up that I realized who it was and why Ty had made his comment. I kept my voice as low as possible. “Oh my God, is that Heather?”
Blinding Trust Page 8