She didn’t look that much different. She gained maybe ten pounds, but was still skinny and her hair was as perfect as it always had been. She was too caught up in the conversation with the child to notice Ty and me looking at her.
I turned around and looked at him instead. “I thought she moved far away?”
“As far as I know she did. Her mom still lives here. She must be visiting.” Ty kept looking at Miranda, just waiting for her to notice Heather.
After the whole episode with Amy’s ex, she and I had forgiven Heather for her flaws to the extent of being able to tolerate her. She had risked her life for our family, but no matter how hard she tried, Miranda would never forgive her for what she had done to her and Ty. I wasn’t even sure if Miranda had seen her since that all happened.
It had been years, and with time, the wounds of her wrecking my relationship with Ty were long gone. I got that she was in love with him and sometimes people do desperate things for the people they love. I didn’t agree with her actions, but we were all adults now. If the child holding her hand was her own, then she’d obviously found someone to love her.
I didn’t mean to keep staring, but when she caught me, all I could do was walk up and say something.
Except…I didn’t know what to say.
We were never friends.
It was always more like frienimies. We loved to hate each other.
Heather smiled, but I could see her concern as I got closer. Instead of speaking to her first, I bent down and looked at the little boy. “Well, hello there, cutie. Where’d you get those brown eyes from?”
He shrugged and buried his face into his mother’s side.
“He’s shy,” Heather announced.
“Is he yours?”
She smiled and looked down at him. “Yep. He sure is.”
“He’s very handsome.” I was still trying to make conversation with someone that I never should have approached.
“Thanks. He gets his looks from his daddy.” I noticed that she wasn’t wearing a ring and I think she saw what I was doing. “We..um…it’s complicated.”
I tried to play it off like I wasn’t being nosey. “I just wanted to come over and say hello. I never got to thank you for what you did for Amy.” I looked over at Amy. Conner was telling her something in her ear and she was smiling. “I’m sure she’d like to say hello.”
“I’ll wait until Ty and his wife aren’t around. I didn’t come here to make drama. My mom hasn’t been doing well, so Jacob and I made the trip to come visit. I promised her we would stop by today, but I don’t want to cause trouble for your family. We’ll just visit later.” She started to turn around and head back toward the parking lot.
I don’t know what got in to me, but I ran after her, grabbing her by the arm. “Heather, wait!”
She turned around and looked as shocked as I did for doing it. “You don’t have to be nice to me, Van. I’m not that same person anymore, but I will never forgive myself for what I did to you and your family. I ask God every day to forgive me.”
I bent down again and looked at the shy little boy. “So, your name is Jacob?”
He nodded.
I held out my hand to him. “I have a little girl your age and I think she’d like to play. Do you want to meet her?”
He nodded again and then took my hand. I looked up at Heather, who seemed astonished at me for being kind.
We made it over to the swings where Addy was. She hopped off and came running toward me. “Who are you?”
At first he hid behind me.
“Does he know how to talk, Mommy?”
“I’m Jacob,” he announced.
“Jacob needs someone to play with.”
She started running back to the swings. “Come on then!”
My daughter was something else!
Heather waved and walked over toward her mother. As I smiled back at her, Miranda grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. “Why is she here?”
“She’s just visiting her mother.”
She pointed to Jacob. “Is that her kid? Her spawn?”
“Can you be nice? We are at church, for God sakes.”
“Fine! You and Amy may think she’s changed, but I don’t have to like her. She’s still the devil in my eyes.” I got how she felt and understood.
“She won’t bother you, Miranda. She’s here visiting just like I am. It’s been years and she’s obviously moved on. I’m not saying I want to be friends with her, but I’ve known the girl since I was a little girl. I’m just at a point in my life where I’m tired of being so angry. Without Heather in my life, I never would have been with Colt. I think in some ways I’m grateful for the life that she led me to.”
Miranda looked defeated. “I get it, Van. I just can’t get past it. Maybe that makes me a terrible bitch. I just can’t do it.”
I hugged her, not knowing what else I could do. “I love you and I know you have legitimate reasons. Let’s just keep the peace today and we don’t have to see her again.”
Ty came over with someone I didn’t recognize and pulled Miranda into a conversation. Since she was better and with her husband, I was able to run to the ladies room without having to worry about a cat fight in the church parking lot.
Heather was in the bathroom. She was on the phone and the conversation wasn’t a good one.
“You said that you would come with us.”
“I don’t care about that, right now.”
“Please don’t do this to me again.”
I could tell that she was arguing with someone. To not feel like I was imposing, I hurried up and tried to leave before she hung up. Unfortunately, by the time I flushed, she was leaned over the sink crying.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She shook her head and tried to clean up the eyeliner that was running down her cheeks. “It’s nothing that I haven’t been dealing with for the past five years. Same shit different day. I’m fine and I know you don’t really care if I had my feelings hurt. I don’t expect you to ever get over what I’ve done to you.”
I handed her a paper towel. “Do you need me to get your mother?” I didn’t want to rehash something from the past. We were adults now, with children. It was time to grow up.
“No! She thinks everything is fine. I don’t want her to worry about me. She found out she has cervical cancer last month. She’s been going through chemo and hasn’t been doing well. I can’t stress her with my problems. She needs to think everything is fine.”
I got quiet for a second before speaking. “I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I hope everything works out.” Immediately, I started thinking about having to get a mammogram. Overwhelmed with anxiety, I started to sob. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
Heather just stared at me. “Van, are you alright?”
I nodded, but continued to cry. “I’m just going through something, myself. I came here to clear my mind, but my problems are still the same no matter where I go. I just feel like I can’t win, you know?”
She put her hand on my shoulder and as weird as it was, I felt okay about it. “I envy your life, Van. You have beautiful children and a sexy husband to go with it. I can’t imagine what’s gotten you so sad. I understand if you don’t want to tell me. I should just go.”
We weren’t friends, but I felt like I was going to explode with emotions. “I’m having trouble with my oldest son and now I have to go have a test done because my doctor thinks he felt a lump in my breast.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe I just told you that.”
Heather used to absorb people’s dirty laundry and use it against them. I regretted telling her something that my husband didn’t know.
“Look, I know we aren’t friends but, you need to take my advice, Van. Get the test as soon as possible. My mother waited and now she is fighting for her life. I know you have no reason to believe me, but it’s good advice. Do it for your children. I’m sure you don’t want them to be without you. I couldn’t
imagine one day without Jacob. He’s my rock and he’s showed me what love is all about. Now, if his father would just get on board, we would be perfect.”
I smiled through the tears. My next sentence was like sticking my own foot in my mouth. “I know why you loved Ty so much and why you did the things you did to try and have him.”
She was as confused as I was and I knew the topic should have been off limits. “Come again?”
“I just…I get it now. I see why you risked so much to be with him. When you love someone so much, it’s so hard to accept that it isn’t meant to be. People change, Heather. We grow up and we learn from our mistakes.” We stood there for a while not saying anything. “I hope that man comes around. Family is what’s important in life. He’s a fool if he takes that for granted.”
I walked out of the bathroom and got back to being with my loved ones. Spending time with Heather reminded me of my family back home. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to be back there with them.
I ended up staying until Monday, after Miranda and Amy begged me to. We stayed up late each night playing cards and listening to Ty and Conner acting like idiots together. The more I was around them, the more I believed that Ty and Conner were both hatched from an idiot egg. They never did anything without each other and the way they communicated was like they had a secret language.
Even though I enjoyed my weekend away, I think Addy and I both wanted to get home. I missed Colt and the kids and with my mind going awry I needed to be close to them.
I’d made my mind up about one thing, though. I wasn’t going to worry Colt about what the doctor found in my breast. Since he said it was probably nothing, I would just wait it out. He didn’t need to be anymore stressed.
I could handle it.
I had to.
Chapter 12
Colt
She was acting different and I didn’t know why. I could tell she missed us, but Savanna was keeping something from me and she was doing her best to try and act normal.
I thought her weekend away was going to be enough to clear her head. Instead, she came home and seemed even more distant. At first, she seemed happy to be home and she even hugged Noah, but I could sense the animosity between them.
After hugging me, Addy ran up to play with her sister, like everything was fine.
Once Savanna had finished unpacking, she came and sat next to me on the couch. Her reading device was in her hand and she seemed more focused on it than me sitting right next to her.
I reached my arm around her and pulled her close, so that I could kiss her on the temple. “I missed you, darlin’.”
She smiled but didn’t look up. “I missed you, too, babe. Were the kids good for you?”
I felt annoyed that she wouldn’t look at me while she talked, so I took the device and pulled it out of her hands. “What are you not tellin’ me?”
She grabbed it back. “Nothing. You’re being silly. I’m just relaxing. You know the ride is hard, especially with Addy.”
I cocked and eyebrow and looked at her. Something was off and I was determined to find out what it was.
A little while later, I went out to the barn and called my cousin, Ty.
Sex advice hotline, how can I direct your call?
It’s me. Cut that shit out. I need to talk to you about somethin’.
I thought you were Van.
Of course you did. Look, Ty, I need to know if you noticed anything off about Savanna. Did she talk to Miranda about things?
Not that I know of. I noticed she was being weird and I asked what was up. She said she was fine.
But you don’t believe her?
Hell no! Look, man, I know Van and I can tell when something is on her mind. She was out of it. Maybe you should talk to her about annilingus.
What?
Jesus, you two are so naïve. Ass licking, dude.
You need mental help! Can you please be serious for a damn minute and help me out here.
Just ask her.
Yeah, well, she won’t tell me what it is. I’m startin’ to think that this has nothin’ to do with Noah.
You’re going to have to ask her. I don’t know anything. I’ll ask Miranda, but I think she would have told me if she knew something.
I was just checkin’. Thanks, man.
No problem. Call the sex advice hotline anytime between nine a.m. and five p.m. eastern time.
I shook my head and just hung up on him. If his life depended on being serious, he’d be dead by now.
When I went back inside, Savanna was doing the dishes, while Noah dried them. They weren’t speaking to each other, but at least they were sharing a small amount of space. I leaned against the wall and watched them.
Savanna didn’t understand how much I loved her for taking on the responsibility of raising Noah. She could have walked away, but instead, she threw herself into it as if her life depended on it. I appreciated her so much.
Even at his worst, Noah loved Savanna too. He was obviously going through something, but at the end of the day, I guarantee she’d be who he asked for if he needed help. We were buddies, and that was enough for me.
When they saw me standing there they both smiled. I wasn’t certain, but I had this feeling that maybe they had spoke to one another. It would have been nice to get back to normal. The silent treatment wasn’t feasible in our house.
The girls were being awfully quiet, so I headed upstairs to check on them. Little voices weren’t coming from the playroom. They were coming from my room. I followed them into the master bathroom and found them both sitting on top of the counter. They heard the door creak and turned to look at me. Giant eyes, displaying makeup fit for two clowns just stared back at me.
“What are the two of you doin’ in here?” It was difficult not to laugh. They looked hideous, and if the circus were in town, they’d fit right in.
I could hear Savanna running up the steps, so I knew that any second they were going to be in serious trouble.
They looked at each other and then back to me. “We are getting ready for a wedding, Daddy.”
Savanna came in and gasped. She put her hand over her face and I wasn’t sure if she was more upset at the girls for doing it, or the makeup they had ruined in the process.
I chuckled. “Who is gettin’ married?”
“Barbie and GI Joe, silly. They can’t live together until they get married. Are you goin’ to come?”
Savanna said nothing as she walked up and grabbed a washcloth out of the closet. She ran it under the faucet and started with Addy’s face. She tried to pull away. “No, Mommy!”
“I have to wash it off. You will get a rash if I don’t,” Savanna argued.
Addy fussed some more. Savanna looked at me and rolled her eyes, while trying not to laugh herself.
Once we had them back to normal, and cleaned up the ruined makeup mess, we all headed downstairs. Noah was in the kitchen getting a drink. He no sooner walked back out into the living room, when he tripped and went falling forward. The large glass of milk covered the hardwood floor.
He looked back and noticed that he tripped on one of his sister’s shoes. “It’s all your fault Addy!”
I was already picking up the broken pieces of glass from the cup, while Savanna was heading over with a towel. “Just get out of the way until we clean up the mess. Noah, it was an accident.” I looked up at him and saw him pointing at Addy and mouthing ‘I hate you’.
Savanna looked at me, like she’d seen it too.
“Mommy, Noah said he hates me.” Addy was not one to keep things to herself. Both girls enjoyed getting Noah in trouble. I guess it was part of being a sibling. Since neither Savanna or myself had any, we didn’t know what was normal.
I pointed toward the steps. “Get your ass upstairs, boy!”
Noah stood up, looking guilty. “I didn’t do anything! She’s a liar!”
“Noah, we saw you do it!” Maybe Savanna should have just let me handle it, but she seemed pretty annoyed.
“No you didn’t. You’re just takin’ up for your kids!”
He didn’t get another second to back talk his mother, because I was right on his ass, chasing him into his room. My belt was off before I entered through his door. He flew onto his bed and backed himself up against the wall, holding his arms over his head. “Don’t dad! I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!”
I took the belt and slammed it against his bed, making a sound that was loud enough to cause him to jump. He balled himself up tighter. “I am about sick of your attitude, Noah. You’re being mouthy! You’re lyin’ all the time.”
“Please don’t beat me!”
I didn’t want to hurt my kid. My own father used to tell me that it hurt him more than it hurt me. I understood what that meant, as I stood there with a belt in my hand. I held it up. “Look at me, boy!”
He looked up with tears in his eyes, sniffling.
“I am done with the way you’ve been actin’. If you don’t straighten up, you’re goin’ to be done with lacrosse. You hear me?”
He nodded.
“You stay up here until you can apologize to your mother and sisters. If I ever hear you talk to them like they aren’t your family, I will tear your ass up!”
Noah put his head down in his knees. “Yes, sir.”
I left the boy in his room to sulk by himself. There was no way I was going to sit there and feel sorry for him. After all of our talks, he still wasn’t acting like he’d been taught to. His disrespectful attitude was going to cause him to spend his whole summer in that damn room if he didn’t shape up.
Savanna and the girls were downstairs watching an animated movie. They were cuddled up on either side of her. I stood there looking at the very clean floor, before heading over to the couch. Savanna smiled when I sat down and reached my arm around them. She and I didn’t care much for animated movies, but family time was always important. Plus, we also knew that the girls would soon fall asleep and we would have some alone time.
It took longer than we both thought, but after an hour, they were fast asleep against us. I grabbed Christian while Savanna picked up Addy. They were getting heavy to carry up the stairs every night. You’d think that after three children we would have mastered the concept of bedtime. Contrary to every parenting book Savanna had read, nothing worked on our kids.
Blinding Trust Page 9