I was supposed to be there to see the proud look on his face when the door opened. I was supposed to be there to see him perform on his own stage in front of people for the first time. I’m missing it all and it’s killing me inside.
I came so close to buying a plane ticket this morning so I could stop in for a few minutes, but since I didn’t have any plans of letting him know I was there I decided it would only hurt me more.
Not going was probably a smart decision that I’ll thank myself for later.
“Tegan!” I look up from my spot on the porch step when Whitney yells across the yard at me. She’s sitting on Ethan’s lap, but plops down into her own chair. “Get over here with us and stop being a party pooper. Come on!” She slaps the chair next to her. “Don’t make me tell you again.”
Releasing a frustrated breath, I take a sip of my beer and stand up. I’ve been avoiding everyone for hours, so the least I can do is sit by them and pretend to be involved.
Pretending is something I’ll probably have to do for a while, so I might as well start tonight. Put on that damn happy face and wear it as best I can.
“It’s been over a week now, babe.” She grabs a S’more from Ethan and hands it to me as I sit down. “Eat this and live a little. I hate seeing you like this. Either call him or forget about him. But this . . . what you’ve been doing since you got back needs to stop. You’re miserable and you’re making me miserable too. It’s not fun.”
“It’s not that easy. I can’t just call him, Whit.”
“Why not? Because your brother will be pissed off? Or is it because you think this Micah guy doesn’t want you to? Explain it to me. You haven’t given me much to go on. All you’ve done is mope around the house, watch TV, and eat snacks like they’re going out of style. That’s not like you at all.”
“It’s complicated, okay.” I take a bite of the messy treat, giving myself a moment to think. “I don’t know if he wants me to call him. The fact that he hasn’t called me yet could mean that he’s moved on already. What if my brother was right all along?”
“He’s a player, huh?” She takes a drink of beer, before she moves her chair in closer. “Players can change, babe. Are you forgetting that Ethan was a “player” before we started dating? All these playboys need is for the right woman to come along and shake them up a bit. Your brother doesn’t know that because he’s a player too. He just hasn’t found the right woman to shake him up yet. Tell me this . . .”
I take another sip of beer and look over at her. “Yeah?”
“Do you love this guy?”
“Yes.” My answer is automatic. “So much that it hurts to be away from him. It’s killing me and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never experienced this kind of pain before.”
“Then take a chance and call him. It’s worth a try at least, don’t you think? If love weren’t a game of risks it wouldn’t be so hard. Or rewarding.”
I think about her advice for a few minutes, coming to the realization that she’s right. I’ll never know if he loves me back if I don’t at least try. I’ve been so scared of him not returning my feelings for him that I’ve spent the last week convincing myself that the reason I can’t call him is because of my brother and his friendship.
But I can’t do this anymore. I need to at least know if he feels the same. Even if he doesn’t.
Then maybe I’ll be able to move on with my life and stop being so damn miserable—as Whitney pointed out.
“I’ll call him tomorrow.”
What the . . .” She reaches into my pocket and snatches my phone out, nearly making me drop my beer. “Call him now. Why wait until tomorrow?”
I shake my head, staring down at my phone. “I can’t tonight. It’s the grand opening of his bar. He–”
“That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it, Tegan. He could be there, miserable as shit and staring at his phone the whole night because he hasn’t heard from you. Maybe hearing from you will make his big night even bigger. Now . . . please . . . do us all a favor and call him.”
She holds my phone up, not giving in until I take it from her hand and stand up. “Fine. I’ll call him.”
My hands shake as I scroll down to his name. Just seeing his name on the screen is enough to send my heart into overdrive.
I swallow and hit the call button.
There’s no turning back now.
Either he’ll answer it and I’ll get to confess my undying love for him or he’ll send me to voicemail. Either way, it’s time I move on with my life and this phone call is going to determine which direction I’m going to go.
With each ring of the phone my heart beats faster and harder, until it feels as if I’m choking on it. Or maybe that’s just the vomit trying to work its way up.
Why am I so nervous?
When the phone goes to voicemail after only a few rings, my throat and chest begin to burn, but I hold the tears back and turn around to face Whitney.
“It went to voicemail,” I choke out.
“Okay, babe. Maybe he didn’t hear it because of all the–”
“After a few rings, Whit. That means he declined my call.” I shake my head and force a small smile. “It’s fine though. I got my answer and that’s all I needed.”
“I’m so sorry, babe.” She replaces my empty cup with her full one. “You need this more than I do. Drink up.”
I look down at the cup, about to take a drink when I Found by Amber Run catches my attention. It’s one of the songs Micah played for me at Express that night and all it does is make me feel sick to my stomach.
“I don’t think so. This . . . song . . . I can’t.” I hand it back to her, anxious to get away. “I think it’s best if I go to bed and call it a night.”
“No, stay out for a while. You need this.”
“Maybe I do, but I don’t want it right now. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m going to bed.”
After a few seconds she finally huffs and takes a step back. “Okay, I get it. I don’t like it but I get it. I’ll check on you in a bit then.”
I don’t say anything. I just walk away, because all I can think about is getting alone as quickly as possible, before my emotions get the best of me in front of everyone.
Our friends seeing me a mess over Micah is the last thing I want or need.
Hurrying up the steps, I reach for the door and step inside.
The sight of Micah standing in front of me, holding my book in his hand steals my breath straight from my lungs.
“What are you doing here, Micah?” I fight to catch my breath as he eyes me over. “Your bar . . . the opening?” I question.
I swallow as he takes a step forward and holds the book up. “This ending is bullshit, Tegan,” he growls. “This isn’t how the fucking story is supposed to end. It can’t.”
I suck in a breath as he steps closer and cups my face. “How is it supposed to end then, Micah? You tell me, because I don’t have a clue. So, tell–”
His lips crash against mine and he kisses me with desperation that confirms he’s missed me just as much as I’ve missed him.
All I can do to avoid falling over is grab onto his shoulders and hold on for dear life as I go weak in his arms.
After a few moments he pulls away, both of us fighting for air as he presses his forehead to mine. “I rescheduled the grand opening for three weeks from now. The bar means nothing to me compared to you, Tegan. I’ve known that all along, but as I was standing there waiting for the door to open, I didn’t feel shit. I didn’t feel happy or accomplished. I just felt . . . empty. I knew there was no way I’d be going along with the grand opening without you there by my side.” He pauses to take a breath. “I had no idea you left California or else I would’ve shown up here days ago. It’s killed me not being able to see you. But I knew we couldn’t be good until you and Alexander were. That’s the only thing that made me strong enough to push you away that night. But I can’t fucking go without you any longer.”
I swallow as he ru
ns his thumb over my bottom lip.
“Please give me another chance, because I can promise you that I’m not leaving here without you. I don’t care if it takes me proving to your brother for weeks, or hell, even months before he’s okay with you coming back with me.” He lifts me up and wraps my legs around his waist. “You’re mine, Tegan Tyler, and I’ve known that since the first time you opened your mouth and gave me a hard time.”
I smile and wrap my arms around his neck. “I’ve missed you so damn much, Micah, and I wanted to be there for you tonight. I did, but I was afraid you didn’t want me there. I didn’t want–”
“I love you, Tegan.”
His confession stuns me speechless for a few seconds, and when I finally speak my voice is barely a whisper. “You what?”
“I fucking love you,” he says against my lips. “I have for a while now, and you leaving has only made me love you more, not less.” His eyes meet mine with nervousness. “Do you love me, Tegan? I need to know.”
“Yes,” I whisper. “Yes, I love you, Micah. I’m in love with you and I want to be with you.”
“You have no idea how fucking happy that makes me.” He kisses me again, giving my bottom lip a slight tug.
“Wait.” I move away from his mouth, just now realizing that I never told him where I live. “How did you know my address? Did Alexander . . .”
He nods and sets me down to my feet. “I got him to text me the address on my way here.”
A small smile takes over, because I know my brother well enough to know what that means. “He trusts you again, Micah. It’s the only way he would’ve given you my address. Trust me on this. It’ll take a little time for him to come around, but he will.”
He smiles back and kisses me once more. “Does that mean you’ll come back with me? I don’t care if it’s only for the summer. I just want you with me.”
“Oh my God.” Micah and I both look at Whitney when she steps through the door with her mouth wide open. “He’s here. In our kitchen. In Wisconsin. Not there in California at his bar. This is big.” Her mouth curves into a huge smile. “He loves you,” she nearly squeaks out. “I knew it!”
“I do.” Micah smiles against my lips, kissing me again. “A hell of a lot.”
“Well, it’s nice meeting you and all, but with the way she’s been moping around for the past week, hurting over you, I should kick your ass.” Her smile broadens. “But I won’t because you two look happy and I don’t want to ruin it.”
Micah looks down at me and rubs his thumbs over my cheeks. “I deserve to get my ass kicked and I’d gladly take another beating for you. I’m sorry, baby. You better believe that letting you walk away for a second time is the last thing I’ll ever let happen. I promise.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull down until his lips meet mine. “Good. Because if you tell me to walk away again I’ll slap you.”
He laughs against my lips. “You know where that will lead, right?”
“Okay . . .” Whitney holds her cup up to us. “I’ll be outside drinking this tasty beer so you two can catch up . . .” She clears her throat. “In private. I’m glad you’re here, guitar guy.”
“Me too,” he says, tangling his hands into my hair. “Now I need to make up for lost time.”
Before Whitney has a chance to walk outside Micah is lifting me up and carrying me through the house with his lips against mine.
I grab the doorframe when he almost passes my room, so he backs up and steps inside, closing the door behind us.
Within seconds we’re both fully naked, our bodies tangled together as he makes love to me.
It’s rough at first, both of us unable to be gentle. But by the second round it’s sweet and gentle, the two of us taking our time on each other’s bodies.
Everything with him feels perfect right now, and I know without a doubt that there’s no way I’m not getting on a plane with him once he’s ready to go home.
As much as I hate to hurt my parents, I belong with Micah and I’m not letting anyone keep us apart this time.
It’s time I think of myself and do what makes me happy, and there’s nothing that makes me happier than being with Micah.
We love each other and I have to believe that everything will work itself out in the end, because I know we’re meant to be together.
Him coming here proves that . . .
Three weeks later . . .
I STAND HERE WITH A satisfied smile on my face as I take in all the bodies filling the room.
Express is at its capacity and there’s still a small line of people waiting for others to leave so they can come in and watch the performers lined up for tonight.
I couldn’t be more thankful that Tegan has been here by my side since the doors opened a few hours ago, because I seriously don’t think I could enjoy this moment as much without her here to experience it with me.
Stepping behind the bar, I grip her waist and lean in to speak against her ear. “Thank you.”
She laughs and turns around to face me. “For what?”
“For being here. It means so damn much to me. You mean so damn much to me.” I move my hand up to caress her cheek. “And I appreciate you working the bar for a while. You really didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to,” she says, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Everything needs to be perfect tonight and I really don’t mind. It’s sort of fun.”
“It is perfect.” I swipe my tongue across her lips, before kissing her. “You being here assured that.”
“I know,” she says with a cocky grin.
I laugh and kiss her again. The more she’s with me the more I wear off on her and I love it. “I should go greet some more guests before my performance.”
“Okay, babe.” She moves her hands down to grip the top of my shirt, before she pulls me in and playfully nips my bottom lip, and then kisses me. “You’ve got ten minutes before you’re up. Don’t be late or I’ll have to punish you.”
I smirk, before running my tongue over my lips. “I have a feeling that I’m going to love you being in charge.”
She watches me with a playful smile as I hurry away and get lost in the crowd, wanting to make my way around to as many people as I can before my show.
“Thank you for coming.” I smile and shake the hand of another guest, welcoming them to Express.
I’ve shaken too many hands tonight to count and I still haven’t made it around to everyone.
I’m just about to hold my hand out to greet the next person when I look up to see who’s standing in front of me.
Alexander is standing there dressed all sharp in a blue button-down shirt and a pair of black slacks.
As happy as I am to see he decided to show up for the opening, I don’t know what to expect from him.
We haven’t spoken much since I returned home with his sister, so I assumed he still hasn’t come around to the idea of us dating yet.
“Micah.” He holds his hand out and I take it, giving it a firm shake.
“Thanks for coming.”
He nods and releases my hand. “I see you have my sister working for you.”
I look over at Tegan to see her watching us from behind the bar with a small, hopeful smile.
“Yeah.” I can’t help the smile that takes over as she blows me a kiss, before turning away to help a guest. “I hired her as management. I wanted someone I could trust, and well . . . you know me.”
He nods and reaches for his glass. He watches me over the rim as he takes a drink. “She seems happy. Really happy.”
“And I plan to keep her that way. I don’t care what it takes and I want you to know that.” I meet his eyes, wanting him to see the truth in them. “I fucking love her and I’d do anything for her. Whatever it takes. I want you to fucking see that.”
“I know.” His lips curl into a small smile as he sets his glass down. “I realized that the day you showed up at my doorstep when you were supposed to be here opening the damn place you’ve wo
rked so hard on. I know more than anyone how long you’ve worked to get this place up and running. You wouldn’t have walked away unless you truly loved my sister.” He pauses to look over at her again. His smile broadens as he watches her laughing with someone. “I was a hothead. I needed some time to be pissed off at your dumbass for going behind my back. I didn’t want to give in too quickly. I’m not a pussy.”
I chuckle and grip his shoulder. “I think your fist slamming into my jaw about ten damn times proved that you aren’t. The fucker still hurts if moved just right.”
He grins and hands me one of the shots in front of him. “Sorry about that, Man. I lost my shit when I saw you two together. I just want what’s best for her, but now I know that’s you.”
We tilt back our shots at the same time, and just as we set them down Tegan wiggles her way in between us with a smile. “I see you boys are playing nice,” she says, wrapping her arms around me. “This has totally made my night.”
Alexander releases a breath, while looking us over. It’s the first time since the night he caught us that he’s seen us together. “I suppose you two do look nice together. I do kind of already like him. But I’ll still kill Micah if he hurts you.” He cracks a smile, which has Tegan moving to give him a hug.
“It’s that time,” she whispers, after moving back in to hug me. “Are you ready?”
I nod and kiss the top of her head. “Yeah.” I drop my hands down to cup her face, and then move in to kiss her long and hard. “As long as you’re watching me, babe.”
She nods and moves in close to Alexander as I walk away and head toward the stage.
My heart is racing with a mixture of nerves and excitement, because tonight I’m performing a song I wrote for Tegan when she was gone.
I want her to feel every word of the pain I felt without her in my life.
And now that she’s here, there’s no way in hell I’m ever allowing her to leave me again.
I may not have ever experienced love before, but I’m damn sure that not everyone gets as lucky as I am. I plan to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can, because I already know what losing her feels like and it’s something I never want to live through again.
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