Secrets We Keep

by B. K. Leigh

  Chapter 1

  Tatum

  “Don’t freak out.” Cohen says calmly before me.

  “What do you mean don’t freak out? What does it say Co?”

  “You promise you’re not going to freak out?” He questions seriously, and my heart sinks.

  “Just tell me what the damn thing says, Cohen.” I yell at him as anxiety claws its way out of my chest. He’s sitting on the bathroom floor, one palm on my thigh the other holding my entire future. My grandmother’s bathroom never felt so small.

  “You’re totally freaking out, Tate.” He runs a hand through his hair out of frustration. “Jesus, I’m gonna need a bowl after this.” He sighs.

  “Yeah, well I’m gonna need like four.” I admit. A good high would do me good right about now. That or a good buzz, but Cohen and I drank the last of Grams’ alcohol last week.

  “No can do, Tate.” Cohen gives me a sad smile. “Test says it’s positive.” He flips the tiny plastic stick in my direction. One look is all it takes for me to throw myself at the porcelain sink and empty the entire weeks worth of content from my stomach.

  “You’re lying.” I say astonished, wiping the saliva from my lips. I’m still leaning over the sink as Cohen walks up behind me and removes the stray strands of hair from my face.

  “I wish I were, babe.” I turn around as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and tucks me against his chest. My hands shake as I grip on to his cotton T-shirt and let the first onslaught of tears fall down my face.

  “We need to get another one.” I say as I pull back.

  “You already took three, Tate. How many you gonna take before it finally sinks in?” He stares at me with a sullen face and sad eyes. Never have his brown eyes looked so grim before.

  “What am I gonna do?” I ask through the tears. “Grams is gonna murder me, and I don’t-” I hiccup. “I don’t even know where he is.” I say in reference to the one night stand I had just over seven weeks ago.

  “She’s not going to kill you, Tatum. She’s just...” He runs a hand through my hair. “She’s just… seriously going to kill you. What the fuck do we do?” He asks. I swear the shock I feel inside is manifesting inside of him now too.

  “I don’t know. What about school? How the hell am I supposed to keep this a secret?”

  “You have other options.” He whispers softly.

  “No.” My spine stiffens. “I can’t do that. I don’t want to do that.”

  “Then you’re gonna have to figure something out.” He takes a deep breath. “You can’t hide this, and if you don’t wanna do that… then you’re going to have to have a game plan.”

  “But I don’t have any sort of plan!” My voice squeaks. “You of all people know that. I was just going to take stupid online classes after high school. I have no idea what I want to do with my life! And what? Now I have to figure it out with a baby?” My brain does a fabulous job of showing me the next twenty years of my future all at once. A baby, toddler, pre-teen, teenager. It’s for life. I’m definitely not ready for that.

  “You know I’ll help you.” He pulls me in. “You know I wont let you do this by yourself.” His lips find my forehead.

  “This is all your fault, Co.” I mumble into his chest. “You and your stupid encouragement got me into this mess.” If I had just stayed home that night. If I hadn’t gone to that stupid club, and had sex with that stupid piece of fine ass man, I wouldn’t be carrying his bun in my oven. We definitely wouldn’t be having this conversation.

  “You know it’s not.” He replies as his shoulders sag an inch.

  “Yeah, I know.” Cohen’s my best friend in the whole entire world, and when he tells me he’ll help me I know it’s true. He’s one of the only human beings I can trust. One of the only ones I can count on. “School starts tomorrow, how am I going to make it through the day without throwing my guts up every five minutes?”

  “I don’t know, haven’t you puked enough?” He asks naively. “Literally all I’ve seen you do for the last two weeks is kiss the toilet.”

  “Can we not make those kinds of references here, Cohen? That image alone is enough to have me gagging in three seconds flat.”

  “As long as you don’t puke on me, we’re good. But in the mean time, you should probably call your birth control company and get your money back.” He says sarcastically. If it weren’t for the half cracked smile on his lips I’d probably slap him.

  “That’s not funny!”

  “No, babe. Nothing about this situation is funny. In eight months we’re gonna have a baby to take care of and we barely got our shit together.”

  “We?” I quirk my eyebrows.

  “Yeah, we. When I said I’d help you I meant it. You don’t think I’d let you go at this alone do you?”

  “No but-”

  “Then it’s settled. If anyone asks, I’m the baby daddy.” He says in all seriousness.

  “Are you out of your mind Cohen James Parker!” I practically yell in his face.

  “No, but you are. Who the hell doesn’t use a condom in this day in age?” He asks playfully.

  “I was on birth control!” I say frustrated. “And I’m not letting you claim this baby, you’ll ruin your entire reputation. Your whole senior year will go straight out the window.”

  “What senior year? Everyone knows you’re my best friend. What else would I be doing while you’re sitting here doing nothing?” He challenges. He’s right. We’ve been tied at the hip since we were six years old. Every waking minute since has been spent together. People would believe us. My brain pokes through trying to throw logic at me.

  “You can’t.” I shake my head at him.

  “There’s gonna come a time when you start to show, and I’m gonna have your back whether you like it or not.” He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

  “What about your parents? Grams?” I stare into his chocolate eyes and wish for a second we could go back in time. Not plan for a future either of us ever wanted.

  “Half the time my moms too drunk off her ass to know what’s even going on. And not for nothing but your Grams loves me.” He kisses my forehead.

  “Hardly.” I roll my eyes. “And she’s still a great mom.” I chide.

  “I know, even for a wine-o,” He half jokes. “Everything’s gonna be alright, Tate. We got this.” A single tear slides down my cheek. Only Cohen can make the complete darkness seem so bright.

  “You’re gonna be an awesome uncle, Co.” I say through the tears.

  “No, I’m gonna be an awesome baby daddy.” His laugh is contagious and for minute I’m able to actually to see some good in all of this.

  “Okay, so we need a plan. Like how the hell do I do any of this?”

  “Maybe you should tell your Grams first. Then go to the doctor. Hell maybe google could help you more than I can.”

  “What about Killian?”

  “The sperm donor?” He raises his brows.

  “Yeah, like what do I do with him. I have his baby and he doesn’t get to know about it for the rest of his life?”

  “Did you get his number?” He asks a question he already knows the answer to.

  “You know I didn’t.” I dead pan.

  “Well then I guess he doesn’t get to know about it for the rest of his life.” He mocks me.

  “That’s not fair.” I pout.

  “Nothing in this life is fair, Tate. Or else we wouldn’t even be in this situation.” He says solemnly. “Are you okay, babe?” He asks with a hint of worry in his voice.

  “Yes.” I throw a hand to my mouth. “Oh God, no!” I rush to the toilet this time and literally throw up my entire insides.

  “Babe, you’re definitely not going to make it through the school day tomorrow.” Cohen mumbles.

  “Thanks for the support, Co.” I stand to my feet and wipe my mouth.

  “Hey, it’s what I’m here for.” He winks at me. “Now, for the second hardest part of this thing. Let’s go tell Grams she�
�s gonna be a Grams times two.” He chuckles.

  ∞∞∞

  “What do you want, Tatum?” Grams bites out as I take the seat opposite of her in our small living room.

  “Can’t a girl just enjoy some time spent with her favorite Grandma?” I lather on the sweetest voice I can manage.

  “Any girl can, but you and your little sidekick here sure as hell can’t.” She practically growls. “Besides, you’re interrupting my date with General Hospital.” Her eyes slide from me and land back on the television in front of her.

  “Okay, well we’ll let you be then.” I smile sweetly and stand to leave.

  “Oh no you don’t!” Cohen says before grabbing my arm and planting my butt back in the seat next to him.

  “Co, she’s busy.” I give him the look that screams abort mission but he’s not having it. “Another time.” I say through gritted teeth.

  “Will you two stop your yapping? If you got something to say to me just spit it out. And if you need any money, you can forget about it. You know I’m broke.” Her rough voice spits out.

  “We don’t want any money, Grams.” Cohen tells her next. She shoots him an annoyed look.

  “I’m not your Grams, boy.” She rolls her eyes. “Been telling you that for the last twelve years now. Now for the last time what do you want? Can’t you see that I’m busy?”

  “Grams, I-I” I stutter out. The words I’m searching for seem to be stuck in my throat. Lodged tightly behind a ball of nerves.

  “Well, you what?” She’s staring at me expectantly, while my body seems to have completely froze.

  “I-”

  “Tatum’s pregnant!” Cohen practically yells out. Grams just stares. A void look in her eyes.

  “I’m going to give you three seconds to re-think what you just said and start over, boy.” Her rough voice from smoking cigarettes for the last sixty years turns deadly.

  “I’m sorry.” I finally manage to choke out. Her eyes snap to mine, and all I see is utter disappointment.

  “If you guys think playing some kind of damn joke on me right now is funny, you’re dead wrong.” Her eyes flicker between me and my best friend, waiting for one of us to deal the punchline, but it never comes.

  “It’s not a joke, Grams.” Cohen says next. She shoots him a deadly glare.

  “This isn’t funny anymore, Tatum?” She looks to me for clarity, but all I manage to do is nod. I’ve lived with her since my parents died and she’s done nothing but be the best mom and dad I could have possibly had, and here I go repaying her with a baby. Bad decisions and even worse choices.

  “You’re pregnant.” It’s not a question, but a statement.

  “I’m sorry, Grams.” I say it again, just in case she missed it the first time.

  “Is it yours?” She turns her glare to Cohen next.

  “No it’s-”

  “Yes.” Cohen cuts me off before I have the chance to tell her the truth. I eye him from the side of the couch, shooting daggers into his head. What the hell is he doing? We didn’t agree to lie to Grams, just the entire outside world instead.

  “Are you going to take care of her?” She asks him seriously. I swear the entire time my jaw is dropped.

  “Yes, Grams.”

  “And the baby?” She asks next.

  “Yes, Grams.” He shakes his head up and down.

  “And you’re pregnant?” She asks once again. I shake my head yes. “Looks like we got a doctors appointment to make.” She says rather calmly. My heart sinks for a minute. A calm Grams is much scarier than an angry one. She’s lost her damn mind.

  “Are you feeling okay?” I ask her in a small voice, still afraid at any minute she’s going to jump out of her recliner and strangle me.

  “My newly turned eighteen year old granddaughter just told me she’s pregnant,” She takes a deep breath. “How do you think I’m feeling?” She asks sarcastically.

  “I’m-”

  “You’re sorry. Yeah, I know you’ve only said that three times now.” She rolls her eyes. “I knew I should have never let you sleep in the same bed.” She says to Cohen.

  “It’s not like that, Grams.”

  “What do you mean it’s not like that? You’re having his baby. This is like a damn episode of General Hospital.” She mumbles to herself.

  “Well,” Cohen checks his phone. “I gotta go pick Lacy up.” He stands from the couch, taking all of my courage with him.

  “You can’t leave me here.” My eyes go wide.

  “Don’t worry, Tate. I’ll be back.” He takes a step and pauses in front of Grams. “See you later, Grams.”

  “This better not be a representation of what’s to come, boy. I won’t let you leave her high and dry.” Her brows wrinkle.

  “Trust me, I don’t plan on it.” I watch Cohen

  leave the living room and feel as if he’s taking my heart and soul with him. What kind of best friend tells your grandmother that they’re the father of your unborn child without actually being the father? Cohen James Parker does, that’s for sure. I’ve never been more thankful for him until this day. My savior, my life, my knight. I can only pray this decision won’t ruin his entire future.

  Chapter 2

  Tatum

  People have been buzzing around all day like little swarms of bees. Seeing everyone’s tanned skin and happy smiles should make me feel the same, excited even. But the only feeling festering deep inside of my chest right now is dread. These people are my classmates, some of them may be considered my friends, but what happens when the news of a baby breaks out? Who will be left standing by my side, and who will be left fueling the rumors like gasoline. Google told me all sorts of different answers when I asked it about when I’d start to show. My guess is a few months. A few months to keep my pride and my head held high, after that I’m done for. I’ve seen the way these people, even the teacher’s, feed into juicy gossip around here and there’s no doubt in my mind that once the time comes I’ll be the topic of each and every conversation. Small town girl, meets real world problems. Typical.

  I thought the never ending whispers wouldn’t ever disappear when news about my parents death got around. It was weeks before the dirty looks and rumors finally seemed to calm down. It took spending an entire summer at my sisters house six hours away for everything to simmer down. You know, out of sight out of mind.

  “What’s the matter, babe?” Cohen comes to sit beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I don’t miss the curious glances thrown our way, but this is how we’ve always been. We never let the whole stigma of boys and girls are not allowed to be friends get in between us.

  “Do I look that miserable?” I ask him seriously.

  “I mean, maybe just a tad bit.” He holds his thumb and finger apart an inch to emphasize just how much.

  “I don’t know, I guess I’m just thinking about everything.” I say glumly.

  “You know you can take one day off from all that stress and at least try and enjoy your first day of senior year.” He nudges my shoulder while simultaneously taking a french fry from my worn out lunch tray.

  “Easy for you to say.” I mumble.

  “Anyway… Did you hear about the new History teacher?” He steers the conversation in a different direction. My bad mood must be affecting him too.

  “Yeah, it’s all anyone can talk about. What’s his name?” I’ve heard just about everyone whisper but only caught the tail ends of each conversation.

  “Mr. Matthews. Or as most girls have said today Mr. So Fucking Hot I’d Fuck Him On The Spot Matthews.” He lets out a soft chuckle.

  “You’re full of shit.” I tell him. “I bet he looks like a toad.”

  “Yeah, well I guess you’ll find out sooner or later, isn’t History your last class?” He takes another fry as he talks around a mouthful of food.

  “Yes.” I say frustrated. “I don’t want to go sit in a class with a dozen other girls gawking over some fifty year old man! You know how distracting that
’s going to be?” I ask him honestly.

  “You know you’re gonna love it, babe.” He ruffles my hair. “Don’t act like you won’t be one of those gawking girls. You know you like a hot piece of ass as much as the next skank.” He wiggles his eyebrows and my jaw hangs open.

  “Not true!” I role my eyes.

  “Say’s the girl who lost her virginity to some random hottie in a club.” He jabs. “And got knocked up by that same random hottie.” He adds the salt on thick.

  “Hey! That’s no fair, Co. You made me do it!” I say playfully.

  “Yeah, maybe the first bit, but not the rest.” He says obviously.

  “Whatever.”

  “Hey, don’t be upset. I was only kidding. Besides, if I were you I’d be thankful for a baby daddy like me.” He smiles from ear to ear and it grows contagious.

  “Yeah, only problem is you’re not the real baby daddy.” I say on a whisper.

  “Oof.” He throws a hand to his chest. “That hurts.” He feigns hurt.

  “You know what I mean.” I shoulder him. This is what I love most about Cohen Parker, the easy banter and flowing conversations we always have. It’s never felt forced, never been awkward, and in another world he’d be the perfect guy for me. But in this one, he’s just my best friend, and these day’s I’ll take what I can get.

  “You want me to walk you to Mr. Hotties class or you good?” We stand as the bells begins to ring signaling the end of the lunch period and beginning of the last class of the day.

  “I’m good, Co.” I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest.

  “You’ll be fine, Tatum.” He reassures me. I don’t miss the sideways glances from our school mates as we break apart and head our separate ways. They’ve all been skeptical. Ever since we started sleeping in the same bed when we were younger, and never stopped. The guys are jealous and the girls are envious. But Cohen and I are happy as best friends and nobody around here gets that.

  The last class of the day has me happy for it to almost be over. If I have to listen to one more syllabus I think I’ll die. My eyelids began to shut during my last class. I can only hope History is a different story.