by B. K. Leigh
We listen as Killian runs through the long list of student names, answering only when he finally comes to mine. I can hear the indifference in his voice as he practically sneers once my name falls from his lips. Cohen’s next on the list and makes a spectacle of answering like your typical high school douche.
“Alright everyone, my name is Mr. Matthews. Some of you may know me as your History teacher, but for the next few weeks I will be covering for Mr. Miles as well.” He seems completely out of his element.
“Well, that answers that.” Cohen whispers beside me. My stomach dips. I don’t know if I’ll live being stuck with Killian every day for the next few weeks. Especially after this morning. I know he’ll have questions I don’t even have or want to give the answers to.
“Since it’s the first day of your last semester we’ll start with something a little easy and fun for everyone.” He pauses as he scans the crowd of students perched on the bleachers before him. “Everyone loves a game of dodgeball, am I right?” He smiles a wicked smile. A few boys across the room let out their approval. I on the other hand am cringing from the inside out. If I could sit on these bleachers for the rest of the semester I’d be completely satisfied. “All the students on this side of my arm please go to the right of the center line.” Killian jets his arm out to the middle cutting Cohen and I directly in half. “And all of the students on this side please go to the left.” He takes a deep breath. “Get to it Miss O’Neil.” Killian shoots me a smirk as I catch his eye. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Reluctantly I stand to do as he asks.
“No way, Tate.” Cohen grabs my arm. “I’m not leaving you.” He states loud enough for Killian to hear.
“Is there a problem Mr. Parker?” Killian snaps.
“It’s fine, Co. It’s just dodgeball, it’s not the end of the world.” I shrug it off as if I’m not annoyed. I know if Cohen see’s me upset then his mood will only worsen.
“Yeah, but what about Bean?” His voice lowers for just me to hear.
“I’ll just stay in the back, it’s fine. Cohen it’ll be fine.” I try to convince him once more.
“Fine,” He takes a reluctant breath. “I won’t be far.” He promises. I don’t know who’s more protective of Bean, him or me.
We part ways and head to where Killian expects us to be.
“We need to talk.” I hear Killian whisper at my back as I walk past him. I shoot him an annoyed look and head to the furthest corner in the back. Gym is my least favorite subject. I don’t think anyone should be graded on how far they can throw a ball. I catch glimpse of Cohen standing opposite of me next to two familiar faces. Lucas and Stanley look like two kids in a candy shop. They take Gym Class Hero to a whole new level. A whistle rings out from the sidelines and the game begins. I try my best to stay out of the way. I should have lied and told Killian I’m not feeling well. Maybe it isn’t too late?
I can feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I take a quick minute to pull it out.
K: ‘A’ for effort Tatum.
The second I read his text my eyes scan the room for him. When they finally make contact he only nods towards the phone in my hand. A sharp pain burst through my stomach and my whole body runs cold. Fuck that hurts.
Another sharp pain breaks out and my face scrunches up in pain. My hand absentmindedly goes to my stomach. It’s intense. A pain I’ve never felt before. A pain I wasn’t prepared for. I pull my phone back out of my pocket and text Cohen as quickly as possible.
Tatum: SOS!
I look up and try to find him, but I can’t seem to locate him through all of the chaos. Balls are being thrown, whipped, and flung in every direction. One fly’s by my head at rapid speed, as another rolls slowly by my feet. The pain in my stomach seems to be getting worse and worse with the coming seconds.
“Tate!” I hear my name being called out and turn in the direction of the voice. I can see Cohen coming towards me with a concerned look on his face. “Tate, look out!” I look up just in time to see a red rubber ball coming straight at me. Lucas is standing directly behind it with a sinister smile on his face. It takes less than a second for it to slam into my face. The force knocks me backward. I’m stunned by the impact my entire body goes numb. My phone fly’s from my hand and crashes to the cool hardwood floor beneath me. I look up for one fleeting second just as my body slams into the floor.
I land hard. Hard doesn’t even describe it. My entire body hits the floor at a speed I couldn’t even dream of. The pain in my stomach now replicates to my head as it smacks on the hardwood flooring. Red and black spots begin to cloud my vision. A loud ringing pierces my ears.
“Fuck! Tatum!” Cohen’s only feet from me now. Along with half the class, and a more than satisfied looking Lucas. “Tatum, baby. Are you okay?” Cohen rushes out. I don’t know if it’s because of the attention or the amount of pain radiating throughout my body but, for some reason I find myself unable to reply.
Bean kicks into my rib this time and it’s like a ripple effect. Like a million bee stings traveling down to my toes as my entire body runs cold, filling with numbness. Killian manages to make it through the thick circle of students who have now seemed to have barricaded around me.
“She’s pregnant you idiot!” Cohen yells just before landing a solid fist directly into the center of Lucas’s face. I close my eyes as the world around me begins to spin. In the darkness I feel calm. In the darkness there is no pain. In the darkness there is nothing to worry about, no one to fear about, and nothing keeping me down.
Chapter 30
Killian
Pregnant.
I knew it.
I should have listened to my gut, but instead I let a woman get the best of me. A teenager! I chastise myself.
Pregnant.
The word tastes sour on my tongue. I knew something was wrong the minute Parker started running towards her. The look of fear on her face as she hit the ground almost knocked me to my knees. But it was Parker who rushed to her side. It was him who she looked for just before she passed out. It was him who wouldn’t leave her side as she was taken to the hospital by ambulance. And it was me who just sat there. Staring. I stood there as my entire mind and body went numb from one word. In complete and utter shock.
Pregnant.
The sad part is everyone expects it to be Parker’s, but I know deep down in my heart it’s mine. Tatum is having a child and it’s mine. Not his, but mine.
Me.
With a baby.
I can’t even wrap my head around it. I don’t even know how I managed to drag myself to the hospital and beg the receptionist to tell me where Tatum’s room was. Turns out there was another man here already claiming to be the father of which they already let through. Parker.
I don’t know what I feel or how to act. I’ve been sitting outside her door watching nurse after nurse, and doctor after doctor enter and exit. Through all of the whispers I’ve managed to make out that they are waiting for the OB-GYN to come. Meanwhile a million thoughts stew and stir inside of my head. How could I have been so ignorant? How could I have been so blind? I fucked her for Christ’s sake. I felt the soft skin of her curves. I felt her body pressed against mine. I heard her moans. I heard her pleasure. And within none of that time did I ever expect she was pregnant. She would have told me right? That would have been the most logical thing to do. But then again no other students are getting pregnant by their teachers. I’m supposed to set the example for these kids, be a leader for them, and yet here I am being the poster child for criminal offense. She’s eighteen. The traitorous voice in the back of my head tries to make reason.
“Killian?” My head snaps up as I hear a familiar voice. The anger I was beginning to feel inside morphs into utter confusion.
“Bianca? What are you doing here?” I raise a questioning brow in her direction and scan over the clipboard in her hands.
“I’m-” She stutters around her words for a moment. “This is my patient.” She points in the direction of T
atum’s room.
“Your patient?” I repeat. I mull the few word sentence around over and over inside my head. “Are you sure you have the right room?” I ask her next. She looks at me and then back down at the clipboard in her hands. It takes a moment for the fog of confusion to dissipate. And once it’s gone I can see clear as day. “You know her?” It doesn’t come out as a question, but more of an accusation. “All this time? You’re the OB-GYN?” My voice rises an octave as the questions begin to fire out of my mouth.
“Killian-”
“Did you know?” I bark out. A few pairs of eyes from down the hall turn their attention to us. “This whole time?” My chest feels like it’s beginning to constrict. I watch as her usual green eyes fill with guilt.
“What did you want me to say?” She finally snaps out as she finds her voice again. “That you got an eighteen year old pregnant? That you got one of your students pregnant?” She bursts out.
“You could’ve told me!” I throw my hands up. “You should’ve told me!” I breathe deeply. “I took her home!” I emphasize. Remembering the time I took her home to my parents.
“You’re lucky I didn’t tell anyone!” She snaps back. The only thing I can even manage to feel right now is utter betrayal. “You could lose everything over this! You could go to jail for this!”
“She’s eighteen!” I fire back, knowing damn well that means absolutely nothing right about now.
“She’s your student!” She argues again.
“And you’re supposed to be my sister! You’re supposed to be my blood.” My shoulders drop an inch in defeat.
“I was protecting you!” She screeches. “I was protecting her!” Her hands whip in the direction of Tatum’s room.
“You weren’t,” I begin. “You weren’t protecting anyone, B. All you did was betray me.” I tell her defeated. “You sat here for months and lied over, and over, and over again. Every. Single. Time.”
“I have a job to do, Killian.” She exhales deeply. “I have patients to protect, Tatum included.” She brings her fingers up to her temples and tries to massage the sudden onslaught of stress away.
“What about me?” I ask angrily. “What about your family? What about my family? My child, B?” I watch as she tries to grasp everything I’ve just thrown at her. All I can do is wait as she tries to catch her bearings. I get nothing. Absolutely nothing. We stand there squared off for what seems like an eternity. Both of us hurt. Both of us questioning whether or not we’ve done the right thing. I don’t want to see the logic in all of this just yet. I’m too hurt, too confused to even begin to process any of it.
“I’m sorry.” Bianca whispers before side stepping around me and entering Tatum’s hospital room. I throw my hands up and rest them on my head. A few deep breaths later I’m only a fraction less mad.
A child.
My child.
I don’t need Tatum or anyone else to confirm exactly who’s baby that is.
Fuck me.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been more unsure of myself then I am in this moment. I stay standing outside Tatum’s room looking like a fool for all to see. Seconds, minutes, hours go by and yet here I stay. Wishing, wanting, waiting for something, for anything. Bianca’s come and gone so many times, never once muttering a single word in my direction. I don’t even know why I haven’t gone in yet, or why I decided this old wooden chair against the long white wall of the hallway was really my best option. From what I understand Tatum is still asleep. A cocktail of medications like the ones she’s received today would be enough to knock out a horse.
I watch Bianca as she scurries from the room once again. A million questions flow through my head, but I can’t get myself to ask them.
“You’re still here?” A gruff annoyed voice barks out. My once calmed nerves sky rocket with annoyance.
“Parker.” I nod reluctantly accepting the fact that this kid is Tatum’s guard dog whether I like it or not. He takes a step toward me entering my personal space, and all though I’m not afraid of this kid, I know I'm not going to like what comes out of his mouth.
“None of this would be happening to her if it weren’t for you.” He seethes, anger pouring out of his ears like smoke.
“I didn’t force her into anything, Parker. I didn’t force her to fuck me.” I shout out. I can see the way my blunt words make him flinch on impact.
“I’m going tell you this one time, and one time only.” He takes in a deep breath. “You’re either in it for the long run, or not all. She doesn’t need you and your little hide-n-seek games anymore. It’s not good for her and it’s not good for Bean- the baby.” I don’t miss the way he corrects himself towards the end.
“You don’t know the first thing about Tatum and I.” I attempt to argue but the effort is meek. “It’s not a fucking game.” This time it’s my turn to crowd his space.
“I know enough to know it’s destroying her, and I’ll be damned if I sit here and watch her question herself any longer.” I want to tell him how much he’s wrong. Prove to him and the rest of the world I’m exactly what Tatum needs me to be, but even I know that’s a lie.
“I love her!” I admit. “I’m not going anywhere.” I vow.
“You’re her teacher for Christ’s sake. If you loved her you wouldn’t be sitting here trying to convince me you do instead of being at her bedside.” His voice grows quiet. “She deserves better, Mr. Matthews. She doesn’t deserve this.”
“It’s my child.” I say defeated.
“You’d be doing both of them a favor by leaving.” His words sting as they punch me in the gut and wrap a vice like grip directly around my heart.
It’s my child. He wants me to abandon him. He wants me to abandon them. Maybe it’s whats best? No.
“Seriously, you need to think about what’s right. Tate has her whole life ahead of her, Bean-” My eyebrows pinch together in confusion. “The baby has it’s whole life ahead of her. This whole situation is going to do nothing but tear them down. It’s just going to keep setting them back. If you stay then that’s great, stay. But don’t keep going back and forth. No more hot and cold when it comes to them. Especially her.” I listen to every word spoken, every subtle threat Parker throws my way, and everything becomes so clear. The best thing for her is to leave. The best thing for both of them is to disappear. I’m just a headache, a heartache. This up and down roller coaster ride has been filled with nothing but pain and suffering. Parker doesn’t wait to hear a response, he just storms away. I watch his back as he rounds the nearest corner. A million different thoughts and possibilities running through my mind at the same time.
One look in Tatum’s direction is all it takes to make my mind up. I’m a fuck up. A pervert. A teacher who slept with his own student. Nothing good can come from this relationship, if it can even be classified as that. I pry my eyes from Tatum, square my shoulders and do the hardest thing I've ever had to do before. I walk away.
I force my feet to bring me further and further, all the while my heart begs me to stay. I can feel the crack through my heart grow wider and wider. A hole bigger than I can even imagine begins to form. I lose myself as I walk away. I lose her as I walk away. I lose them.
Chapter 31
Tatum
“You have to get over it, Tate.” Cohen rolls his eyes. Words I’ve heard him speak a thousand times over resonate deep inside my soul every single time. Get over it. It’s what they’ve all said. It’s what I’m told on the daily basis. Just to simply ‘Get over it’.
They don’t understand the pain I feel. Or the gaping hole taking up residency in my chest where my heart once was. No matter how many times the bad out weighed the good, a piece of me always knew Killian was the one. My person. All the bullshit excuses, all the bullshit back and forth’s, they were all worth it. I’d get over all of the bad just to harbor the good. But it was all taken away from me. The choice to keep going wasn’t mine to make. And as soon as the ball was in Killian’s court he made t
he choice for me. He decided to walk away and never look back. A decision that nearly broke my heart in two, or what was left of it.
“It’s easy for you to say, Co.” I sigh. “You have Cassie. She’s with you all the time. You can call her and she’ll answer the phone. You can hold her hand. You can go out with her. I have nothing.” I pout. It’s the same argument all the time. You have me, he’ll say next. You have Bean, he’ll add in. But I don’t want to hear it. Not anymore.
“You have me.” I told you so. “And you have Bean.” He takes a deep breath. “Can’t you see that?” I try to think of which route I want to go here. I can either change the subject or just agree to disagree. Either way I want out of this same old conversation.
“I just want to get to class and get it over with.” I sigh.
“You’ll be fine, Tate.” He throws an arm across my shoulder and continues. “You’ve made it this far.” he shrugs as if it’s no big deal. We head down the hall for our next classes, his with Killian and mine with Mrs. Montgomery.
I stop dead in my tracks causing the group of jocks behind us to lash out in angry curses.
“Who is that?” I point to the older man standing just outside of Killian’s classroom door. His salt and pepper hair crowds around his ears and neck laying sparsely stretched across the crown of his head.
“That’s Mr. Amen.” Cohen answers. “He’s my new History teacher.” He sounds guilty.
“Your new teacher?” I’m sure he’s not the only one around that can see my face twist into a scowl.
“Yeah, you know.” He looks down to his feet, avoiding any and all eye contact.
“Cohen.” I demand his attention.
“What is he doing in Killian’s classroom?” I ask him, a slight hint of anger hanging onto every single word.