by Glover, Nhys
But her disappointment would be more than he could bear, so he kept his patience, and tried to address every one of her multitude of questions as fully as possible. One day, he hoped, she would come to the end of her questions, and settle into his world. Sooner or later, she’d come to realise it was easier just to go along, rather than constantly rocking the boat.
‘Did you ever see a foetus in a jar, back in your time?’ he asked, running his hands up and down her arms, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin under his. He was no longer surprised when his body jumped to attention as soon as she was anywhere near him. Sexual arousal and Cara went hand in hand for him, now. Wonderful, but exhausting.
‘Yeeew, yuk, no way!’ she exclaimed, pulling a funny face. He couldn’t avoid dropping a kiss on her wrinkled nose.
‘Well, that’s what they’re like. Creepy. Nightmare on Elm Street creepy.’
‘Probably more Night of the Living Dead type creepy, given your comparison.’
‘Okay, Miss Pop Culture Queen, I bow to your far more extensive experience.’
‘Hey, you don’t have to be insulting. I’m still a spring chicken compared to you, granddad!’
He smiled as he claimed her mouth, allowing his body to distract him from his work. It was done. He was prepared. He was just spinning his wheels, trying to get it perfect. But Cara was showing him that perfect wasn’t always better.
‘What if we put your new body on hold for five or ten years? There’s nothing that says a perfectly healthy Original has to be upgraded.’
Cara pulled back, and looked into his eyes. ‘Why would you say that? Why would you even think to go against your Protocol so completely, over this?’
‘You’re comfortable in your skin. You’re totally relaxed in it. I know what that feels like. You will have some stiff challenges ahead, trying to learn, or relearn what it’s like to have a young body again. Your sex drive will diminish. You won’t want me like you do now.’
He looked away from her, out toward the apple trees in blossom in their yard. Their scent wafted into the room through the open window. So beautiful. Just like his Cara. He didn’t want to risk losing her.
‘Babe, I want to be in sync with you. I don’t want to look like your mother. It gets to me, especially when I know it doesn’t have to be this way. I know you like me like this. But if it’s me that you’re really interested in, the body I’m wearing won’t matter. And I always had a strong sex drive, even as a teen. So don’t despair, once I get familiar with the controls, I’ll have you flat on your back, just where I want you. Which reminds me…’
‘Thought you’d never ask…’ He stood up, with her in his arms, and headed for the bedroom.
Maggie Tasmania slouched in the well cushioned sofa, and watched as blossoms from the apples trees blew in through the open windows. The scent was intoxicating, carried on air that was warm and light – the sort of time when you just wanted to doze in the sunshine, appreciating the world and all its wonders. It took her home.
‘You like it here, don’t you?’ Cara Westchester asked her.
‘Of course, who wouldn’t?’ she replied, contentedly brushing her straight, auburn hair back over her shoulder. That it was naturally curly, and needed to be straightened after every wash, didn’t bother her. After all, maintaining thigh length curls would be a nightmare she didn’t need. And straight hair suited her, luckily, as New Atlantean fashion was not so much a choice, as a social imperative. Women wore their hair long and straight, men cut theirs close to the scalp, except for a lock that fell over the forehead. As far as she could determine, those guidelines on appearance hadn’t changed in hundreds of years.
‘Was it scary going through the integration?’
‘Yeah, a bit. But no worse than the two face lifts I’d had back home.’
Cara looked at Maggie in astonishment. ‘Face lifts? But why… oh, damn, I forgot. How old were you when you were Retrieved?’
Maggie couldn’t help smiling. Cara was a breath of fresh air. None of the citizens of New Atlantis, even the new arrivals, had her spontaneity. It was energising, just being around her. Cara reminded her of the better parts of her old life.
‘Yeah, it is hard to remember that the young faces you see aren’t really young. Most have got to be at least in their forties. It freaked me out at first, but after a while, you forget age. I was sixty two when they Retrieved me from 2008. And though my olive skin stayed smooth, it did stretch into jowls and sagging turkey-neck, over time. I really hated that. Hence the surgery.’
‘Okay, wow, I’ll have to stop treating you like a kid then…’
‘Don’t bother. It’s nice to be treated like I’m young. I try to act young, but in my head I’m still sixty two, I think. They can give you a young body, but not a young mind.’
‘Puts paid to the old saying “You can’t put old heads on young shoulders” doesn’t it?’ Cara chuckled, as she bent to pick up the blossoms that were scattered across the tiled floor of the living room.
‘Yeah. I guess that’s why this world is so stable. It’s run by very old heads.’
‘It’s a bit like a mausoleum. Everything is so changeless. I wish they Retrieved kids. This place would be so much livelier if there were kids around.’
Maggie was shocked at the very thought. ‘Oh no, they don’t want children here. They’d fight the system. Too many things could go wrong if they brought in kids.’
‘You too? Why do I feel like I’m hitting my head against a brick wall over this one? Questioning the status quo is healthy. A society that doesn’t change stagnates.’
‘Rather stagnated than destroyed.’
At that moment, the front door was thrown open, and Jac stormed in. He threw his work Tablet on the table, and slammed into the bedroom, without a word.
‘Oops, time to go. I’m not used to temper tantrums,’ she said, as she scrambled to her feet.
‘No, Jac is rather an anomaly around here, isn’t he? I gather he wasn’t like this before my Retrieval.’
‘Didn’t know him back then, but I saw him around, sometimes. He always looked serious and thoughtful. Can’t remember ever seeing him smile, no less throw a hissy fit. It’s like his testosterone is pumping overtime, these days.’
‘Oh yeah, big time. But he’s not scary. He’d never hurt anyone. He just doesn’t know where to put all that angst that’s surfacing. I feel partly to blame. I can’t help asking why things are the way they are. And when I do, he has to question stuff that he previously never questioned. He doesn’t like that.’
Maggie smiled to indicate she understood, although she didn’t. Questioning the status quo was not a behaviour she understood. Why question what worked so well? It was exhausting and counter-productive. But then, if Cara just went along, like everyone else did, she wouldn’t be such a refreshing addition to their ranks. There must be a part of her that wanted what Cara wanted, or she’d avoid her. Instead, she sought her out, and considered her a close friend, even after knowing her for only a month.
‘Hope he calms down soon. See you after the big change tomorrow. What time is it scheduled?’ she asked, to change her train of thought.
‘Nine thirty. I’m terrified.’
‘You’ll be fine. Honestly. You go to sleep, and then you wake up a younger version of yourself. You’ll be fine.’
As she walked away, toward her own beautiful villa overlooking the ocean, Maggie thought about Cara’s coming amalgam. It would be strange seeing her in a different body. Her soft, slightly overweight body was attractive, as was her character-filled face. Unlike her own case, changing to a new body wouldn’t necessarily be an improvement for Cara. Some people improved with age – like malt whiskey. Cara was one of them. Seeing her as yet another unmarked clone would be disconcerting. She would miss that motherly body.
Cara closed the door after Maggie, and walked with determined steps toward the bedroom door. Jac’s temper was running hot a lot of the time these days, and it was starting to worr
y her. She didn’t know how much the status quo would take. Emotional outbursts of any kind were frowned upon.
She opened the door, and went to join her man, who sat on the edge of their king size bed. He didn’t look up from the floor as she sat down next to him. His big shoulders were hunched over, and his head was in his hands. It was the posture of a man in deep grief, and she was instantly terrified.
‘You’ve got your wish,’ he growled at her, from his hands.
‘What?’ Her heartbeat accelerated into sick flight or fight.
‘You’re going to be trained as a Retriever.’
Now the bad mood made sense. And she allowed her system to come down off high-alert. This was something she understood. This was not the long-dreaded arrival of the realisation that she was not the love of his life. Nor was it fury over something she’d done, which had compromised his position here even more than she already had. This was Jac not wanting her to Time Travel, for so many reasons. But mostly, he was just afraid for her. She understood that, but it didn’t stop her wanting to do the job.
She wondered whether she would choose the work or Jac, if he forced her to make that decision. For the last six years, she had answered to no one. It had been even longer, since she’d had to compromise for a man. She desperately hoped he wouldn’t make her choose. She loved this man to distraction, but sooner or later he would leave her, and then where would she be if she’d turned down a dream job for him? Resenting him terribly. And she didn’t want that.
‘When can I start?’
‘Three weeks, after you’ve got your new body under control. They’ll fast track you, given your background. You could be in the field in as little as two months. I imagine that makes you very happy.’ His tone was bitter.
Cara leaned in, and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders. It hurt her to see him so upset by her decisions. He wanted things to stay as they were. He wanted her to stay as she was. His conditioning and his fears were shackling him. Yes, there was a part of him that wanted change, but there was another part that fought it.
And worst of all, there was another part that resented the loss of his job because of her. That hurt her the most. If they’d just played it cool when she first came here, he would never have been reprimanded. He would still have what she was now being offered. How ego destroying and unfair was that?
‘Babe, I’m so sorry that I’m hurting you this way. I know how much losing your job meant to you. I’m not trying to rub your face in it. I wish I was like Maggie and the others … but this world would stifle me, if I let it.’
‘I’d stifle you, you mean?’ he snapped out, pulling away from her.
‘No, never! Stifle me? You energise me, challenge me. I wouldn’t want you to be any different.’
He turned and looked deeply into her eyes. His frustration and fear was reflected in the green depths. ‘And I’m trying to be like you, accepting of change. I know in my heart I wouldn’t want you to be any different. I think that’s why I was drawn to you. You’re so unlike the rest of us. And I won’t try to stop you being a Retriever, if your heart’s set on it. But I can’t fake happiness over this … I just can’t.’
‘Thank you Jac, that’s the best gift you could give me.’ She stroked the side of his handsome face, knowing the angles of it so well, after only six weeks. ‘I’ll try to be considerate of your feelings. I’ll try not to remind you too much of what you’ve lost. And I’ll try not to rock the boat too much, either. But I seem to do that, without realising I’m doing it.’
With a groan, he drew her into his arms, and kissed her deeply. She could feel his arousal, never far from the surface, and she welcomed it. Every time with Jac was exciting, powerful and shattering. No one had ever given her the pleasure this man did.
‘Beautiful Cara, I haven’t lost a thing. I would rather have more years with you, than be a Retriever. I thought you knew that I’d decided to give up the job, even before we got back here? It was work I did because I was needed, not because I enjoyed it. I never enjoyed, really enjoyed anything of this life, before you came along.’
She drew away from him in astonishment. She’d assumed he loved his job. After all, wasn’t it incredibly rewarding saving lives? And visiting other times and places? But that was what she enjoyed, wasn’t it? Maybe he was different. He’d told her it was painful work, but that didn’t translate to unacceptable to her. He’d told her he felt no pride in bringing someone back. Why hadn’t she heard him? So many assumptions she held about him were faulty, she now realised.
Nervously, she decided to probe her most painful assumption.
‘You have always seen me as the catalyst for your new lease on life. But what if it was the news that you were going to die that got you really owning your body.’ She tried to keep her voice neutral. The last thing she wanted was to be seen as needy.
‘What brought that up?’ He released her, and frowned.
‘I’ve been making assumptions about you – like you hated losing your job – and I just wondered whether … Survival instinct is a powerful activator.’ Her voice petered out, and she looked down at her fingers, as they twisted together.
Jac was silent for several long minutes. All she could hear was her heart racing. She wished she’d never brought the subject up. Now he considered it, maybe he’d realise that she was not so essential to his new-found joy in life. Maybe she wouldn’t be worth all the angst she caused him, after all.
‘I hadn’t considered that,’ he finally said, his voice very soft and thoughtful. ‘All I know is that, for the week before I met you, I was resigned to the news. No, not resigned, glad. Life has been very long. Too long. And I’d wanted to end it so many times. But I couldn’t do it because people depended on me.
‘Then I had the news, and suddenly there was an end in sight, an acceptable way out. A point when I could stop and rest. That’s how it felt. Just get in there and get as much done as I could, before the finish line.’ He lifted his head, and stared at the wall.
‘Then I met you. And for the week after that first meeting there was, mixed in with the relief, this weird little feeling I didn’t recognise. Hope. I think it was hope.’
He looked back at her, his eyes glowing, as if he finally had the missing piece to a puzzle.
‘That’s the look, isn’t it? That’s what you’ve been afraid of, all this time? That I’d given you more credit than you deserved? You’ve been waiting for me to come to my senses. That’s why you’re so keen to get a young body. You think that’ll keep me interested longer?’
‘It made sense…’ she tried to justify.
‘Jeezus woman, how can you think like that? It was you who gave me a reason to want to live. How can you belittle that, and rationalise it away? ‘
‘Because I was afraid that if I believed I was that important to you, then it would hurt so much more when it turned out to be untrue. So I tried to be sensible about it, and just enjoy what I had, for the time I had it.’
He shook his head, and she heard a little catch in his breathing. When he took her into his arms again, she felt him tremble, knew that he was being rocked by her disclosure.
‘I decided the night we first ate pizza at your place that I could give you a hundred years. If I retired, I could maintain this body for nearly a hundred years. I thought that might be enough for us. Not as much as I wanted, but enough.’
She shuddered as she let out her own breath. How long had she been holding it? Too long. ‘I’m going to use the L word now, even though it’s probably way too soon to be sure.’
He chuckled with delight ‘Ever the realist, covering all the bases. How about this, I’ll use it first, okay? Make it easier on you. I love you, beautiful Cara. I have from almost the first moment I met you.’ He leaned down, and kissed her lips gently.
‘I love you too…’ Her voice shook with emotion.
‘Good. Now that we have all that cleared up, I want to make the most of my last day with this lovely body. We’ll b
e going through a dry period, after tomorrow.’ He kissed her with just a hint of desperation. He was so afraid things would change between them when she had her new body.
And she had feared that things would change if she didn’t have the new body. So many fears. So many unknowns to factor in. But one thing she did know; her feelings for Jac were not based on appearance. In her soul, or her Consciousness, or whatever it was that made her who she was – Jac was part of her now. And that would never change.
‘We do a lot of making the most of last moments, don’t we?’ She tried to lighten the mood.
‘You will always make me feel as if every moment with you counts,’ he said against her lips, as he peeled the white tunic from her body, and ran his hands over the soft flesh of her breasts. She relaxed into the feeling, letting her worries fade.
Chapter Twelve
Cara lay on a cot in a room that looked surprisingly like a hospital ward, back home. A sleek, floor to ceiling divider separated her from her new body. There was a strange smell she couldn’t identify. Jac told her it was the chemicals used in the life support tube. The chemicals that stimulated accelerated cell growth.
In thirty days, they had grown another her from the DNA sample they’d taken. Another version of her that had never been injured playing baseball as a kid, had never carried a baby to term, and given birth. That version was still a virgin.
How weird was that!
And that twenty year old her would never know what it was like to bear a child. Her breasts would never swell with milk. Her stomach would never be stretched so much that it would never go flat again. In a way, she felt sorry for that body. There was something amazing about childbearing.
‘You okay?’ Jac asked, as he squeezed her hand.
‘Yeah, just thinking about … I won’t have to see this body after I’ve changed, will I? I feel like I’m throwing it out, like so much rubbish. Does it get a proper burial?’ Suddenly, the idea of leaving it seemed ungrateful and cruel. It would be dead. She would be killing it, by allowing her Consciousness to be shifted to a younger version. This body had served her well. It didn’t deserve to be discarded so thoughtlessly.