Between Now and Goodbye

by Hannah Harvey

  So today I have some time to myself, which feels strange. Libby's been teasing me that I was like a parent leaving their kids with a sitter for the first time. Constantly wanting to check on them.

  I look up now over to Libby. She's in the water with Colin, both of them jumping over the waves as they roll in. I'd wanted to go in as well, swim off some of my anxiety. I didn't go in though, because Julie wanted to stay on the sand and work on her tan, and I'm working on proximity.

  'What do you think of that?' Julie asks, nodding towards the water.

  'Of what?' I ask.

  'Of Libby and Colin.' She rolls my eyes like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

  'What about them?' It's clearly not obvious to me.

  'What do you think about them as a couple?' She asks.

  'They're not a couple.' I choke out.

  'No,' she keeps her eyes on them, 'but they will be.'

  'You think?' I watch them as well. They're laughing together, both of them look carefree and happy. Are they thinking of becoming a couple? I never would have put the two of them together, but I suppose there's nothing stopping them. They get on well, they've known each other a while and they're both nice people. I just, there's something I don't quite like about the two of them together. I can't see it somehow.

  I feel an elbow hit into my ribs and I realize I've been staring at Libby and Colin, and not paying attention to whatever it is that Julie just said.

  'Sorry, what?' I shake my head and turn back to Julie.

  'I said that Colin obviously really likes her.'

  'Maybe, but I don't think Libs likes him that way.' I say instantly, 'She's never mentioned it.'

  'No, but she wouldn't would she.' Julie shrugs, 'She plays things very close to her chest.' She adds.

  'So you really think they'll start dating?'

  'I do,' Julie nods, 'or at least I'm sure he'll ask her and she'd be an idiot to say no.'

  'Why would she?' I ask, 'If she isn't interested in being more than friends, then why would she be an idiot to turn him down?'

  'Because she's never had a boyfriend before, and she's starting her senior year in the fall.'

  'So?'

  'So she doesn't want to go into her senior year never having had a boyfriend.'

  'Why?' I don't get where she's coming from on this, 'You don't even like Colin, and yet you'd encourage your best friend to date him.'

  'Well, yeah I don't like him, but for Libby he's fine.'

  'How exactly do you work that one out?'

  'Well, and don't take this the wrong way because I love Libby, like a sister, but she's not exactly going to do better is she? I mean, she's so closed off about a lot of things. It takes a really long time to fully gain her trust. She's known us for two years, and she still hasn't told us about her dad. Don't you think that's weird?'

  'Not really. I don't like talking about my dad, and we should respect that she's not ready to talk about him. I also don't get why Libby being unwilling to discuss her past, means that she should settle for someone she doesn't want to be with.'

  'We don't know that she doesn't want to be with him.' Julie points out.

  'Ok, yes, we don't know that, and I don't agree that either one of them could do better, because I believe that they're equal. However, if she doesn't want to date him, then I don't see why she should say yes, just because she doesn't always share things about herself.'

  'She makes herself seem closed off, and that's off putting. There aren't going to be many guys who'll actually ask her out.'

  'Then they're idiots.' I say, starting to feel angry at Julie. An emotion which I've been feeling a lot more towards her recently.

  'Still, she probably likes him, right?'

  'I don't know.' I turn back to them and see that Libby is running up the beach towards us. 'I honestly don't know.'

  'Hey,' Libby beams at us, 'you guys have to come into the water, it's so warm and the waves are amazing.'

  'I don't want to get wet.' Julie says. I stand up though, because if I stay on the beach much longer, I'm going to end up getting into a fight with Julie.

  'Let's go.' I say to Libby, which Julie doesn't look best pleased with, but I ignore her pouting expression.

  More and more recently I'm starting to see the traits in Julie, which other people have been noticing all along. I see her cruel streaks. I see her selfishness and her manipulative side. I'm starting to see more and more in her that I don't like, and I'm starting to question if I actually want to get back together with her.

  Colin was the first to leave the beach to go and meet some friends to go to a gig. He asked me and Libby if we wanted to go with him, and we all noticed that he didn't include Julie, I didn't blame him. She'd been acting like a brat to him all day, so I'm surprised he didn't leave earlier, or blown up at her, or tried to drown her.

  Julie was next to leave after Libby and I returned to the water to swim some more, when we got back she was gone. Libby called her and she said she'd gotten bored and decided to leave.

  So now it's just me and Libby sat on the sand, and she's staring out over the water like she has something on her mind.

  'You ok?' I ask.

  'Hmm.' She nods.

  'You look like you're in serious thought about something.'

  'Do I?' She asks distractedly, 'I suppose I do.'

  'Is it about Colin?' I ask.

  'What? No, why?'

  'Oh, just... no reason.'

  'Ok.' She smiles and draws her feet under the sand.

  'So what are you thinking about?' I ask.

  'About New York.'

  'Do you regret coming home?'

  'That's the thing, I actually don't.' She replies. I raise my eyebrow at her, 'Yeah, I know, I was surprised too when I realized it.'

  'You're glad you came back for Julie?'

  'No,' she shakes her head, turning to me and catching my eye, 'I'm glad I came back for you.'

  'Really?' I laugh.

  'Yeah.'

  'Why?'

  'Because you're going through a lot right now, and I can help, and I know you never would have asked me to come home, even if things had gotten really bad.'

  'That's because it isn't up to you to help out around my house.'

  'I like helping out.' She shrugs. 'Besides, I'm especially glad I came back since Julie broke up with you.'

  'Yeah, I've been thinking about that.'

  'Yeah?'

  'I don't think phase two is going to work.' I say slowly.

  'What?' She says loudly, 'Why not?'

  'Because...I don't think I really want it to.'

  'You...really?'

  'Not being with her has kind of allowed me to take a step back, like Colin said I should. I've been thinking a lot about her and me and us, and now that I'm not with her. I can see more clearly that me and her just aren't...we're not right together. I don't think we've been right together for a long time. She was right. Maybe she loved me, maybe she never really did, but either way... I don't love her anymore.'

  'You're sure?' Libby asks.

  'Yeah.' I nod. 'I'm sure.'

  'Ok then. No phase three?'

  'No phase three.' I agree.

  'So you've moved on?'

  'I wouldn't say I've moved on.' I reply, 'But I think I'm ready to start moving on.'

  'I'm glad.' She smiles.

  Thirty Three – Julie

  I've decided that I've been on my best behavior around my parents for long enough, that it's now time to tell them that I want to go to the school I found in France. I'm even doing it properly. I've made them dinner, well ok I had Libby come over and make them dinner. I'm going to sit down all calmly, and explain to them the reasons why I think going to this school will be better.

  They're due home any time now, so I'm laying the table and making sure that everything is perfect. I went out and bought some flowers to brighten the place up. I also got a new glass candle holder to use as a center piece for the table.
/>   I'm just putting the dishes of food out on the table, when I hear the key turn in the lock and my parents' voices fill the hall.

  I smooth down my beige feathered skirt, straighten my hold sequinned top and walk out to greet them both.

  'Hi,' I smile with as much brightness as I can manage, and then I take their bags from them and tidy them away in the hall closet. 'How was work?' I ask them. My parents look at me oddly for a moment, neither of them say anything. 'I made dinner.'

  'Who are you?' Dad stares at me. I laugh like it's the funniest thing I've ever heard. 'You don't cook.'

  'I do sometimes.' I shrug. 'I just wanted to do something nice.'

  'Do something nice or get something nice?' My mom asks. I'm annoyed that they don't think I'd actually do something nice for them, without ulterior motives. I mean I know that I do have ulterior motives, but they don't know that.

  'Do something nice.' I say with a smile, 'I needed to talk to you both about something, and I figured that we might as well discuss it over a nice meal. We have a leek and potato soup to start, sole a la meunière for main, and then a souffle au chocolat for dessert.'

  'I'm sensing a French theme.' My dad says as I lead them into the dining room.

  'You're right.' I grin, 'We all love France and French cooking, so I thought, why not?'

  'You don't know how to cook basic food.' My mom raises an eyebrow, 'How did you pull this off?'

  'Ok, so I may have had some help from Libby,' I confess, 'So don't worry it's all completely edible.'

  'I assume that there's a reason that you've followed a French theme.' My dad says, 'If you're wanting to go on vacation to France, then it's out of the question.'

  'This isn't about a vacation, dad.' I promise. I start dishing up the food and wait until the soup is served before I take my seat. 'This is about boarding school.'

  'Julie, your father and I have decided that a boarding school is the best option. You need structure in not only your education, but other areas of your life. That is the kind of structure you'll get from boarding school curfews, and rules. The decision is non-negotiable.' My mom at least has the decency to look slightly guilty about sending me away. My dad just tucks into his dinner.

  'I know,' I look down at the table, 'I messed up and I realize that I have gone too far this time to simply be let off the hook. I know that I have to leave, but I don't want that to be at a cost to my education.'

  'The school we've picked for you will give you a fantastic education.' My dad says firmly.

  'Yes,' I agree, 'but not an exemplary one.'

  'You think you can find a boarding school which will offer you a higher level of education?' My father asks.

  'I already have.' I grin. I hop up from my chair, grab the two brochures for the school, which I got mailed to me, and hand one to each of my parents. 'This school offers not only higher education possibilities, but it's also renowned for it's language programs, and you know how much I love languages. It also offers elective studies, one of which is based around the fashion industry. I would also be in a country I love, and that I'm familiar with. One which is filled with educational opportunities.'

  'Julie I don't know about this.' My mom shakes her head, but she's still looking at the brochure.

  'I don't want to leave. I would much rather stay here in town and go to my regular school, and be around my regular friends.' I sigh. It's not true, as soon as I saw this school, I wanted to go. Everything about it is appealing to me, but they don't need to know that. 'But if I have to go to boarding school because of what I did, then please can I at least go to one where my education won't be compromised. Instead, it will be elevated.'

  'Have you given this much thought?' My dad asks.

  'I have.' I nod, 'I've looked into the school. It's a school for English speaking children from several countries, all from families like ours who want the best possible education for their children. It offers not only the highest of educations, but also cultural excursions around France and other European countries, which will only serve to heighten my educational benefit from attending. There are strict curfews. There are two wings of dormitories, one for boys and one for girls. Each dormitory wing inside the building is assigned a teacher who lives in that wing to keep an eye on things. There's a guard in the lobby of the school twenty four seven. The security is top notch. The dorms are laid out in suites, similar to some colleges. Each student gets their own room in a four bedroom suite and then those four students share a common room, which has a lounge, a small kitchen area and a bathroom.' I pause for breath and to let them take it all in. 'The school is inside a castle which has been restored and modernized. It's set within extensive grounds in the French countryside and I truly believe that it'll give me the best education possible.' I stop talking, retake my seat at the table and start eating my soup.

  My parents look from the brochures, to each other, then at me and then back to each other again. I take another small spoonful of my soup. It's warm and delicious.

  'Your mother and I will discuss it tonight.' My dad says, putting the brochure to one side and picking up his spoon. 'We'll give you an answer tomorrow.'

  'Thank you.' I smile brightly.

  I ring the doorbell over and over again, like a kid who pushes the button on the elevator repeatedly, expecting it to make the elevator come quicker.

  I'm about to press it again when the door flies open and a very annoyed Pippa glares at me.

  'One ring is usually the acceptable amount of rings.' She snaps.

  'Is your sister in?' I ask, ignoring the glare she's aiming at me. I step inside without being asked and Pippa is forced to take a few steps back to let me past.

  'She's in our room with Charles.' Pippa replies, 'They're working on a project for his mom.'

  'Right, perfect.' I smile happily and take the stairs two at a time.

  When I climb up to the attic room, I find the door open, and Libby is lying on her stomach on the floor, sorting through a pile of photographs. While Charles is sitting upright on Libby's bed, his back against the wall, and a laptop open on his lap.

  'They said yes.' I burst into the room.

  'Who said yes to what?' Libby asks.

  'My parents,' I roll my eyes, 'they said yes to me going to the school in France.'

  'Oh wow.' Libby sits up, laying the photos on her lap, 'I didn't even know you'd mentioned it to them.'

  'I did it last night.' I say excitedly. 'That's why I had you cook that dinner for them.'

  'I did wonder.' Libby replies, 'So they said it's really ok?'

  'Yes, I didn't know if they'd go for it, but my dad looked into the school, and it turns out that my dad actually knows one of the people on the board at that school. How crazy is that. He didn't even realize it until he called the school to get information. Crazy right, but it turns out that a guy he went to college with, and keeps in semi-regular contact with, is now a member on the board of the school. So dad's friend told my dad that the school is a really great one, and they could be assured that I would get a fantastic education and the discipline that I apparently need. So my dad got him to pull some strings, and I'm in. I don't even need to go through the application process or anything. I'll be starting this fall and they're already sorting out my room assignment. How amazing is that?'

  'I'm really pleased for you Julie.' Charles says. I look over to him, expecting to see his heartbroken face. But he looks completely genuine. He's actually happy for me.

  'Uh, thanks.' I falter for a second. This isn't right, he's supposed to want me to stick around. He's supposed to be upset that I'm leaving. It doesn't add up. Isn't he supposed to love and adore me?

  'Are you really sure that you want to leave, though?' Libby asks, 'It's so far away from everyone you know.'

  'Yeah, I know, but you know me. I make friends easily.' I smile, 'Before long I'll rule the school, and of course I'll keep in touch with everyone from here. It's just a new adventure, one which I'm so excited to get started o
n. I can't even begin to tell you how excited this makes me. I mean, it's France.'

  'It does sound pretty amazing.' Libby admits.

  'You should come too.' I say suddenly, 'Oh think how amazing it would be, and you know that France is an amazing place to live if you want to be a chef.'

  'Yeah,' she laughs, and tuition to the school probably costs about as much as this house.'

  'It's not quite that bad.' I roll my eyes. Sometimes I forget that my two closest friends are closer to destitute that they are to rich.

  'Still, it's more than my family could ever even consider.' Libby replies. 'Besides, I wouldn't want to move out of home, and this is your adventure, not mine.'

  'I guess so.' I smile, 'Will you guys miss me?'

  'Of course.' Libby replies.

  'How about you Charles?'

  'It'll be strange not having you around here.' He nods, 'You're a good friend, I've known you so long.'

  'So you'll miss me?'

  'Yeah,' he nods, 'I'll miss you. Make sure you keep in touch, ok?'

  'Yeah of course.' I smile a little hesitantly. He can't be over me, it's not right. He's just putting on a brave face. It's only been like a couple of weeks since I ended things.

  I look around the little room that Libby shares with her sister, in search of a place to sit, but every surface is covered in photographs. Loads of hot air balloons, the sky, and Charles' family. The bed around where Charles is sitting, the floor around Libby, and all over Pippa's bed, all covered. 'What is all this?' I ask, waving my hand around the bedroom which is actually smaller than my closet.

  'Oh,' Libby smiles broadly up at me, 'we're working on a project for Char's mom. See, each year about this time, their family rented out that cabin by the lake in Arizona. Usually they go there for a couple of weeks, only this year she's not really up to the drive. So we thought we'd do our best to bring it to her.'

  'It was Libby's idea,' Charles adds, 'we're finding all the pictures we can that were taken there, and we're printing them off and gathering them together. Then when I take my mom to the hospital for her appointment later. Libby, Pippa and my brothers and sisters, are going to decorate my mom's room with all of the photos. We've found some great ones of a hot air balloon festival we saw one year.'