Once Upon a Caveman

by Cassandra Gannon

  “Yeah, that’s what my dad said.” Warren lamented.

  Rhawn nodded. The Savior’s father was clearly a wise man.

  “I went to him for advice about her and ya know what he did? He laughed. Said, ‘That Meadowcroft girl is the brightest thing ever to come outta this town, idiot. She’s gonna leave here and change the world. You think you really have a chance with her?’” Warren turned to frown at Rhawn. “A real dad would’ve helped me score with her, ya know?” He pouted for a beat. “He wouldn’t get me a Camaro, either. My parents sucked.”

  Rhawn was without sympathy. “My parents were sacrificed in your name when I was a boy.” He had no memory of them, except that they’d liked to pray. They’d volunteered for the death ritual, secure in the knowledge that the Savior would welcome them into his realm.

  If they’d met the Savior first, they might have reconsidered.

  “Oh.” Warren muttered and then shrugged. “Sorry about that.”

  Rhawn grunted.

  Anniah came bounding over, beaming to see Warren out of the cave. She was still wearing the beads that Lucy had given her. In Rhawn’s opinion they had looked much better on the Destroyer, but the girl at least appreciated the generous gift. There was nothing else like the green necklace in the world, so Anniah’s treasure was the envy of the Clan.

  “The Savior has awakened?” She asked in the Clan’s tongue. Her blue eyes flicked to Rhawn and then went back to staring at Warren with something like awe. “He looks better, yes? Is he feeling alright?”

  It was perfectly obvious that god was conscious and not dying, so Rhawn didn’t bother to reply to her questions. Anniah herself was a sweet little thing. Unlike others in the Clan, she never ostracized Rhawn or treated him badly. The least he could do in return was warn her away from the mess of a man beside him.

  “The Savior is weak, selfish, and stupid.” He told her in their language. “Do not set your sights on him, Anniah. He has nothing to offer you.”

  She held out some yhannee fruit for Warren, tenderly brushing back his hair to check his head wound. “I see greatness in him.”

  Rhawn scoffed at that lunacy.

  “What’s going on?” Warren asked with his usual degree of understanding. “Who’s this chick…?” He glanced at Anniah and froze. “Wow.” He gaped up at her, like he was seeing her for the first time. Actually, he was seeing her face for the first time. Usually, his eyes were fixed on Anniah’s uncovered breasts, so it was no wonder he didn’t remember meeting her. He blinked rapidly as he suddenly noticed she was gorgeous. “Holy shitburgers.” He sat up straighter on the log. “Hey, who is this?”

  “Anniah, daughter of our chief.”

  Anniah smiled, recognizing her name, and inclined her head.

  “Wow.” Warren repeated. He swallowed and blindly took the fruit she offered him. “She’s like really pretty, ya know?”

  “Yes.” Rhawn arched a brow. “It is why Skoll wishes her to be his mate.” The words were a warning, but he doubted the other man even heard them. Warren was mesmerized.

  “Right.” Warren cleared his throat, his gaze staying above Anniah’s neck. That was undoubtedly a bad sign. The man had so far regarded all women as interchangeable, but something about Anniah had captured his attention. “I remember her from when I was sleeping. She was --like-- taking care of me or something. I thought I dreamed her up. No one’s ever taken care of me, ya know?”

  Rhawn was not surprised by that revelation, given the man’s dismal personality. “Anniah is the Clan’s healer. It is her job to care for the sick.”

  Warren disregarded that. “What was she saying about me just now?”

  Rhawn hesitated. “Anniah believes she sees greatness in you.” He explained, even though he knew he was doing the woman no favors.

  “Really?” Warren seemed puzzled by that idea. “In me?”

  Rhawn shrugged, still at a loss to explain it himself.

  “Well…” Warren floundered for a beat. “Tell her thanks. I guess. I mean, do you people say ‘thanks’?” He waved a dismissive hand. “No, never mind. Say something cool. Maybe compliment her or… No. Wait. All guys probably compliment her. Shit. Say…” he racked his brain, “thanks. Yeah. Say thanks.”

  Rhawn rolled his eyes and glanced at Anniah. “He thanks you for your kindness. He is also a total fool. I believe you might just be better off with Skoll as a mate.”

  “But I have Chosen this man.” She retorted calmly, her eyes staying on Warren. “Fool or not, he is the one. I knew it from the first. Lucy said he could be mine.”

  “Lucy says you may Choose, but Notan and Skoll will not agree.”

  “They do not have a say in the matter. Lucy is the goddess and she has given Warr-en to me.”

  Warren smiled up at her, smitten. “What is she saying now? I think she said my name. Is it something good?”

  Rhawn ignored him. “Anniah, if you wish to forsake the Choosing laws, I will help you stand against Skoll and find a true mate. But, you can do far better than this idiot.” He gestured to Warren. “He is not worth the struggle he will cause you. …And cause me, since Lucy will insist I help you win him.”

  “I have already won him.” Anniah said smugly. “He just doesn’t know it yet.” She headed off again, sending Warren a flirty smile over her shoulder. “Goodbye War-en.” She sang out in passible English. She must have been practicing with Lucy, trying to learn how to communicate with the Savior.

  See? Another really bad sign.

  “Bye.” Warren called back dumbly. “Jesus, that is the prettiest girl I ever saw.” He whispered.

  That was a terrible, terrible sign.

  “And I do remember her.” Warren continued in a reverent tone. “When I was lying on the floor of that cave, my head cracked open like a melon, she was definitely the one who took care of me. She’s like an angel. My own pretty, topless angel.”

  Rhawn dropped his head into his hands. It was hopeless, just as he knew it would be. Fate and/or Lucy were joining Warren and Anniah together, no matter the bloodshed that would result. Damn it.

  Why did these things always happen to Rhawn?

  Warren spared Rhawn a quick glance, not even noticing his gloomy posture. “Do you think she likes me? She touched my hair. That’s some kind of girl-code for liking a guy, right?” He seemed thrilled over the possibility, his words coming out too fast. “Do you think I should ask her to dinner?”

  “I think she is too good for you.” Rhawn told him flatly.

  Warren deflated. His excitement vanished so quickly, it was like it had never been there, at all. His eyes flicked to Anniah’s back and then away. “Yeah.” He said after a beat. “I think she is, too.” He tossed aside the piece of fruit and gave a sad chuckle. “She’d figure it out, too, if we went on a date or something. I mean, I sure don’t have any greatness in me. We all know that.”

  “This is true.” For some reason, Rhawn liked the man a tiny bit better for seeing the obvious. He raised his head and hesitated, searching for the right words. “Anniah is a compassionate girl. Very generous. Very smart. She is very drawn to you, for reasons that are beyond my understanding.”

  “Totally don’t understand it, either.” Warren readily agreed.

  “But, if someone like Anniah sees greatness in you, then perhaps there is a small amount hidden somewhere.” Rhawn paused. “Somewhere very, very deep.

  “I doubt it.” Warren said with sigh.

  So did Rhawn, but he was simply trying to bolster the man’s spirits. The gods only knew why. “Lucy says Anniah can have you, if she wants.”

  Warren squinted. “Lucy gave me to that girl? Can she do that?”

  “She is the Destroyer. She can do whatever she wishes.”

  “Oh.” Warren puzzled that over and began to look touched. “Wow. So… I have to do whatever the pretty blonde says? That is awesome. It’s like a Penthouse letter, ya know? Lucy’s a really good friend.”

  “Understand, if you pursue A
nniah, Skoll will challenge you.” Rhawn warned. “He wishes to mate with her. Since you lost the Ardin, no one is intimidated by your powers.” Rhawn doubted he even had any. If Lucy didn’t possess magic, surely this moron didn’t either. “Skoll will fight you for her and he will win.”

  Warren frowned. “Ya think?”

  “I know it. He is a great warrior and you are not a great anything.”

  “I know. I blew my chance at greatness senior year.” Warren reported in a melancholy tone. “All the scouts came to the Homecoming game and I was ready for them. I needed that fucking scholarship so bad I could taste it. Then, I’d be outta Clovis for good. Away from all the people who know what an asshole I am and what a bigger asshole my father is. Just a total clean slate, ya know?” He made a face. “Of course, I fucked it all up.”

  Rhawn tried to piece that story together, but it made no sense. “You failed at a game? This has ruined you whole life?” He couldn’t imagine such a thing. “Why? Just play another.”

  “It wasn’t just a game. It was the game and I blew it.” Warren ran a hand through his hair. “I thought I was going to break records, ya know? … And I did. I’m the high school quarterback who threw the most interceptions in a single quarter. That was my big football legacy.”

  Rhawn wasn’t sure what that meant exactly, but he heard the defeat in the other man’s voice. Obviously, this game had been some kind of manhood ritual and the Savior had fallen short. Having met Warren, Rhawn was not surprised.

  “Football was over for me, after that.” Warren continued. “And without football, I was nothing. Just a fucking car salesman, with two greedy ex-wives and a bankruptcy filing on my credit report.” He went back to staring after Anniah. “Too bad you don’t get any do-overs in life, huh? Once you miss your shot at greatness, it doesn’t ever come back.” He reluctantly looked away from Anniah. “She can do better than me. She’s gonna see that pretty quick.”

  “Yes.” Rhawn concurred. “For both your sakes, stay away from her until then.”

  “I guess.” Warren cleared his throat, not at all convinced. “Hey is that Taffi over there?” He asked after a long moment.

  “Of course.” How could he just be noticing that? “She’s been here for several days.”

  Warren looked insulted. “And what? She didn’t fucking say ‘hi’ to me?”

  “She’s been busy.” Rhawn intoned, switching his attention down the beach.

  The-Queen-of-Whatever-She-Was-Queen-Of had recovered from the berry scare and had taken her place as another goddess. Notan seemed at a loss as to how she fit into the Clan’s pantheon, but it didn’t much matter. Everyone treated Taffi with frightened deference and she clearly enjoyed it.

  Lucy said it probably reminded her of “her glory days as an eighteen year old bitch.”

  “Whatever.” Warren rolled his eyes. “I’m over that skank. Taffi always did think she was too good for me, ya know? And her breasts are totally store bought. I know. I was there when she picked ‘em out.”

  Rhawn ignored that, watching Taffi flirt with Skoll. The other man might be planning to Choose Anniah, but he was giving most of his attention to Taffi. It didn’t seem to occur to him that she was manipulating him for her own benefit. He was too enthralled by the kisses Taffi doled out when he did her bidding.

  Rhawn understood her motives, though. It was why Taffi was the person on the island who worried him most. She was cold and calculating in a way that made her unpredictable.

  It made her dangerous.

  Taffi understood social cliques on a highly advanced level. The Queen was savvy enough to see the divisions in the Clan, even without understanding the language. In response, she’d sidled up next to Skoll and wasn’t letting go. It was a wise move. Taffi was envious of Lucy and Skoll was obviously the one who hated the Destroyer most. Their interests aligned.

  More importantly, if conflict erupted, Taffi would be safe from Skoll and Lucy. Skoll believed Taffi to be a benevolent goddess, trying to undermine the Destroyer’s cause. And no matter what she might mutter to the contrary, Lucy had no intention of harming the girl. Taffi was therefore the only “god” on the island who no one was plotting against. On some level, Rhawn nearly admired the girl’s maneuvering.

  Mostly it just worried him, though.

  Skoll still wanted to overthrow Lucy. Rhawn didn’t want Taffi helping him succeed. He was fairly certain he’d have to kill Skoll, but his plan was to wait until after the mammoth hunt. They would need the extra hunters to bring down a large creature. After that, Rhawn would simply ensure that Skoll didn’t get on a ragan. It was cold and effective. That son of a bitch wouldn’t be a threat to his mate for much longer. Rhawn would make sure of it.

  “I used to date Taffi.” Warren put it. “She was my girlfriend back in high school.”

  “The two of you do seem well suited.” It wasn’t a compliment.

  “She’s a real bitch. Set my stereo on fire when I got her white roses instead of pink roses for her birthday. Then she went and slept with Craig Turkana at the party. Eighty bucks worth of flowers, totally wasted.” Warren went back to watching the fire. “She wasn’t worth all the attention she got from the guys. Lucy was always special one.”

  “Yes.” Rhawn agreed.

  “Lucy was just so fucking smart. Doing geometry problems in her head smart, but also like clever smart. She could figure shit out and she didn’t even have to think about it. That’s why Taffi hates her. Can’t keep up. It can intimidate a person, ya know?”

  “Lucy is brilliant.” And she wouldn’t settle for a man who wasn’t also brilliant. That fact preyed on his deepest fears. Rhawn may have Chosen her, but Lucy would never fully accept him if he was as stupid as everyone believed.

  He sighed wearily.

  “Yep. She’s brilliant.” Warren lamented with a shake of his head. “Way too brilliant to ever let me see her naked, I guess.”

  “Way too brilliant for that.” Rhawn intoned and wondered if it was too late to strangle the god.

  “Probably for the best. I’m more like her brother, now.” Warren surmised in a nonchalant tone. Clearly, he wasn’t pining for the Destroyer. “We’re almost too close to ever get it on, because it would fuck up our really deep bond, ya know?” He glanced at Rhawn, again. “She’s digging on you, though. Sort of threw me, at first. You don’t seem like her type. She likes the puny geek-squaders, ya know?” He tapped his temple. “Brainiacs.”

  Rhawn didn’t understand all of that, but he got enough. “She wants an intelligent mate.” It wasn’t a question. He already knew the answer.

  “Oh yeah. She and Teddy O’Connell were totally almost an item in high school and he ended up in MIT.”

  “Ted-eeo-connell.” Rhawn repeated. “This is the male she desires?” Then, Rhawn would hunt this unknown rival down and challenge him, too. When you wanted to keep a woman like Lucy, you fought everyone who threatened to steal her away.

  “Nah.” Warren said, ruining the burgeoning plan. “Teddy and Lucy never got together. She never really got together with anyone that I know of. Which is why I’m surprised she seems to like you. Sorry I got a little touchy about that, by the way. Go ahead and nail her. Might loosen her up. Really, you have my permission, as the guy who’s almost her brother.”

  “I don’t need your permission. I challenged you for her and won. She is mine.” Rhawn frowned, close to pouting himself. “I now seek her permission.”

  “Good luck with that.” Warren scoffed. He seemed to notice the ragan building for the first time. The man’s observation skills truly were abysmal. “Hey, what’s with all the boats?”

  “Lucy wishes us to leave the island.”

  “Great.” Warren muttered. “We’re all going to die.”

  The fact that he agreed with the Savior made Rhawn seriously reconsider his stance. “Do you know the way to our new land?” He asked without much hope. For a god, the other man seemed fairly uninformed about… everything.

&nbs
p; “New land?” Warren echoed. “Dude, I don’t even know where this land is.”

  Rhawn wasn’t surprised to hear that. It occurred to him that Lucy would have been a much better Savior than Warren. She was the one who’d won the Ardin. She was the one with a plan. She was the one who wished to save everyone from Uooloa. She was the kind of deity his parents had hoped to see on the other side. Lucy should have been the one sent to save the Clan.

  Lucy should have been the one sent to save the Clan.

  His eyes went wide, his mind repeating the words like an echo.

  “Where is Lucy?” Warren asked, looking around.

  “She is supervising the tar gathering.” Rhawn reported, his mind racing.

  How had his ancestors determined which god would be the Destroyer? They’d predicted the arrival of a man and a woman, which had come true. But, had they just assumed that the male would be the stronger and more virtuous? That he would be the one to lead them? That he would be the Savior?

  What if they’d been wrong?

  Or, what if they’d gotten the legend right, except for the most important part? What if they’d mixed up the roles of the gods? What if Warren wasn’t the Savior, destined to guide them to a new home?

  What if Lucy was?

  “She’s at those pits?” Warren snorted. “Probably trying to save that damn lion, then.”

  “What?” Rhawn barely heard the other man, still considering possibilities.

  “This big cat attacked me earlier and got stuck in the tar. That Skoll guy wanted to kill it, but Lucy pitched a fit and wouldn’t let him. She’s got some kind of obsession with it being all ‘extinct.’” His fingers made air quotes around the word. “She keeps saying we’re stuck on Planet Ice Age or something.” He snorted. “No way, right? I still think this is Aruba.”

  Rhawn wished he would just be quiet. He couldn’t think with the man’s constant chatter.

  Warren didn’t let the lack of response slow him down. “Anyway, I’ll betcha she wants to get the cat out. Lucy’s always been a friggin’ animal lover.” He made a face. “I know she’s the one who took Chipper the Woodward High woodpecker back to the forest and let him out of his cage. That bird was our mascot, man. Totally jinxed our winning streak, sophomore year.”