by Sandra Lee
She had heard the door close behind him and had heard him walk out of her life once again. Except this time there was no walking back in. He had made his feelings, or lack thereof very clear. She wanted to beat herself up for falling for him all over again. She couldn’t understand why she loved him so much, was it because of the past, the way she knew he could be; the carefree, fun-loving, friendly young man? Or was it more, a combination of how he had been in the past and how he was today? Was it because she could still see the compassion and the charm he exerted on others, the way she knew he was dedicated to his work, to his friends, and the way he got so intense with her? She had seen the passion in his eyes, seen his need, heard the huskiness in his voice, these things he couldn’t fake…were those the reasons why she loved him? Or was it because she was the bumbling idiot she never thought she would be, falling for the first asshole to raise her blood pressure; loving the way he treated her badly, the fact he thought her amoral, the knack he had to insult her, always knowing what would hurt the most? She didn’t think it was the reason, but maybe there was a lot of truth in the statement that nice guys always came last? She sure didn’t have strong feelings towards James, which in a way was very understandable as he was not into women, but then again she didn’t think she could have strong feelings for Andrew either, one of the nicest man she had ever met. Was she doomed in that she truly loved Jake for everything he was and wasn’t? She feared she did but she was unwilling to let her thoughts wander any longer along those lines. She turned the TV on, wishing for a light comedy, or better yet a slasher movie in which she could picture herself taking revenge on a certain man. But of course, it wasn’t to be. “ An affair to remember” came on the screen. She watched, as Gary Grant stood alone on top of the building, waiting for someone that wasn’t to come. Eva grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. She glanced a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Swollen eyes, red nose, tangled hair; she was about as attractive as a dirty cloth on a floor. She almost laughed; Jake certainly wouldn’t have any trouble keeping his hands off her if he saw her right now. She turned back to the television, staring at the screen, picturing herself up there, waiting for the man she loved; waiting forever for a man that would never come.
The loud knock on the door brought her back to reality, wait she thought dizzily, me waiting for a man that will never come is reality. She almost laughed out loud, but restrained herself, thinking that going insane really wasn’t the solution. She walked to the door and threw it open, foregoing her habitual ritual of asking who was at the door before she opened it. She should of, because as soon as it was opened, she slammed it shut again, only, a strong hand stopped it before it clenched closed, and easily pushed it back open, despite the fact that she had put her whole body weight against it. She thought she needed to start eating more ice cream and potato chips just for such an occasion. Coldly she looked at the person standing there.
“Eva?” She didn’t say anything, just kept staring at the man standing in front of her. He just stood there and looked down at her, waiting for her to say or do something.
“Jake.” She said as coolly as she could manage.
Again he didn’t say a word, just searched her face, noticing the dry tears on her cheeks, the bright new ones still in her eyes, the sad lines of her mouth, the tangled hair, the weepy nose. He sighed deeply and brought his arms around her, hugging her tight against him. She just stood rigid. He couldn’t bear to see her so sad. He refused to let his hopes up that maybe it meant she might care about him, right now it wasn’t about him, it was about her. He gently stroked her hair, until a soft sob escaped her and he felt her soften if only slightly against his touch. She felt it too because she squirmed against him, trying to wiggle out of his embrace. He couldn’t let her go, he had her in his arms and realized he wanted to always keep her there. He kissed the top of her head and finally let her slip out of his arms.
“Jake! You can’t keep doing this.” She said sobbing, any semblance of strength she had earlier had completely crumpled.
He flinched, all the pain he saw in her eyes was his fault. He was responsible for all of it. All those tears were because of him, he felt a rush of self-hatred; how could he have treated her this way? She deserved so much better then him, yet he wasn’t strong enough to let her go. He was so selfish, he needed to keep her himself.
“I am so sorry Eva. I know saying sorry isn’t enough, but it’s all I can do and hope that one day you will forgive me for all that I have said and done, not only tonight but since we met each other again. What I said tonight was truly unforgivable. I know that. The thing is, it wasn’t even true. Yes, I want you, but there is so much more then just wanting, feelings I haven’t analyzed yet, feeling I am too afraid to explore. But I promise you; I never want to get rid of them. I lied when I said that once we have sex all the passion, the fire burning between us would go away. They never will, not for me anyway. I don’t want one night with you. Damn! I don’t really know what I want, but I know I want to figure it out. If you would please give me another chance.” He stopped and looked at her. She just stared back, she couldn’t let herself believe him yet, it could be another trick, couldn’t it?
“I understand you may have trouble believing me right now” He said as if reading her mind. “ But give me a chance to prove to you that I can be much more then just an arrogant jerk, with nothing but negative and degrading comments for you. Let me prove to you that you mean more to me than just about anyone else.”
With no other word, he just walked out the door and to his car. Eva swallowed quickly. Thoughts after thoughts flooded her brain. Before she could think about them, before she could decide otherwise and fall for his words, she closed the door behind her and locked it. She walked to her bedroom, and with her clothes still on buried herself under her cover. Tonight she wasn’t going to think or feel anymore, tonight she was going to sleep and forget.
Chapter twelve
He rubbed his forehead and once more looked at the clock. It was 3 pm and she hadn’t called him yet. Had he gone too far the previous night with his proposition that they slept together? Would she ever forgive him for being such an idiot? He tried putting her out of his mind as he was getting behind on the programming schedule. He had a meeting with Josh the next day and he wasn’t completely happy with the last changes he had made to the game. But no matter how hard he tried, his mind wasn’t in it. He kept glancing at the clock and saw minutes after minutes go by without a call. He couldn’t concentrate on the numbers and letters, couldn’t visualize the final product in his head. All he could think about was how she had looked last night and why she wasn’t calling him today. He got up and walked to the window, maybe a break from looking at his work was what he needed. Just as he was about to give up and go home for the day, his phone buzzed. He ran back to his desk to pick it up.
“Hello” he answered almost breathless.
“Hey Jake, You ok? You sound a bit out of breath, what are you doing behind that door boss?”
Jake could hear laughter in his secretary’s voice, and on a normal day, he would have joked around with her, but today he was definitely in no mood to do so.
“What is it Rachel?” He answered in a sigh
“There is someone here to see you, shall I let her in?” He almost didn’t wait for her to finish before he opened the door of his office and walked in the waiting area, certain he would find Eva there.
“Why honey, you seem excited to see me. Already regretting what you told me the other night?” Shelley slowly unfolded herself from one of the chair and walked right past him and into his office. He looked in horror at Rachel who just winked at him and went back to her correspondence. Slowly, as if walking on death row, that’s sure what it felt like, he followed Shelley and closed his office door.
“What can I do for you Shelley?”
She smiled seductively and walked up, stopping merely a few inches from him.
“I want to make you pay for the embarrassment you cause
d me, I want to see you squirm.” She whispered into his ear. And as he was about to back away from her, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer still. “But, I could be convinced to forgive you if you make love to me right now.”
“Enough Shelley!” he said firmly as he unstuck her body from his. “Do whatever you need to do, but do it outside of my office. I tried to let you down easy, but the truth is, I don’t want you. I am not attracted to you at all, I am interested in someone else and there is nothing you can do that will make me change my mind about you and me. Your threats do not scare me.
“In someone else? You mean you prefer Eva to me?” She shrieked.
“It doesn’t matter who I am interested in, all you need to know is that I am not interested in you.”
For a moment she didn’t speak, she just stared at him as if he had grown an extra head. Then her eyes harden, and a devious half smile appeared on her lips.
“You will pay for this, and I just figured out how.”
She didn’t say anything else, just turned around and walked away, slamming his office door shut behind her.
Jake stared at the door, uncomfortable with her outburst and scared as to what she might do. They do say, “Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned.” He shrugged. There was nothing he could do about it, so there was no point worrying. He went back to his desk and sat down wearily. The day hadn’t turned out at all like he had hoped. He decided that it was a waste of time for him to stay here; he would just explain to Josh tomorrow that he wasn’t ready. As simple as that. He pushed his chair away from his desk and got up. He grabbed a disc and some sheets of programming; maybe he would be more in the mood to work on it later on that evening. He walked out his office, told Rachel to tell callers he wasn’t available and push the elevator button to get down to the lobby and out to the street where his Audi was parked. He tapped his fingers impatiently as he watched the elevator light going from floor to floor and stopping at almost each ones. Finally, it reached the 9 floor where he was located. He stood right in front of the door, ready to get in. That’s how he found himself neck to face with Eva. Without a word she walked back in the elevator where he followed her. The door closed and he pressed the stop button. He looked intensely at Eva, waiting for her to say something. He could see the black circles under her eyes, as if she too had had a sleepless night. She looked up at him with those amazing eyes of hers, and he was lost. He seized her in his arms and crushed his mouth down to hers. God, she tasted so sweet. He pressed her supple body against his, her firm breasts pressed tight against his chest. He kissed her until they were both breathless, all the restrained passion felt in that one single kiss. A blinding hunger took over his mind and body. He had to have her; he needed to have her now. He tried to resist the need, but he had to admit defeat when her tongue traced his lips. He groaned and lifted her against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist. His hands caressed the smooth skin of her shoulders, lowered the straps of her dress and… the intercom came to life.
“Hello, is there a problem up there?”
He froze. What in hell was he doing? Had he not been interrupted, he would have taken her here against the elevator wall. He lowered his forehead to hers and tried to slow his breathing.
“Is there a problem up there???”
Jake swore under his breath, tore himself away from Eva’s soft body and pressed the talk button.
“We’re all good. Coming down.”
He put the elevator back in service and did not say a word until it got down to the ground floor. When the doors slid open, he walked out, followed by Eva who still hadn’t said a word. Why had she come? Was she willing to forgive him and give them a chance? Slowly he turned around to look at her and maybe read from her very expressive face what is it she was thinking. She stood still, her breathing still ragged, but what he couldn’t figure out was why she was frowning at a spot beyond his shoulder.
“Eva? Are you ok?”
She did not answer him, just kept staring at something behind him. Slowly he turned around to see what kept her attention. Shelley!!! What was she doing still here? Damn, she was walking towards them. If he thought it would have worked, he would have tried to lead Eva away, hide until Shelley left, but he was pretty sure that both women wouldn’t be amenable to such a ploy. So he stood his ground, and watched her coming. She had a triumphant glint in her eyes that scared him. What had she come up with to screw up his life and make true her promise?
“Hi honey,” she purred. His body froze as she reached up and kissed him on the lips.
“You forgot something at my place last night, I found it under my bed after you left. You can come and get it tonight. I’ll be free…all night.”
“Shelley…” he warned, before gently pushing her away and turning towards Eva to explain. She was gone. He turned back to Shelley who was smiling.
“I warned you not to mess with me Jake. You ignored my warning. You shouldn’t mess with a woman.” She added scornfully
She left him standing there without another word.
He swore, leaving the receptionist to stare at him as he made a quick exit, hoping to catch Eva before she got too far.
CHAPTER 13
How could she have been so stupid? It seemed as if during the last few weeks she had lost her common sense and her sense of self-preservation. Why did she think he would change? Why would he choose her over the Shelley Harrison of this world? After he had left last night, she had been tempted to believe him and this morning she had been ready to give him yet another chance. Would she ever learn? She kicked the tire of her car and yelped in pain. Yes self-destructive, that’s what she had become. Her eyes filled with tears of pain and anger, and oh ok she had to admit self-pity. That made for a lot of tears now ruining her make up she had spent way too much time on…for nothing! Blinded by the river of tears, she struggled to unlock her car door. She heard footsteps rapidly approaching and without looking back she knew who it was. She wasn’t going to let him get near or give him the opportunity to try and sway her. She was too fragile right now. She wiped her tears and finally unlocked her door, she opened it quickly and just as she was about to close it, a hand stopped her. She swore under her breath.
“Eva, hold up.” He sounded out of breath and looked breathtaking. Although of course she shouldn’t be noticing stuff like that about him anymore.
“What will you tell me this time? You are sorry; you need another chance; to please believe you, and go to bed with you? Don’t you have enough with Shelley? From what I have heard she can please the most discriminate man.” She wished she hadn’t said that, she didn’t want to sound bitter.
“She doesn’t please me.” He had said this in a voice so low, that for a moment she thought she had imagined it. But what did she care whether he was sexually satisfied or not. In fact she didn’t want to know anything about his sex life at all, especially since she wasn’t included in it.
“Well, that’s too bad. You made your choice. You chose Shelley, last night, after what all you said to me.” She didn’t add, “How could you?” but she meant it.
“That’s just it Eva, I didn’t choose Shelley, I tried, but I couldn’t. It’s so much less complicated with her. It would have been just physical, but with you…it’s so much more. All I could think of while she was trying to seduce me was you. Today was her idea of revenge. Please don’t let her win.”
He sounded so sincere, so lost. But then again, he always did.
“Jake, stop it. I can’t trust you, I can’t…”Before she could finish he seized her in his arms and crushed his mouth down to hers. Her resistance lasted but a second. He pressed her supple body against his, her firm breasts tight against his chest. He kissed her until they were both breathless. Then as suddenly as the kiss began, it ended.
“Tell me you don’t feel it when I kiss you?” He said almost harshly
She looked at him dazed. Feel? She could do nothing but feel at this moment. She felt as if her heart was goi
ng to explode, that she would never be right again if he didn’t take her in his arms right now.
“Eva, I know I have been a jerk. I know I’ve hurt you. But I need you. I don’t know why, I just can’t fight anymore.”
She sat back in her car seat, and looked up at him. He had come after her, Shelley mustn’t have been important to him, but did that mean that she was any more important or just another conquest? She made up her mind, and quickly before she could change it she said:
“You can come to my place for a drink tonight and we can talk about this.”
She slammed her car door and left without another word.
Jake looked at her go and felt the fear of losing her slowly ebb away.
Eva couldn’t remember the last time she worried about what to wear. She sighed with frustration as she discarded dress after dress. Finally she settled on a simple black dress, staying away from any brightly colored dresses, especially the red ones, as she didn’t want to remind him of the past. The dress she had on was silky and as usual, with her style, hinted rather then displayed her curves. She applied her perfume and looked at herself in the mirror. At first glance she looked like a pretty woman getting ready for a date, but on a closer look she could see the dark circles under her eyes and the self-doubt and fear darkening her eyes. She slumped on a chair. What was she doing? Why was she torturing herself like that? Could she really believe he had changed? What if all he really wanted was to have sex with her and then move on? Could she survive that? The doorbell startled her out of her doubts. Well there went nothing. She hurried to the door and opened it to find Jake looking so handsome she had to stare for a moment. His black shirt covered and displayed the expense of his wide shoulders, the black pants, well cut, defined the muscled limbs. She swallowed hard.