by Kit Morgan
She took one look at the horse and took two more steps back.
“It’s okay – he’s perfectly capable. And quite gentle, for a stallion. Besides, there aren’t any other horses around at the moment to get him riled up. They’re all out in the south pasture.”
She swallowed hard as she stared at the steed. “Not by myself.”
“Of course not.” He took her by the hand, led her to Julius and helped her mount. He did his best not to laugh when she gripped the saddle horn like a lifeline. “Now hang on. I’m going to lead him around first so you can get the feel of him.”
She was gritting her teeth, her knuckles turning white. But she gamely nodded.
Jess smiled reassuringly. “It’s fine, Lillie. Trust me.”
She nodded again and let out the breath she’d been holding.
He caught that too. “Don’t faint on me,” he teased. “You’d have a long drop.”
Lillie’s eyes darted to the ground, then to him. She straightened in the saddle, but kept her vise-like grip on the saddle horn. “All right. I’m ready.”
“That’s my girl.” He began to lead Julius around the barnyard at a slow walk. Occasionally he turned and walked backwards when he wanted to tell her something or to check that she was comfortable. The more he led her around, the more she relaxed.
After about ten minutes, he stopped and mounted up behind her. She gasped when he put his arms around her and pulled her against him. She was small, warm and soft. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But she had to learn and he was determined to teach her. Of course, he might need a long dip in the creek when he was done …
He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and nudged Julius into action. The horse took off at a fast walk and Lillie yelped at the sudden movement. He held her tighter, figuring she couldn’t hear him and not wanting to shout, so he touched her hands or shoulders to convey that he had everything in hand. Including her.
She seemed to melt into him and he let her. Her hair smelled of lilacs, her skin of lemon. Good God, he’d better make this lesson short. But the thought of letting her go wrenched at his heart. Was this what falling in love felt like?
He steered Julius down the road, away from the ranch. The day was warm and pleasant with a light breeze. He kept the horse at a walk for a while, then placed Lillie’s hands on the saddle horn, tightened his grip around her and kicked the horse into a canter.
Lillie let out something between a laugh and a scream. Jess laughed himself. Whether or not she could hear him he wasn’t sure, but she kept laughing. Maybe it was from the exhilaration of the ride. He’d like to think it was from him.
He let the horse have his head and slow to a walk when he wanted. They’d travelled a couple of miles from the ranch at this point and he figured they’d better head back. He turned Julius around, keeping him at a walk.
“That was fun!” Lillie tried to turn to face him, but couldn’t quite manage it.
Jess hugged her close and kissed her cheek. She stopped trying to turn, instead resting her head against his shoulder and placing a hand over his. He smiled and kissed her hair. He could get used to communicating like this – the simple gestures meant a lot. She was beginning to trust him, to believe what he’d said, to – dare he think it – have some feelings for him?
Lillie ran a finger over the knuckles of his hand, and it almost drove him mad. He steered Julius off the road and down a trail he knew led to the creek. Anson had shown it to him shortly after he arrived, and it was one of his favorite spots. He’d swam there only once, but as the days grew warmer he’d be doing so again.
When they reached it, Lillie pointed and clapped her hands. So she liked what she saw. He brought Julius to a stop by a tree, dismounted, then reached up and helped Lillie down. As soon as her feet touched the ground, she smiled. He smiled back as he brushed a wisp of hair out of her eyes. “You liked that, did you?”
“Yes! At first I was terrified, but now …” she glanced around their surroundings. “I feel … I can’t describe it.”
“Free?” he suggested.
She blinked at him and smiled. “Yes, that’s it. Free.”
Jess watched her as the realization that she was indeed free hit her full force. Her eyes misted as she looked at him again. “You’ll never have to be afraid of your father again, Lillie,” he told her. “I’ll protect you, take care of you.” He closed the distance between them. “You believe me, don’t you?”
She gazed up at him. They were only inches apart. “I don’t know how to thank you …”
His eyes darted to her lips. Tarnation, there was no help for it! Jess’s arms drew her close and, with as much restraint as possible, he brushed his lips against hers.
Lillie shuddered in his arms.
Jess rested his cheek against hers as he tried to bring himself under control. He wanted her, all of her – and not just physically. Good Lord, he was in love with her! But if he told her, what would she do? Would it scare her? He pulled back to look at her. “Lillie, I’m sorry. I just can’t help myself when –”
She put a finger to his lips. “It’s all right. I … I’ve never been kissed before.”
Relieved, he hugged her, but had to pull back so she could see him when he spoke. “I’m glad I gave you your first. Unless you count the one on your ear. So maybe that was your second.”
She laughed. “I just …” She stopped, shook her head.
“What?”
She looked at him and blushed. “I just don’t want it to be my last.”
It was all the permission he needed. He kissed her gently at first, then let his tongue wander over her lips, teasing them open. She let him in, then playfully nipped his lower lip with her teeth. She fell against him and he held her up as he deepened the kiss.
By the time he broke it, they were both breathless. “We’d better head back,” he said, not too convincingly.
Lillie was panting, her eyes round as platters. “Do we have to?”
Jess chuckled. “Well … if we don’t, we might get in trouble. A man can only take so much.”
She turned away from him and mumbled something, but he couldn’t tell what. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. “I’d like to kiss you more, you know that?”
She stared up at him and nodded.
He drew her into his arms again. “There’s more where that came from, but I think we need to get to know each other better first.”
She nodded numbly.
Jess’s heart swelled. By golly, had he kissed her senseless? “Lillie, I want to marry you. You understand that now, don’t you?”
Her jaw trembled as she gazed into his eyes and nodded once more.
“I’ll never hurt you. I want to take care of you, build a life for us.” He kissed her again without thinking. If he wanted, he could probably kiss her straight to the altar and marry her that way. But he wanted to make sure she wanted him, the same way he wanted her.
Reluctantly, he broke the kiss and pulled her close. How long they stood there like that, he had no idea and didn’t care. But he knew he’d better get her back to the ranch before Anson and Zadie started wondering where’d they’d gone. He knew Zadie had seen them leave – he’d seen her watching them from the kitchen’s back door. But holding Lillie was a sweetness he’d never known, and he never wanted it to end.
His only hope was that she would come to feel the same.
Eleven
“Jess Jones!” Zadie scolded – or at least Lillie guessed she was scolding, judging from the look on her face. She stood on the back porch of the house, hands on her hips, looking like she wanted to flog him. “It’s way past lunch time! Where have the two of you been?”
“We went for a little ride,” Jess said nervously.
Zadie’s eyes immediately locked on Lillie’s. Lillie just shrugged. After all, she wasn’t the one in control of the horse. Or the kisses, for that matter, but best not to mention t
hose just yet.
“Well,” Zadie conceded, “as long as he behaved himself out there.”
“Me or Julius Caesar?” Jess asked.
Zadie glared a dagger at him. “You, of course!”
Jess smiled and slid off the back of the horse with expert ease, then helped Lillie down. “I was giving Lillie a riding lesson. She did quite well.”
“On Julius?!” Zadie squawked. “He’s not meant for such things. You should have taken Hamlet.”
“I’m not working Hamlet today. And Julius was perfectly behaved – a real gentleman.”
Zadie looked at Lillie again to confirm what he said. She smiled and nodded. “Fine. But next time tell us what you’re doing and where you’re going. For all we knew, you were abducted by a marauding band of … well, who knows what?”
“Zadie, aren’t you overreacting?” Jess asked.
She sighed. “I was worried. One tends to do that around here when no one tells me where they’re going.”
Jess held up his hands. “Point taken. We’re back and we’re both fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take care of Julius.”
Zadie held out her hand toward Lillie. “Let him do that – I’ll fix you something to eat. You must be starving by now.”
She was hungry, but not really for food – her lips still felt warm from Jess. Thank goodness they’d come back when they did, though, or Zadie would really be busting a gut! She followed Zadie into the kitchen and sat at the table. “I had a nice time.”
Zadie took a plate of biscuits out of the warming oven and set them next to her. “I don’t doubt it. Julius is a dream to ride, but to tell you the truth, I don’t think I could handle him if something were to happen. He’s best left to the men.”
Lillie gave her a tiny smile. “Jess handled him very well.”
“And how did he handle you?” Zadie asked with a playful smirk. Lillie’s blush was all the answer she needed. “Aha – I knew it! He kissed you, didn’t he? Ohhhh, just wait until I get my hands on that man!”
“No, no!” Lillie exclaimed. “It was nothing, really.”
“Really?”
Lillie licked her lips. “Er … well, no.”
“Are you going to marry him?”
Zadie’s question took her by surprise – what was she going to say? “I … well … I’m still getting to know him.” Not the best answer, but a start. “I do know he wants to marry me.”
Zadie took two bowls from the hutch. “He’s said so enough times. I hope your realize he means it now.”
“Oh yes.” She smiled despite herself. “I’ve never had anyone concern themselves over me. Not since my mother.”
Zadie dished her up a bowl of stew and set it on the table. “Jess is a good man, Lillie. And if he’s anything like his cousin, he’s a man of his word. You could do a lot worse.”
“I’ve already done worse. I should’ve left my father long ago, but … I thought no one would want me. I’m no good at anything, really.”
“Jess thinks you’re good enough. Besides, most men are pretty simple – feed them, keep their clothes clean and mended, be there for them and … just live life with them. And Jess will do the same. The Jones family is a good one – I’m lucky to have married into it.”
Lillie nodded, a smile on her lips. “I was lucky to have stumbled into your barn.” And she was, she knew. These were good, kind people. After being with her father so long, she’d forgotten such people existed. Zadie was right, she could do a lot worse. She could’ve wound up with someone like her father.
“Eat up,” Zadie ordered. “I’ll fix Jess a bowl, then you can help me with a few things if you’re up to it.”
Lillie noted that Zadie kept eye contact with her while she spoke and didn’t move when she was done, just in case she needed to keep conversing. What a blessing. “Of course I can.”
“Good,” Zadie said and turned back to the stove.
Jess came in a few minutes later, wolfed down his stew and biscuits, then headed right back out to help Anson with the colts. He didn’t say more than a few words to her or Zadie, and Lillie wondered if something was wrong. “Do you think Anson is angry with Jess?”
Zadie gave it some thought. “No, but no doubt he got a good tongue-lashing for stealing you away and not telling anyone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry, maybe, but Jess isn’t.” She gave Lillie a sly smile. “Especially not if he got to steal a few kisses from you.”
No use fighting it. “Maybe just a few …”
Zadie laughed. “I knew it.” She motioned Lillie to get up. “I’m cutting out quilt squares for a project some of the ladies are putting together in town and could use a little help. Do you mind?”
“No,” Lillie said with a smile. She had a sudden pang of … satisfaction? Fulfillment? Whatever it was, it sure felt good. Was this how things felt for everyone else? Was this how she was supposed to be living her life – surrounded by a family, with a man who wanted to treat her well? She almost cried at the thought. How long had she prayed for this, a normal life with someone who could love her, defects and all?
It was still hard to get used to, but after what Jess had told her – and done with her – during their ride, she was definitely going to give it a try. Marriage … who would have thought? She smiled again and followed Zadie into the parlor.
The two women worked on cutting out quilt squares for the next hour. Lillie enjoyed hearing Zadie’s adventures as a mail-order bride and about Mrs. Pettigrew, the eccentric matchmaker she dealt with back in Denver. “A dog name Monsieur Pickles ate your telegraph message? That’s how you ended up in Morgan’s Crossing?”
“That’s how it happened. Poor Anson didn’t even know I’d arrived in Sweetwater Springs.”
“How long did it take him to figure things out?”
“Days,” Zadie said with a laugh. “Though it wasn’t funny at the time. I had all sorts of horrible ideas that he wanted nothing to do with me, that he’d changed his mind …”
“Oh no!”
Zadie nodded in confirmation. “If I hadn’t met the Reverend Norton and his wife, I don’t know what I would’ve done. They were so kind to me, let me stay with them the day I arrived, and saw to it I was able to get word to Anson that I was in Sweetwater Springs and get a room at the boarding house.”
Lillie sighed as she thought about her own circumstances. “So a dog brought you together?” She could hardly believe it.
“More or less. Anson’s original message, before Monsieur Pickles ate half of it, said he was called away on business in Morgan’s Crossing, had to leave immediately, and for me not to come. He was calling things off. But I suppose the good Lord had other plans.” Zadie set the stack of squares to the side. “I think we have enough. We’ll take these to Morgan’s Crossing this week and give them to Mrs. Tisdale. Have you had a chance to meet any of the ladies in town?”
Lillie was still staring at her in disbelief.
“Is everything all right?”
Lillie shook herself. “Yes, fine …”
“Are you sure?”
“I was thinking about what you just said. That the good Lord had other plans.”
“Oh yes. Or at least that He works everything for our good.”
“Like me finding your barn?”
Zadie smiled tenderly. “Or even what happened to bring you here.”
“Or that, yes,” Lillie tentatively agreed.
Zadie put a hand on her knee and gave it a pat. “Well, I’m glad you’re here no matter how you came to us. We all are.”
Lillie tried not to let her emotions get control of her. She had so many mixed feelings, as if this was too good to be true and it was only a matter of time before it all disappeared. Why couldn’t she let things unfold? Why couldn’t she trust? But how could she after the way she’d had to live for her entire life? To be accepted by others was foreign – she didn’t know how to handle it. But she wanted to learn.
“Shall we bake some cookies for the men?” Zadie asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
Lillie nodded. She hadn’t made cookies in a long time, as her father rarely bought what she needed to make them. He’d rather spend his money in the saloon. “Yes,” she finally said, forcing herself to drop her guard. Doing so suddenly made her feel lighter. She smiled at the sensation as she followed Zadie into the kitchen.
* * *
Jess whistled while he worked, oblivious to Anson’s scrutinizing stare. “You’re entirely too happy for a man I just lectured.”
“Lectured? On the contrary, cousin, you made a valid point. I’ll give Lillie the time she needs.”
“Are you sure you can hold out that long? Just what were the two of you doing out there?”
Jess stopped unbridling the grey colt he was working with and grinned.
“Oh, for the love of Pete! Slow down! Give the poor girl time to think!”
“I am giving her time to think,” Jess said and held his arms out wide. “She can think about the kiss … er, discussion we had.”
Anson folded his arms across his chest. “Jess! You rode my stud horse out to who knows where to do some sparking?”
“Julius didn’t object.”
Anson rolled his eyes. “I suppose Lillie didn’t either.”
Jess grinned again. “No, she didn’t.”
“All I’m saying is let her make a decision regarding marriage without the influence of … sparking.”
“I know that, but … well, how long were you able to hold out once Zadie got here?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Not long, huh?”
Anson growled, but smiled despite himself. “All right, so she liked kissing you. Now give her heart a chance to catch up.”
“That’s the plan,” Jess assured.
“Good.” Anson picked up a saddle he’d balanced on the corral rail. “I’m done here. Did you already rub down Julius?”
“Of course.”
“Fine. Oh, Zadie wants to go to town in a few days – something about a quilting project Mrs. Morgan and Mrs. Tisdale have going. I thought we could all go, make a day of it. Besides, I want to speak with some folks about their mares if I can catch them in town.”