How to Seduce a Scoundrel
Page 15
While he could never change the past, he would do everything in his power to ensure nothing bad ever happened to Julianne.
He wasn’t, nor would he ever be, a constant man. As his father had said, men like him didn’t change. And so he’d relieved the loneliness by taking mistresses. There had been many over the years, but none of his liaisons had lasted long. He’d found pleasure and given it. But as the demands for jewels and gowns inevitably increased, he’d always grown bored. The temporary comfort was an illusion. The women did what he paid them to do, until he tired of them.
He’d never thought he’d miss the lack of a wife. After all, he knew dozens of men who ignored their wives and turned to mistresses. But he’d not thought of the little things. Discussing a book late at night. And the simple, domestic gesture of a woman’s hands tugging on his lapels.
For the first time, his regrets weren’t for the past but for a future he would never know.
Her brief sleep in the drawing room left her restless.
He’d lured her, not with seduction but with his charm. She’d pretended to be annoyed with his teasing while they had read. She’d thought she’d succeeded in showing her disinterest. But then he’d covered her with his coat, the coat that had still held his warmth and his scent. He’d made her believe he cared about her.
She’d been groggy when she’d offered to help him with his coat, but for those few moments, she’d forgotten he didn’t want her.
Her chest ached as the knowledge pierced her heart anew. She could no longer deny that she still held lingering feelings for him. But those feelings confused her. She didn’t know what she wanted anymore, but she knew what she didn’t want. A man who did not love her.
A long-forgotten memory crept into her brain. She couldn’t remember how old she’d been, only that she’d been a little girl and hiding by a tree near the lake. Hawk had found her there, crying over the crumpled picture she’d drawn of her father. She’d tried to give it to her papa, but she’d smelled the brandy on his breath too late. He’d bellowed for a footman to summon the governess.
Hawk had held her in his arms for a while. Then he’d offered to teach her to climb a tree, something Mama had never let her do. She’d felt naughty and happy all at the same time. Hawk had helped her up the tree, and she’d trusted him not to let her fall, even though she’d been a bit afraid. She’d adored him from that moment on.
Now all her feelings for him were mixed up with the past. Her father’s rejection and now his. Her mother and brother had showered her with love, but somehow it never seemed enough.
The prospect of ever opening her heart to a man again scared her witless. She would never let another man trample her heart. Because she did not want to be like her mother, pining for a man who would hurt her again and again.
But she could not remain dependent on her brother much longer. Tristan had married, and now his wife, Tessa, was the duchess. In a short time, their first child would enter the world. They were starting their own family.
Julianne knew she would feel like an outsider, but that was nothing new. She’d felt it almost from the beginning of their marriage. Of course they had treated her well, but their open affection had embarrassed her. They touched each other often and exchanged longing looks. Mama had said their love was rare.
Part of the reason Julianne had accepted Amy’s invitation to travel last summer was to give Tristan and Tessa privacy after their recent marriage. But then she’d returned home only to learn about the babe.
At first, she’d been excited, but soon she’d grown envious because Mama had clucked over Tessa like a mother hen. All anyone talked about was Tessa’s nausea, how she must eat to keep up her strength, and how she must rest often. Julianne had felt ignored and resented her sister-in-law. And she’d felt guilty, too, because she knew Tessa had lost all her family and had been alone for many years.
But it was Tessa who had convinced her brother and mother to let Julianne participate in the season. Tessa had helped her pack and said she knew Julianne would be the belle of the ball. And she’d made Julianne promise to write every week.
The memory shamed her. She was fortunate to have a loving family. When her eyes blurred with tears, she swiped them away. Tristan had brought her to London so she could participate in the season. She’d known how reluctant he’d been to leave Tessa. While he never said anything, Julianne knew he worried about Tessa’s health and the impending birth.
Julianne looked deep into her heart and knew her petty jealousy had stemmed from her own fears that Tessa was replacing her in her family’s hearts. Her fears were groundless, but she’d always felt the need for reassurance. Because no matter how much they loved her, she would always feel like the unwanted daughter.
She’d come to London determined to give Hawk her heart, but she’d given it to him years ago. She’d failed to win her father’s love, so she had set out to capture the heart of the man who had rescued her when she was a little girl.
He didn’t even realize he’d hurt her at that ball. As long as she was being completely honest with herself, she might as well admit the truth. She’d done the same thing to those twelve gentlemen who had proposed to her. Over the years, she’d told herself repeatedly that a little flirting never hurt anyone. But even though she’d not set out to wound those men, she’d done it nevertheless.
She’d persuaded herself that Hawk had purposely misled her. In retrospect, she knew she’d made him out to be a heartless cad to protect her bruised heart. He cared about her, but he didn’t love her.
Outside the door, a floorboard creaked, signaling someone was walking along the corridor. The sound of a door closing made Julianne frown. She sat up, found the tinderbox, and lit a candle. When she held the candle closer to the clock, she saw it was four o’clock in the morning. She suspected Hester and Mr. Peckham were lovers at long last.
Julianne blew out the candle and lay back on the bed. Her heart ached for the dream that had sustained her over four long years. Inside, she felt empty and dispirited. All winter, she’d yearned to be in London for the festivities, and now the remaining weeks of the season made her feel bleak.
But she was not without purpose. Her heart beat faster as the pamphlet took on a whole new meaning for her. Up until this moment, she’d thought of it primarily in terms of getting even with reluctant bachelors. Instead, she would now focus on the positive aspects. She would help other ladies by providing the honest advice Hester had given her about men.
Chapter Eleven
A Lady’s Secrets of Seduction: Guard your heart from charmers.
This is monstrous,” Hester declared the next day after luncheon. “He cannot deny you the pleasures of the season simply because you returned late to the box. I will not allow him to run roughshod over you.”
Julianne sighed. “He means to take me home if I do not cooperate. I believe him to be serious.”
“We shall see about that,” Hester said, bristling. “I plan to tell him in no uncertain terms that I am in charge of you. He can go hang.”
“Actually, I think there is a benefit to staying home. If I receive visitors today and attend entertainments, I shall have no time to write. This week at home will allow me to complete the pamphlet. We still need to see about publication, and if I dally, it will all be for naught. As you said, I must see it circulated early in the season if the plan is to work.”
“Well, I agree, but I still feel he has gone too far,” Hester said.
“You should still attend entertainments,” Julianne said. “There is no reason for you to stay behind when I will be spending all of my time writing.”
“Provided my hardheaded nephew doesn’t command all of your time when he calls,” she said.
“I imagine he will be only too happy to spend his time at his club.” Of course, she didn’t add her suspicion that he would likely seek a mistress, but Hester had no illusions about men in general or her nephew specifically.
A maid appeared at the do
“Who called?” Hester asked.
“The five young men who typically visit. They sent the posies.” He cleared his throat. “I have also brought the mail.”
With a sinking feeling, Julianne watched the maid set the flowers in vases. Oh, dear, what if the five cubs, as Hawk called them, had developed a tendre for her? Shame burned through her as she recalled the way she’d flirted and danced with them—all in an effort to show the ton she no longer cared for Hawk.
Hawk had been right. She had mistreated them. Never again, she swore. The next time she saw them, she must make it clear that she only wanted friendship.
Hester sifted through the mail. “Ah, here are two letters for you, Julianne.”
She tore open the first one from her mother and winced. Mama had received correspondence from Lady Durmont, who had described Julianne’s waltz with Hawk in vivid detail.
Julianne gritted her teeth. Lady Durmont was the worst gossip in the ton. She delighted in ripping others to shreds. With a huff, Julianne continued reading. She could almost hear her mother’s terse voice. The waltz was unseemly enough, it seemed, but drawing a crowd was a severe faux pas. However, her mother had received a letter from Lady Boswood that had given her some peace of mind. Mama was relieved to learn Hawk had publicly proclaimed that Julianne was his ward.
Drat it all. Had every dragon in the ton written to her mother? But guilt flooded her chest immediately. She had done far worse than waltz since coming to London. She’d risked her reputation the night she’d drunk all that wine. As Amy had said, they were very lucky to have escaped worse consequences. But that was nothing compared to the way she’d let Hawk touch and kiss her. Thank God no one had caught them.
She turned the page. Alarm gripped her upon learning Tessa had developed irregular tightening sensations in her belly. Mama said these were caused by false labor and were common. The physician had stated that provided the sensations stopped when Tessa walked, they did not signal the onset of labor.
Julianne’s shoulders slumped with relief for Tessa. She quickly sent up a prayer for her sister-in-law’s health and continued reading.
Naturally, your brother is beside himself with worry, as you might imagine. Therefore, I have reluctantly decided not to inform him of your lapse in judgment. You will, of course, abide strictly by the proprieties for the remainder of the season.
How could she have been so thoughtless? Poor Tristan was probably beside himself with worry about Tessa, and she’d come perilously close to bringing scandal upon herself and her family. She resolved to be more mindful of the proprieties and turned the page.
There is another matter that came as a surprise to me, of which I have pondered over at some length. Lady Boswood informed me that her son has developed a tendre for you. While the age difference is somewhat of a concern, I would not be averse to the match. As the son of a marquess, Ramsey is most eligible, and his family is one of the most preeminent in the kingdom. Of course, you would have to endure Lady Boswood’s vanity, but I would not discourage you if you truly loved him.
“Dear God, I must write to my mother immediately,” Julianne said.
Hester looked up from her letter. “Whatever is the matter, dear?”
“A disaster.” She told Hester about Lady Boswood’s letter. “I cannot believe the woman’s audacity. And to think Mama believes Ramsey is a suitable match for me. I must inform her that Ramsey is a notorious rake and that I have no tender feelings for him.”
“Calm yourself,” Hester said. “You have another letter. Read it first, as it may contain important news you should address in your letter.”
As Julianne broke the seal, she told Hester about Tessa’s false labor pains.
“I am glad to hear it is nothing serious,” Hester said.
After unfolding the paper, Julianne read her brother’s short letter.
You will have received our mother’s letter, but let me reassure you that all is well with Tessa and the babe. I have received a letter from Hawk and understand that you are enjoying the season. While I was a bit concerned about leaving you in London, I realized it would be unfair to make you miss the festivities. Hawk is probably far more lenient than I am, but Tessa reminds me daily that you are a grown woman now.
Julianne snorted. If only her brother knew his friend had proven to be far stricter than either he or Mama had ever been.
I hope you will forgive me when I say that I hope my little sister does not grow up too fast. Your presence is sorely missed, and I look forward to your homecoming.
Her throat clogged. She missed her brother, mother, and Tessa as well. “Hester, please excuse me. I must write to my family.”
“Yes, of course, dear.” Hester patted her hand. “Do not let vexation overcome you. Lady Boswood cannot force the match, and I distinctly recall your brother saying your family is in no rush to see you wed. In that respect, you are far luckier than most young ladies.”
Julianne exhaled. “You are right, as always. I will write to my family, and then I will apply myself to the pamphlet.”
Hester toyed with her quizzing glass. “If you have concerns about the pamphlet, say the word. You are under no obligation to finish it, though I truly believe it is impossible for anyone to trace your identity as the author.”
“I’ve gotten this far,” Julianne said. “If I can help even one lady find the man of her dreams, then I will consider my work a success.” But of course she hoped to help far more than that.
Hawk did not arrive at his aunt’s house until early evening. He’d spent a particularly grueling day in parliament and had dealt with problems concerning repairs to the estate in Derbyshire. With regret, he’d turned down a friend’s suggestion to dine at the club, because he’d sworn to check on Julianne.
When he entered the drawing room, he found his aunt dressed in evening attire. “You are planning to go out?”
Hester regarded him through her quizzing glass. “I am not under house arrest.”
“Where is Julianne?”
“Upstairs. I suppose you intend to command her to make an appearance in the drawing room,” Hester said, swinging the quizzing glass on its ribbon.
He folded his arms over his chest. “I wish to speak to her.”
Hester rang the bell. When a footman arrived, she sent him to bring Julianne to the drawing room.
Hawk strolled over to the sideboard and poured himself a brandy. “Where are the dogs?”
“In the kitchen,” Hester said coldly.
His aunt meant to paint him as a villain. When his empty stomach rumbled, Hester let out a disgusted sigh.
“Julianne intended to dine alone in her bedchamber tonight,” Hester said. “But since you’re here and obviously hungry, I’ll have two trays brought to the drawing room.”
“Thank you. May I inquire about your plans for the evening?”
“Mr. Peckham is escorting me to the Hartford’s dinner party,” she said. “He should arrive shortly.”
Hawk sipped his brandy. “You are spending a great deal of time with Peckham.”
“Do you dare to question my friendships?”
“It was an idle observation,” he said. “Frankly, I thought you would remain at home to keep Julianne company.”
“You are the one who imposed the punishment upon her. I disapprove of your harsh measures, but you are her appointed guardian. Therefore, you are the one who should attend her each evening. I have no intention of rearranging my plans because of your asinine strictures.”
His aunt had never been one to mince words, but he had no intention of defending his decision. He’d done what he had to do, and that was the end of it.
Julianne padded into the drawing room, curtsied, and sat on the sofa across from Hester. Hawk joined her there. “How have you occupied yourself today?”
“Writing letters to my family and friends,” she said, her tone dull.
He glanced at her drawn face. “You look exhausted.”
“A little rest will see me well,” she said.
“I hope you’re satisfied, Marc,” Hester said. “You’ve managed to cause her undo vexation by forcing her to be a prisoner in my home.”
Julianne sighed but said nothing.
Hawk frowned. Where was the spirited woman who matched him word for word? She seemed to have changed overnight.
Mr. Peckham arrived. Before leaving, Hester informed Julianne that she’d ordered a tray to be brought up for her and Hawk.
“You need not stay,” Julianne told Hawk. “I’m sure you would prefer to dine at your club.”
“I’ll stay.”
His aunt took Peckham’s arm. “Julianne, promise me you will get extra rest tonight.”
“I intend to retire early,” she said.
After everyone else departed, Julianne reached for her neck.
“What is the matter?” he asked.
“I sat at the desk too long, I suppose.”
“Why?”
She shrugged and winced. “I am woefully behind in my correspondences.”
“Turn your back to me.”
She frowned. “Why?”
“Let me massage the tight muscles.”
“That is unnecessary,” she mumbled.
“You’re in pain. Let me help,” he said.
When she turned her back, he instructed her to lower her head. He used his thumbs to knead her neck. “Tell me if I press too hard.”
At first she remained tense, but gradually he could feel her relaxing. He massaged her shoulders, and a funny little feminine sound, almost a purr, escaped her.
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