by Marie James
My belly flip-flops, a riot of butterflies taking flight inside of me at his command.
“Fuck, that’s good,” he groans
As if he can’t help himself, his hips begin to shift back and forth, seeking a deeper stroke, and I give him exactly what he needs. His fist clenches at his side, and I ache for him to touch me. Reaching down, I lift his hand and urge him to touch my breast, and boy does that make all the difference for him. He thickens further in my hand as his fingers pluck and tease my nipple.
“Give me your mouth,” he insists, and my head tilts up just in time for his lips to crash against mine.
The arm leaning on the wall reaches behind my back and drags me against him. His tongue invades my mouth as his cock erupts between us. I keep stroking and pulse after pulse he empties himself onto my skin.
Strong fingers dig into the meat of my ass, and I whimper with my own need.
“Turn around,” he rasps against my mouth and then proceeds to chuckle when I spin so fast, I nearly tip over and fall out of the shower.
The humor doesn’t last long because he slides his hand between my legs. Finding me slick and needy, it’s his turn to groan in my ear.
“Jesus, baby. Why didn’t you say something? I would’ve taken care of you sooner.” Two fingers glide through my slickness, teasing my clit before he presses them inside of me.
His dirty talk is new, something I never experienced until now. I always thought it would be silly, or it would take me out of the moment and sound ridiculous, but every nasty word, every praise, and every promise of what he plans to do to me makes me need him more.
My knees nearly buckle, but his strong arm wraps around my waist as his other hand works me into a frenzy. My hips buck, jerking uncontrollably as his one hand somehow manages to slide inside of me while still working with expert precision over my clit. He’s everywhere at once, and his cock, the very one that just unleashed spurt after spurt of cum on my stomach is thickening at my back like he’ll never be sated.
“That’s it,” he praises when the first tingle hits me low in my belly. “Give it to me.”
My core clamps down on his invading fingers, but it’s the husky groan so close to my ear that shoots me over the edge. I scream my pleasure, uncaring if the world knows what we’re up to in here, but it’s over much too soon, and as strong as it was, it leaves me still wanting more from him.
“Ryan,” I plead.
“Need me, baby?”
I nod my head, and not a second later, a gentle hand is pressing between my shoulders while the other lifts my leg and positions it on the edge of the bathtub.
“Mia?” I know he’s checking with me to make sure this is okay. I know he’s terrified to trigger me, but I want this more than I can even find the words for.
“Please,” I beg, but the words fade away on a moan as he slides inside of me.
“Goddammit,” he hisses, and his pleasure makes my body hold him even tighter.
His grip is bruising on my hips as he slides all the way home, but I welcome the tiny bite of pain. It tells me that he’s enjoying this as much as I am, and I take pride in that. I want to be able to please him with my body. I don’t want him lost in his head or looking at me with disgust because of the things that happened before him.
“That’s it. Fuck, baby. Jesus, push back against me.”
Standing in his shower, I shift my hips back and fuck myself on his cock, and it’s a miracle he doesn’t pound me through the wall with how hard we’re going at it. His grip on my hips never slips, and as if my orgasm never completely waned, it builds once again.
Releasing one hip, Ryan uses his arm to shift me so I’m standing, and when he angles my head back and crashes his mouth to mine, it’s all over. I swallow my cries as the pulsing begins in my core, and a few thrusts later, he’s grunting his own release.
He falls free, softening long before I’m ready, but I turn in his arms and smile against his lips. His once aggressive kiss turns soft and searching as his arms circle my waist. He knows exactly what I need and when, and the man is an expert at delivering both the pleasure I want and the comfort I need after.
“How are you so perfect?” I mutter against his lips when we come up for air.
“I’m not.” He presses a quick kiss to the tip of my nose before reaching for a bar of soap.
Silently, his hands work the suds over every inch of my body, even the delicate tissues between my legs. His cock begins to thicken again, but I do what he insisted the first time and ignore it. He doesn’t seem put out by the lack of attention.
“We need to have a conversation about what we’ve been doing,” he mutters as he angles the showerhead to rinse the soap away.
“Are you having regrets?” I’m able to ask because I’m facing away from him as he rinses my back. I don’t know that I’d have the courage to ask the same question if I could see the reaction on his face.
Being physically attracted to someone is not the same as being emotionally attached, and those stupid voices in my head start again.
“We haven’t used protection.”
A shiver runs down my spine. “I know. I’m clean, surprisingly. The doctors ran a full panel while I was in the hospital.”
The memories of what was done to me were enough, and it was a small blessing that I didn’t contract an STD.
“I know,” he says as he wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his chest to my back. “I’m clean too, but—”
“You’re afraid I’ll get pregnant?” I swallow thickly and stare at a clump of bubbles as it slowly makes its way down the shower wall.
“Afraid isn’t the right word.” He presses his lips to my shoulder, pausing for a few long seconds before continuing, “I think it makes me a caveman, but the idea of knocking you up makes me want to fuck my cum into you every day until the double lines show up on the test.”
I roll my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing. How did he ever keep all of this shit bottled up inside? It’s like some switch was flipped last night, and he went from the perfect gentleman to filthy, and if I’m being honest, completely enticing.
“You want babies?”
“I want babies,” he confirms.
“With me?”
“Only you,” he says before nipping at my ear.
I turn in his arms and cup his cheek. Sincerity is clear in his beautiful eyes, and I’m thankful for the water cascading down around us because it masks the tears that begin to seep from my eyes. He must see the emotion clouding my eyes because his face falls.
“Please don’t break my heart right now,” he begs. He tries to take a step back, but I cling to him. “I said too much too soon. I knew I was going to ruin things. Can we just forget I said it?”
I shake my head before pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.
“You can’t take it back, but I can’t give you babies right now.”
He nods, his strong jaw flexing with the news.
“It’ll be another six weeks before my birth control shot wears off.”
His eyes widen as if he’s having trouble understanding what I’m telling him, but he’s a smart man, and it doesn’t take long for him to work it through in his head.
“Birth control?”
“I asked the doctors for it before I left the hospital. I was terrified I’d be taken again, and I wouldn’t survive a pregnancy from one of those—”
He presses his lips to mine, and I squeal, half in joy and half in terror that he’s going to drop me when he lifts me up in his arms.
It feels like everything is happening at breakneck speeds, but I think this is perfect for us. We’re not going to look back. We’re going to plan our future together.
Chapter 35
Scooter
It’s been a week, seven blissful days spent in Mia’s arms, and it’s possible I’m the happiest man in the world.
It hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. There has been a day or two where she’s a little more withd
rawn, but we spent that time quietly in each other’s arms, holding each other until the shadows left her eyes and the clouds cleared.
Today she woke up energized and ready to take on the world. I find myself in the living room chatting with Max, watching her in the kitchen with Emmalyn, Khloe, Misty, Jasmine, and Makayla as they throw together a feast for the guys who are scheduled to return any minute.
Her radiant smile fills the air around her, and the other women grin as well, happy that she’s come out of her shell a little more each day. They chatter about food and recipes they’ve tried as they bustle around the large kitchen, and I can’t help but picture her in our own kitchen in the house we spoke about building after she confessed that she wanted to build a life and have a family with me.
It’s almost the middle of February, mere days from Valentine’s Day, and I’m wondering if a diamond ring isn’t in her near future. I’d slide a rock on her hand and make her mine all in the same day if things were up to me, but I do my best to keep those thoughts to myself. I don’t want to rush things. I don’t want her to agree to spend the rest of her life with me one day and then let the shadows creep in the next, making her change her mind. I’ve had patience thus far, and I’ll maintain it until she’s ready.
The rumble of multiple SUVs marks the return of the Cerberus men, and I head outside to help them with luggage and greet the guys. They’re not somber the way we were when we returned from Venezuela. They all have smiles on their faces as they climb out, already talking about the party they want to have later tonight. They need to burn off steam, rid themselves of the residual adrenaline from the job, and I smile, knowing I used to be the same way.
Only currently, I have no steam. Mia woke me this morning with her mouth on my dick. It was the first time her face ventured past my navel, and I won’t even embarrass myself by thinking just how fast I exploded from her attention. I returned the favor, not really needing an excuse to put my mouth on her, and that only led to another erection. We haven’t used condoms yet, and it’s not only because she’s on the shot. A long discussion was had after our confessions in the shower. She wants to start a family, and even though it’s something I plan to ask Dr. Alverez at our next appointment, I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want that exact same thing.
My only concern is that Mia is trying to replace her pain and abuse with the unyielding love of a child. She has to know that I care for her, even though I haven’t confessed those three little words yet.
“Hey, man.” Grinch walks up, shakes my hand and slaps me good-heartedly on the back. “How’s the vacation going?”
I smile wide as he watches me. I figure he expects me to complain about missing out on the mission, and I do hate that I left them a man down, but I don’t have an ounce of regret for the way things turned out. Heading back out and leaving Mia for any length of time will be hell, but I think my head is in the right place. I’m no longer afraid I’m going to lose her, or that I’m going to return to find her gone.
“It’s been good, man,” I tell him and slap his back in return.
“I can tell by the look on your face that Mia didn’t stay gone very long. Is she doing better?”
“She’s great, Grinch. Getting better every day.”
“We missed you out there this time around,” Jinx says as he walks closer. “You gonna make it out the next time around?”
I shrug. I only have a week left of my suspension, but with any luck, I’ll be cleared to return to duty. If not, it isn’t the end of the world. So long as I have Mia by my side, I could take just about any job and be happy. I’m not saying I want to leave the guys behind, but the loss of Cerberus wouldn’t be the end of my world. How could it be when I have the most amazing woman to hold every night?
“Hopefully, man.” He claps me on the back as he walks past.
I grab a couple of the rifle cases and follow the rest of them inside. Mia is still in the kitchen, and I know as much as she’s healed the last couple of weeks, it’s going to take a while before she’s completely at ease being in a room with a dozen men.
Emmalyn, Misty, and Khloe greet their men before passing around bottles of beer and letting the guys know that the meal is nearly ready.
Dominic walks in, eyeing his wife like a hungry lion would a raw steak, but after kissing her on the lips and whispering something in her ear that makes her blush, he walks toward me.
“A word?” He turns before I can answer because he knows that I’m going to follow.
Kincaid, Shadow, Kid, Itchy, and Snatch all join us in the conference room. Kid closes the doors, and the loud excitement from being home dulls to a murmur.
“Mia’s back,” Kincaid says as he walks across the room.
Shadow doesn’t go to his computer like he normally would.
“She is,” I tell him.
“I’m not going to spend a long time right now discussing all that needs to be discussed because we can get to that later. I miss my wife, and I’m fucking starving, but I just wanted to touch base and see where things are. Where’s your head at?”
They all watch me, waiting for me to respond to my president.
“It’s in the right place. It’s where it should be,” I assure all of them.
“You’re sure,” Dominic asks.
“One hundred percent,” I tell them.
“Good,” Shadow grunts, and he’s the first one to walk toward the door.
“We’re debriefing at eleven hundred hours tomorrow. I expect you in here an hour earlier so we can talk,” Kincaid says as he walks past me.
And just like that, they’re all gone. It feels like a test, and honestly, I don’t know if I passed or not, but it’s not something I’m going to dwell on right now. Mia and an extravagant buffet meal are waiting just outside of this room, and I plan to enjoy both of them.
The guys are huddled in small groups talking and laughing, and somehow a cold bottle of beer ends up in my hand, and I’m welcomed back into the fray like I didn’t royally fuck up three weeks ago. I take what I can get for now because I have no idea what the outcome will be tomorrow.
I chat with Jinx and Grinch as they give me the lowdown on what happened in South Africa. Excitedly, they tell me about the three raids they managed, and even though they complained about being exhausted from hitting the sex-trafficking dens back to back to back in a mission that spanned twenty consecutive hours, they told their stories with grins on their faces. They were able to save the women that were there and eliminated seventeen pieces of shit off the face of the earth.
Exhaustion isn’t going to keep these guys from getting loud tonight, and that meant women were coming, and things were going to go down in the living room that weren’t for the faint of heart. I mentally begin to make a plan to keep Mia away from seeing things that may trigger her.
But when I look toward the kitchen, I find her watching me. I’m worried that the swirl of activities around her will set her back, but she grins at me and winks. I fall a little harder for her knowing that eventually, she’ll be comfortable around the men I see as brothers. It makes me want to ask Kincaid for a small piece of land across the street. They’ve already broken ground on Hound and Gigi’s house, and I can’t help but picture my future starting right across the street as well, but then again, I don’t know how tomorrow is going to go.
“Dinner is served!” Misty yells from across the room.
Shadow doesn’t bother to unwrap himself from her back as she begins to hand out plates to the guys as they line up for food.
Mia steps out of the way, shuffling close to the wall to join me in the living room.
“They act like they don’t eat while they’re away,” she mumbles with a grin when she reaches me.
“Food isn’t really on our minds when we’re working,” I explain.
My eyes track Jasmine and Max as they enter the clubhouse. I’m surprised they weren’t here when the guys arrived, but telling from the flush on both their cheeks, they aren’t
complaining about the delay. When Tug spots them, I see more fire in his eyes than I saw when Dominic laid eyes on his wife. With a quick jerk of Max’s head, Tug breaks off from the line of men waiting to eat, and all three of them disappear down the hallway.
My eyes immediately find Dominic’s, waiting to see if he’s going to go tear into their asses, but he’s too wrapped up in something Makayla’s saying to notice them disappear.
“I think we’re going to have to sleep in my room tonight,” Mia whispers as she turns and wraps her arms over my shoulders.
She’s right. Unless those three get it out of their systems enough to head to their apartment, we’re going to need a room of separation between us.
She doesn’t want her brother to hear what goes on in my room, and I know for a fact she doesn’t want to hear her brother going at it with his guy and girl.
I look down at her. “Do you want to eat, or do you want to go to the room?”
She knows what I’m offering. If being out here is too much for her, then we can come back when things die down.
“I’m starving,” she says, and it’s just more proof that she’s healing.
Chapter 36
Mia
I fall to the mattress, breathless with my body tingling from the last hour of exertion.
We spent some time eating and chatting with the guys, but then people I didn’t know started showing up, and it was time to get out of there. I was already over-stimulated from helping cook and serve the meal, and the added people were just a little too much. Ryan didn’t bat an eye when he saw my eyes darting toward the hall. He simply made an excuse about being tired and led me away.
“You know,” I swat my hand at Ryan’s chest, “I should be insanely jealous of the women you had before me, but I also kind of want to thank them for letting you perfect that tongue game of yours.”
He chuckles but doesn’t feed my jealousy. It’s just one more thing that makes him perfect.
“Can we have another lesson tomorrow?” I ask when my breathing finally returns to normal.
“I’ve created a monster,” he says with a grin, his head shifting until his face is turned in my direction and our noses are mere inches apart.