How many days now had he awakened before dawn from his restless sleep in the throes of terror following the nightmare? Eight? Ten?
He knew now it wasn't just a dream. It was a reflection of reality.
Hankura turned the yarrel stem between his fingers watching the flower petals open before his eyes with the breaking dawn. He remembered how he had awakened in the dimly lit bedchamber with a start.
The dream had been so real; his fingers closing around her throat--hearing her gasping for air as he squeezed tighter and tighter. He'd seen her eyes widen with fear, pleading, then dim with despair as she finally succumbed to lack of air and closed them.
The full blossoming blue-green flower blurred with the tears that stung his eyes. Angrily, he crushed the flower, pulling it from its stem. He threw the crushed flower into the water. In a moment, Chelle was beside him.
Hankura knew she had come outside from their bedchamber. He had sensed the moment she woke and found the empty place in their bed. He knew she was there, but he couldn't bear to have her look at his face. They sat in silence for a long time, without exchanging thoughts. After a time, she moved and touched his arm almost furtively.
"You know; they say there's a little evil in all of us. Sometimes, this evil can turn love to hate if only for a short time," she said softly. "I know you meant to kill me in those few moments, and you know I was afraid you would. For a second, I almost welcomed death."
She paused, giving him an opportunity to respond. When he didn't, she went on:
"You've been torn in your loyalties between your mother, your family, yourself and me these past months. You were angry with me for what happened with Theron. Your mother's psi attack amplified that anger out of proportion until it took control of you. She meant for me to die. She planted that desire in your mind.
"I don't think you wanted me to die. I think you were trying to kill the emotions that were tearing at you from every direction. Natar made you feel guilty for leaving, and you were ashamed of the way she wanted you . . . Then I touched the memory of her death wish, and it took control.
"When you tried to kill me, you didn't see me as your lover. You saw me as she did--as one more source of your pain and guilt and frustration. You weren't rational, and you had lost hope of solving your inner conflict calmly and rationally. In that desperate moment, you hated me enough to kill me.
Chelle knelt before him and gently cradled his face in her hands, coaxing him to raise moisture filled eyes to hers.
"My darling, you've tortured yourself enough."
"But I tried to kill you. I really tried," he said brokenly.
"But you didn't do it. Don't you see? You had me by the throat and could have finished me as easily as you crushed that yarrel flower. Why didn't you? Tell me."
Hankura brushed the tears from his eyes and crushed her in a fierce embrace. "Because I love you far more than I could ever hate you for anything. I knew I couldn't bear to lose you." he choked hoarsely.
How can you ever forgive me? I can't even forgive myself. How can you still love me after what I have done to you?
That's hard to answer, my love, but you know I do. Because you saved my life by blocking Natar's attack, you were hurt badly. She filled your mind with hatred for me. It was her hatred that I felt when you attacked me, not yours. She sniffed, and her tears were warm and wet on his neck. You've been part of me since we first touched minds all those years ago. There is little that you feel and think that I do not sense. We've known joy and love and passion, and pain and anger and sorrow . . . And our love is stronger than all of those. The strength of that love keeps them all in their proper perspective.
Yes. She-ell, I love you more than I could ever tell you in words in a lifetime . . . Words that I never need to say. It hurts beyond reason that I could have done this to you. I'll never forget your fear and despair . . . An agonizing shudder racked his body, and he clung to her, burying his face in her thick hair.
Let it go, Hankura. Remember the love. Let is blossom inside us and heal us the way I once healed the wound on your side. Your pain is my pain. You have punished yourself more than I or anyone else would.
She held him tenderly, murmuring soothing assurances and caressing him until he grew calm and rational again. Her love warmed him inside, and he raised his eyes to hers again. He held her gaze and sent the image of a blooming yarrel flower into her mind. She smiled, and his arms tightened around her.
As the blue sun climbed higher in the morning sky, he felt at peace with Chelle and with himself. He was an Aledan, but Aledus could never be his home again. Now he understood that the fault was not his, and he was ready to go on with his life--his and Chelle's. He still had that, and his dreams for the future.
It was enough.
THE END
Excerpt from
OLTARIN
The Horse Clans' Colony
An Aledan Series Novel Book 2
CHAPTER ONE
Belderon was a big change from Aledus for Hankura and Chelle. Aside from the absence of the discriminatory psi laws, the cities were older and more classic in their brick and mortar architecture. The streets of Tesen, the world capitol, were crowded with pedestrians both on and off the beltways. Few people took notice of the couple during their long belt ride to their hotel from the Tesen Starport where they'd left their private spacecraft, the Arius Mran. The few that noticed them mostly were admiring Chelle, and Hankura couldn't blame them. His wife was a tall, well-proportioned woman with unusually blue eyes, a feminine oval face with attractive features and red hair that fell nearly to her waist.
Hankura was tall, of medium build with thick, dark hair and intense emerald eyes and a strong angled jawline. In fact, the two together made an impressive couple who were hard not to notice. Others were fellow psi-paths who acknowledged them respectfully.
Tesen had all the modern conveniences. It just didn't look as modern and pristine as Salla. The Tesmont Hotel was a mundane red brick building. The decor was quaint, but their suite was comfortably large with all tech needed to make the comfortable. It was more than adequate for their twenty-day layover until the Searching Star sent down a shuttle to pick them up to start their five-year exploration tour.
After everything that happened on Aledus, Hankura wasn't sure if they were ready for the challenge. They had been ready and looking forward to a new start until his mother's psionic attack during her mental breakdown had nearly killed him and Chelle both. Chelle was a latent telepath and telekinetic healer living in the ruins of Farringay on Earth when they touched minds as children. Hankura was on a passenger freighter orbiting Earth on his way to a boarding school for psions far from his home. That night, two scared children formed a psionic bond that brought Hankura back to find the woman who claimed his heart and soul as he claimed hers.
Life on Aledus realized most of his misgivings about going back. The discriminating laws against psions landed him in jail for defending his wife from an attacker. Guilty until proven innocent. Even after he was proven innocent, he was banned from the cities and fired from his job.
His mother, Natar, a victim of extreme psi-conditioning on Aledus suffered a mental break when Hankura told her they were leaving to join the space exploration. A stronger telepath, she had planted seeds in Hankura's mind that Chelle had ruined his life. Natar hated Chelle and meant to kill her. The potency of that hatred planted in his mind caused him to turn on Chelle and attempt to finish what his mother started.
Thank the goddess, his love for her won out! … And thank the Mother, Chelle had forgiven him!
Hankura's stood staring out the window of the sitting room at the bustle of pedestrians in the street below. The memories still pained him, and it was hard to keep them out of his thoughts…
"My head wants to explode...a terrible nightmare...oh, my head," he groaned.
"Poor darling." She put her arm over him and kissed his cheek. "Let me get you a med-dot; it'll help. “Suddenly, he turned and grabbed her u
pper arms so tightly it hurt.
"Don't leave me alone. Don't go, please," he pleaded.
"No, honey. Of course, I won't leave you alone," she assured him. "The med-dots are just in the drawer over there. You can watch me get them. I promise I won't be out of your sight. Okay?"
Hankura nodded and gradually released his vise grip on her arm. The red imprints of his fingers remained on her flesh for several minutes afterward. He shifted his eyes to watch her cross the bedroom; he didn't dare move his head because movement would only increase the throbbing pain. Why did it hurt so? Why was he so terrified?
"What's the matter with me?" he asked suddenly.
"You've been in shock ... from a psi attack," she said carefully.
"Who? I don't remember." He blinked in an attempt to focus his thoughts.
"Hank...it was...N-Natar," she stammered. "She didn't want us to go with the Searching Star."
"No! She couldn't," he denied sharply.
"Couldn't she?" Chelle asserted. "You feared it all along. That's why..."
"No, don't say that! Get the hell out of here and leave me alone, you lying bitch! Terran whore!"
How dare she accuse his mother!
Chelle started to back out of the room, and Hankura jumped up from the bed and caught her wrist. "Liar!" He yanked her toward him and slapped her so hard that she landed sprawling on the bed. He lunged at her and landed heavily on top of her. He knocked the wind out of her momentarily, and she struggled to catch her breath.
"Hankura, please. I'm sorry. I'm not lying. You're hurting me." Chelle stared up at him through eyes full of tears and tinged with fear.
"Oh, am I?" he hissed. "I could easily kill you." He emphasized those words by curling his fingers around her throat.
Her eyes widened, and she gasped as his tightening grip began to choke her. She could hardly fathom that the same hands that had caressed her so tenderly so often would actually choke the life from her. She gasped again, the weight of his body adding to her difficulty in breathing. She squirmed beneath him, trying desperately to tear his fingers from her throat.
Hankura, I love you. Don't do this. Do you want me to die? When his grip tightened, her eyes closed and her body went limp. Kill me quickly, if you must. Then she sent him the image of a blue-green yarrel flower that had been a symbol of their love on Aledus. That reached back into his memory to before Natar's attack had twisted his reason as she attempted to destroy his love for Chelle.
“No!” Hankura let out a strangled cry and let go of her throat. He sat up, gripped her shoulders and shook her. "Mother of Life, what have I done? Don't die she-ell. Dear Goddess, don't die." Quickly, he pressed his ear to her chest. Her heart was racing, and she was breathing ragged at first, but growing steadily more even. But when she opened her eyes as he held her, the fear was still there. The strain of the psychic shock and that incident caused him to black out and bury the memory for a time. He had been devastated when he finally did remember.
It just hurt so damn much! How could he have done that?
Chelle came up behind him and slid her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back. Don't do this to yourself, my love. I have forgiven you. Forgive yourself. I know you love me, and I know that's why you couldn't go through with it.
But I hurt you nonetheless.
Nothing I couldn't fix. I'm a healer remember?
I was selfish to take you to Aledus in the first place. In the back of my mind, I knew Mother wouldn't accept you, and I knew how we would both would be treated there.
But they are your family. Natar's treatment at the Psi Institute caused her to do those things to us. Their conditioning drove her to madness. When she was totally lucid, she was happy for us and loving. You needed that, and you needed to understand exactly why your parents sent you away. The only way to do that was to go to Aledus and experience life there as an adult.
Hankura's turned to face her folding his arms around her. I know. I just can't forget the way I made you feel.
It's over. The urge that made you hurt me came from her mind, not yours. Don't let it haunt you. Remember how good we feel when we are one. I love you… Feel it… Know it.
Chelle wound her arms around his neck and turned her mouth up for his kiss. His kiss was gentle at first his mouth teasing and caressing her lips until he sensed she wanted more. Their kissing deepened and became sensually arousing. She made an inarticulate sound of pleasure and pressed her body tight to his, wanting him. Then she was tugging at the zipper on his shirt.
They helped each other off with their clothing until they were naked, then paused for a moment just to look at each other. Hankura's body was lean a with a taunt abdomen and good muscle definition in his, chest, abs, arms, and legs. As he saw himself through Chelle's eyes, he became even more aroused. She loved everything about him as he loved her.
He found her body, perfectly defined in his eyes. She was not as tall is he---her forehead was exactly the height of his mouth. She had a lovely long neck straight shoulders and beautiful round breasts, ample but not too large, a tapered waist, lovely rounded hips, and buttocks, with long, shapely legs.
He held out his hands to her, and she placed hers into his as they came together body to body mouth to mouth. He released her hands to frame her face he kissed her. This beautiful, flame-haired woman was the most precious thing in his life and he in hers. Without words, she told him how she wanted to please him. He released her mouth, and she worked her way down over his chin, his neck, his chest, and lower---kissing, tasting, and nibbling. He moaned aloud his arousal complete.
She wanted him inside her. Again he took her hands and drew her up the length of him, and they moved to the bed together. He lay down first, and she knew instinctively to climb on top. It was her turn to moan aloud as she straddled him and lowered herself over him. Together they felt so good.
As she rocked over him, he reached up and caressed her. By then they were both so aroused they came quickly---together, explosively. She collapsed against his chest, with him still inside her and they kissed tenderly. He rolled them over, so Chelle was on the bottom. It was his turn to tease and taste her.
He could feel her pleasure as she moaned and caressed his head, running her fingers through his thick dark hair. He enjoyed it as much as she did because he knew it made her throb the way he throbbed when he was aroused. Kissing and tasting his way down over her belly and lower, driving her to climax again. It didn't take a telepath to know she wanted him inside her again. Feeling the intensity of her desire quickly made him completely ready.
Now do it now! And suddenly he couldn't wait any longer either. He quickly moved over her as she parted her thighs for him. He filled her, knowing her exact threshold between pleasure and pain. Again she cried out loud, an inarticulate sound, and wrapped her legs around his hips to pull him deep inside her. She was still in the throes of her orgasm, and they moved slowly, very slowly, drawing out the pleasure of their oneness. Then he brought them both to orgasm again. In their minds' eye, the water that was their passion, the water in the fountain at its center their sexual pleasure, as it rose higher and higher. When it reached its apex, they came together in a magnificent orgasm that sent waves of pleasure vibrating through their minds as well as their bodies.
It was so much more than sexual pleasure that melded them together mind and body. It was love in its purest form, and their mutual sexual satisfaction was a grand bonus. They lay together joined for a long time after their orgasm subsided basking in their oneness.
Hankura kissed her tenderly, letting himself feel the strength of her love echoing through his mind. He gave his love to her as freely as he received hers. The love they shared was healing his soul. Finally, Hankura began to forgive himself for what he had been unable to control.
Their joining took them to a place where the past in the future didn't exist---only they two in the love that bound them together.
Eventually, they parted, and Chelle lay with their head nes
tled in the hollow of his shoulder and his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and they slept.
CHAPTER TWO
Some 500 years before Hankura and Chelle had even met, another chain of events was set in motion that would eventually touch their lives:
A knock on the door of his den interrupted Grant McKell as he was leafing through his wife's private journal, or might he have given into the grief that threatened to overwhelm him. In his bittersweet musings, she was still alive, But Marcus Solomon's knock jolted him back to the painful present.
"Come in," he said, and Marcus opened the door.
"We'll be ready for you soon, Grant. The three graves have been dug." His friend said grimly. "God, I still can't believe that Victor would do such a thing."
Grant stared down at the pale blue, plastic cover of Wynne's journal on his desk. The pain inside threatened to consume him, and he blinked at the moist haze in his eyes. " But he did. He killed her with his own hands. He killed her, and I'm going to kill him---long and slow. Wynne never did anything to him…"
"She picked you," Marcus reminded him gently.
"Then he should've settled with me! He didn't have to kill her!" His voice grated, hoarse with emotion.
"No, he didn't. I don't even think he meant too. She must have fought him to give Kean and Felice a chance to escape. Luke Travis and Redd Monson found your son and daughter in the forest. They were cold and hungry and scared, but okay. Lynae fed them up and put them to bed."
"Do they know their mother is dead?" Grant rasped.
"Yeah, I think they do. But they're still in shock… Everyone is. We just got all the fires put out in the last hour. Half the town was destroyed, and we lost a lot of valuable equipment."
The Aledan PSION: The Aledan Series Book 1 Page 23