“How can you be so sure? Have you looked at her?”
“I have but I’m also looking at you. I know it’s easy to get distracted by how pretty she is and the fact that she’s famous – we all know I’m guilty of said distraction – but don’t let that make you question what you bring to the table, Lenny. You may not see it but you are million times prettier than Annabelle and a billion times more kick ass.” Starr gives me a reassuring smile.
“You have to say that because you’re my sister.” I pout playfully.
“Yes, I do have to say it; but not because I’m your sister. Because it’s true. I see it. Hudson clearly sees it. Maybe it’s time you see it too. He chose you. A man who can quite literally have any woman he wants, chose you. A man like Hudson doesn’t come along every day. For most of us someone like that is an unattainable fantasy, but you’ve got him. Don’t waste it focused on someone or something you can’t control. Annabelle is not in your control. You can’t stop her from flirting with Hudson or from even throwing herself at him. What you can control is the trust and love you have for Hudson. You have to know he would never betray you that way.”
“But do I know that? We were together for three months before I found out he was secretly married,” I remind her of a fact I recently shared with her. She’s team Hudson all the way but even she was a little taken back by the news. “How do I really know what he’s capable of?” I voice my real concern.
At the end of the day, no matter how deeply I feel for Hudson or how much I believe he loves me, he’s deceived me before. And even though I’ve forgiven him I certainly have not forgotten. I think in a way I’ve been holding my breath ever since then, just waiting for something else to happen.
“That’s where trust comes in, Lenny. If you can’t trust him, you can’t be with him. It’s that simple.”
“I do trust him. I just worry.”
“And it’s totally normal to worry. Hell, I’d be a wreck if I were in your shoes. But don’t let that worry consume you.”
“I’m doing my best.” I let out a slow breath. “We should probably get back out there.”
“Colton seems pretty awesome.” Starr switches gears, following me from the bathroom into the dimly lit hallway at the back of the bar.
The venue is more like two bars in one. There’s a large space at the front of the building that’s open to the public, then a more exclusive room in the back that’s occupied by the sixteen of us that came over from the concert.
“He is,” I respond to Starr.
“If things end up not working out with Hudson you could always go for his best friend. Yummy.” She fans her face.
“Do I need to remind you that you’re married?” I point out in a hushed tone as we reenter the room that’s buzzing with conversation.
“Married, yes. Dead, no. I can still appreciate a hot guy, Lenny.”
“Just make sure that appreciation doesn’t land you in a world of trouble.”
“Oh please. I love my man. I would never.” She crinkles her nose.
Not commenting on her statement, I slide up next to Hudson, smiling when his arm instantly wraps around my waist in a protective hold.
“Took you long enough.” He looks up at me and smiles.
“I couldn’t get that one to shut up.” I hitch my thumb at my sister who’s reclaimed her seat across from us next to Colton.
“Please.” Starr rolls her eyes and reaches for her drink. “Pot meet kettle.” She gives me a pointed look.
“Yeah. Yeah,” I retort, smiling when Hudson guides me into his lap rather than letting me take the seat next to him. “And just what do you think you’re doing?” I ask, wrapping my arm around his shoulders when he shifts me sideways.
“I want to be close to you,” he murmurs, kissing my jaw.
“And that’s not close enough?” I giggle, gesturing to the empty chair next to us.
“Not nearly.” I feel his smile against my neck seconds before his lips press to the side of my throat.
“You know, technically we’ve had our one drink.”
“So we have.” He pulls back, a wicked grin on his face causing the aching in my lower belly to intensify tenfold.
“Shall we?” I arch a brow.
“Hudson, did you tell Lennon the bird story?” Annabelle interrupts before Hudson can reply.
“The bird story?” I question, my gaze going to Annabelle who conveniently ended up in the seat on the opposite side of Hudson.
“Oh my god. I can’t believe you didn’t tell her,” she says almost like she’s rubbing it in. “When we were in New York we took a boat out to Liberty Island to see the Statue of Liberty because Hudson had never seen it before. And there was this bird that would not leave Hudson alone. It followed him around for like an hour and even stayed close by once we got off the boat. We didn’t think that damn bird would ever go away. I bet we took at least fifty pictures of that thing.”
I’m considering wrapping my hand around the back of her neck and slamming her face into the table by the time she’s done talking. The game she’s playing is becoming increasingly clearer.
“I told you I made a new friend.” Hudson gives my hair a slight tug as if to silently say ‘don’t let her get to you’.
“Oh that’s right. What did you name it again?” I ask, the memory of our conversation coming back to me. I’d been so focused on the fact that he and Annabelle had gone to see the Statue of Liberty together, that he was getting to experience that first with her of all people, that I retained very little else from that conversation.
“Kevin.” He chuckles, his dimple popping through. “No idea why. He just seemed like a Kevin to me.”
I don’t miss the look that passes over Annabelle’s face but I doubt anyone else sees it. Only a handful of people are even paying attention to our conversation and it’s not likely that they have any idea about the silent war Annabelle is waging against me.
“That’s right. Kevin.” I laugh like I don’t have a care in the world.
“Did you guys go inside the Statue of Liberty?” Starr interjects, pulling my attention across the table to where her and Colton are sitting.
“We did. Though Anna only made it about half way up before we had to go back down,” Hudson replies.
“Which was totally sweet of you by the way,” Annabelle says directly to Hudson before her gaze finds mine. “I kept telling him to go on without me but he refused.” I swear she keeps digging her talons in deeper and deeper but the more she does it the more determined I become to show her she can’t get to me.
“I’m terrified of heights,” she explains. “Even if I can’t see it, just knowing I’m high off the ground freaks me out. You should see me on an airplane. It’s not pretty.”
“Yeah, I’m not much for heights either,” Starr agrees, clearly trying to offer me a subtle buffer. “I do pretty good on airplanes though.”
“Can we maybe go now?” I take the opportunity to lean in and whisper to Hudson while Starr has Anna occupied.
“Hell yes we can.” Hudson slides me from his lap and quickly stands.
“Where are you going?” Annabelle asks, stopping dead in the middle of a sentence to question.
Offering a dig of my own, I reply, “Back to my hotel.” With a smile, I turn to Starr who’s just started her next drink. “You good here or do you want to walk back with us?”
“I think I’m gonna hang out here for now.”
“Make sure you stay with her,” Hudson says to Colton as he pulls me tightly to his side.
“I think I can manage that.” He grins at Starr before his gaze pops back to Hudson. “You two kids have fun.” His smile spreads causing me to roll my eyes.
“Oh we will,” I tell him matter of fact, making sure Annabelle sees the wide smile on my face seconds before Hudson guides me away.
—-
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve thought about this over the past few weeks?” Hudson murmurs against my neck as
he moves inside of me. “The way you feel below me. The way your body responds to me. The little noises you make that drive me fucking insane.” He nips at the flesh below my ear before his mouth is on mine, his tongue doing a long sweep inside.
“Hudson,” I cry out against his lips when he drives harder, a slight swivel of his hips so that he hits me right where I want him too.
“That’s right, baby,” he tells me, pressing deeper into me.
“Hudson.” My body tenses as the pressure in my lower belly builds.
“With me, baby.” He slows his movements slightly, making sure I feel every inch of him as he pushes inside and drags back out, both of us climbing.
“Okay,” I pant out seconds before I explode around him.
Hudson falls right along with me, my name a strangled groan on his lips as he spills his release inside of me.
“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Hudson settles his weight on top of me, his face going into the crook of my neck. “I don’t think I will ever get enough of you.”
“Then I guess I’m doing something right,” I tease, still trying to catch my breath.
“Everything.” He presses his lips to where my pulse is hammering against my throat.
“Everything?” I question.
“You’re doing everything right,” he clarifies, pulling back so that his face is hovering just inches above mine. “You’re all I think about, Lennon. When I close my eyes at night I feel you next to me. When I look out over the crowd at a show I see your face smiling back at me. You’re everywhere. You’re so fucking deep inside of me that I couldn’t shake you if I tried. It’s incredible and terrifying at the same time.”
“Terrifying?” I ask, reaching up to run a hand through his messy brown locks.
“To love someone so much. You’ve got me, Lennon, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. You have the power to totally fucking destroy me.”
“I’m not going to destroy you.” I give his hair a soft tug. “Because I’m there too. You know I am.”
“I love you.” He kisses the tip of my nose before slowly pulling out of me.
I protest the loss of him, immediately rolling against his side when he shifts onto his back.
“I love you too,” I say back, kissing his chest before resting my cheek against it.
We lay in silence for several long moments, my hand moving lazily across Hudson’s stomach, as his moves softly up and down my back. I feel close to dozing off when his voice fills the space once more.
“You know you don’t have anything to worry about, right?” He moves, his lips finding the top of my head.
“About what?” I ask even though I’m pretty sure I know what he’s getting at.
“Anna.” He pauses for a beat. “I need you to know that you can trust me.”
“I do trust you,” I say, not sure how much I believe my own words. It’s not that I don’t trust Hudson, because I do to an extent, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t this small voice in the back of my head telling me not to be so sure that I can. I think more of that worry stems from Gage more than anything else. Like I’m preparing myself for something that may never happen simply because I don’t want to ever feel that blindsided by someone again. “I do not trust her, however,” I add.
“Well, as long as you trust me it shouldn’t matter if you can trust her.”
“I guess.” I let out a slow breath. “It still bothers me.”
“What does?”
“How she is with you. How she looks at you. How she’s always finding ways to touch you. It’s like she can’t help herself. Not that I can blame her but still. The fact that she does it right in front of me tells me she has no problem stating her interest in you regardless of our relationship status.”
“She can be interested all she wants. I don’t see any other woman but you, Lennon. It’s only you. It will only ever be you.” His words spread warmth through my chest and I swear my heart flutters.
“It’s just hard. Being away from you, knowing you’re out on the road with someone like her, especially knowing how she feels about you.”
“You seem so convinced she has feelings for me.”
“Because she does. Even if her actions aren’t outright obvious to you, I can see them a mile away.”
“We’re just friends. Colleagues.”
“Maybe to you, but trust me, to her it’s much more than that.”
“This really does bother you, doesn’t it?” he asks, rolling to his side so that his face is propped on the pillow inches from mine. He reaches out and brushes hair away from my face, his hand lingering on my cheek for a long moment.
“It does.” I meet his gaze in the dimly lit room.
“I’m making it worse, aren’t I?”
“Kind of. But I know it’s not intentional. It’s just difficult thinking about you spending time with her. And I know you’ve been very upfront with me about if and when you’re with her, but it still bothers me. Maybe that makes me the pathetic jealous girlfriend but I can’t help how I feel.”
“Nothing about this makes you pathetic. I’ve told you before, if roles were reversed I probably wouldn’t handle this situation nearly as well as you have. I’m not intentionally trying to make things worse for you. I guess I just feel obligated to do things when she asks me to. I feel bad for her. Being on the road can get really lonely and from what I can tell she doesn’t have many friends. At least I have my band and Colton – people I’ve known for longer than five minutes. But Anna is pretty much alone. She’s not very close with her band or the crew. She has no one traveling with her and I’ve yet to see one friend or family member come to a show. I just don’t have it in me to be a heartless asshole when I feel like someone needs a friend.”
“And I love that about you. I love how big of a heart you have. How much you care about other people. I just wish she didn’t work so hard to make me feel uncomfortable about your friendship with her.”
“She’s really not all that bad. She can be a bit temperamental at times, but for the most part she’s always got a smile on her face and shows up ready to work. Professionally I have a ton of respect for her. She always puts her fans first. So many in this industry don’t appreciate the people who actually buy and listen to their music. It’s refreshing to see someone who does.”
“Yeah, I noticed that earlier when she was signing autographs and taking pictures behind the venue. I don’t like her and even I thought that was pretty awesome of her.”
“She does that everywhere she goes.”
“So do you.”
“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise. These people are what allow me to do what I love every single day. What kind of person would that make me if I turned my back on them? Without them I’m no one.”
“I hate to break it to you, Hudson James Demasi, but you’ll always be someone. You’re too special not to be.” I press up, kissing his scruffy jaw. “And I’m sorry if I’m being weird about this whole Annabelle thing. I’m trying really hard not to be that girl.”
“You feel what you feel, Lennon, and I can see exactly where you’re coming from. You’ve been incredible throughout this entire tour. I doubt just anyone could handle the stressors of being thrown into this world. But you walked right into it like you owned the place. You fit into this life just like you fit with me.”
“I’m glad you think I have it so together,” I tease, wondering what exactly it is that I’m doing to make him think that. Most days I feel like I’m falling apart at the seams.
“Well, mostly.” He grins, pulling me closer so that my bare chest is pressed against his.
“Mostly?” I question with a smirk.
“I know a few ways to make you fall apart.” His fingers find my hip and squeeze, right as his lips brush against mine.
And just like that, our conversation is over.
Chapter Twenty-one
“Please tell me you have ice cream,” Emma announces, no
t even bothering to knock before she pushes her way inside the front door.
“I have ice cream.” I laugh, looking up from my laptop that’s resting across my legs just as she appears in the mouth of the hallway.
“I swear to god I’m going to weigh five hundred pounds by the time this baby is born.” She drops her keys on the kitchen island before heading directly toward the refrigerator.
“I highly doubt that,” I tell her as she rifles through the freezer, reemerging with a half-gallon of Cherry Cordial ice cream moments later.
“I’m serious, Len. Look at me.” She holds her arms out, showing off her growing belly.
“Pretty sure that’s all baby.” I laugh, watching her grab a spoon from the silverware drawer before joining me on the couch.
Plopping down on the opposite end, she props her feet up on the coffee table and peels the lid off the ice cream before settling the tub on her belly.
Emma is about half way through her pregnancy and I swear she only gets cuter as the weeks go by. Though it’s clear she doesn’t see it that way.
“That’s what you think.” She digs the spoon into the creamy goodness before shoveling a large bite into her mouth. “Oh my god.” She groans around the bite. “I swear ice cream tastes a million times better now. I can’t stop eating it. I go to bed thinking about it, dream about it, and then wake up wondering how pathetic I would be if I had a big bowl for breakfast.”
“That’s me on a normal day and I don’t have an excuse. Guess that’s why I’ve never been able to get rid of my ass.” I laugh, snapping my laptop closed before sliding it onto the coffee table. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“I had a few errands to run this morning. Drove by and saw your car in the driveway, so I decided to stop in.”
“So you came to see me or you had a sudden craving for ice cream?” I ask, my voice riddled with laughter.
She thinks on that for a long moment. “Both. I feel like I never see you anymore. Seriously, what’s it been, a month?”
“I saw you last week,” I remind her. “Remember, you and Robert came to the birthday dinner that Starr and Mark had for me.”
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