“Oh yeah. Now I remember. The dinner where you moped all evening because your hot country singer couldn’t come.”
“I did not mope.”
Though if I did, I totally had a right to. Starr had planned a special twenty-eighth birthday dinner for me and she’d scheduled it around Hudson’s availability, but he ended up canceling the day of the dinner saying he got tied up. And of course, Starr told me all of this thirty seconds after I had walked in the door, instantly putting a damper on my mood.
It means a lot that she tried, I just wish she hadn’t told me because I ended up spending the whole evening disappointed that he couldn’t make it and wondering what he was tied up doing that prevented him from coming.
He did somewhat make up for it the next day – my actual birthday – when a man showed up at my front door, serenaded me with ‘Happy Birthday’ while holding twenty-eight long stem roses. It was totally something Hudson would do. I can’t help but smile when I think about it.
“You totally moped.” Emma pulls me back to the present. “You played it off well but I could tell.”
“I can’t ever get anything past you, can I?”
“Nope.” She smiles, shoveling another bite of ice cream into her mouth. “How’s all that going anyway?” she asks after swallowing.
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean? With Hudson, duh.”
“It’s good.”
“It’s good,” she mocks me. “It doesn’t sound good.”
“I miss him.” I blow out a breath. “A lot.”
“Is the show you and Starr went to the last time you saw him?”
“Yep. Five weeks ago.” I nod, pulling my legs up.
“Do you know when you’ll get to see him next?” She swirls her spoon in the carton.
“He’s doing that huge country festival in Georgia at the end of this month.”
“Shine Fest?”
“Yep.”
“God I wish I wasn’t pregnant. That’s the festival that sells like every flavor of moonshine you could possibly think of.”
“You could still come with me. Colton has four tickets for me. Since it’s a three day festival I thought maybe I’d make a whole weekend of it.”
“Is Hudson going to be there the whole time?”
“No, he’s playing Friday but has another show Saturday in Tennessee, so he’ll probably leave shortly after his set is over. We should get some time together Friday before he goes on.”
“Who’s headlining Friday night?”
“Travis Travers. Hudson goes on right before him.”
“Well at least you know Starr is in.” She snorts.
“Oh, she’s already claimed one of the tickets and Sandy claimed the other. I was saving the last one for you.”
“I’ll pass. As much as I would love to go, I just don’t think I’d be any fun.”
“You realize your pregnant, not dead, right?”
“Then why do I feel dead most days?” She lays her head back and lets out a dramatic sigh.
“Come on, Em. Please.” I pout out my lower lip, not above begging.
“Not a chance.” She shoots me down instantly. “The last thing I want to do is go to a festival where everyone is drunk off their asses and I can’t drink. Thanks but no thanks.”
“You suck.” I stretch my leg out and nudge her with my foot.
“Do you not get to see him before then?” She changes course.
“I’m not sure. Since you bailed on me I’m super busy at work.” I smile. “Plus he’s on the west coast right now, so coming home for even a day is just about impossible. His shows were more spread out when the tour first started but now he’s doing four or five a week and can’t really get away.”
“That must suck. I can’t imagine going a day without seeing Robert.”
“It’s not ideal, that’s for sure.”
“But I bet you appreciate the time you have with him more.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I agree. “It’s just hard to enjoy when the whole time all I can think about is how long it’s going to be until I get to see him again.”
“It won’t last forever.” She gives me a soft smile, leaning forward to set the carton of ice cream on the coffee table.
“Seems that way.” I huff. “I mean, it’s worth it don’t get me wrong. He makes me happier than I could have ever thought possible. I just wish I would have realized how hard being away from him would be.”
“And how’s the Annabelle situation?” she asks, knowing firsthand how knotted up I’ve been over her. If there’s one person I don’t sensor my feelings around it’s Emma.
“Who knows.” I shrug. “I know they spend a lot of time together, obviously, and while he’s been very reassuring, I can’t help but feel like he downplays how much time they’re together.”
“He probably doesn’t want you to worry. Can’t say I blame him. I know it’s hard on you but I can see how it could be hard on him too. You’re worried and he’s worried that you’re worried. Relationships fail over a lot less. I think it’s amazing that you guys are making it work regardless of the impossible situation.”
“That’s just it though, some days I wonder if we are making it work or if we’re just fooling ourselves into believing we are.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “When I’m with him everything feels right. When I’m not, I wonder how much longer we can realistically go on like this.”
“Celebrities have relationships like the rest of us. It has to be possible and if anyone can figure it out it’s you and Hudson.”
“I wish I shared your confidence.”
“That man loves you, Lennon. Look around. He bought you this freaking house for crying out loud. If that doesn’t say he’s serious about you and your relationship then I don’t know what does.”
“I guess.”
“You guess?” She looks at me like I’ve grown five heads. “Who are you and what have you done with my spit fire, sure of everything and never lets anything stand in her way, best friend?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “I know it sounds weird but I feel like my life is on hold and it’s starting to weigh on me. More than anything, I want to be with Hudson, but I feel like as the weeks go by I recognize less and less about myself. I can’t go five minutes without thinking about him. Everything I do is to get me to the point when I can see him again. I’m just wondering what kind of life I’m really living.”
“Hey.” Emma leans forward and pats my leg. “I know this isn’t easy but I also know that what you have with Hudson doesn’t come along every day. Whether you realize it now or not, you’ll figure it out.”
“I hope so.” I force a smile even though this conversation has only further dampened the bad mood I woke up in.
“I know so.”
“Okay, enough with the heavy. How’s everything in baby land? Still determined not to find out the sex?”
“Yep. Robert wants to know so bad but I refuse. I want to be surprised.”
“I’m with Robert on this one.” I laugh when she glares at me. “I’m not even the baby’s parent and I’m dying to know if I’m going to have a cute little niece or a handsome little nephew.”
“Well you only have to wait a few short months and you’ll find out.”
“So mean.” I laugh, thankful to be focusing on something else for a change.
I spend enough time obsessing over mine and Hudson’s relationship. In the beginning, while a little scared, I felt confident and excited to see where this road would take us. Now, I find myself tied up in knots more often than not, wondering about what he’s doing and who he’s with.
Every time I crawl into our bed and pull the blankets over myself all I can think about is Annabelle. I’m a woman possessed by jealousy and uncertainty, and that isn’t me. Or at least it didn’t used to be.
I shake off the thought and refocus on Emma.
&n
bsp; We spend the next hour talking all things baby. By the time she leaves just after three in the afternoon, I feel slightly better. Emma has a way of grounding me and making me feel like myself in a way no one else can.
I guess that’s the perk of being friends with someone for so long. Most times they know you better than you know yourself.
I’ve no more than closed the door behind her when my phone springs to life on the island. Quickly crossing the kitchen, I snatch it up, smiling when I see Hudson’s smiling face staring back at me.
“Hello.”
“Hey babe.” I hear the smile in his voice and it instantly warms my insides.
Maybe Emma’s right. Maybe we can find a way to make this work. He’s only got a little over two months left of his tour, and even though I know another is coming, I also know that he will be hitting the studio in the coming months which means we will get to have some semblance of normalcy for at least a little while.
So with that I do my best to push past all the doubts and worry swirling in my gut and focus on what really matters. Hudson and how crazy about him I am.
Some people say love isn’t enough. I’m determined to prove them wrong.
Chapter Twenty-two
The southern Georgia heat is out in full force. It’s the last weekend in April and yet somehow feels like it’s mid-August.
Since I couldn’t talk Emma into coming with us, Starr brought her friend Chelsea. I had other friends I could have invited but none that I’m particularly close to and none that I felt like entertaining.
With Sandy, Starr, and Chelsea, they’re all friends so I can slip off whenever and it won’t matter one bit.
Pulling my phone out of the back pocket of my jean shorts, I check it for the hundredth time in the last hour. Hudson hasn’t arrived yet. Last time we talked he was supposed to be here by two and it’s now just after three.
The festival is already in full swing and even though it’s still pretty early in the afternoon, Sandy somehow managed to convince me to do a shot bar with her. I’ve never done a shot bar, but I quickly figure out what it is as the man behind the table sets out two long trays, each with four slots, a shot glass in each opening. He fills each with a different flavor of moonshine before setting the trays in front of us.
“I’m pretty sure four shots of moonshine will do me in.” I look at my cousin, having second thoughts.
Of course I want to partake. Who comes to a moonshine themed music festival and doesn’t drink moonshine? But then again I don’t want to be sloshed my first time seeing Hudson in weeks.
“Four shots.” Sandy swipes her hand through the air. “You got this. I’ve seen you drink a hell of a lot more than this and still walk a straight line.”
“Fine, but you’re the one holding my hair back when I’m puking later,” I tell her, even though I’m not planning on drinking enough to end up sick.
“Deal.” She smiles, picking up the first shot of moonshine labeled Apple Pie.
Grabbing the same shot off my tray, I hold up my glass, clinking it with hers before pouring the liquid down my throat. It burns like fire going down but the after taste isn’t as bad as I expected it to be. The heat settling in my stomach seconds later.
“Not too bad.” Sandy licks her lips and reaches for the second shot. “White lightning,” she reads the label out loud. “Sounds a little scary.” She laughs. “You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.” I reach for the second shot, once again clinking it against hers before throwing it back. This one is a million times worse. It tastes like rubbing alcohol and feels like acid eating at my throat as it goes down. The look on Sandy’s face tells me she feels the same way.
“Okay, let’s never do that one again,” I say, shaking my head as I drop the empty shot glass back on the tray.
“Agreed.” Sandy wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “Now I need to drink another just to get rid of that taste.”
We finish off the other two shots in quick succession. First Cherry then Caramel, which are both surprisingly quite tasty.
I’m still holding the last empty shot glass when the alcohol buzz hits me hard. I sway slightly, the heat rushing through my veins. I smile at my cousin and she smiles back, clearly feeling the effects of the moonshine as well.
“No more,” I tell her, linking my arm through hers as I set the glass back into the tray.
“No more for right now,” she corrects me.
“I can’t be drunk. I need real time with Hudson,” I whine dramatically.
“Are you drunk now?”
“No, but I have one hell of a buzz.” I give her a smile as we make our way through the crowd back toward the main stage.
“Me too.” Sandy giggles and I immediately follow.
I’m already embarrassed by both of us and the festival has barely even begun.
“So when are you meeting Hudson?” she asks, side stepping around a large group of people huddled together.
“No idea. He was supposed to be here over an hour ago.”
“Probably got stuck in traffic. This festival has really jammed stuff up. I’m so glad we were able to get a hotel within walking distance.”
“Me too,” I agree, knowing luck was definitely on our side.
Since this was kind of a last minute trip I wasn’t sure we’d be able to get a room at all. Every hotel for miles had zero vacancies so I called every day checking for cancellations and finally landed a room for the weekend at the hotel closest to the venue. A fifteen minute walk and we’re there which makes for a very easy commute over the three day weekend.
While I’m here to see Hudson and that is my priority, there’s no reason not to take this opportunity to spend some quality time with friends. It’s either that or sit at home moping and I do enough of that as it is. So after Hudson leaves, I’ll be spending the rest of the weekend enjoying the festival with the girls.
It’s not long before we reach my sister and her friend, lounging on the ground next to the gate that wraps around the main stage area. Starr has a beer in one hand, while sipping a shot of moonshine from the other and Chelsea looks like she’s had a bit too much already. Then again, perhaps I have too.
Sandy slides down on the ground next to them and lays back, tucking her hands behind her head like we’re laying on the beach and not at a music festival with thousands of other people.
“Comfy?” I laugh, looking down at her.
“Very,” she purrs.
“Where’s your hottie?” Starr sets her drinks down and leans back, her palms pressed flat against the ground behind her.
“Not here yet,” I say, tugging my phone from my pocket. “I think I’m gonna try to call him.”
“K.” My sister turns her face upward, soaking in the warm sun.
Pulling up my recent calls I click on Hudson’s name and press the phone to my ear, taking a few steps to the side for a little more privacy.
It rings three times before my call is answered, but the voice I hear on the other end is not one I was anticipating.
“Hello.” I recognize Annabelle’s sweet southern drawl instantly.
“Um, is Hudson around?” I stutter, honestly a bit taken back.
Hudson and Annabelle have separate tour busses. If she’s answering his phone that means one of two things – they are already here and for some reason he hasn’t called me and she somehow ended up near his phone or they are on the same bus together. Neither thought is all that settling.
“Lennon, is that you?” she purrs and I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying what I really want to say.
“Give me that,” Hudson says in the background seconds before his voice comes onto the line. “Lennon?” He seems a little off and instantly dread pools in the pit of my stomach.
“Hey,” I manage to push out without sounding completely bewildered. “Are you guys here?”
“Not yet. Traffic is a nightmare.”
“So you’re on the bus still.” I let the sta
tement hang before continuing when Hudson says nothing, “And Annabelle is there with you?” I question, not hiding the irritation in my voice.
“We’ve had a pretty long drive from Washington so we decided to work on some music.”
“Right.” I nod my head even though he can’t see me.
“Lennon,” he says in a way that tells me he knows exactly where my mind has gone.
“No, it’s cool. I’ll let you two get back to whatever it is you were doing.”
“Lennon,” he repeats more forcefully.
“Just call me when you get here,” I say, tears stinging the back of my eyes.
He says my name again just as I click the end button, but I really couldn’t care less. Maybe it’s unfair of me to react this way. Maybe I’m acting crazy. Maybe I’m irrational and jealous. Maybe I’m the one who has the problem. Or maybe, this isn’t all on me.
I’m jealous because I feel like I have a reason to be. This woman gets to spend nearly every moment with my boyfriend while I’m lucky if I get to see him once every few weeks. She’s beautiful and talented and exists in the same world as Hudson. A world I’m not entirely sure I belong in. I think that’s been part of my problem all along – feeling like an outsider looking in when all I want to be is part of the group.
My phone starts buzzing in my hand, Hudson’s name flashing across the screen. I quickly decline the call and shove it back into my pocket. It’s only seconds before it’s vibrating against my ass cheek but I make no attempt to answer it.
Adjusting my sunglasses, I make my way the few feet back to the girls.
“You get a hold of him?” Starr asks, looking up at me the moment I approach.
“Yeah, he’ll be here any minute so I’m gonna go ahead and head over,” I lie, needing a few moments to collect myself before Hudson actually does get here.
“Okay, tell lover boy we say hello.” She gives me a wicked grin.
“I’ll call you in a little bit. Make sure you keep your phone on so I can find you later.” I wait until Starr nods before spinning on my heel and taking off through the crowd.
The tour busses are lined in a gated field several yards behind the main stage and surrounded by tons of security. To get there I have to exit the festival area and walk to the other side of the property. Colton made sure to have a pass waiting on me when we arrived so that I would be allowed access to the bussing area.
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