Deadly Disclosures

by Julie Cave

  She pulled out the biggest photos of Luke and Sammy she could find, framed pictures she had previously been unable to look at. She traced the familiar lines of their faces — the still-baby roundness of Sammy’s cheeks, the wisps of dark hair, the deep blue of his eyes that she could’ve fallen into. She touched the spiky ridge of Luke’s hair, combed carefully forward because he was sure he was balding; the smile that melted her heart, the eyes that looked into her soul and somehow found nothing wanting.

  But it was the essence of her family, the thing photos couldn’t capture, that Dinah most clearly remembered — Sammy’s gurgling laughter, Luke’s complete and utter adoration of his son, Sammy’s obsession with the Wiggles, Luke’s fierce protectiveness of her.

  And she’d let them all down. She hadn’t been able to protect Sammy, despite the fact that it should have been her sole focus. What else should a mother do but protect her toddler son? She hadn’t been able to save Luke, despite swearing to hold him close on their wedding day.

  Dinah stared at the pictures and felt the darkness that lived within her heart overwhelm her. She couldn’t bear to look into the despairing chasm that gaped within her, knowing she would find hopelessness. Now she was too numb to even cry.

  She was ready. Dinah settled into the cushions, propping her beloved pictures around her. A full bottle of sleeping pills and the biggest bottle of vodka that she’d been able to find in the liquor store she propped against another cushion on the other side. She cracked the seal on the vodka and took one full mouthful. It burned down her throat and made her eyes water, but she savored the feeling, for it represented the first step on her final journey to eternal bliss.

  Do you know what comes after death, Dinah?

  The thought seemed to come from nowhere, and unsettled her. She had never thought about that, seeking only release from her current life. She took another mouthful of vodka. What did happen after death? It was the greatest question in life that nobody could really answer. It was a question that couldn’t really be answered until you’d actually been there — and then you couldn’t come back to tell everyone about it.

  Suddenly the doorbell rang. It startled Dinah and she jumped to her feet.

  “Dinah? It’s just me, Sandra,” her caller yelled through the door.

  Dinah was torn between not wanting to be rude to Sandra Coleman and wanting to be left alone. Finally, she relented and opened the door.

  “Hi,” she said weakly. Sandra stood holding an enormous casserole dish that was actually steaming.

  “Hi, Dinah.” Sandra Coleman smiled at her warmly. “I come bearing gifts.” She gestured with the dish.

  In confusion, Dinah stood aside and allowed the other woman to enter. Sandra found a kitchen bench and placed the hot dish down. “It’s my famous Moroccan chicken,” she called.

  “Oh, thanks,” said Dinah, sitting back down on the couch. While Sandra was in the kitchen, Dinah quickly sneaked a mouthful of vodka. “You didn’t have to do that.” She was embarrassed. Did she look so pathetic that people now felt the need to feed her?

  Sandra sat opposite her in the armchair. “I read the newspaper every day,” she offered. “I thought they were being a bit harsh. Nothing cheers me up like a big plate of my favorite food.”

  Dinah nodded and wondered how to get Sandra out. “Well, thanks,” she said. “I really appreciate it.”

  Then she realized that Sandra wasn’t looking at her. She was looking at the vodka bottle and sleeping pills, still in full view on the edge of the couch. Dinah realized, with a sudden shock, that Sandra had just discovered what she was about to do.

  “I must confess, I’ve been wanting a plate of that chicken ever since I made it,” confessed Sandra. “I’ll just serve it up. What do you think?”

  Even if Dinah wanted to refuse, she couldn’t think of how to do it. “Okay,” she agreed. While Sandra was serving two plates of Moroccan chicken, Dinah took another mouthful of vodka. She was starting to feel a pleasant buzz and relaxation. She was even starting to think that perhaps she would just keep drinking even if Sandra did see her. It was her house, why couldn’t she do what she pleased?

  Sandra reappeared and Dinah tasted the chicken. It was truly excellent, exotic and spicy without being too overwhelming on the taste buds. They ate companionably in silence for a while, until Dinah had cleaned half her plate and wondered how she could sneak another mouthful of vodka. Finally, the desire for it overcame her need for decorum in front of her guest, and she quickly downed another shot when she thought Sandra wasn’t looking.

  While Sandra cleaned the dishes in the kitchen, Dinah got further reprieve and downed several more shots. Surely her guest would leave in a minute.

  When Sandra re-entered the living room, she sat down on the armchair again and looked squarely at Dinah. “Tell me, what were you planning to do here tonight?” she asked.

  Dinah tried to look shocked. “What do you mean?”

  “Please, let me be blunt. I’ve only known you a short time, but you appear to me to be extremely depressed. And you’re self-medicating with alcohol.”

  Dinah expected the other woman’s words to be judgmental, but they were strangely soft and compassionate.

  “I don’t know what you’ve suffered,” continued Sandra, “but anyone would surely be negatively affected by the recent media coverage. Nobody would blame you for that.”

  Dinah nodded. That was true, the media criticism was harsh and unfair. No wonder she was self-medicating.

  “You seem so alone,” added Sandra. “I sense a great sadness within you and it troubles me that you have no support to help you. I want to help you.”

  “You don’t understand what I’ve done,” blurted Dinah. She felt confronted and uneasy by Sandra’s words, but yet the spark of something — was it hope? — had suddenly been lit.

  “I promise you, I don’t care what you’ve done,” replied Sandra. She leaned forward and touched Dinah’s arm. The human touch startled Dinah. “It is not my place to judge you. In any case, I think you are your own worst judge.”

  Dinah didn’t know how to reply. She was skilled at pushing people away and isolating herself.

  “Please, at least give me a few days,” asked Sandra. “I know what you want to do.” She gestured at the sleeping pill bottle. “Don’t do that until you give me a few days to help you. Will you at least give me that?”

  Perhaps the alcohol had dulled her fight instincts, but Dinah yielded. What were a few days anyway? She knew what she wanted to do, and she was determined to do it. If she had to put up with Sandra for a few days beforehand, so be it.

  Sandra helped her to bed, then returned to the living room. Quietly she poured out the remaining vodka and threw the pills in the trash. Then she lay on the couch with a pillow and blanket, stared into the darkness, and prayed until sleep overcame her.

  Chapter 18

  Dinah began to surface from a deep sleep into wakefulness. She had been having a dream that mirrored her intentions from the previous night — she was sitting on the couch, bottle of pills beside her and vodka bottle in her hand. In her dream, instead of Sandra being there to take away the bottle from her, it was someone she couldn’t see. She became aware of the living room being suffused with warmth and kindness, and suddenly her hand let down the bottle of its own accord. Then words sprang into her mind: “Dinah, I love you.” The words shocked her to her core. She didn’t know anybody left in her life who loved her. The compassion she sensed in those words lit a desire to know more about this faceless person.

  Suddenly she awoke. She was disoriented, the dream’s tendrils still drifting over her, and a residual of the warmth she’d felt in her dream lingered. Then the events of last night came flooding back, and she realized that she should really be dead. Then she smelled bacon being fried in the kitchen. Sitting up in bed, she ran her fingers through her knotty hair and tried to sort out her confusion. Yesterday she had been determined to kill herself; in fact, she had been ha
lfway along the path to actually doing it. Today, a combination of Sandra’s presence and the dream she just had tilted her intentions. Now she didn’t know what she was going to do.

  Dinah took a hot shower, hoping to kill off her emerging hangover, and then followed her nose to the kitchen, where the smell of frying eggs had joined deliciously with bacon.

  Standing in the kitchen were Sandra and Andy Coleman, Sandra cooking on the stove and Andy at the toaster and pouring juice.

  “Good morning,” said Andy cheerily. “Thought I’d pop in and find my wife this morning. Hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not if you’re going to cook breakfast,” replied Dinah, trying to match his level of joy.

  The three of them sat at the kitchen table together to eat breakfast, a disconcerting feeling for Dinah. She was not used to eating much, let alone eating with others. In a sharp moment of clarity, Dinah realized the extent to which she had isolated herself.

  “Actually, I’m here to continue to help with the investigation,” Andy said. “I wanted to show you some information I’ve got on the Smithsonian’s past history.”

  Dinah dropped her eyes. “Oh . . . haven’t you heard, Andy? I’m not part of the investigation anymore.”

  “Well, maybe not officially,” replied Andy. “But you already know so much that it makes sense to tell you everything we know and then you can decide what to do from there.”

  Dinah shrugged. It wasn’t as though she had anything better to do. “Okay, what have you got?”

  “Well, somewhat unsurprisingly, the Smithsonian has a history of discriminating against staff members who profess Christianity,” began Andy. He moved an article across the table toward Dinah. “This article was written by a senior researcher from the institution, and was published in an independent scientific journal.”

  Dinah glanced at the title of the article. “Irreducible complexity and reproduction,” she read. “I have no idea what that means.”

  Andy briefly grinned. “It’s one of the most obvious reasons that evolution doesn’t work,” he said. “The article talks about how mammal reproduction is so complex that there is evidence of design within it. He doesn’t actually mention God or creation or the Bible, but suggests the possibility of an intelligent designer having something to do with the origins of life.”

  “Right,” said Dinah. “So what’s the problem?”

  “Evolutionists and atheists vehemently deny any involvement of an intelligent designer, whether it be God or anything else. They assert that all living things are related to one another through common ancestry from earlier life forms that differed from them. Evolutionists call this ‘descent with modification,’ and it is still the most widely used definition of evolution, especially with members of the general public and with young learners. You would have heard the idea — life began as a single-celled organism millions and millions of years ago.” Andy sighed. “They believe our most recent ancestors are from ape-like creatures — that over millions of years gradually underwent changes evolving into what we know as modern humans. To evolutionists, humanity is no more special than any other animal or organic matter. If there is even a hint of acceptance that there could be a creator God who is a Supreme Ruler, atheistic evolutionists will go into the strongest mode of defense. The idea of evolution asserts that there is no need for God anymore and really, what they call science is their new religion.”

  “So what you’re saying is that if you don’t agree with the evolutionists, there could be a problem?”

  “Absolutely; furthermore, there is evidence that it is a problem,” agreed Andy. “The senior researcher who wrote this article was immediately fired, discredited as a scientist, and labeled a ‘fundamentalist Bible basher’ by his former colleagues. A large-scale e-mail campaign was circulated throughout the institution and into the wider scientific community, which was essentially full of lies, and goes so far as to call him a creationist.” Andy laughed. “What an insult.”

  Dinah was confused. “Would a scientist who allows for intelligent design have a major problem with being called a creationist?”

  “Certainly some would,” Andy replied. “Scientists who allow for intelligent design are not necessarily religious at all. They are simply willing to admit what the evidence shows — that there is too much complexity in life to legitimately consider everything happening by chance. An intelligent designer could be anything — even an alien — and this is a long way from belief in a biblical Creator. But evolutionists make their own connection to creationism. I suppose they think that there is a chance that intelligent design conclusions could lead to a consideration of the Bible.”

  Dinah frowned. “I didn’t realize the evolutionists were so radical.”

  “It goes further than that. The researcher demanded an independent inquiry into his firing, which he felt was unfair. As a result of the inquiry, it was found that the widespread discrediting and character assassination were carefully orchestrated by senior members of the Smithsonian and the most prominent evolutionist-atheistic lobby group in the country.”

  “IAFSI?” guessed Dinah.

  “Exactly right. In fact, the inquiry found that IAFSI has so much power in the scientific community that it can stop peer-reviewed articles from being published in the major journals if it thinks the article questions evolution at all.”

  Dinah’s mind whirred into action. “So if they’re willing to fire and discredit an unknown staff member for daring to suggest the possibility of intelligent design rather than evolution, what would they be willing to do to the well-known secretary who had become a Christian?”

  “Not just a Christian,” added Andy, “but a full-fledged young-earth creationist Christian.”

  “What do you think happened to Thomas?” Dinah asked.

  “I have no doubt he was killed by the Smithsonian and IAFSI,” said Andy promptly. “I read and edited the presentation he wrote to Congress, trying to establish an alternative point of view with regard to the origins of life within the institution. The scientific aspect of the report was even peer reviewed by four of the top creationist PhD scientists, just to be sure that it was scientifically flawless. He knew that the institution would be extremely unhappy with what he was planning to do, and he was willing to lose his job over it. I don’t think either of us realized they would be willing to take his life.”

  They all sat in contemplative silence for several moments.

  “So what happened when Thomas decided to convert to Christianity?” Dinah asked.

  Cold Spring, Minnesota — 2003

  — Thomas’s Story

  This school shooting was starting to sound horribly familiar. A 15-year-old boy had killed two classmates, one of whom had had been “mean” to the shooter. Apparently, this was becoming enough to cost a life these days. The community lapsed into shock and confusion.

  Again, Thomas sought out Andy and they met in a tiny cafe after Andy had spoken to a large Baptist church in the area.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Andy said. “The police have found some information relating to the shooter’s state of mind on his Myspace site.” Andy slid some printouts across the table.

  Thomas read, “I will prove that I am the STRONGEST and FITTEST of my species by eradicating those weaker who I see as unworthy of life. They are disgraces of the human race. I am the strongest animal and I will decide who LIVES and who DIES!”

  “Is that how most evolutionists think?” Andy inquired.

  “No, of course not!” Thomas felt shocked by the words of the shooter. “This is awful.”

  “I have to tell you, that even though you do not think this way, he was being totally consistent with evolutionary principles. I think this is exactly how evolutionists view the world when they allow logical conclusions.” Andy stirred creamer and sugar into his coffee. “Isn’t one of the strongest principles of evolution that there is no ultimate meaning to life or God-directed purpose?”

  “Yes, we do. Science has re
placed the need for humans to believe in God,” said Thomas.

  “So you understand then that if people no longer believe in supreme authority, and they no longer believe that they have a purpose for their lives, and they don’t even believe that there is ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ then ultimately they will do whatever they want,” explained Andy. “It’s clear to me that this shooter believed he was doing the right thing. So how can you, as an evolutionist who believes exactly the same thing, judge him? In fact, he practiced exactly what you people preach.”

  Thomas was silent.

  “In fact, why would you be upset at all? We are all just random accidents, the result of millions of mutations and chemical reactions. Right? This is just another reaction in an animal. You don’t get angry when a lion kills a gazelle, so why would you be upset because a human kills another human?”

  “Well, because it’s wrong to do that,” Thomas blurted.

  “No, you can’t use that argument,” corrected Andy. “If you don’t believe in God, and therefore have no ultimate basis for any difference between right and wrong, how can you say anything is absolutely wrong?”

  Thomas stared at the table, trying to think of a reply.

  “I’ll tell you why I think this latest school shooting is wrong,” continued Andy. “Because God clearly tells us throughout the Bible that the murder of other human beings is wrong. That is why cultures that have a Christian heritage still include this law in their criminal codes. While I am deeply saddened, I am not shocked that such things happen, because I believe that we live in a world ruined by sin and that mankind is capable of all kinds of evil. What amazes me is why evolutionists and atheists are shocked that such things happen.

  “Really, I would have thought you’d be happy that incidents like this seem to confirm your belief that we are nothing but accidental animals,” Andy went on. “But to confirm this as evolutionary behavior actually doesn’t condemn the behavior because it should be normal evolutionary behavior that is applicable to all evolved beings. Only God says it is a result of sin and is evil and wrong.”