Better to Trust

by Frimmer, Heather

  “No.” The nickname made her bristle. She wouldn’t make it that easy for him to slip back into old patterns. “Not yet.”

  “Fair enough,” he said. “Before I leave, there’s something I need to say.”

  Cynthia whispered something to Sadie, then led her to the living room. Watching them go, Alison wished they wouldn’t leave her alone with him. All of sudden, the kitchen felt stifling. She unwrapped her scarf and fanned her neck with her hand.

  “This is really hard for me,” Grant said. “I’ve rehearsed this conversation so many times in my head, but now that it’s real, it feels different.”

  “Okay,” she said, giving him room to speak.

  “I’m just going to come out with it.” He took a deep breath. “Until now, I’ve blamed everything on the pills, like it had nothing to do with me, but that’s not the truth. It’s a cop-out, an easy way out. It was me who made the mistakes. Me, Grant Kaplan, not the pills.”

  “Wow … I …” This was the man who took drugs before he cut open her brain and mucked around, the man who deserted her when she needed him most, the man responsible for this whole disaster. Alison had every right to hate him forever, and now he expected her to let him off the hook just like that? She wasn’t sure what to say. She knew he was trying to mend their damaged relationship, to place them on the path to healing, but maybe they were damaged beyond repair.

  “Wait a minute,” he said. “I’m not done. If I don’t finish what I need to say, I’ll lose my nerve.” He started to get choked up. Alison’s gut instinct was to stop him so she wouldn’t have to witness him squirming, but that would make it too easy for him. She’d waited a long time to hear the words he was trying to say. She deserved to hear every single one.

  “Alison, I am truly sorry. I’m sorry I agreed to do your surgery. I’m sorry my performance was altered. And most of all, I’m sorry I haven’t been there to help you recover.”

  “I don’t know,” Alison said. “It may take more time. I’m not sure I’m ready.” She certainly wasn’t about to forgive him outright, but she couldn’t imagine severing their relationship forever. For now, maybe they’d all have to settle for something in between. If Becca were here, she would have helped her navigate this conversation. It wasn’t easy, but being apart was the best thing for both of them. Becca deserved to find someone who truly loved her, and Alison needed to speak for herself and find her own way.

  “This is a lot to take in,” Grant said. “You don’t need to say anything else.”

  “I’ll think about it,” Alison said.

  Grant nodded and turned to the front door. “I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sadie,” he called and closed the door behind him.

  Through the window, Alison watched him walk down the front walkway, his shoulders hunched and head bowed. She waited until he got into his car and his taillights disappeared down the street.

  Cynthia and Sadie joined her in the entryway. “You okay?” Cynthia asked.

  “Yes,” Alison said. “It’s just a lot.”

  “I know,” Cynthia said. “Let’s try to forget about all that and just be together. You and Sadie can have a seat in the living room. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Alison sat down next to Sadie on the couch. She relished the feeling of Sadie’s warm body next to hers. Being with family, however flawed or imperfect, made Alison aware of how lucky she was to be alive. She may always talk with a stutter and walk with a limp, but for the moment, she was content to be in the moment, breathing in the aromas of stuffing and apple pie.

  Cynthia carried in the platter of cranberry brie bites and placed it on the coffee table. “Appetizers are served,” she said.

  “Yes,” Alison said, taking Sadie’s hand in hers. “Let’s take this meal one step at a time.”

  THE END

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ONE MIGHT THINK that writing a novel would be easier the second time around. For me, that was true in some ways, and in others, not so much. By choosing to feature three points of view and a dual timeline, I certainly created a difficult challenge for myself. As I was editing, I swore I would never do either of these things again, but like the pain of childbirth, my difficult memories will surely fade with time, leaving behind only the joy of bringing something meaningful into the world.

  Nancy Cleary and the entire staff of Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, I am so glad you fell in love with this story. I am thrilled to partner with you to deliver this book to readers. Ann-Marie Nieves and the staff of Get Red PR, thank you for lending your incredible talent to spread the word about my book.

  There’s a reason why people often say writing a novel takes a village. I couldn’t have written this story without the support of the wonderful teachers and writers at the Westport Writers’ Workshop. A special shout out goes to Chris Belden, Chris Friden and Loretto Leary. I know I will be both nurtured and challenged to step out of my comfort zone when I write alongside all of you. Sally Allen, my first instructor there, thank you for encouraging me to embark on this crazy journey in the first place.

  Revisions are really hard. I would never have gotten through them without Michele Montgomery and all of the Women’s Fiction Writers Association members at the daily write-ins and Amy Nathan and her early bird writing group. Thank you so much for encouraging me to keep going to get the story just right and Michele, I even had fun (most of the time). Allison Dickens, a talented editor is a wonder to behold. You helped me take a lump of clay and mold it into something special and for this, I am forever in your debt.

  I am truly grateful to my early readers: Corey Dockswell, Michele Even, Joan Frimmer, Ivy Gosseen, Judith Marks-White, Jody Rudin, and Marisa Sosinsky. your reactions and comments helped shape this story. Naureen Attiullah, Barbara Stark-Nemon, Lauren Cerullo, Leonard Cerullo, and Elizabeth Winter, your expertise in brain surgery, aphasia, addiction and disability helped me make the medical details accurate and believable.

  One of the most rewarding things about my second career is the amazing friendships I’ve built with other writers around the country and even around the globe. I couldn’t possibly list all of the authors who have generously helped me along the way. Special thanks to Sandra Block, Sarahlyn Bruck, Alisyn Camerota, Julie Clark, Maureen Joyce Connolly, Saumya Dave, Fiona Davis, Leah DeCesare, Camille Di Maio, Rea Frey, Galia Gichon, Emily Liebert, Stephanie Jimenez, Angie Kim, Lynda Cohen Loigman, Judith Marks-White, Kimmery Martin, Daniela Petrova, Nina Sankovitch, Susie Orman Schnall, Suanne Schafer, Meghan MacLean Weir, Molly Wizenberg, and Kitty Zeldis.

  Authors would be nowhere without the bloggers and book-stagrammers who tirelessly post about books that have touched their hearts. Again, naming them all would be impossible, but I’d like to give credit to those who’ve been especially kind to me: Melissa Amster, Kristy Barrett, Jennifer Blankfein, Athena Kaye, Elizabeth Petrovich, Susan Peterson, Kayleigh Wilkes, and Linda Zagon. And last, but never least, Suzy Leopold: blogger, book tour organizer extraordinaire, and cherished friend. I hope our bookish adventures with KC Davis, Sheryl Kane and Nadine Tanen will resume someday soon.

  Finally, the Frimmer clan deserves a standing ovation. Benjamin, Shea, and Ari, you have faith in me every step of the way, even when I’m having a hard time believing in myself. The three of you light up my life.

  BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS

  The story is told through three alternating perspectives of Alison, Grant and Sadie. What do you think about this choice? Does one character draw you in more than the others? How would this novel have been different if it were told only from Grant’s or Alison’s viewpoint?

  How do you feel about the use of two different timelines for Alison and Grant? Does this add to the dramatic tension or detract from it?

  What do you think about Grant’s choice to perform Alison’s surgery? What role do other characters play in this decision? How do the opinions of Alison, Michael, Cynthia and Sadie affect Grant’s decision?

  When asked about Grant taking on Alison as
a patient, Cal says, “It’s a tricky situation. He certainly could lose his objectivity if he chose to treat Alison. It’s not looked upon favorably.” Talk about the ethics of Grant’s choice. Is there ever a time when treating a family member would be acceptable? If so, when?

  How does Sadie’s story add to the family drama? Why do you think she is given her own voice in the novel? How do you feel about Piper? Does the revelation about her mother explain the way she acts? Does it change the way you feel about her?

  What role does Sadie’s competitive ice skating play in her life? Is this physical challenge symbolic in some way?

  What feelings did you have about Grant’s addiction? Do you think his struggle is portrayed realistically? What do you imagine will happen to Grant after Thanksgiving?

  Grant’s group therapy session at rehab focuses on the topic of shame. The group leader says, “Shame is completely natural. It’s real and raw and important to face. Once you come to terms with your shame and allow others in, that’s when the real work begins.” How does Grant deal with his shame? And how does this apply to the other characters as well? Alison? Sadie? Cynthia?

  What are your thoughts on Alison’s infidelity? Do you feel differently about it because her affair is with a woman? How do Alison’s surgery and her resulting disabilities change the way she looks at her marriage? Do you think she would have left Michael if she’d never had the surgery?

  How do you feel about Michael? What do you imagine for his future?

  How do you feel about Cynthia? How does she change over the course of the novel? Do you think she will give Grant another chance?

  What role do some of the minor characters play in the story? How do these characters deepen the story? Vik? Cal? Rhea? Nate?

  What did you learn while reading? Did you learn anything about prescription drug addiction, neurosurgery, aphasia or disability? Did reading this inspire you to read further about any of these topics?

  Did you expect Alison and Becca to break up? How do you feel about Alison’s choice to be on her own for a while? What does Alison’s discomfort with labelling her sexuality say about her or about our society?

  In many ways, this is a story about loss. What do each of the main characters lose and what steps do they take to heal from these losses?

  The novel concludes at Thanksgiving dinner. What do you think about the symbolism of this setting? How do you feel about the ending? Is the ending too messy? Too neatly tied up?

  If this novel were adapted for film or TV, who would you cast in the lead roles? Who do you picture as Grant, Alison, and Sadie?