by Kristi Gold
He turned and headed toward the exit, then faced her again, some unnamed emotion reflecting from his dark eyes. “I will arrange to have a bedroom suite delivered tomorrow. I will leave you with your celibacy. I will also expect you to leave me with mine.”
In other words, don’t touch me, Karen thought. She felt as if she’d been pummeled about the head and heart even though she realized it would be best to keep her distance, physically and emotionally.
“Fine,” she said with confidence, although she felt as if she were dying inside. “If you’d prefer to sleep in another room, I won’t bother you.”
“I prefer that you—” He looked away. “It does not matter. You have already decided what will be.” He spun on his heels and walked away.
Karen laid her hand on her abdomen, the place that sheltered her unborn child, trying to remember why she had agreed to this arrangement in the first place. When she and Ash parted ways, at least she would have her baby. A baby that would bind them for years.
Had she made a mistake? No. Regardless of how desperately she hurt inside, she would never regret having him in her life, having him as her baby’s father. She would probably always regret that she hadn’t been strong enough not to love him.
Later that evening, Karen climbed into bed, alone. She’d spent most of the morning meeting with the contractor and workers who were nearing completion on the kitchen. Next they would move on to the nursery, as soon as she selected the wall coverings from the samples she’d obtained earlier in the week.
She wanted to include Ash in the process but since their earlier encounter, he’d gone to his office and hadn’t come out except to grab a plate of food to take back upstairs with him. Several times she’d stood outside his office door, preparing to ask him if he’d like to be involved in the decorating decisions. But each time she’d been poised to knock, pride made her pull away. He’d said he didn’t want to be bothered, and she needed to respect that no matter how badly it hurt.
On the brink of a good cry, Karen decided she could use something to distract her, a friendly voice. A friend. Besides, she needed to tell Maria about Steven’s surprise visit. She also hadn’t spoken to her cousin since she’d called and told her about the baby several days ago and her absence from work.
After snatching the phone from its cradle, Karen dialed the Calderones’ number, hoping Maria might answer. She loved Louis and Magdalene, but both could talk the kernels off a corncob. Karen wasn’t in the mood to answer any questions, and knowing the couple as she did, either one would sense something was terribly wrong, then she’d spend the evening playing twenty questions.
As luck would have it, Maria did answer on the second ring, “Calderone residence.”
“So how are things in the great state of Montana?” She sounded falsely cheerful, even to her own ears.
“Karen! It’s so great to hear your voice.”
“Yours, too.” Karen bit her lip to thwart a sob. “How are you feeling?”
“Pregnant,” Maria said. “Lonely.”
“I know the feeling.”
“Uh-oh. You sound depressed.”
“I’m a little blue.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“That’s partly why I’m calling, but first I wanted to tell you that Mimi has everything under control at Baronessa. I’ve been in touch with her by phone several times.”
“As I told you before, Karen, I understand you need some time off. Mimi’s been around a long time. She can handle things in our absence.”
“I really appreciate that, Maria.” Now for the hard part. “Second, I need to tell you something that involves your situation.”
“The family knows where I am.” Maria’s voice held an edge of panic.
“Not the family. At least not that I’m aware of. But it could be only a matter of time before Steven does.”
“How?”
“He paid me a visit, but I promise I told him nothing other than that you’d left by choice. He thought someone in the family found out about you two and shipped you off.”
“Did he say anything else?”
“Only that he’d find you, no matter how long it takes.”
Maria’s dejected sigh filtered through the phone line. “I can’t stop him if he tries. Maybe he’ll give up before that happens.”
“Are you sure you don’t want him to find you?”
“I don’t know what I want anymore. Don’t get me wrong, the Calderones have been wonderful. I only thought that being here might help me sort things through but I’m still confused.”
Karen could definitely relate. “I hope you get everything squared away soon. Steven is really hurting.”
“I know. But I still have so much to consider.”
“So do I. Obviously this confusion must be the result of a full moon or a family thing since I’m in the same boat.”
“Then this mood of yours has to do with you and Ash.”
“You could say that.”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
Karen should be shocked by Maria’s uncanny knack at reading her so well, but she wasn’t. “Yes, like an idiot, I’ve totally fallen for him.”
“That’s wonderful, Karen.” Maria sounded sincerely happy.
“No, it’s not.”
“Why?”
“Because he can never feel the same about me.”
“He told you that?” Now Maria sounded shocked.
“Not in so many words, but he had a bad experience with another woman and he’s decided he doesn’t have any use for those emotions. Neither did I, until I met him.”
“People do change, Karen.”
“I’d love to believe that, but Ash is very set in his ways. And he’s so infuriatingly protective where I’m concerned. You know how I feel about that.”
“Yes, I know, and you need to stop and consider that maybe your history with Carl is coloring your judgment. Maybe Ash’s feelings for you directly relate to him wanting to take care of you. You know how men can be. Voicing those feelings doesn’t always come easily for them. My guess is that you’re both too proud to come clean.”
Could that be the case? Could Ash be fighting his feelings for her, too? That was almost unfathomable. “You could be right, but I’m too scared too hope.”
“Love is a very scary business, Karen. Someone has to make the first move.”
Meaning her, Karen decided. “I’ve really thought about telling him how I feel, but we had an argument this morning and he’s angry with me. I basically told him that I didn’t want any more intimacy between us. He hasn’t spoken to me since.”
“Oh, Karen. I know this is tough, but maybe you should choke down some of that Barone pride and let him know you’ve fallen in love with him. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“He could reject me. I don’t think I can take that.”
“Are you sure he doesn’t think you’ve rejected him?”
Karen had rejected Ash in many ways. Rejected his concern for her, rejected her feelings for him, or at least she’d tried—unsuccessfully. The tears began to roll down her cheeks in a steady stream, but she spoke around them with effort. “You’re probably right, Maria. I just don’t know what to do next.”
“I’ll tell you what you need to do. Go out tomorrow and buy a nice skimpy negligee and supplies for an intimate dinner for two, complete with candles. Make that meal, wear that gown, or nothing at all, then spill your guts.”
Karen laughed through her tears. “Sounds like a plan. A good one.”
“Of course it is. You have the opportunity to spend your life with the man you love. Some people never have that.”
Feeling remorseful, Karen said, “I believe you could have that, too, Maria. With Steven.”
“Don’t worry about me. I only want you to make sure you don’t squander the opportunity. As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
That suddenly seemed to make perfect sense to Karen. She
had taken a risk coming to Boston. If she hadn’t, she would have missed out on knowing Maria and her new family. She would have missed out on a new life. She might never have the baby she’d always wanted, and she definitely never would have met Ash—a man who would definitely be worth the risk.
She would tell him everything tomorrow night, tell him that she loved him, tell him that she wanted to make the marriage work. And maybe, just maybe, she might find that he did have feelings for her, too. If not, then she would make an effort to convince him that life wasn’t as worthwhile without having someone to love—and being loved in return.
Ten
After spending a restless night on the downstairs sofa, Ash awoke to find Karen gone. She had left without telling him where she was going, without leaving some kind of note as to when she might return. In an irrational, blind panic, he rushed into the bedroom, thankfully discovering that her belongings still remained. He called Baronessa but no one there had seen her or expected to see her. Last, he contacted the doctor’s office to learn that she wasn’t scheduled to come in for another month.
He then began to worry that she was searching for a new place to reside while he sat alone in his office, pondering how his pride and fear could have cost him the most important person in his life.
Yesterday he’d had the perfect opportunity to state his case. Instead, he had given in to a desire for Karen that knew no bounds. He had escaped before he had told her that a life without her would mean much less to him. But he’d also recalled their conversation two nights ago when she’d said she had no need for love, and then yesterday when she had told him she no longer wanted his attention.
Yet he wondered if perhaps she was afraid as well. He suspected she feared that he would try to control her life. In reality, she was very much in control of his. She commanded his every waking moment, his every thought, and now, though he had waged a battle against it, she had slipped past the barrier he had so carefully built around his emotions. He could no longer deny that he felt much more than fondness for Karen.
Ash refused to give up on their marriage. If she could not believe that he respected her individuality, her independence, everything she was as a woman, lover and friend, he would simply have to prove it.
He needed more time to think things through yet he did not have that luxury. He had a busy schedule beginning in less than an hour, two appointments involving important clients. What was more important, business or his wife?
His wife. A few months ago he would never have considered rearranging his agenda for anyone unless an absolute emergency had arisen. A few weeks ago, he had lived a desolate life, or so it now seemed. Now that he realized how very much he loved his wife.
As far as he was concerned, his current dilemma—finding some way to prove himself to Karen—definitely qualified as an emergency. He would cancel the appointments. He would find some means to demonstrate how much she meant to him, even if it took all day. Even if it took the rest of his life.
Even if he was forced to give Karen her freedom.
Karen returned from the market midafternoon with her arms full of groceries and her heart heavy with dread. She’d left early that morning before Ash had awakened, before she had to face him. She wasn’t quite ready to do that yet.
After she slipped the roast into the oven, she went upstairs to make sure he wasn’t home, although his car hadn’t been in the drive. She knocked on his office door and when she didn’t get a response opened it to find the room deserted. She walked back toward the stairs and noticed the door was open to the guest room at the end of the corridor. Odd since that particular room had remained closed off, awaiting renovations. Surely Ash wasn’t hiding out in there. On the off chance he was, Karen headed down the hall to investigate.
She didn’t find Ash in the room but she did find furniture, a stark bedroom suite made of pine with a lone dresser and a bare, queen-size mattress. Her heart took a dive when she realized Ash had done what he’d said he would do—prepared a place for himself to sleep, a place that didn’t include her. But hadn’t she told him that was fine?
It wasn’t fine. Not in the least. She wanted him in her bed—their bed—and if her plan worked, maybe she would have him there tonight.
On that thought, she hurried down the stairs and practically sprinted through the living room where one worker stood on a ladder, applying molding to the ceiling.
Karen glanced up at him for only a second but it was enough to distract her from skirting the furniture moved helter-skelter about the room. Before she realized what was happening, her foot tangled in a drop cloth and she tumbled down to her knees. She rolled onto her back and a groan escaped her parted lips, more out of fear than the sharp, stinging pain in her ankle.
Closing her eyes tightly, she said a silent prayer for her unborn child as she laid a palm on her belly. At least she hadn’t landed flat on her face. She didn’t have any other pain aside from her ankle and hoped upon hope she hadn’t done any real damage beyond a minor sprain. As she tried to sit up, a hand on her shoulder stopped her. She opened her eyes to the man who’d been on the ladder, an older gentleman with silver hair and a smile that reminded her of her father.
“Are you okay, lady?” he asked.
“I think so. I’m pregnant, so I’m a little worried.”
He shook his head. “Sheesh, that’s not good. Maybe I should take you to the hospital to get you checked out.”
“I think you’re right. I should probably go to the hospital. You’ll find a number on the refrigerator beneath a magnet. It says ‘Daniel and Phoebe.’ If you call them, they’ll come and take me.”
“Are you sure? It wouldn’t be a problem to drive you myself.”
She didn’t like the idea of getting in a car with a stranger, even one who seemed nice. But she did want to make certain everything was okay with the baby. “I appreciate your offer, but my cousin and his wife wouldn’t mind taking me.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
The man left for the kitchen while Karen hoped and prayed for Phoebe or Daniel to be home. Hoped that they hadn’t changed their plans and left for their second honeymoon before next week. Her prayers were answered when the workman returned and reported that Phoebe was on her way.
Karen probably should call Ash on his cell phone but more than likely he had it turned off, his usual practice while in a business meeting. She didn’t want to leave a message on his voice mail saying she was en route to the hospital. It would be better if she reported to him after she was sure nothing was broken and the baby was fine. He would only worry himself sick. Still, she needed him more than ever now, needed his comfort, needed him to tell her it would all be okay. But if things didn’t work out between them, she would again have to rely only on herself.
Ash tore into the house, not knowing at all what to expect. Daniel had left him a message on his voice mail stating that Karen had injured her ankle but was otherwise fine after a visit to the hospital emergency room. Ash wanted to believe that was the case. Yet he doubted Daniel would have told him if something was more seriously wrong with Karen or their child.
He strode into the living room to find Daniel seated on the sofa. “Where is she?”
Daniel rose and said, “Slow down there, Ash. She’s in the bedroom with Phoebe. She’s okay.”
Ash clutched the paper bag in his fist, resisting the urge to tear it to shreds out of anger and frustration. “Why did she not call me?”
Daniel slipped his hands into his pockets. “You’ll have to ask her, but I’m guessing she didn’t want to worry you. Maybe she was afraid of your reaction. Considering you rushed in here like a raging bull, maybe she was justified.”
“Of course I’m concerned. She’s my wife. She’s carrying my child. She’s everything—” To me.
Daniel gave him a significant look. “It seems this little marriage arrangement between you two has taken a surprising turn.” He paced in front of the sofa, occasionally glancing at Ash now and then
. “Yeah, it looks as if the sheikh has finally met his match.”
Ash didn’t appreciate Daniel’s goading though he recognized the truth in his friend’s words. He had met his match in Karen. A perfect match. If only he could convince her of that.
Phoebe walked into the room carrying a tray containing a bowl and a half-full glass of milk. “Did an unexpected storm happen to come through the house? The slamming door rattled the walls.”
Daniel presented a wry grin. “No storm, just the sheikh looking for his wife.”
Phoebe nodded toward the corridor leading to the master suite. “She’s tucked away in bed. I think she could use some company.”
But would she want his company? Ash decided she was going to have it whether she wanted it or not. “Then she’s doing well? The baby—”
“They’re fine,” Phoebe said. “It’s only an ankle sprain, nothing broken, no other damage done. If fact, she’s wide-awake and stir-crazy. She wanted to get out of bed and finish making dinner for you but I wouldn’t let her.”
Dinner? Was that to be the last meal before her departure? “I am very relieved to know she has limited injuries, and I’m very grateful to you both.”
“No problem,” Daniel said.
Phoebe stared toward the kitchen and halted then faced Ash again. “I can fix you a plate of food if you’d like. Karen made a very nice roast.”
The last thing Ash desired was food. He needed to see about his wife. “That is not necessary. Please make yourself comfortable, or if you wish, you may return home now. I will handle the situation from here.”
Daniel’s grin deepened. “I’m sure you’ll handle everything fine. Just remember Karen has a bum ankle, so you’re going to have to be careful while you’re doing the handling.”
“Daniel, behave,” Phoebe scolded. “I’ll just put this away, Ash, and then we’ll get out of your hair.”
Ash thanked the heavens for Phoebe’s common sense. “Again, I’m in your debt.”