Allison nodded. “I’ve been thinking about her a lot. Objectively. What she’s done for Heide. For you. For me. I should have been more grateful. I fucked-up, too.”
We looked at one another, and Allison’s grin was returned with one of my own. The silent exchange was filled with acknowledgement and significance.
Allison swallowed. “I’d like to go to lunch with her. Try to make up for some of the things I’ve said and done. I’d like to help you fix this with her. Do you think she’d let me apologize?”
I smiled at her offer. The moment was bittersweet. “I know she would, but she’s not here.”
“Where is she?”
I sighed as a new wave of heartache crashed inside me. “Colorado. She’s thinking of moving there.”
“What? Why?” Allison’s disbelief reflected my own.
“Because I fucked-up.” I rose from the bench seat and began to pace around the fire pit. Allison watched me complete several laps.
“You know, I’ve only seen you cry one other time.”
Her unexpected declaration calmed my restless spirit. I halted and smiled in her direction. “The day Heide was born.”
Allison beamed with motherly pride. “You were a goner from the moment they placed her in your arms.”
“Heide is the greatest gift I will ever receive. I told Kathleen once that raising her will be a legacy of our time together. I wasn’t a good husband to you, and I am sorry for that. I hope I can make up for my mistakes by being a good father to Heide.”
“You’re an excellent father. You once talked about having another baby. Maybe someday Kathleen can give you another child.”
My smile disappeared as I shook my head. “She can’t have children, but that doesn’t matter to me. I just hope she’ll decide to stay here. Maybe she’ll give me another chance.”
“I used to wonder why I wasn’t your soul mate.”
“I’m sorry, Allison.”
“We both made mistakes. We both thought we would reach a point where we couldn’t live without one another, but we never had that. We were both naïve. I see how deeply you love her. Now, I know. I’m not your soul mate because she is.”
I fell silent. I didn’t know how to respond to her revelation.
Allison rose up from the bench and made her way to the back door. Just before she stepped into the kitchen, she paused. “Heide’s doing so well, don’t you think?”
“Yes.” I swallowed numerous emotions in one large gulp. “It feels like a miracle.”
Allison offered me a generous smile. “If you speak to Kathleen, let her know that Heide misses her. That she’s been asking why Kathleen hasn’t come over to visit. If it will help anything, let her know how much better Heide is. Tell her that I’m thinking about going back to Baltimore soon.”
“Are you?”
She nodded. “It’s odd. The idea of leaving her here should make me sad, but I’m not. I’m elated because Heide is alive and healing. We could have lost her.”
“We almost did.”
“But we didn’t.” Allison squared her shoulders. “The emergency is over now. We made certain agreements when we broke up, agreements about how we were going to raise Heide. Tell Kathleen it’s almost time for us to go back to what we planned.”
DESPITE THE unexpected Brighton family near-argument at 5 Fusion, the rest of the weekend was free of any incidents between Robert and Kathleen.
It wasn’t so much that the two had made amends as they simply limited their interactions and stuck to work-related discussions. It was as though the two had long ago agreed to disagree and were both doing their best to abide by a feeble truce.
By Monday, my job interview at Aurora Advertising was over. I woke up that morning with Allison and Heide. We packed our suitcases for the trip back to Maryland before we went to breakfast in the hotel dining room. We sat at a table by a window with a view of the outdoor patio. The sun was shining in a bright blue and cloudless sky. I wasn’t surprised when Heide made her move.
“Can we eat our breakfast out there?” she asked our server, pointing toward the patio. “It’s our last day here.”
“Is it?”
Heide nodded.
“I wish I could let you eat out there, but I’m afraid the deck isn’t ready yet.”
“Is there something I can do to help make it ready?” Heide pressed.
I reached across the table and covered my daughter’s hand with my own. “Don’t push, Heide. You’ve heard the answer.”
“Listen to your father,” Allison said.
“I can’t let you sit outside to eat, but if your parents say it’s all right, you can go out there after you finish your meal.”
Heide perked up at once. “Really?” She glanced between her mother and me. “Can I, please?”
“I want you to eat a good breakfast,” Allison replied. “We have a lot of traveling to do today and tomorrow, and I need you to eat and rest when I ask you to.”
“I’ll eat my whole breakfast, Mom!”
“If we say yes, you can’t go out there and run crazy.” Allison glanced at our server’s name tag. “You don’t want Sara to regret doing such a nice thing for you.”
“I promise!” Heide began bouncing in her seat.
I grinned at my daughter’s easy enthusiasm. “I think you owe Mom an extra hug today. And I know you owe Sara a big thank-you.”
“Thank you, Sara,” Heide chimed.
“You’re welcome. Now, what are you having for breakfast?”
True to her word, Heide ate every bit of her scrambled eggs, fruit and whole wheat toast. After paying the bill and leaving Sara a generous tip, I escorted Heide out to the patio while Allison stayed at the table, finishing her second cup of coffee. As Heide explored the spacious deck, I approached the railing and quickly became fascinated by the churning waters of the Deschutes breaking around the rocks jutting just above the river’s surface.
I stood there and stared at the reflective river nearby and began thinking about Kathleen Brighton. I wondered how things were going for her at the office and realized I’d never know the answer. Within a matter of minutes, I would leave Bend for Baltimore. By the following morning, we’d be halfway through our flight home and I didn’t know if I’d ever come back to Oregon. The thought of never returning saddened me. I wanted to dine on this patio one summer night, preferably while Kathleen was present. I wanted to see her enjoy her oasis.
I was distracted and lost in my thoughts. When I registered that Allison was calling my name, I had to admit I wasn’t paying attention to my wife. I was also guilty of losing track of Heide. One swift look around the deck confirmed she was safe from danger.
“Are you all right?” Allison asked.
I nodded toward the river. “Sorry. I was caught up watching the water.”
Allison held up my phone. I’d insisted on bringing it along to breakfast and set it on the table, so I could watch for incoming calls. But I’d forgotten about it once I accessed the outdoor patio. I muttered my thanks and took it from Allison. One glance at the display showed that I’d managed to miss a call from the agency in that small window of time.
I made eye contact with Allison and showed her the displayed number.
“They’re calling you?” She sounded surprised. “First thing on Monday morning?”
“Yeah.”
“This is it, then.”
I nodded and studied Allison. I couldn’t get a read on her emotions, so I offered up a suggestion.
“If it’s the offer, I can ask them for some time.”
Allison shook her head. “You shouldn’t do that. It could lose you the job.”
“What should I say?”
Allison’s response was swift and surprising. “If the job is meant for you, then we should make a go of it.”
I was in awe. I was elated, but the job wasn’t a certainty, so I moved the conversation forward with a bit of caution. I took a few moments to take in the scenery around us.
>
“This is a good place for Heide to grow up. It can be a wonderful place for us, too.”
My wife folded her arms and her expression hardened. “If I make this commitment, I want something from you in exchange.”
“Name it.”
“I want us to go to marriage counseling. And I don’t just mean a session or two. If I commit to this move, I need you to commit to our marriage. No more excuses. No more distractions.”
I struggled to answer her. The right answer was the obvious one, but I also knew the nature of my job. It required me to be on call at a moment’s notice, to work late nights, weekends, even holidays. In this case, I would be obliged to travel from time to time. I never thought of my work as an excuse or a distraction, and this had always been a fundamental difference in philosophy between Allison and me.
She heaved a sigh when my answer wasn’t forthcoming. “Is it so much to ask?”
I blinked. “Of course not. I’ll go to counseling with you.”
“Then why the hesitation?”
“The work is going to be demanding at first. You have to know that.”
“I do. But if you want us to uproot our lives, you need to invest in this family just as much as you invest in your new job.”
“You’re right.”
Allison’s face relaxed, even though I had yet to commit to her request.
“You should call back. Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
I placed the call, anxious to learn what the future had in store for us. I reached out for Allison’s hand, but she missed the gesture and turned to join Heide, who was eager to run across the covered bridge one final time. I dropped my arm back to my side just as someone answered the call.
“Robert Brighton.”
“Hello, Mr. Brighton. This is Jack Evans. I’m sorry I missed your call a few minutes ago.”
“Good morning, Jack.” The animation of his voice was reassuring. “How would you like to work for us at Aurora?”
I turned my attention back to the Deschutes River. “I’d like that very much.”
“Glad to hear that. Are you still in town?”
“Yes. We fly out tomorrow, so we’re planning to drive back to Portland this afternoon.”
“I always prefer to negotiate in person. Are you in a rush to get on the road?”
“Not really. We just want to be in Portland early enough for our daughter to get a good night’s rest.”
“Why don’t you swing by the office? We’ll talk numbers.”
“Sure. We just finished breakfast, so I can head over now if that works for you.”
“Perfect. I’ll let Tracie know to expect you.”
“Thank you, Mr. Brighton.”
“Damn straight.” Robert ended the call with this unconventional line.
I was ecstatic. Moments ago, I’d been lamenting a missed opportunity. Now, I rushed to catch up with my wife and daughter, secure in the realization that summer nights in Bend would be a certainty.
When I returned to our suite, I smiled and nodded at Allison before grabbing the keys to our rental car.
“Is it time to go?” Heide asked, confused. “I’m not done packing yet.”
“You still have lots of time to pack. I have to go to a quick meeting.”
“You’re still going to take me swimming at the new hotel, right?” Heide crossed her arms in a challenging manner.
“Oh, yes. I promise.”
I turned to Allison. “This shouldn’t take long. Robert wants me to come in and discuss the compensation package.”
“All right.” Her voice held a note of finality, but it didn’t feel like an acceptance. “This is happening.”
With Allison’s condition for moving still fresh on my mind, this was an opportunity to show her I was thinking of her well-being. “I’ll make sure Robert knows we can’t do this in two weeks. I’ll give us as much time as I can.”
She ushered me to the door. “We’ll talk details later. We need to figure out how to break this news to Heide before she guesses what’s going on.”
I was so happy, I couldn’t help but wrap an arm around Allison’s waist. I pulled her in for a kiss, and although I kept it chaste in the presence of Heide, my lips lingered on hers. When I pulled back, I continued to hold her close.
“You won’t regret this.”
Allison didn’t respond even as turbulent emotions churned in her eyes, but I convinced myself it was only because Heide was nearby. We’d talk once we were back in Maryland, and then we’d begin planning for our new life in Oregon.
“I STILL can’t believe Jack is leaving us,” Elyse Bradford admitted as she stood next to me at the company’s farewell party. Her dark, short hair was perfectly sculpted and framed her face without obscuring it. “After all these years, he’s the colleague I expected would always be here. He’s rock solid, loyal, smart, creative and generous. We began working at GKV together a decade ago, and he’s always been a good friend with a great mind and a kind heart.”
Elyse paused to suppress her emotion. Her bright blue eyes welled up with unshed tears, surprising more than a few. It wasn’t like her to wear her heart on her sleeve and the room went silent as she raised her glass of champagne for a toast. Our many coworkers followed her lead. Elyse glanced down for a second or two, regaining her composure.
When she lifted her head, she resumed her speech. “Jack is leaving Baltimore for a spectacular opportunity in Oregon, and I know he’s going to excel in his new job.” She turned to face me with a warm smile, which I did my best to reciprocate. “We hate to lose you, and while I’d never wish bad luck on anyone, know we’ll welcome you back should you change your mind about living on that other coast. To Jack.”
The small crowd repeated her toast and sipped the champagne.
Over the next hour, I consumed two more glasses of champagne and exchanged final well-wishes with many. When there was a lull, Elyse reappeared and leaned in close to my ear. I strained to hear her soft request over the raucous conversation of my soon-to-be former coworkers.
“Jack? Could we speak in my office for a few minutes?”
I pulled back to study Elyse’s face and recognized the sadness in her expression. I’d been expecting and dreading the forthcoming conversation, knowing it was all but inevitable. I nodded and followed her as she walked to the stairwell.
Her spacious office was located one floor above. The corridors and cubicles upstairs were deserted and dark. A small prickling sensation ran down the back of my neck and shoulders, but I ignored it.
She entered her work space without closing her door, but I took the initiative to push it shut. I wanted to ensure our total privacy. It would be our last good chance to say a proper farewell. I leaned against the door, uncomfortable with striding too far into Elyse’s territory. I placed my hands in my pockets and waited to see what would happen next.
“Hi,” she began. Her tone registered strong emotion.
“Hi.” In comparison, my tone was robotic.
Elyse absorbed my mood and turned to look out the window of her office. She crossed her arms over her chest, stared at the evening skyline and took a few moments to collect her thoughts. I waited, wanting to give her the time she needed.
“This isn’t my fault, is it?” She swung around abruptly. “I would hate to think I’m driving you away from the company. Away from Baltimore.”
“It’s not your fault, Elyse.”
She nodded. Her anxious sideways glance conveyed she didn’t quite believe my statement.
“There’s so much I want to say,” she told me, “and I’ve run out of time to say it.”
I didn’t know what kind of response she was looking for, so I kept silent.
“Why are you doing this?” she demanded. “I need an explanation. Why such a drastic change?”
“That’s complicated.”
“Try me.”
I resisted. “This isn’t a good idea.”
She tried once more.
“Whatever is bothering you, I’d like to help.”
“I don’t need your help with this.”
She locked eyes with me, her expression severe. Her anger barely contained. “I hate that you’ve stopped talking to me. I’m used to it, but I hate it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you?” When I didn’t answer her, she shook her head. “Why do you have to be so damn cold? I’m trying to be your friend.” Frustrated, and fighting a losing battle to resist her emotions, she turned away from the window and strode behind her desk. “Fine. Fuck the friendship. Name your price. Tell me what you need to stay here, and I’ll make it happen.”
I winced at her harsh declaration but answered her. “This isn’t about the money.”
“Do you want my help putting you on the path to partnership?”
“No.”
“What can I do, Jack?”
“There’s nothing you can do. This is something I have to do.”
“Why?” she implored.
I stayed quiet yet again.
“You’re avoiding me for a reason,” she concluded. “Is there something wrong in your marriage?”
I couldn’t lie to her, not with our history, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about my marriage problems with her. I sighed, painted into the metaphorical corner.
“I see,” she uttered with contempt. She came around her desk and closed the distance between us. She stood in front of me and, with her high heels on, met my gaze at eye level. For the first time since entering her office, I fidgeted. I hadn’t said anything outright, but she understood much more than I wanted her to. Armed with the information she craved, she rediscovered her confidence.
“She isn’t the right woman for you, Jack. She never was.”
I began shaking my head as Elyse finished her statement.
“Maybe you loved her once,” she continued, “but I don’t think you do anymore.”
“Stop.” I raised my voice to gain control of the conversation. I had to cut her off before she could dig too deeply. I paused to give us both a chance to gather our thoughts.
She didn’t wait long to provoke me again. “You shouldn’t stay with her just because of the kid.”
Chaos (Constellation Book 2) Page 5