“The kid is my daughter,” I hissed. “My daughter’s name is Heide, and Allison is her mother. We are a family, and that’s never going to change.”
“Allison makes you miserable.”
“That’s your assumption.”
“I know you, Jack, better than anyone else here. Don’t think for a minute you can fool me.”
I held up a hand. “Allison is my wife. That’s all there is to it. What happens in my marriage is none of your business.”
“I get it,” she snapped. “I lost you to her. I’m not trying to lure you away. Can’t you just acknowledge that I once meant something to you?”
My jaw twitched. “I’m Allison’s husband and I need you to respect that.”
She narrowed her eyes and jabbed me in the chest with a finger. “You punished me for being the responsible one. I’ll never respect that.”
A ferocious response flashed through my mind, but I held my resolve. Even if I didn’t like what she was saying, she wasn’t wrong.
She shut down and retreated to another corner of her office to a small leather sofa. I expected her dismissal, but she didn’t offer one. Instead, she stared at me, turning the discussion over to me without another word.
I’d expected a confrontation of some kind before leaving for the Pacific Northwest, and she hadn’t disappointed. Regardless, I softened my stance.
“I don’t blame you for being upset with me, but I don’t want this to be how we say goodbye.” I tried my best to be conciliatory.
Elyse studied me.
Seizing the opportunity, I reiterated my point. “Of course, you mean something to me. I don’t want to leave here with bad feelings between us.” I waited while she considered my words.
Eventually, she nodded. “I don’t want that either. Jesus. I won’t ever see you again, will I?”
“I don’t know. I won’t make promises either way.”
“Can I hug you?”
“Elyse…” Her name escaped my lips with a warning and she flinched.
I drew in a deep breath to release my impatience. “What else can I do to leave this room on good terms with you? There has to be something else.”
“Stay,” she whispered in a pained voice. “Don’t quit the firm. Don’t leave Maryland.”
It was the most vulnerable moment between us in years, and despite my best intentions, it drew me in. Shattered my defenses. I took one step forward, followed by more. When I stood in front of her, I reached for her hand. Her fingers seized mine, her grasp familiar and strong. She leaned toward me, her mouth upturned toward my own, inviting my kiss, but not demanding it. We hovered in this frozen state for several agonizing and uncertain moments until she reached out with her free hand and grasped my belt. Before her hand could drift down, I raised my other hand and took hold of the back of her neck. I tightened my grip and she stilled in response, even as her eyes filled with desire.
“We’ve known each other for a long time,” I began in a strict tone. “I don’t fool you, and you don’t fool me. I could reach up your skirt and rip your panties off right now, and you’d let me. I could toss you on that desk, up against the window or down on your couch. Probably all three. We could fuck for hours and you’d love every second of it.”
She nodded.
“There was a time when I would have done just that, and you remember it well.”
“I think you still want to,” she panted. “You just won’t admit it.”
I allowed her words to sink in. “I can’t. I have a daughter now, and she depends on me to be a good man. What kind of father would I be if I fucked you tonight? What example would I set for her?”
Elyse flashed me a wicked grin. “Your love for your daughter is undeniable. Your wife, on the other hand, I’m not so sure.”
If there had been any uncertainty in my decision to leave Baltimore, Elyse’s actions ended it for good. I couldn’t leave the East Coast soon enough, and I didn’t plan on ever returning to Baltimore.
I didn’t want anything unresolved when I left Maryland, and so I briefly caressed Elyse’s skin. She relaxed. I leaned in and brushed my lips across her forehead, before detaching from her.
“I have to go.”
She stared at me in stunned disbelief as I turned and left her office.
LESS THAN an hour after fleeing Elyse’s office, I returned home from my last day of work at GKV. I was in an agitated state and planned to avoid Allison. Heide was asleep and, for once, I was thankful to come home so late.
Allison was busy in the kitchen, removing dishes from the cupboards and packing them away. I strode right by her without my usual greeting. My irritation must have been noticeable, because she stopped her work and followed me to our bedroom. She didn’t say a word or try to halt my progress as I stripped out of my work clothes. I was relieved. Truth was, I couldn’t wait to get them away from my body.
I acknowledged Allison with a glance before pulling my undershirt over my head.
“You’re home earlier than I thought you’d be.” Allison’s voice conveyed her curiosity.
“Yeah,” I mumbled, uncertain how many of the evening’s details I should share with my wife.
“Did something happen?”
“No.”
I was naked now and stomped toward the bathroom. I wanted to take a shower and forget the miserable encounter with Elyse. Allison followed and watched with a fair bit of skepticism.
“Jack?” Her voice was stern.
I yanked the shower door open but stayed on the bath mat. I stared straight ahead at the tiled wall, conflicted.
“What is it? What’s the matter?” Allison pressed.
“I need sex,” I answered bluntly, my eyes still trained on the inside of the shower. “Can you accommodate me tonight?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her take a step back. I turned and saw just how much her face registered shock. She crossed her arms, and I knew my less than romantic overture offended her.
When she answered me, her voice was frigid. “I’m not interested in being your consolation prize.”
My anger flared. “Please give me some fucking credit!”
She turned and left me to my own devices. I stepped into the shower, pulling the door closed behind me. I ducked my head under the steaming water and wrapped my hand around myself as I tried in vain to forget my unhappiness.
I went to bed right after my shower, overcome by the exhaustion of the day. I slept hard, and when I woke the next morning, Allison wasn’t with me. Her side of the bed was made, leaving me to wonder if she’d slept elsewhere.
She was cooking breakfast and I was hungry, so I dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans and made my way to the kitchen. I took my seat at the table with more caution than usual, pondering how best to gauge her mood. She poured some coffee into my favorite cup and sat next to me as soon as she set the mug down on the table. She took my hand in both of hers, surprising me.
She spoke with delicate care. “I haven’t seen you this upset in a long time. It worries me.”
I squeezed her hand, hoping to offer reassurance. “I’m better this morning.”
“Only a little bit.”
I looked down at our hands just as Allison moved a finger over my wedding ring with tenderness.
“You never take this off,” she remarked. “Not when you’re working around the house. Or taking a shower.”
I swallowed the lump of emotion that seized my throat. “That’s true. I’ve worn it since the moment you placed it there.”
Allison’s smile held a mixture of fondness and heartache.
“Did Elyse try something with you?”
I blinked at Allison’s directness and didn’t respond right away.
“This is important,” she added. “Don’t hold back from me.”
“I don’t want to upset you,” I said with sincere honesty.
She nodded and looked me in the eye. “I know you didn’t fuck her. That’s pretty obvious.”
“I haven’t fucked her in almost seven years.”
Allison trembled, but only just a bit. “Did you want to?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Are you having second thoughts about leaving here?”
“None.”
“Okay,” she said with determination. “I believe you.”
“Thank you.”
We both remained still, and I wondered if we were both waiting to see whose anger would flare up first. She was the one to break the silence.
“When we get to Oregon and start therapy, we’re going to have to dredge up some ugly things.”
I wanted to say I understood this, but I froze in place.
“It’s the only way for us to move forward,” she said. “You need to put the past behind you physically. I need to do so emotionally.”
With this stark revelation from my wife, I nodded. “Elyse thought she had an opportunity. She tried to take advantage of it, but she has nothing I want. I walked away, and I’ll never see her again.”
Allison leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. Then she released my hand and stood up from the table. She began to move away, and I wrapped my hand around her wrist to stop her. She looked at me with expectation.
I held her gaze. “You were right to say no to me last night. I acted like an asshole. I’m sorry.”
“You came home when you could have chosen otherwise. Let’s focus on that instead.”
Allison pulled her arm from my hold, and I allowed my fingers to fall back down to my lap. She ran her fingers along my worried brow, a small, encouraging smile forming on her pretty face.
“We have a lot to get done before the movers arrive. Let’s get to work.”
“It’s not too late,” Allison murmured as she reached down to collect three bowls from the floor. “I could call Diana right now. I know she’d take the cat. She’d only be moving next door, and she could stay in the one place she knows.”
I shook my head as I set our pet’s transport crate on the floor. I kneeled to unzip the flap on the end. “No. She’d miss us.”
“Heide and I, she’d get over by the end of the day. She’d wonder what happened to you, but she’d move on, eventually.”
“We already bought her a plane ticket.”
Allison chuckled. “Please don’t remind me of that, Jack.”
“I can’t leave her behind,” I admitted. “It’s been almost ten years. We’re her family.”
“She’s not young anymore. Aren’t you worried about the stress of the trip? Flying cross-country on a noisy jet? Taking her to a new house?”
I shook my head with affectionate pride. “No. She’s tough. You weren’t there when I found her. She’s a survivor. How many cats do you know swim around in Chesapeake Bay until a boat just happens by? She made sure I didn’t drift by without noticing her. We’ve been together ever since. I won’t leave her now.”
“But Kitty Hawk on a six-hour flight, Jack? I’m not sure your relationship is that strong.”
“Nonsense. The spirit of aviation is right there in her name. We’ll be fine.”
“I guess. I don’t know why I’m worried about it. You’re the one who gets to find out.”
I smiled and wandered toward the closed door of the sunroom. It was the cat’s favorite place to nap and the natural choice to keep her as the movers dismantled our Baltimore home.
It was time for me to leave for the airport and the cat was coming to Oregon with me. Allison and Heide would stay behind in Maryland for another four days. They were scheduled to arrive at our new home on the same afternoon as the moving van. After just two weeks on the market, our house was in escrow—much to my delight and some of Allison’s chagrin.
Everything about the move to the Pacific Northwest had fallen into place, and I was positive it meant something good. Something right. During my salary negotiation, Robert Brighton had surprised me with a generous signing bonus. It was enough to help us put a down payment on a home in Bend with enough left over to lease a new car. I’d sold my aging sedan to one of the other neighborhood fathers, who was looking for a safe automobile for his college-bound daughter. It was August, and we would be able to settle in Oregon just in time for Heide to begin the new school year there.
Even Kitty Hawk was cooperative, running right to me when I entered the sunroom. She allowed me to lead her into the pet carrier, just as I’d trained her. I’d spent my last night in Maryland and was prepared and eager to leave for our new home in Bend.
It was all unfolding perfectly.
“MOTHERFUCKER!” MY voice echoed off the walls of our empty home in Bend, and I looked down at Kitty Hawk just as her ears flattened back against her head.
“The movers are running behind,” I said to the cat because there was no one else to talk to. “They won’t be here for another day.” I set my phone back down on the window sill.
I glanced around the living room in frustration, my gaze landing on the airbed situated on the floor in the middle of the vacant space. The mattress was large enough for Allison and me to use in the master suite. But I was going to have to get clever when it came to Heide.
I’d hoped to have her room put together by the time I picked her and Allison up from the airport later that afternoon. I wanted my daughter to be happy. She’d accepted the reality of our move but had occasional bouts of anxiety in the days leading up to our departure. Her comfort in our new home was vital, so I grabbed my car keys and went in search of a solution to this unexpected problem.
Several hours later, I finished pitching a small tent in Heide’s room. I also unrolled a brand-new sleeping bag inside, hoping her first night in the new house would be a memorable adventure. I’d even bought a poster of the local mountains and displayed it on the wall across from the tent’s opening. I wanted Heide to see it from her spot inside the tent.
Allison wasn’t going to be happy when she heard the moving van was delayed, but she wasn’t going to be surprised either. According to her, nothing had gone her way this summer.
With extra consideration and heightened nerves, I selected an outfit for my first day of work. The office was professional with an air of relaxation and informality that I wasn’t used to. I didn’t want to overdress, but I wanted to make a certain statement. I chose navy trousers, a white dress shirt and one of my newest silk neckties to add some color. I rounded out the outfit with cream-colored suspenders for another bit of contrast.
I was selecting a navy blazer from the closet when Allison approached me, still dressed in her pajamas. She smiled at me and I returned in kind.
“Very handsome this morning,” she said, surprising me.
“Thank you.” I glanced down at my necktie. “I’m wearing your anniversary gift for good luck.”
She closed the distance between us and lifted her delicate fingers to smooth out the tie. I was desperate to flirt with my wife but held back, knowing it could send her into immediate retreat. Instead, I savored the closeness of her body to mine and waited as patiently as possible. She lifted her eyes and looked at me with warmth. My smile widened and I brought my hand up to caress her cheek.
Allison swallowed and parted her lips to speak, but the words weren’t forthcoming.
“What is it?” I asked her.
“I’m anxious to begin counseling…” Her words drifted off again.
My forehead furrowed. I didn’t know what words I expected to hear, but these weren’t it. “I know.”
“I don’t want to pick someone at random from a website. I want someone with a solid reputation.”
I didn’t like the direction her words were leading. My body tensed along with my voice. “What are you asking me?”
“We need a referral.”
I dropped my hand away from her face and took a significant step back, my incredulity and anger on the rise.
“You want me to ask around the office for a therapist? On my first day? What the hell kind of impression would that make?”
Alliso
n leveled me with an icy glare. “I don’t know, Jack. One that says you care about your family more than your job?”
I pointed an angry finger at her. “That is not fair!”
“Don’t tell me what is and isn’t fair. We made a deal, and I’ve held up my end of it! It’s your turn now.”
“I will take care of it, but don’t put demands on me. Don’t tell me to march into work on my first day and inform everyone that my wife thinks I’m the world’s shittiest husband.”
“That’s not what I said, Jack.”
I threw on my blazer with a sense of defiance and marched back to her. She held her ground as I held up one finger in front of her face.
“Just once, Allison,”—I shook my finger for emphasis—“I would appreciate it if you’d put some fucking faith in me!”
“Are you kidding me right now? That’s all I’ve ever done! And what do I have to show for it after all these years?”
I stepped around her, ready to put some distance between us. Just before I walked through the bedroom door, I turned to address her one last time with exasperation and ire.
“I’m tired of your complaints. I work a good job. You and Heide are well taken care of. I’m home every night and all I want in return is for my wife to love me once in a while. So why don’t I just make this simple? I call your bluff. If you’re so fucking miserable with me, then figure out something else. If your life with me is so terrible, then change it!”
Allison was silent. I was satisfied. And so, I left for work without a backward glance.
I was preoccupied with arranging my new office. Although I’d never admit it to anyone, I couldn’t work with clutter surrounding me, physical or otherwise.
I would receive a few days grace period while I settled into the routine at Aurora Advertising, but I wanted to put my best effort forward and that wasn’t going to happen until my personal workspace was comfortable. I was absorbed with sorting an abandoned box of files when a light knock landed on my open door. I held up a finger while I kept my eyes focused on the document I was reading. Once I was content with my findings, I glanced up.
Chaos (Constellation Book 2) Page 6