Chaos (Constellation Book 2)

by Jennifer Locklear

  Kathleen Brighton was standing in my doorway, a polite grin on her face. As always, she was dressed stylishly and the random thought that she was wearing another skirt drifted through my consciousness. I had yet to see her pleasing legs fully covered.

  “Good morning, Jack. Welcome to the firm.”

  “Hello, Kathleen. Thank you. Sorry if I kept you waiting.”

  She shook her head, her mild amusement holding firm. She gestured at the surroundings. “I hope your office is to your liking.”

  “It’s great. Much nicer than my last one.”

  “Good. I like to hear that. I wanted to make sure you knew about our staff meeting. We hold a briefing every Monday morning.”

  “Yes. I got that e-mail. I was just organizing some stuff while I had a few minutes.”

  “Since it’s your first day, I thought I’d walk with you, if that’s all right?”

  I offered my friendliest smile. “Thank you. Yes.”

  As we weaved our way through the office toward the break room, Kathleen spoke again.

  “You should know, Robert asked me to introduce you during the meeting. I don’t know about you, but I hate when I’m blindsided by things like that.”

  I recalled Kathleen’s tendencies toward bashfulness. At one time, I had battled those same predispositions, but my time in college had changed that.

  “I figured there would be something. I’m prepared.”

  She kept looking ahead as she asked her next question. “Is there anything you’d like me to mention? Or not mention?”

  “No. I can’t think of anything,” I said. Then impulsively, I muttered, “There’s not much to me.”

  We arrived at the break room door just in time for Kathleen to respond to my last statement. She flashed me a brilliant smile as her eyes met mine. “I disagree.”

  Tracie pulled Kathleen away with a question about a pressing deadline. By the looks of things, Kathleen and I were the last ones to arrive for the staff meeting. Some faces I recognized from my earlier visit, but most were new to me. All the seats in the room were occupied so I wandered to the side and leaned against the wall.

  Kathleen and Tracie walked side by side to the front of the room, their heads close together as they engaged in muted conversation. Kathleen laughed and placed her hand briefly on Tracie’s upper arm in affection. When Tracie broke away and Kathleen turned to face everyone, the room silenced.

  “Good morning,” she began.

  Those gathered in the room, including me, returned her greeting.

  “As you can see, Robert is away today. He’s over in Boise to see about expanding his empire to Idaho.”

  Many in the room chuckled.

  “Before we begin with project updates, we have a new employee joining us today.” Kathleen extended her arm in my direction and I was surprised that she knew where to find me. As people turned their heads in my direction, I slid my hands into my pants pockets, attempting to appear relaxed and casual.

  As everyone scrutinized me, I watched Kathleen and waited for her introduction. She hesitated and avoided meeting my gaze. Instead, her green eyes shifted to my torso, and I froze when I realized her stare didn’t repulse me, as Elyse’s often did.

  Without thinking, I pulled my hands from my pockets and rested them on my hips. Kathleen’s gaze drifted across my body and came to rest on my left side. She blinked twice and then looked away as her cheeks took on a rosier hue. I glanced down and realized why.

  Against the dark material of my trousers, my gold wedding band was on full display, shining brightly under the overhead lights. Remembering my argument with Allison earlier that morning, I made a mental note to focus my efforts on finding a marriage counselor.

  I looked back up as soon as Kathleen resumed the meeting. “Jack Evans is our new media director. He’s just moved to Bend from Baltimore, so be gentle with him. This is bound to be an interesting transition.”

  More chuckles filled the room, including my own.

  “We are incredibly lucky to have Jack join the team. He comes to us after having worked for one of the leading advertising firms on the East Coast and, make no mistake, his arrival signals how far Aurora has evolved. To be able to secure someone of Jack’s experience and caliber from across the country is an amazing achievement for us.”

  My own cheeks began to warm as the room broke into spontaneous applause. Kathleen grinned and joined the rest of the group in clapping. She nodded in my direction, cueing that it was my turn to speak. Once the greeting died down, I straightened up from the wall.

  “Thank you for the warm welcome. And thank you, Kathleen, for those kind words. What can I say? My family and I are thrilled to be here. We are new to the Pacific Northwest, so we have a lot to learn, but everything we’ve seen here so far is beautiful, and we’re excited to begin this new adventure. There’s just something special about this place. I haven’t exactly put my finger on what it is yet, but I know the journey is going to be incredible. Please know that my door is always open, and if you have any thoughts about how Aurora can best connect with the audiences of our clients, I welcome those discussions.”

  I nodded toward Kathleen in deference, and she smiled at me one last time. As the meeting progressed, I did my best to follow as many details as possible, but my thoughts kept wandering to Allison and our troubles. I wanted to chalk up our latest argument to the stress of the move and the new job, but the truth was we were fighting more than we were getting along. We weren’t communicating, and we weren’t having sex. Days without intimate contact had evolved into weeks, and weeks had now developed into months. Our marriage was in real trouble, and like it or not, I only had one alternative to try and save our relationship.

  Given the choice between approaching Robert or Kathleen for some personal help, no debate was necessary. I regarded her again as the staff meeting ended. My decision made, I waited until the buzz of the exodus was in full swing before cutting a path toward her.

  “Great job,” she greeted me.

  I nodded, intent on my goal. “Do you have a couple of minutes to talk? I’d like to ask you about something.”

  Kathleen’s expression was curious, but also decided. “Sure. Why don’t I meet you in your office in a couple of minutes?”

  “Perfect.”

  I turned and began the walk back. I did my best to appear at ease whenever someone greeted me, but thoughts of what was happening outside of work dominated my thoughts. Thankfully, Kathleen didn’t keep me waiting long and even closed the door without my prompting her to do so.

  “What can I do for you, Jack?” she asked as she took a seat in front of my desk. She leaned back and crossed one leg over the other in a move that was polished by years of practice.

  I scratched my chin. “I wondered if Aurora has any medical professionals as clients. I read a little bit online about your work with the hospital here. Is St. Charles a client, by chance?”

  “Yes. We do work for St. Charles.”

  “Is the Bend hospital independent or part of a larger chain?”

  “St. Charles is its own health system. There are four hospitals under their umbrella.”

  “Are they all located in central Oregon?”

  “Yes.”

  “They must be a significant employer for the region, then.”

  “The biggest, actually.”

  “Do you think you could help me arrange a meeting? Perhaps a lunch and a tour? It would be a good idea for me to become familiar with their operations.”

  “Are you looking to establish local medical care for your family?”

  Once again she surprised me with her quick and direct assessment. She may not have figured it out, but she was certainly going down the right path. “Yes.”

  “Just primary care? Or do you need something more specific?”

  I hesitated. “Primary care is fine. I also need to find a pediatrician for my daughter.”

  “How is Heide doing? This has to be a tremendous change for he
r.”

  Once again, I was astounded. Kathleen remembered my daughter’s name. Thinking about Heide brought me a much-needed moment of lightness.

  “It was a little hard for her to leave Maryland, although she likes it out here. She starts school next week. Once she meets a few kids, she’ll settle right in. She’s always been able to adapt. Better than me, anyhow.”

  “You’re all going to do just fine.”

  I’d thought so too before leaving Baltimore, but I was having my doubts. “Thanks.”

  Kathleen rose from her seat, ready to put her words into action. “I’ll get that tour arranged for you. I’ll send out an e-mail and introduce you to some people at the hospital.”

  “I appreciate anything you can do for me.”

  “Happy to help.” Kathleen opened the door and waved on her way out into the corridor.

  It seemed like a perfect solution. Tour the hospital, visit the various physicians there and pick up a few business cards along the way, including some therapists. I could bring some cards home and pass them along to Allison. Then she could do the research and make her own choice.

  Problem solved.

  WHEN I returned home from work, I discovered moving boxes strewn around the living room. I paused as soon as I closed the door and took a long look around. Many of our household items were scattered and piled among the carnage of cardboard. It was as though everything had been unpacked hurriedly and then abandoned. The house was far too quiet for my comfort.

  I moved toward the bedroom with a fair bit of caution and confusion. The door was closed, so I glanced toward Heide’s room. Her door was wide open, and I could sense her presence inside. I couldn’t see her, and I couldn’t hear her, but I knew she was there. And something felt off.

  Heide’s bed had been set up, but the tent remained. She’d been having fun camping in her new room, and I hadn’t had the heart to take it down. The flaps of Heide’s tent were zipped shut, and my worry increased when I heard a distinct sniffle from inside. I set my messenger bag down on the floor and knelt at the tent’s entrance. I didn’t want to frighten her, but I couldn’t knock on the nylon material either. I took extra care in speaking with a gentle tone.

  “Sweetheart?” I reached for the fastener, but hesitated. “Can I come in?”

  “Okay.”

  I unzipped the tent carefully, not wanting to alarm her in any way. I moved into the space and settled myself on the floor. When I did, I studied Heide. She was sitting in the back corner of her tent, holding a doll. Her intense focus was on fixing the toy’s hair. She wouldn’t look at her father and this bothered me.

  “Where’s Mom?”

  “In your room. She’s been in there all day.”

  “Yeah?”

  “She doesn’t feel good.”

  “Headache?”

  Heide nodded. She finally looked at me and I registered the longing on her face.

  I held out my arms to my daughter. “Come here.”

  Heide dropped her doll and scrambled over to my lap. She burrowed up against my chest and wrapped her arms around me.

  “Are you all right?” I asked as I began to stroke her hair. There was no more important question to me than this one.

  “I’m sorry, Dad.”

  “For what?”

  “I wanted to help Mom. I wanted to surprise her. I took everything out of the boxes but then I didn’t know what to do with the stuff and now there’s a big mess. I made things worse. I didn’t mean to make them worse.”

  I squeezed her. “You know what? Moving is hard work. There’s always a big mess when you take your things from one house and put them into another. The big mess is part of the process. Please don’t worry about it.”

  “I know what the things are, but I don’t know where anything goes here.”

  I pulled back so Heide could see my smile. “That’s because we haven’t decided yet. Do you want to help me with it?”

  Heide nodded.

  “Good. First, I’m going to check on Mom. Then I’m going to change clothes and get us some dinner. After we eat, you and I will go through everything you unpacked and find a place for it. I’ll tell Mom to keep resting, and then we can surprise her when everything is put away and looking nice. How does that sound?”

  “Good.”

  “Mom is going to be so amazed at all the help you gave her today. I promise.”

  “Okay.”

  “We might have to stay up a little late tonight, but I’m ready to work on it if you are.”

  “I’m ready.”

  With the matter settled, I tapped Heide on the back and she pulled away from me. I made my way back out of the tent and grabbed my bag.

  “Let me spend a few minutes with Mom. All right?”

  Heide nodded and smiled. I was relieved to see her happy once more. If only it was that simple with Allison. Why wasn’t it?

  I left Heide in her room and opened the door to my bedroom. The room was dark, the blinds were drawn shut and the lights were off. Allison was in bed, asleep. I approached her quietly. Her breathing was deep and even, and she had an eye mask over her eyes.

  I glanced at Allison’s bedside table and saw the things she used when she fought a migraine—a glass of water, medicine and a discarded cold compress. She was wearing the same pajamas she’d had on during our argument that morning, but there was a bath towel lying on the floor beside the bed. The matted nature of her hair confirmed she had taken a hot shower prior to her nap.

  Allison’s migraines had always been stress induced, and they’d reached epidemic levels during the past six months. I’d even taken her to the emergency room twice when her pain became too excruciating. I hated that I was a contributing factor to her suffering. Neither one of us seemed capable of fixing things. One would try while the other inevitably resisted. It had always been this way between us, but this was different.

  The division between us now was as wide as it had ever been, and I was clueless how to find a way back to Allison. I suspected she didn’t want me to bridge the gap. If it was just the two of us, our relationship would have ended a long time ago, perhaps even before we married. Heide had kept us together and kept us trying to find ways to live and love one another, but I was fearful that even our devotion to our daughter’s well-being wasn’t enough. The domino effect was well underway.

  Allison was sleeping, and I understood that the best prescription for her migraines was rest. So, I moved through our bedroom in silence, selecting some clothes I would be comfortable in for a long evening of housework. I stepped into the bathroom and changed. Then I left Allison to her sleep.

  We would talk later, once she recovered from her migraine and was able to give me her full attention. My focus shifted back to Heide, who had returned to the living room and was busy placing the empty boxes along the wall.

  “That’s a great idea,” I told her. “I’ll get started on dinner while you finish putting the boxes together. After we eat, we’ll flatten the boxes and put them in the car for the recycling center.”

  “Then we’ll have more room to work,” she chirped.

  “Exactly.”

  I went in search for the ingredients needed for chicken stir-fry. Having taught the recipe to Allison myself, I knew it well. If Allison woke up, I would make sure to have a plate ready for her, too, although it would take a couple of days for her full appetite to return.

  My mother had always been a forward-thinking woman and insisted her children learn how to cook for themselves. As a teenager, I’d been embarrassed by the amount of time I’d spent with her in the kitchen, but now I was grateful. Cooking was relaxing and a good, creative outlet for me. I’d come up with some of my best ideas while prepping a meal. Allison had taken over the duty in our marriage, and in this moment, I realized it was something I’d missed doing.

  Unfortunately, there wasn’t much food in the house yet, so I grabbed my phone and ordered a pizza. Allison’s headache must have thwarted her plans to go grocery
shopping. Perhaps I would talk to her about splitting the meal preparations during the week. Maybe that would lower her stress levels.

  AFTER A solid night’s rest, Allison recovered from her migraine. I followed her down the hall and studied her cautious movements as she made her way toward the living room. She froze behind the sofa and took a slow look around. The area was clear of boxes and the unpacked items had been arranged in their proper places. True happiness lit Allison’s face for the first time since she’d arrived from Maryland.

  “You must have been up all night,” she said with a hint of admiration. “Did you sleep?”

  “Heide helped me, so it didn’t take as long as you might think.” I edged past Allison, pausing to kiss her forehead on my way to the kitchen. “Follow me. Let me make you some breakfast.”

  Allison complied and took a seat at the breakfast bar. She squinted as her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the morning sunshine filtering through the bay window.

  “Just some toast, please,” she said. “I’m not ready for anything else right now.”

  I kept my voice quiet on purpose. “How about some hot tea?”

  She nodded, taking care not to move her head too much. After filling the tea kettle and setting it on the stove, I approached Allison and massaged her scalp. She didn’t resist me. She even leaned into my touch and closed her eyes in relaxation.

  “I’m sorry I can’t stay home with you today,” I told her. “If this wasn’t my second day…”

  “It’s all right, Jack. I promise to take it easy.”

  “I could take Heide to work with me. That way you can rest more.”

  “I appreciate it, but she’ll be fine here.”

  “I’m sorry we fought yesterday.” My apology to Allison was long overdue and woefully inadequate, but I didn’t want to cause her further distress by pushing.

  “Me, too.”

  “Are you able to look at me for a moment?” I asked.

  She took her time opening her eyes, but once she focused on me, her gaze was full of curiosity.

  I kept massaging her scalp as I spoke. “I made a promise to you when you agreed to let me take the job here, and I can see how much we need to go to marriage counseling. We don’t have to go into everything now, but I don’t want you to worry about this anymore. I’m working on finding us a therapist. I just need a few more days for everything to fall into place. Can you give me a week or so?”