Blind Man's Buff

by Barbara Gaskell Denvil

  “Gosh,” said Nathan with a faint whistle. “You look – different.”

  Granny had dressed herself in a magnificent Tudor costume and looked entirely the opposite to the way everyone had seen her ever since the very first time. She usually wore a very neat knee-length dress with a high neck and long sleeves under a huge apron with a great big pocket in front. Thick nylon stockings and sensible black shoes usually finished the costume. This time could not have been more different. Her hair, white and shining, was covered by a small veil, pinned with two brooches of pearls and rubies. Her gown, with a big round neck, was sweeping pink silk to the ground, and beneath peeped little red velvet shoes. The sleeves of the dress were long and wide, padded at the top with black and gold embroidery, and trimmed at the bottom with red and silver flowers sewn over fake rabbit fur. She also wore a long necklace of pearls, and about six enormous rings of rubies, pearls, diamonds and emeralds, also probably fake. Everybody was staring at her. She gazed back with smug satisfaction.

  “I intend coming with you into Henry VIII’s court,” she said, flashing her rings. “I’ve always been interested to see if he’s as horrible as he sounds. And besides, I want to avoid Lashtang for another few days. It’s thick snow over there, and even colder than it is in Hammersmith because there’s no central heating. And it’s boring at home without my grandchildren. So – here I am.”

  “Is that an accurate costume for the time period?” asked Alice, looking doubtful.

  “Well,” giggled Poppy, “if it isn’t yet, once she appears, everyone will copy it and it’ll be top fashion in a week.”

  “And,” continued Granny, ignoring this exchange, “I’m curious to meet your frightful baron and his brother again, and we certainly need to get rid of them. I just wish I could get rid of Braxton so easily.”

  “He’d magic himself home again,” Nathan pointed out. “Getting rid of him will be much harder.”

  “But not ruddy impossible,” said Alfie at once. “First them Darlings.”

  “Not an apt name,” smiled Granny. “But let’s hurry. I intend going to visit the baron, and making up an excuse for him to come over here. While I’m gone, you’ll have to rustle up some clothes fit for Henry VIII’s court.”

  “How?”

  “Just wear the grandest of what you have,” Granny suggested, and promptly swept from the hall, slamming the great front door behind her.

  “Does she know where to go?” wondered Peter.

  Poppy nodded. “She’ll magic herself straight there.”

  “Wish I could do magic like that,” sighed Nathan.

  “C’m on,” John grabbed Nathan’s arm. “We gotta get dressed up.”

  Appearing suddenly well wrapped in a huge white cape that looked a little like fake polar bear, Granny rattled the small knocker on the baron’s front door. It was Lacey, his steward, who answered.

  “I am here to see Hugh Darling, Baron Cambridge immediately,” said Granny. “My name is Lady Altabella Octobr, and I am not accustomed to being kept waiting. Besides, it’s freezing. I need to discuss the baron’s upcoming marriage to the Lady Alice Parry.”

  “One moment, madam, and I will see if his lordship will see you,” said Lacey, about to shut the door in her face.

  But Granny had her foot in the doorway, and now pushed indoors with a kick and a shove. “Nonsense,” she said. “You’ll take me to him immediately.”

  The baron and his brother were both huddled in front of a small fire in the annexe, a little dark room, but one without draughts. They had blankets around their shoulders.

  Lacey knocked politely, entered, and introduced the imperious female marching in behind him. Edmund and the baron looked up in amazement. Clearly they did not recognise Granny in her new clothes, nor remember her from what they now considered a dream they wanted to forget.

  “Good afternoon, gentlemen,” said Granny, swirling off her cape and throwing it at Lacey. “Look after that, my man,” she said, and looked back to the baron. “Now, my lord, his majesty is interested in arranging this marriage as soon as possible after the Christmas season. I therefore need your full compliance and your full attention.”

  “Oh yes, absolutely, my Lady – Octobr,” stuttered the baron, hopping up and dropping his blanket. “I am most eager. Either after Christmas or before. I’m in your capable hands, my lady.”

  “Really? How – useful,” smiled Granny. “And I presume you would like your brother present to help you? And perhaps your delightful steward too. To hold the coats and so on, I imagine.”

  “If you say so, my lady. “The baron was ready to agree to everything.

  “Very well,” smiled Granny. “We must walk around the corner to the Lady Alice Parry’s house in Bishopsgate. There we can discuss the necessary arrangements.”

  The baron paused, then cleared his throat. “One small difficulty, my lady,” he muttered. “My – er – fiancé doesn’t usually let me into the house.”

  “Oh, I promise you, this time she will,” said Granny. “She’s expecting us. Now, do you have a nice warm cape or will you wear your blanket? It’s very cold outside.”

  The baron blushed slightly, called Lacey and sent him off to get warm cloaks for all of them. Granny once again swept her fake fur around her, and marched off down the windy road with the baron, his brother and his steward scurrying behind.

  Alice’s own steward had been told to expect the visitors, and to let them into the great hall as soon as they arrived. Within half an hour, there was a tap tapping on the door, and everyone trooped in as Alice ordered hot spicy hippocras and honey cakes. Although the hall was large with a great high vaulted ceiling, the fireplace was also enormous, taking up almost one wall, and therefore it was as warm as possible, with comfortable cushioned chairs grouped around as the flames danced scarlet and golden up the chimney. Granny, the baron and Edmund were all exceedingly grateful to sit near the fire, but Lacey was ordered to stand behind the chairs and keep quiet.

  The wind could be heard raging outside and rattling the windows, blowing down the chimney and making the smoke puff out into everyone’s faces, but Granny muttered a short spell under her breath, and both the smoke and the wind fell obediently to silence.

  “Now then,” said Granny, as the Parry steward brought the steaming cups and biscuits and handed them around, “It is naturally important to arrange matters so that everyone involved in this marriage is satisfied and that the benefits are equal. Therefore, my lord,” and she looked at the baron, “what do you intend to bring to the union?”

  “Umm, what?” This took him by surprise. “Me? Well, I suppose myself. That is, I shall naturally protect the lady and take over the management of her affairs.”

  “How enormously kind,” stated Granny without obvious sarcasm. She turned to Alice, and ignored the wide grins from Alfie, John, Sam, Peter, Poppy and Nathan who were all clustered around, much to the baron’s disgust. “So,” Granny continued, “Lady Alice, what will you bring to the union.”

  “A long knife,” muttered Alice, but then managed to smile and said loudly, “I am thinking of donating all my property, money and other benefits, all except this house itself, to charity. This, I am sure, would please his lordship.”

  The baron and Edmund had both nearly fallen off their chairs. “No, no,” squeaked the baron, half speechless in fury. “I shall attend to all your affairs, my dear lady, and will certainly make donations to charity on your behalf, but wait until after the wedding, Christmas and all that, and you’ll need to pay for your wedding dress.”

  Looking up as though amazed, Alice said, “Won’t you buy it for me, Hugh, dear? I really should like to bring blessings on us both by giving all my funds to the poor.”

  “But then you’ll be poor,” Edmund said, loosening the collar of his shirt as though he felt strangled.

  “Ah yes, but not once I’m Lady Darling, the Countess of Cambridge,” insisted Alice.

  “Now look, Alice,” said the baron, forg
etting to be polite, “you know perfectly well that I’m not a rich man. Quite the opposite in fact. So if you want to give everything to the poor, then give it to me.”

  At this point, with a click of her fingers, Granny stood up in front of the fire, carefully keeping her silk skirts tucked well away from the flames. “I have a suggestion,” she said, “which will certainly solve everything. If you would all be patient and wait just one moment, and then I shall explain everything.” She began to whisper to herself, but no one could hear the words. When she realised that Edmund and the baron were staring at her a little too closely, she said, “Excuse me, I just need to remember the words,” and then continued to whisper to herself.

  Gradually it became apparent that the great hall was not as bright as it had been, almost as though the fire had blinked out. Shadows began to creep in from the corners and something shrouded them from above, as though they had been enclosed in a tent. At first Edmund and his brother did not seem to notice. They were both excited to be making genuine arrangements for the marriage that would make them both rich. But soon even they noticed that everything was changing. It was darker and darker and there came a rumbling, rather like a train rushing along full speed. And finally they could actually feel it.

  They were all sitting squashed up in a fast train, small windows looking out on quickly changing pictures. At first they could see King Henry VII getting married to the Princess Elizabeth, eldest daughter of Edward IV. They stood in Westminster Abbey, watched by a thousand candles and all the court.

  The picture changed. Elizabeth was playing with her children, and one of them was fat little Henry, who was having a tantrum.

  Another change brought Henry VIII being crowned, and looking extremely pleased with himself. He was a very young man, good looking and resembling his mother far more than his father. Again the candles were blazing in the abbey.

  As they all stared, the picture changed once more and Henry VIII, now much fatter and looking furious, was marching along a corridor with half a dozen men running after him, trying to keep up, as he roared, “Get rid of the woman. I need to be free to wed my dearest Anne.”

  Only Granny and Nathan knew exactly what they were seeing, and even Poppy, who had never studied history, wasn’t sure. The others had no idea. But then came the final picture and the train screeched to a halt. Outside stood Henry VIII, even fatter and more angry, talking to a dark-clad and tired looking man. ‘Get rid of the wretched woman,” he was saying. “I want to be free to marry my dearest Jane.”

  “But your grace,’ muttered the other man, “there are no grounds for either divorce or annulment.”

  “Then find some or invent some,” Henry roared. “Anne must go. I want Jane.”

  Lacey had fainted and now lay flat on the floor of the train between the seats. Both Edmund and the baron were white-faced. “Not another nightmare?” wailed Edmund. “Not like the last ones.”

  “Where on earth are we?” demanded the baron. ”This is absurd.”

  Nodding and laughing, Granny said, “Absurd indeed. But we are in the palace, home of King Henry VIII, the son of Henry VII who promised to let you marry poor Alice here. So let us see if this king wants you to marry her as well.”

  “He’s more interested in divorce than marriage,” Nathan said. “But will we actually get to talk to him?”

  “I hope so,” said Granny. “But it’s his poor wife Anne I hope to speak to first.”

  Everyone was wildly excited, except for the baron, Lacey, and Edmund, who now all stood, their knees shaking, as the train doors opened and Granny told them to hop off and follow her. The train itself promptly disappeared with a puff of pink dusty smoke.

  The great Palace of Eltham stood grand and huge before them, its grounds sloping down to the river. Clearly it was still mid-December, for the river was iced over and shone like a skating rink while the grass and hedges were thick with frost. Bitterly cold, but neither snowing nor raining, it made everyone very glad they had brought thick capes and cloaks. Granny’s fake polar bear looked like a rug.

  With determination, they walked to the palace doors. Lacey stood almost paralysed, although he had managed to wake up once the train disappeared, and now he followed his employer. Edmund, the baron and Lacey had no desire to go anywhere near, but they were frightened of being left alone, so they trooped along at the back. Guards opened the doors, and looked puzzled to see this large crowd in their muddle of different clothes. It was obvious that they intended refusing admission, but once again Granny clicked her fingers with one whispered word, and at once the door flew open and the guards remained silent.

  Inside the corridors were well lit, and busy with finely dressed courtiers walking in all directions. There was music playing in the background, and Peter was delighted to hear someone playing the lute. Granny stopped quite suddenly in a corridor which was wider and grander than the others. There were guards outside another door, and so Granny spoke very softly. “Nathan, John and Alfie,” she said, “I’m afraid I want you to stand here outside the doors, and knock loudly to warn us if either the king comes along, or any armed guards. Unfortunately I don’t think I can take too many young men in here with me, because these are the queen’s private quarters. And you three,” she addressed the baron, his brother and his steward who all stared in fascinated fear and confusion around them, “you have to stay outside too. But don’t try and run away, because you’d be lost in no time, and would probably get killed or thrown in the dungeons.”

  Then she again clicked her fingers, the doors opened as she had ordered, and she ushered Alice, Poppy, Sam and Peter inside.

  Nathan was particularly sorry not to be allowed in, but he understood the reason, and just hoped he’d get to see the king before they had to leave.

  Her Majesty the queen was sitting on a long cushioned settle, with her eyes closed although clearly she was not asleep. Her many ladies who all clustered around the large room, had all been ordered to keep quiet and leave her alone, so they whispered, peeping over their shoulders at her. Two were sewing and one was practising dance steps. They all looked rather bored. So when Granny and the others bustled in, everyone looked up and hurried over with interest.

  The queen opened her eyes and frowned. “Who are you?” she demanded. “I gave no permission, and I’ve no idea who you are.”

  It was Granny who sat down next to her, and said softly, “I have important news, your grace. Very serious news. I know some things which I’m sure you’d wish to know.”

  Queen Anne, who had been Anne Boleyn before marrying the king, was a startling and attractive young woman, slim and alert. She stared at the strange woman sitting next to her, and asked in a half-whisper, “Are you a witch, madam, that you gain entrance here with a crowd of young people, and wish to tell me important secrets?”

  “That’s precisely what I am,” answered Granny with a wide smile. “And don’t worry, while I’m here, nothing bad can happen to you. But I must warn you that the king himself intends you harm.”

  Anne nodded, looking down into her lap. “I had guessed, madam. I have feared it for some weeks.”

  “The next six months will be difficult and dangerous,” Granny told her, still in whispers. “Don’t trust Jane Seymour, nor Cromwell.”

  “I had guessed.”

  “You may be consoled,” said Granny suddenly, “with the knowledge that however unhappy you sometimes feel, the king himself will never be happy from now on. There will be one disaster after another. He’ll be sick, in pain, utterly miserable, and hated by all his people, just like his father was.”

  Anne looked up again with a faint smile. “We were happy together once.”

  “Never again,” Granny warned her. “So remember the good times, my dear. And be prepared. But I’m going to give you a Christmas present.” She leaned over, pushing something small into the queen’s hand, and whispered in her ear, “This is a very special and magical ring,” she explained. “Wear it always.” It was a n
arrow ring of entwined leaves of gold, studded with jade, which clambered tiny around her finger. “While you wear this, you will never feel pain. It will protect you whatever happens.”

  Anne leaned across and kissed Granny’s cheek. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Madam Witch,” she murmured, slipping the ring on her finger, where it fitted perfectly.

  Then Granny turned to Peter and called him over. “See over there, my dear? On the chest below the great tapestry, is a lute. Perhaps you could play for us.”

  Jumping up and running over immediately, Peter picked up the lute with reverence. He had been missing his own so much, and he quickly realised that this was beautifully made and the strings were finely tuned. So he hurried back to Granny and the queen, sat cross-legged on the carpet at their feet, and began to play some of his own compositions.

  Naturally, the queen had never heard these melodies before and she loved them, and clapped her hands in delight.

  Granny leaned back and looked around the room. The other ladies had kept back, but Alice and Poppy had gone over to talk to them, and were clearly extremely interested in everything. One lady had taken Sam’s hand and led him to a chair, telling him that he looked just like her little brother.

  “We will go soon, and leave you in peace,” Granny told Queen Anne, “But first I have a favour to ask you.”

  Anne, laughing, had been pinching her own cheek. “Look,” she giggled, “I have pinched really hard, and I can’t feel a single thing. Your magic ring works wonderfully, madam. I am deeply grateful. Ask any favour you wish.”

  “There is a fat and unpleasant man standing outside your doors with his horrid brother and nasty steward. All most unpleasant and dangerous men. But one of them is forcing my young friend Alice,” and here she pointed at Alice across the room, “to marry him so he can steal all her wealth, since he has none of his own. I want him gone. Would you be able to keep him at the palace, and ensure that he was made to work hard and never trap some other innocent young woman?”