Middle School

by David Borgenicht

  CHAPTER 3

  The Social Scene

  How to Be Truly Popular

  Dirty little secret: People who think they belong to the “popular crowd” have it backward.

  It’s not a “crowd” if it’s only a few people. Plus, true popularity means having lots of friends’ not excluding them.

  HOW TO BUILD YOUR CIRCLE

  1 Be an inquiring mind.

  Want to get to know someone new? Start with a question like, “What’d you think of that English assignment?” “Did you read that book?” “Cool (shirt/shoes/pants), where’d you get it/them?” “What’s for lunch?”

  BE AWARE • If your “way in” goes way badly, no biggie. Blow it off with a comment like, “Take your time, it was a tough question,” or “I like how you answered that with a nonanswer. Are you hoping for a career in politics?”

  2 Show your interest.

  As you get to know this new person, show interest in what he’s saying by listening well and asking follow-up questions. Delve deeper with “why” questions, like, “Why’d you decide to play trumpet?”

  3 Add water.

  As the friendship grows, suggest getting together outside of school for a movie, skateboarding session, or sleepover.

  4 Smile more, smile often.

  Flashing a smile is like starting a private conversation. Grinning not only says, “I’m a nice person, come say hi!” it also lets people know you’re not judge-y. Just think about how it’ll feel to have loads of pals, and that smile’ll spread naturally.

  5 Are you positive? Say yes!

  Remember: It’s more fun to hang out with someone who’s upbeat and positive than it is to hang out with Hater McWhineypants.

  6 Be a uniter.

  You have friends scattered in all parts of your life—from school, outside activities, summer camp, etc. So if you want to hang with a larger group, do some community organizing. Invite all your peeps to a party. Bringing different groups of friends together is what a real leader does.

  7 Know your true friends.

  A group is great, but one quality amigo—a partner in crime who’s there when you need to talk serious stuff—is priceless. (Be sure to treat him that way!)

  How to Remake Your Rep

  Middle school is like the next level up in a video game: You get a clean screen, new powers, and the chance to turn yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be. Once you figure out who that is, follow through on the plan to make a brand-new you!

  OPTION 1: Be Mr. or Miss Outgoing.

  1 Have 'em at hello.

  Movie stars become famous by getting their faces out there. You can’t turn into “someone” until people see you, so introduce yourself and show them who you are. The more people you meet, the more interesting a “character” you become.

  2 A better form of global warming.

  Break the ice. Don’t know what to say? Ask people about their favorite subject—themselves! Then you don’t have to talk—they do. Other possible topics: school stuff (“What is up with Mr. Odenkirk’s hair?”); cultural stuff (“Can you believe what [crazy celebrity] did?”)...you get the idea.

  OPTION 2: Be an A student.

  1 Keep your eyes on the prize.

  How many A’s do you want? Is there a subject you’re itching to ace, or do you want to see a perfect column of straight A’s on your report card? Write down your goal, and stick it where you’ll be reminded of it regularly.

  2 Get in on the secrets.

  Pssst...they’re all around you! Watch what the A students in your class do and follow suit. Here are a few grade-A habits you might consider picking up:

  • Don’t stop for anything at homework time. Put the magazine away. Don’t IM till you’ve done your work. Your hair looks good, quit restyling it!

  • Just do it. Do all your homework, all the time. Yeah, it may feel like busywork. Yeah, you may get some of it wrong. Big deal. Just put in your best effort and get ’er done.

  • If you can’t figure something out yourself, get help. Even top students get confused sometimes.

  3 Don’t give up.

  It can take more than one semester to make the transformation to star student, especially if you set your sights super high. Give it time, and keep taking steps—even little ones—up the grading alphabet.

  How Not to Remake Your Rep

  Watch out for these potholes on the road to the new You.

  • Going over the top. You know those little dogs that don’t stop barking? They make you want to yell, “Shut it, yappy!” Never try so hard that you’re viewed as that pooch. Sometimes muzzling is a better strategy.

  • Pretending to be what you’re not. When friends change, you might want to remake your image, too. But if you’re uncomfortable with the new and “improved” you, you can always switch back to the “classic” version.

  • Ditching someone because they seem like a bad fit with your new image. One reputation you don’t want is “person who leaves behind her friends.”

  How to Stop a Rumor in Its Tracks

  OMG! LOL! Did you hear? This kid totally cut one in the middle of Spanish class yesterday! Isn’t that hilarious? Uh, yeah. Except, it isn’t true...and the kid everyone is talking about is you. Time to act fast, or spend the rest of the week (or more!) known as “El Gasso Supremo.”

  OPTION 1: Nip it in the bud.

  1 Do some sleuthing.

  Ask the person spreading the rumor who he heard it from, and then ask that person who she heard it from, and follow up with that person who he heard it from, until you find out who started the rumor mill turning. Then...

  2 Take action.

  No one wants to be known as the town gossip, so talk to Rumor Starter privately. Once he knows that you know he made up stories about your mom wearing earplugs while you play guitar, the jabbering will stop in a snap.

  OPTION 2: Make the rumor mill work for you.

  1 Start the chatterers chattering about the truth.

  No, you did not beg, plead, or bribe your math teacher to give you a better grade on your test. And no, you did not curl up on the floor and start crying like a baby to get your way! But if you did have a question about your score and wanted to get it cleared up, don’t let rumor-mongers turn it into something else.

  Spread the truth: Let the gossip girls—and boys—know that you were standing up for yourself. And just as you won’t let that not-so-great grade stand, you’re not going to let an untrue rumor about you linger around the halls, either.

  How to Survive E-mail Disasters

  Can you imagine life without e-mail? Most of the time, it seems like one of the best things in the world’ until the day you accidentally forward a message to the wrong person or reply in a rage. These tips will help keep you from making that one click you wish you could un-click.

  1 Follow the “To” rules.

  Write your e-mail first, then type in the person’s address. That way, if you accidentally hit “send” partway through writing, it’s only road kill on the information super-highway, and you’re not the dead meat.

  2 Delete the e-anger.

  You know how in school, bad deeds go on your “permanent record”? Well, the same goes for e-mailing mid freak-out: The receiver has a permanent record of your meltdown. When steam is pouring out of your ears, chill till it’s all gone. Then write that e-mail.

  3 LOL to the rescue.

  Sometimes e-mail can be hard to read—and not just b/c u cn’t undrstnd the msg. An “obvs joke” to you isn’t always clear to someone else. An emoticon can be a quick way to show you’re kidding: ;), :P, :>), or just say you’re LOLing.

  4 Step away from the computer.

  If your e-blooper can’t be emoticonned away, pick up that crazy talking box known as the telephone and call your friend. Explain what you really meant, and apologize if she got the wrong idea.

  Defending Your Inbox

  You wouldn’t invite a vampire into your home, so don’t let an evil cr
eep get into your inbox.

  • Ban bullies. Exile nasty e-mailers to deepest cyberspace by using the “Block Sender” option. Or get yourself a new e-mail addy and only give it to your trusted friends. (You’ve wanted to change up that old addy for a while, right?)

  • Keep it healthy. Unfamiliar e-mail addresses with attachments are almost always bad news. Trash those messages ASAP, and then empty your garbage bin to stop a lurking virus in its tracks.

  • Shout it out. Your virtual privacy is important, but if you get an e-mail that’s extra weird, scary, or mean-spirited, show it to a parent or another adult.

  How to Survive Having Your Sibling at School

  When you were chasing the ice-cream truck last summer, your shorts split wide open. (Exactly the kind of story you don’t want anyone at school to know!) Luckily, the only person who does know is your older...uh-oh.

  Having a brother or sister sharing the school hallways can cause some serious complications. But with the right strategy, you can make your sib work for you!

  1 Make an “I won’t tell if you won’t” pact.

  Your sister also wants to keep her reputation intact, so propose a contract: She doesn’t share the shorts story, and you’ll keep her fear of chickens under wraps.

  2 What happens at school stays at school.

  Tattle on your brother, and you’re just asking for him to tattle on you back. Don’t tell Mom he used the teachers’ lounge soda machine today. That way he won’t mention the food fight you get in tomorrow.

  3 Be relative-ly helpful.

  Shocking but true—older brothers and sisters can be your secret weapon! Since they’ve been there and done that, they can provide inside info on tests, teachers, and what not to wear.

  4 He’s small, but significant.

  A younger sibling can be useful, too. Make a big show of helping your little brother carry his diorama into school. Friends, teachers, and crushes will be impressed with what a great big sib you are...even if you secretly want to strangle him.

  WORST NIGHTMARE

  Your sister was such a rock star at school, people have pictures of her in their lockers. Your brother won the academic decathlon, was class president, and led the football team to the championship.

  But people don’t even bother to learn your name—they just call you “number two.” No matter what you do, it feels like you just can’t compare...

  But guess what? You don’t have to. You’re your own person, so instead of living in your sib’s shadow, make your own mark. Show people your personality and talents, and soon they’ll just talk about your ability to shine.

  And if one of your teachers keeps blah-blah-blahing about a certain someone in your house, have a private convo and let her know that you love your sib, but you prefer not to be compared.

  How to Survive a Crush Without Getting Crushed

  Love songs make it sound great, but thinking about your crush makes you a woozy, sweaty, nervous wreck. How wonderful! Want to get from liking someone to actually talking to that person? Read on.

  1 Play a game of Q&A.

  When you see your crush, the only thing that usually comes out of your mouth is a string of drool. Instead of acting like a salivating puppy, ask your crush questions. They give you something to say besides, “Duh...uh... so...um...” and help you get to know the person better. Check these out:

  • What’s your favorite flavor of gum?

  • Can you blow a bubble inside a bubble?

  • I just heard that the ability to roll your tongue is genetic—can you do it?

  Knowing what your cutie’s into helps, too. Look for clues: Sneak a peek at your crush’s binder or bag—any stickers for bands you haven’t heard of? That’s a question waiting to be asked!

  2 Cue the compliments.

  “Your solo in chorus was so good!” or, “You can always make me laugh!” (Who doesn’t want to hear that, right?) Avoid compliments about your crush’s body, which might make you both embarrassed. Focus on stuff your crush has done, like scoring a goal or solving the “unsolvable” pre-algebra problem.

  WORST NIGHTMARE

  Not only did you hear that the person you like likes someone else...but the like-ee is your BFF.

  • Get real. Telling your friend, “Eyes off my crush,” won’t work–if you can’t stop looking at this person, how can you expect anyone else to?

  • Get fit. While your friend and your crush are busy IMing, use the time to run some laps, hit the pool, or do another activity to take your mind off the problem. It will also make for a stronger new you.

  • Get a grip. Some people might say stuff like, “You must be so mad at her!” Remember: You’re not really mad at your friend, just at the situation, so stay chill.

  3 Join the posse.

  Look for an open spot at your crush’s lunch table and join in the group conversation. Then talk to everybody, not just your crush. Sometimes hanging with friends helps make everyone more comfortable.

  4 iChat, uChat.

  Like they say in tennis, it’s “advantage” you if you e-mail or IM your crush. That way, you start the dialogue when you’re ready, and respond when you have the perfect answer. Plus, your crush can’t see if you’re nervous! To start the e-convo, use the questions-and-compliments strategy. “Hey, your art project was amazing,” or, “What are we supposed to bring for social studies tomorrow?”

  BE AWARE • If your crush isn’t responding, whether online or in person, don’t freak: There are a million possible reasons for the silence. (Be patient!) besides, someone else might have a crush on you—anyone asking you a lot of questions lately?

  How to Stay Out of a Fight

  Someone says something mean. You yell right back. The words start coming fast, hard, and hurtful. Before you know it, a full-scale fight is in full-swing. But wait! Back up. It doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s how to step away from a scuffle before fists fly.

  1 Take the temperature.

  Before a fight explodes, you’ll usually see sparks. Look for these warning signs:

  • Angry stares

  • Sudden movements, like books slamming down or lockers shutting noisily

  • A gathering crowd

  • A kick, shove, pinch, or other dis that goes over the top

  • Someone shouting, “Oh, it is so on!”

  2 Walk away (with honor).

  Stop the fight before it begins. Say, “I don’t want to fight you.” Be firm, then walk away. Now focus on relaxing and breathing slowly, feeling confident that you’ve won because you didn’t give that hothead the “pleasure” of a fight.

  3 Know yourself.

  Pay attention to the way you feel before you blow your fuse. Is your heart racing, or is your voice getting louder? When those things start to happen—even for tiny reasons, like someone else getting the last slice of pizza in the cafeteria line—find a way to release steam.

  How to Blow Off Some Steam

  When you feel this close to a shouting match (or worse), here’s how to divert your anger.

  • Breathe. Sounds easy, right? Try to inhale for five seconds, then exhale for five. These are called “cleansing breaths,” because they can vacuum out some anger.

  • Keep a stress reliever in your locker, like a foam ball you can squeeze, and have at that baby till your hand hurts.

  • During lunch, exorcise with exercise!

  Still in a huff when you get home?

  • Tunes to the rescue. Play some of the loudest, most obnoxious songs you can, and scream along!

  • Write the day down. list every detail, from what got you mad to who said what, when. Later, see if the “older” you agrees with how the you of today dealt with things.

  CHAPTER 4

  For Boys Only!

  How to Survive Being the Shortest Guy in School

  Everyone else has been doing some serious growing, but your body hasn’t gotten the message. Suddenly every boy in school towers over you—and so do some of th
e girls. Here are some tips to keep you from feeling shortchanged.

  1 Learn some good short jokes.

  Make up for what you lack in altitude with the right attitude. Even if it drives you crazy on the inside, never show that being short is a problem for you.

  • “I’m short on purpose. If the teacher can’t see you, he can’t call on you!”

  • “At least if I fall down, I don’t have far to go.”

  • “I’m not short, I’m just unusually not tall.”

  • “You just wait till the limbo contest, my friend...you just wait.”

  2 Consider the advantages.

  Take comfort in the good news from scientists: Short people live longer and break fewer bones. Plus, they’re less clumsy and have faster reaction times. So play point guard during basketball games or try out for soccer goalie, and show ’em what “that short dude” can do.

  FAST FACT • Short people are often better at weight lifting because they don’t have to lift the weights as far!

  Long on Accomplishment

  Though short in stature, these guys stand tall in history:

  • Roger Daltrey. Lead singer of The Who. Member of the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Five feet, seven inches tall.

  • Napoleon Bonaparte. Ruled france. Conquered half of Europe. Five feet, six and a half inches tall.

  • Salvador Dalí. Brilliant Spanish surrealist painter. Five feet, seven inches tall.