I smell coffee as I round the corner from our bedroom, so I know then that unfortunately, Zac is still here.
“Good morning, pretty girl. I was wondering when you were going to wake up,” he says with a mocking smile, walking towards me.
He kisses me on the lips like we’re a normal loving couple and it makes me want to punch him in the balls.
I push him off with the little strength I have. He just laughs like I’m joking around. Psycho.
I wipe my mouth with my right hand in disgust as I glare at him. “Why aren’t you at work?” I ask through clenched teeth, grabbing my purse and keys off the counter.
He takes a sip of his coffee before answering, “I had to make sure you were okay this morning. Last night, we had a disagreement and I wanted to apologize for handling it in a difficult manner but you had a lot to do with that so I expect you to apologize as well.” He leans against the marble island sipping his coffee nonchalantly as if last night was entirely my fault.
My blood boils at the thought of having to apologize for him beating the shit out of me for not answering his phone call. God forbid, I decide to keep talking to Magda instead of clicking over when he calls. Sue me.
“I have nothing to apologize to you for so you can go ahead and get the fuck out of here and go to work. Thanks for your concern ‘oh so caring husband’ but I’m more than fine. So, like I said GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” I yell, pissed now that he has the audacity to think I owe him anything.
He sets his cup of coffee down calmly on the island before turning to look at me.
His eyes let me know that now, he’s mad too. Great.
Suddenly, he stalks towards me and quickly pins me up against the wall. “Watch your little mouth, pretty girl. Don’t make me fuck you right up against this wall. Don’t fucking tempt me, Bitch,” he breathes into my ear.
I wince at the pain that shoots all through my body.
He pulls back from the crook of my neck and looks down at my eyes.
I see lust in his, so I try to push him away but he doesn’t budge.
My heart starts racing because he can easily overpower me right now and I won’t be able to fight back in my current state if he tries to force himself on me.
“Zac, I have to meet Magda this morning at Julie’s Café, please let me go. I’ll be late and she’ll ask questions,” I manage to say softly to change the topic because I don’t want him to actually do what he just said he would.
I shudder at the thought.
He leans back with a disgusted look. “Why do you still talk to that trashy whore?” Well that worked out better than I thought.
I get even angrier than I already am, at his comment but I have to control myself otherwise we’ll have a repeat of last night.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before looking at him. “Zac…watch it. She is not a whore and she is my best friend. Please don’t start with me. I have to go.” I say trying to push him away again to no avail.
“FINE! But this conversation isn’t over,” he relents.
He leans down again and presses a kiss on my lips that I don’t return. I just stand there looking straight ahead.
“I will have you tonight, pretty girl. Be home by seven, no later, or we’re gonna have a problem, understood?”
“Whatever, Zac, get the fuck away from me,” I say taking a chance and ducking under his left arm to flee the kitchen.
I run out the door with my purse and keys in hand.
I don’t hear him coming after me so I let go of the breath I was holding in. “That was close,” I mutter as I sprint towards my white Range Rover.
I look around my neighborhood and remember that not too long ago I was on this same road with Magda headed towards Melanie’s party.
I sigh heavily when I get to the car door. “Boy was I stupid to think back then, that I would never be in one of “those” cold and emotionless relationships…” I say reminiscing about how naïve I used to be.
Shaking my head to try and release the funk I’m in this morning, I blast ‘Crawling’ by Linkin Park as soon as I get settled in.
This car, which is more like a leash, was a present from Zac for my twenty third birthday.
He decided to make it a big deal when he had a party for me a few months ago in front of the entire Ameriprise Financial personnel, that I don’t care very much for. But they were his coworkers and some were clients so I had to play the role of the happy dotting wife.
He invited Magda and Jesse which have been together since we graduated college a couple years ago.
It was about time for them. They belong together. Always have. It just took them a while to realize it. They’re happy together and I try to see them often but with Zac trying to control who I talk to and see, it makes it hard to do.
I am mostly stuck at the prison that is called my home, alone, which I happen to like until Zac gets home from work. I dread those times. We eat in awkward silences and he always pretends like we really are that happy couple everyone thinks we are.
The only reason I wake up in the morning is because I know I will sleep again later that night and those are the only times that my reality isn’t the nightmare I currently live. Those are the times that make me feel the happiest because my reality becomes the memories I still have of him.
Those memories help me not to think about the nightmare that is my life. It’s only Jason and I until Zac takes advantage of my vulnerability and makes me hate remembering what I used to have.
I close my eyes briefly and take a deep breath before driving away from the house that has everything anyone could ever want. Yet for me, this house is just as cold and empty as the people living in it.
Half way to the Café, ‘Never Let Me Go’ by Florence + The Machine starts to blast through my speakers.
I’m in no mood to be listening to sappy love songs, especially this one, so I reach over to change the song on my iPod when I see my phone light up from a phone call.
“Shit!” I yell holding the steering wheel tight until my knuckles turn white.
I turn the volume dial down and then reluctantly pick up the phone without looking at the caller ID because I know who it is. Millington couldn’t wait to start keeping tabs on me? I just left for fuck’s sake!!
“Hello?” I answer, more than peeved at the thought of having to deal with him again this morning.
There’s no response on the other end.
All I hear are Florence and my breathing.
Getting pissed now at the thought of Zac fucking around, I pull the phone away from my ear and look at the caller ID.
“Unknown number,” I whisper and sigh because I always get these but they never talk.
I’ve wanted to change my number a lot because of this but I just can’t get myself to do it.
I’m always thinking that it’s the only way that he can get a hold of me…if he ever wanted to.
It’s stupid really…you would think I wouldn’t care about him anymore after everything, but if anything, I think about him more now than I ever did.
At times, I’ve thought that these hang-ups I always get are him, but I know better. It’s just a silly hope of mine—I know if he would have cared, he would have stayed.
When I have these thoughts, reality sinks in that I’m married to a possessive freak so I know that it’s either him checking up on me or one of his many minions doing the work for him, just to irritate me.
I stare at the timer that keeps running, meaning that the person hasn’t hung up.
I put the phone back up to my ear. “Hello? Who is this? Fucking answer me!” I say frustrated.
There’s nothing again from the other end so I just continue, “All right, you’re wasting my time. I’m changing my number so you won’t be able to bug the shit out of me anymore...Douche!”
I give them a couple of seconds to respond.
“Uh—pleas--no...I’m sorry. I have the wrong number,” says a hesitant male voice on the other end.
I’m finally able to hear the voice of the person always calling me from an unknown number but for some reason it doesn’t help me recognize who it is.
His voice does take me by surprise a little because there’s a certain tone to it that sounds somewhat familiar.
Instead of hanging up, my curiosity gets the best of me. “Who is this?” I ask intrigued.
“I—I’m— “ He mumbles before I hear a dial tone.
Great, just when they had finally talked me.
I shrug and throw my phone on the seat so that I no longer have to look at it and over think about who that was.
‘Shake it Out’ starts playing and I crank it up to forget about that familiar tone that my head probably made up—like it did our “relationship”.
Chapter Eight
I reach Julie’s and spot Magda’s car right away. I smile because now after being with Jesse she’s very punctual and has become a more mature version of herself.
She’s still her cussing ‘like a sailor’ lovable self and she helps me keep my sanity these days, since there’s no one else to rely on to help me forget about my life for a moment.
I walk in and see her right away at the corner booth. She sees me walking towards her.
“Hey, Bitch!” She yells excitedly.
“Hey, Slut!” I say back with the same enthusiasm.
We go in for a hug and she hugs me a little too tight so I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out at the pain I feel on my stomach from the fight last night.
“So how are you? Zac said last night that you were sick. Is everything all right?” She asks pulling away from our embrace.
So that’s what the asshole said.
If anything, I’m sick from him beating me senseless as usual. Fucking prick.
I settle into the booth and order a cappuccino, since she’s already drinking coffee.
I look away from her, “I’m fine. I just had a headache last night. Sorry I couldn’t make it. I hope you guys still had fun.” I lie.
She can always tell when I’m lying but I have gotten better at hiding things from her because frankly I don’t want to worry her and I don’t want to hear what anyone has to say about my misfortune or how they feel sorry for me. I hate myself as it is, I don’t need someone reminding me of the terrible choices I have made in life or having any fucking pity for me. You make your bed, you lay in it. Right?
“We sure did. I just thought it was weird that you didn’t make it. When I talked to you earlier that night you didn’t sound like you were sick. Anyway, I’m glad you’re good but what the fuck happened to your lip?” She studies the cut on my lip a little too closely for my taste.
I pull back slightly and let my hair cover half of my face to take the attention away from my mouth.
Luckily, my make-up covers the bruise so you can’t see it. You can only see the cut.
I shrug nonchalantly. “Cold sore—I messed around with it and that’s what happens,” or getting punched in the face till you see stars happens.
She makes a disgusted looking face, so I know that the topic is averted. “Yuck! I hate those, they hurt like a motherfucker.”
I take my cappuccino from the waitress.
“So what is the important thing you wanted to talk about?” I ask, making sure we move on from this uncomfortable topic.
She looks down at her lap with a smile, “Well—the amazing news is that...”
I set my cup down and look at her intently, “Spill it….you’re making me nervous.”
“Jess and I are getting married!!!” She screams like a little girl.
Everyone in the café looks at our table.
She looks back at them with a “what the fuck you looking at” face which makes them turn back around to mind their own business.
I laugh and reach over the table to give her a hug. “Oh my god, Magda! I’m so happy for you. You deserve it, you both do. I told you when we were in college you guys were perfect for each other.” At least one of us will get their happy ending.
“I know. I know. He’s just so perfect, Alex. He makes me happy and I never want to live without him. Plus, look at this fucking rock he got me!!!” She squeals, giving me her hand.
The ring is beautiful, it fits her personality. It’s a heart shaped diamond with smaller round diamonds running all around the band.
The look on her face is of pure satisfaction and happiness, something I’ve never experienced with Zac.
Tears sting my eyes at seeing her so happy but I also feel this sadness come over me because I know that I will never have that.
“It’s beautiful, he did a great job. I’m happy for you guys. It was about time,” I say trying to sound happy so she won’t know the sadness that just crept inside me.
She smiles proudly. “I know, I know. God, I love that man…” She takes a sip of her coffee before continuing, “Now look, the more amazing news is that we are getting married next week. I know it’s soon, but we can’t wait and quite frankly we don’t see why we should.”
The urgency doesn’t take me by surprise because she always works fast, it’s in her nature.
Besides, I can tell whenever I’m around them that their love is true unlike mine, so they should seal the deal as soon as they can.
“It’s not too soon. You know Zac and I got married within weeks too, so go for it. I’ll help you. It’s not like I don’t know how to plan a wedding,” I lie.
Zac planned our whole wedding and like everything else, it was a production. Everything was expensive, huge, blingy, and there were like three hundred people there.
I don’t even remember what my dress looked like because it was picked out by my mother in law and the wedding planner since I had no interest in picking it out myself.
On top of that, the only people I knew at my own wedding were Jesse and Magda which were rooting me on because they knew it was time for me to let go of Jason.
They thought it was the best thing for me, since Zac was Prince Charming. He was supposed to take any feelings I had left for Jason away with his love for me.
That of course, never happened and it never will, I know that now. They don’t know that Zac will never be in the same category as Jason—ever.
They didn’t help take my mind off of the battle I had in my head about going down the aisle and marrying someone I had no feelings for. I made that choice on my own, which is why now, I live with my mistake.
She looks at me with a huge grin and it brings me out of the horrid memory of saying “I do” to that douche bag.
“I love you, you crazy bitch! You are always there for me. I want you to be my maid of honor, of course!” She squeals.
I grin back and ignore the stares we’re getting again. “Of course!” I say, ecstatic that she would want me to be involved in her wedding.
We drink our coffee while talking about the wedding details and all the planning that we will have to do for the next few days.
After the intense conversation about what flowers, venue, and food she is going to have, we make our way to Belle’s of Elegance on Broadway Street to look for some wedding dresses.
By the time Magda finishes trying on dresses, its way past lunch time, so she decides to come back another day to pick between two form fitting silk gowns that were simple yet beautiful.
We leave the store and our next destination is the Sports Corner to get some late lunch.
As we walk into the bar ‘Something More’ by Secondhand Serenade is playing.
It doesn’t take much time for us to get seated near the bar.
Magda and I make small talk when we take our seats.
“So, how’s married life with Zac? Seems like we never talk about what’s going on with you anymore,” she says sounding disappointed.
I tense at the mention of Zac’s name.
I don’t know how to make my life sound perfect anymore so that it doesn’t raise any red flags for her.
“It’s fine, just like i
t always is. You know how many people you guys want to invite to the wedding?” I ask trying to stop the topic from going any further into my life.
“Look…about that—I have to tell you something and please don’t get mad…” She says earnestly.
We take the drinks from our waitress and order our food.
I look at her with my eyebrows furrowed, “What is it? I thought you told me the good news already?”
She starts looking around the room nervously, “It’s just that I don’t know how you’re going to react so I’m worried. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you. I…”
I reach over and take her hand willing her to just spit it out.
“Just spill it. You’re starting to worry me. You can tell me anything. I’m sure it’s no big deal,” I assure her.
She’s hesitant but I see her caving in. “J—“
My phone starts ringing from inside my purse, interrupting her.
“Shit. I’ll let it go to voicemail. Go on…” I say even though I know it’s probably Zac trying to check up on me…again.
He doesn’t really like it when I don’t answer the phone and that’s the reason why we got into that fight last night. I was talking to Magda about the plans for that night and I had the “audacity” to ignore his phone call.
According to him, one of my duties as a stay at home wife is to be at home, answer when he calls, and last but not least, not be out with my “loser” friends when he comes home from work. Needless to say that when I’m out and don’t answer the phone, he tends to get pretty wound up until he takes it out on me.
She waves me away, “No, go ahead. This can wait. Answer your phone. It’s probably your hunk of a man.” She adds with a wink. Gag!
I was a fool to ever believe that Zac was a beautiful person inside and out. I thought he would change my life and be the one to rescue me from the hell I had been living in without Jason, but that’s not what happened.
Now, his handsome face and toned physique is just a disguise to the monster inside of him, a monster that I decided to marry.
I mentally kick myself for having these thoughts right now in front of Magda when she could potentially see right through me.
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