I almost whooped in joy when I saw they’d momentarily lost all interest in Ed, swarming past him to put down the uprising. It was their mistake to focus on the many while I had eyes for the one.
When whatever drove them took over, the Jahabich were nearly unbeatable, but with that attention diverted elsewhere, they were slow to respond - kind of like freakishly large ants made of stone.
By the time some of them had turned and began to notice the cavern proper again, anarchy was running full steam ahead.
The Boom Boom Room
I began to understand what Grulg had meant about the last ones left being the strongest. Wherever there had been a singular occupant of a cage, now lay bits of Jahabich - crushed under foot and claw.
That disgusting flying thing I had seen earlier had taken to the air despite the massive puncture holes in its wings. I ducked as it spewed forth some horrid bile. Good thing too, as the Jahabich that received the brunt of the attack began to immediately dissolve. Nasty.
I refocused on the prize ahead, and what I saw gave me hope. Ed might’ve been a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid. The second the horde swarmed forward, he began to make his way to the side nearest us. I threw up a hand and he caught sight of me, waving back. Maybe we had a shot at this after all.
It was all going better than I could have hoped. Everything was fighting back against their captives and doing pretty well.
Oh, crap! Make that nearly everyone. The humans we’d spied earlier, being amongst the squishier things here, had mostly formed up into a defensive group - trying to stay out of the way. That would have been smart, except for their proximity to the feral vampires. One of the other former captives, a large creature resembling a mega-sized, multi-legged armadillo, smashed into their wall, sending the rock monsters tumbling away and freeing the crazed vamps.
I didn’t know the mindset of most of the creatures here, nor did I have any plans to invite them to a sit-down lunch anytime soon, but at least they seemed sane enough to focus their wrath against their tormenters. Not so the starving vamps. With an angry screech, they descended upon the humans and began tearing them limb from limb. Fuck!
I didn’t know these people from Jack Shit, but I couldn’t just leave them to their fate. I might not have been human anymore, but no matter what I became, I tried to hold on to as much of my humanity as I could - even if it proved to be a massively stupid thing to do.
I quickly turned my head. There! Miranda had just finished melting a Jahabich who’d gotten too close. Sally was hot on her heels, tearing the creature’s arm off and brandishing it as a makeshift club.
“Get Ed!” I yelled at them.
I didn’t wait to see their reaction before I turned and put on a burst of speed. Sometimes, the enemy of my enemy isn’t even close to being my friend.
* * *
I’d been hungry a few times as a vampire, really hungry. Mostly it was a result of grave injury and then coping with the extra energy required to heal. Once, while up in Canada, I had even seriously considered snacking on my friends for a moment or two before realizing what the hell I was doing. I’d thought that had been bad, but now saw it was nothing. The vampires before me couldn’t be called human by any stretch of the imagination. Their skin was tight and pale, their fangs and claws fully extended, and worst of all, there wasn’t a shred of rational thought showing in their black eyes.
All they cared about was biting and sucking, clawing and drinking. Even when I ran up behind the nearest one and put my fist straight through its back and out the front of its chest, the others barely paid me any heed. The vamp I impaled immediately incinerated around my arm...and let me tell you, that is one fucking weird-ass feeling.
Sadly, three of the humans were beyond help. Even if they survived, they’d probably turn. As much as I wanted to save them, we couldn’t afford to carry unconscious bodies with us - especially ones that would soon wake up hungry for a meal of blood. Some of the others looked like they were debating still trying to help their fellows. That would have been a mistake.
“Run!” I extended my own fangs to hopefully drive the point home but didn’t stop to see if they’d listen. I couldn’t leave the vamps to their own devices - they’d just pursue the runners the second they were done with their current meal.
Fuck it all. I lowered my head and bull-rushed the lot. The tightly packed foursome fought over the pile of twitching flesh at their feet, so it didn’t require a ton of strategy to hold out my arms and slam them all backwards.
My timing, amazingly enough, was perfect. A group of Jahabich had finally pried themselves away from the spectacle at the lakeside and were approaching us. I slammed the vamps into their line, letting their razor sharp skin do most of the job for me.
It worked. Mindlessly enraged and in pain, the remaining vamps turned on the Jahabich and began attacking.
Oh yeah! Some days, I’m almost as awesome as people say I think I...oof!
While I was busy gawking, I caught a club to the side of my noggin, nearly scrambling my head like an egg. Had I not been hopped up on a meager amount of super blood, it would have surely been lights out for me...at least, until they carried my ashes to that pool and I woke up with a pair of road flares for eyeballs.
I rolled to my back to size up my attacker and saw one of the Jahabich standing over me, its arms raised to smash me to paste.
Or at least, they were until the massive Sasquatch rising above it ripped them out of their sockets.
“Thanks, Grulg,” I muttered weakly - hoping against hope that the truce still held. The whole “I only saved you so I could kill you myself” cliché was overplayed anyway.
Before he could disappoint me with a negative answer, Sally appeared by his side. I was glad as hell to see her, and not just because the view up her shirt from this angle was spectacular.
She reached down, grabbed a hold of my body armor, and hauled me to my feet. “Let’s go!” She gave me a forceful shove away from the fighting.
“But Ed...”
“Miranda and Drulk have him.”
“Drulk?”
“One of Grulg’s men. Now move!”
She didn’t need to tell me twice.
* * *
By the time we reached one of the side tunnels leading away from Alcatraz’s diabolical cousin, our tormentors had finished off the prisoners rioting near the orange goo. I risked a glance back to see them tossing the last of the dead bodies into the vile liquid, which immediately started bubbling.
All at once, I understood. The Jahabich used whatever unholy powers the orange diarrhea held to replenish their ranks. We’d been fighting a pointless fight, thinking we were winning, but it had just been a war of attrition - them renewing their ranks from the remains of whatever of our forces they managed to pick off. Fuck me. “We need to end this.”
“If by ‘end this,’” Sally said from my side, “you mean ‘get the fuck out of here as fast as we can,’ then I concur.”
“No. They’re going to keep coming. You don’t...”
Sally grabbed my shirt and dragged me to a halt. Without any warning, she backhanded me across the face. Amped as I was, it didn’t hurt much, but she still drew blood. “Get your fucking head on straight, Bill.”
Once more, I could have sworn Dr. Death stirred from within. A small part of me, a dark presence in the back of my head, wanted to haul off and clock her - knock her fucking head right off.
No!
Go back to sleep, asshole. You’re just having a wet dream.
I took a deep breath and shook my head. We were both right. These monsters needed to be stopped, their source of power destroyed, but Sally had a really good point - we couldn’t do that and have any hope of surviving.
The horde of Jahabich were now fully engaged against the rioting prisoners, and the tide was quickly turning. As much as I didn’t want to, I decided to heed Sally’s wisdom. We’d need to fight this battle another day...preferably one in which we had the full fo
rces of the Draculas behind us and maybe a couple of tactical nukes at our disposal. Never let it be said I didn’t have a fertile imagination.
“Are we good?” Sally asked, staring me down.
“You know, I have some other parts that might be more fun to smack.”
With a growl of annoyance, she turned and took off down the tunnel. I smiled at her rapidly retreating backside and raced to join her.
* * *
The trip back to the cavern with the cave paintings was shorter than I remembered. Amazing how things seem so different when you’re running for your life as opposed to being force-marched to a prison camp.
I wasn’t sure if it was my amped-up hearing, the echo of the caves, or if it was just that fucking loud, but sounds of battle poured out behind us. Shrieks, crashes, roars of anger - all of it pointed to one hell of a fight going on. But I had no delusions as to who would win. The Jahabich had their self-replenishing numbers to back them up, not to mention some kind of hive mind that could direct them all as one. Some of the entities back there were both angry and pretty badass, but the odds were heavily stacked against them.
“What took you so long?” Ed asked, panting next to Sally.
“I was gonna leave your ass, but I really didn’t want to have to mail Tom your part of the rent check too every month. Sally pays me like shit as it is.”
“Ass,” he replied, clapping me on the shoulder.
“Enough talk,” Grulg said, towering over us. When something that big said to shut up, you shut the fuck up with extreme prejudice.
He was right, though. We weren’t even close to safe yet, and I could have sworn the commotion behind us sounded closer.
I took quick stock of our group. Sally and Miranda were all that remained of my expedition. Grulg and one of his brutes, Drulk presumably, made it out too. Along with Ed, I was pleased to see that three humans - two women and a middle-aged man - had possessed enough sense to join our fleeing group.
Grulg likewise surveyed us. He opened his mouth and spit out a disgusting wad of phlegm - enough to make me back up a step to avoid the splash. Eww. “You fight well, t’luntas. Truce now over.”
Oh, crap. “Wait, I...”
Right then, my vision doubled, and I went down to one knee. Fuck, not now! My strength was quickly ebbing, and even worse, my stomach was turning - probably a result of swallowing more sewer grime than dried blood.
Either way, if Grulg decided to settle shit between vamp and Sasquatch right this moment, I didn’t like our chances one bit. I was forced to remember our alliance with the Magi was only in regards to keeping the Jahabich in check. They were still neutral when it came to the Humbaba Accord. Miranda would be perfectly in the right to stand back and let him twist our heads off like beer caps.
“Grulg wish you well. Perhaps one day Grulg will have honor to crush you on battlefield.”
Huh? The other Bigfoot didn’t seem too pleased to hear that, but he got a massive hand upside the head before he could so much as bare his teeth.
I’d almost forgotten that during our time up in Canada, Grulg had been the one Squatch with a sense of honor about him. Thank goodness for small favors. Had we been trapped down here with Turd, I had little doubt he’d be having himself a good ole time right about now rearranging our limbs like we were Mr. Potato Head dolls.
With that, Grulg turned and headed away from us - aiming for one of the other tunnels out of this cave - presumably one that would lead him up and away from here.
“Good luck!” Sally called after him.
“Think they’ll be okay?” Ed asked.
“As long as they make it to the surface.”
“Think we should have followed them?”
“Nope.” She turned and offered me a hand. “The truce was over. Walking outside with them would have ended badly.”
I gladly accepted her help, managing to stand up straight despite feeling like I was about to puke my guts out. I took a deep breath and looked around. “Where?”
“What?”
I quickly scanned the cavern walls, trying to make sense of where we’d come out. Finally, I saw some of those glowing rocks in the shape of a robe...the wall painting. That meant...
“Over there!” I pointed toward an area of the floor a ways off.
An echoing roar sounded behind us - more fear than rage. I turned to see the greasy flying thing from earlier, the one with the really bad acid reflux, come tearing out of the cave we’d run from.
It didn’t stop to give our group a second glance. It landed awkwardly and raced into another of the caves leading out of here.
“Uh oh,” Miranda said, but she needn’t have bothered. Even with my rapidly diminishing powers, I could see an orange glow beginning to shine from the direction the prison lay.
Without a word, I turned and ran, hoping I was right.
One of the humans called out, “Hey, where are you going?” That’s right, genius. Let them know exactly where we are.
A moment later, Sally caught up to me. She was breathing hard, the exertion and lack of fresh blood beginning to catch up to her. Before she could say anything, I pointed toward the small pile on the ground that I was heading toward.
“Holy shit, it’s our stuff.”
“Hopefully, still in one piece.”
The firearms lay where they’d been discarded, broken beyond repair. I mean, we could’ve used them as clubs, but I didn’t see much use there. The melee weapons, also known as gardening supplies in other circles, were likewise destroyed. Their handles had been snapped off, ensuring they wouldn’t be caving in any Jahabich skulls anytime soon.
Thankfully, the rest of our gear was in much better shape. Sally grabbed one of the backpacks, while I found what I was looking for: the last remaining canteen of vampire blood.
Bonus! Next to it lay my cell phone, the screen only slightly cracked. Fuck it; I’d take what I could get - upgrade fees were a bitch anyway. Stuffing the phone into a pocket on my chest piece, I quickly unscrewed the cap of the canteen and lifted it to my lips. Thankfully, it hadn’t leaked. Three cheers for military-grade equipment. I sucked down great big gulps of blood, my body gladly taking it in. Before I’d even put the cap back on, I could feel myself racing back toward the level of power afforded me by the mix of plasma.
Sally watched me, eyeing the canteen hungrily. Although I knew better than to say anything, I felt bad for her. The effort she put forth to keep her shit together must have been heroic indeed. “Sorry, but it’ll do you more harm than...”
“I know,” she replied. “I guess, for once, I have to live vicariously through you. Hell has finally frozen over.”
It was then that the others finally caught up to us. Sadly, they weren’t alone. A dozen sets of orange eyes gleamed in the darkness behind them - quickly closing the gap. Shit!
I turned to Sally. “Can you climb?”
“I’ll fucking sprout wings if I need to.”
“What about carrying anyone?”
That gave her pause. I knew she wanted to give me the tough girl answer, but the tired look in her eyes betrayed her. At last, she looked away. “One...maybe two.”
Damn. With Ed, we had...
“I can handle that,” Miranda said. “I have enough in me to take everyone. We can apparate to the top no problem.”
“Wait a second,” I said.
“What’s the matter?”
“I thought it wasn’t called apparating.”
She looked at me like I had two heads. “What else would we call it?”
“Uh...”
“Hey, I have a crazy idea,” Ed jumped in. “Why don’t we worry about that after we get the fuck out of here?”
Every team needs a voice of reason, and I certainly wasn’t going to argue.
I turned to the group, ready to lead them back toward the perfectly circular tunnel leading out of here. The three humans looked like they were on their last legs, fear and adrenaline being the only things holding them up
. Sally wasn’t much better off. Ed was beaten to hell, but only he and Miranda looked like they had any fight left in them. Damn it!
“Go,” I said, turning to Sally. “Get them out of here. I’ll be right behind you.”
She took a look behind me and apparently decided to forgo any stupid heroics. She simply nodded. “Don’t be too long. You really don’t want to be on this side when it’s time to open the little present Vlad and I planted earlier.”
With that, she waved the group forward and started off toward the exit.
Ed hesitated for a moment too long, so I grabbed him by the shirt and gently helped him along - to the tune of ten feet through the air in the direction he needed to go. He managed to land without too much effort, but finally got the hint. “Asshole!”
“You’ll thank me for this later.” I turned, smiling, but the look vanished from my face as quickly as it had appeared.
The Jahabich were here, and a very angry-looking Mark was at their forefront.
Oh, great. Just what I was hoping to avoid: a heroic last stand.
When the Walls Fell
I tossed the canteen strap over my neck and swung it around to my back. I wanted to keep it safe as long as possible in case I needed a quick recharge - which, from the look of things, seemed likely.
Oh well, there was no point in delaying the inevitable. I took a look around and spied one of the mallet heads lying on the spongey ground - just what the doctor ordered.
I picked it up and let fly, putting what felt like the strength of the entirety of Pandora Coven behind it.
Sadly, Mark was in his human form. I didn’t know exactly how things worked with these fuckers, but they appeared to possess more of their former self-awareness in their non-rocky form. Almost as if confirming this, his eyes opened wide as I threw the projectile and he dove to the side, valiantly letting the Jahabich behind him take it full on in the face. Its head caved in from the impact. The creature wavered drunkenly to the side for a moment and then its form lost cohesion. It began to transform back and forth, out of control - one moment flesh, the next rock. Finally, it solidified long enough for me to catch a small glimpse of Brock’s mangled features, just before keeling over.
The Tome of Bill (Book 6): Half A Prayer Page 17